Adult

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search


Drunkhooker An adult in its natural habitat
Life-Span:
Job(s):
Intelligence:
Means of Violence:
Origin:
Skill(s):
Hobbies:
HP:
Mana:
When you're an adult, you finally have the courage to visit an Adult Bookstore and giggle at the pictures.
~ Oscar Wilde

The Adult is the stage of human metamorphosis in which the subject has succeeded the teenhood form and precede into their superior mental and physical form. This form is constantly misinterpreted as the final stage in human metamorphosis. It is, however, not the final form. The final stage in a humans life is death, and before that it's senior citizens, and before that is adult.

edit The Transformation Process

Main article: Puberty

At a certain part of a child's life, they start to go through an unnatural process called puberty. It can start anywhere between the ages of 10 though 18 and can end anywhere between ages 18 and 59. Some very notable aspects of puberty are teenage angst, fleshy bubble wrap, voice modification, height/fat increase, hair growing on your genitalia, booby/pingas enlargement, and some other stuff, look here for more detail. After this long rebellious epic fail phase, they have finally achieved adulthood.

edit The End Result

Having matured physically, maturing mentally and emotionally is optional, just as is fitting in with your peers. This is the life stage that all children look forward to eagerly, since adults make all the rules. What they don't realize is that even when you are an adult, other adults still make all the rules. Young adults from age 18 to 25 are likely to still be living in their parents' basement, if they did not go off to college before returning to stay in the basement during the long painful job search that inevitably awaits them. So they still do not get to make the house rules. Meanwhile, the corner video store is gone, and no longer hiring, and the tech support jobs have mainly been outsourced to other countries. To some, the prospect of being the boss may be appealing, until they realize that the customers are their new boss, as well as the legal regulatory hoops and business tax requirements that they now have to circumnavigate, and it will cost them extra to get help with the job.

Adults from age 25 to 35, having just barely moved out of their parents' house, are pressured constantly by their peers and parents to get married and have babies. Success in this endeavor brings in time yet more joy to the adult life: getting used to your spouse's snoring, and then being woken up in the middle of the night by the baby every night for a few months. Add to this the joy of changing dirty diapers, and cleaning up spit-up, spilled food, and worrying constantly about things getting knocked over as your toddler starts to walk, and even eat food spilled off the floor. You will find adults have different ways of coping with this depending on whether they are a man or a woman. Men like to delegate. Women tend to become anxious, and obsessive about neatness. Men will likely get very into their career at this time, and start working overtime. Women may hire a sitter so they can go back to work, or they may become a full-time housewife to devote all their time to the cleanup required just to keep the house livable, and to spend time oohing and aahing over everything the toddler does.

Adults from age 35 to 55 may be established in their career, or may be starting over in a new field of work. But time not spent working is still not their own time - it revolves around their children or young teens schedules, driving the kids here and there, making sure the kids do their homework, getting dinner ready for the family, and keeping the house clutter-free. The kids are not helpful in this endeavor as they bring home crafts from school or camp, and neither is the local thrift store, with the tempting knick-knacks priced at such a good buy. Parents become arbitrators as they settle squabbles between siblings. Some adults of this age become confirmed bachelors or bachelorettes, preferring to spend their money on gaming or at bars instead of on dating. Other adults may rebel against the constraints of the life they have chosen, experiencing a Mid-life crisis.

Adults from age 55 to 65 are in the "I'm not really a senior citizen yet, but give me my senior discount anyways please" stage. The body starts to deteriorate, making everyday tasks harder. Sex just isn't as much fun anymore as it used to be either, the novelty having worn off after several decades. They start actually paying attention to what's happening with Social Security, and paying attention to ads for various drugs advertised on television.

Finally, at about age 65 to 70, the transition from adult to Senior citizen is complete.

edit Advantages and Disadvantages

Advantage Disadvantage
Beer and Alcohol is legal! Getting pulled over by the police
Do whatever you want! Responsibility
Moar sex! Pregnancy, Children, and low libido
School's out forever! Getting a job to pay for your family
Party! Visit your in laws.
Jury duty

edit See also


Fat man
   v  d  e
Fundamental Stereotypes
Adults | African Americans | Americans | Aspies | Armenians | Australians | Babies | Basement-dwellers | Beatniks | Bros | Blacks | Blondes | Boys | Brazilians | Brits | Brunettes | Canadians | Captains | Cavemen | Children | Christians | Communists | Corpses | Dead people | Dolphins | Douches | Dummies | Elves | Emos | Extremely Ugly People | Fantards | Fascists | Fat People | Feminists | Flying Gypsies | Foreigners | French | Frisians | Furries | Gays | Geordies | Germans | Ghosts | Girls | Gnomes | Heroes | Hindus | Hippies | Hipsters | Hispanics | Humans | Idiots | Indians | Irish | Italians | Japanese | Jehovah's Witnesses | Jews | KKK | Lesbos | Men | Mermaids | Metalheads | Metrosexuals | Midgets | Minsters | Moldovans | Mormons | Mudripper | Muslims | Native Americans | Nazis | Nerds | Newfies | Niggles | Ninjas | N00bs | Nuns | Ninja Pirates | New Yorkers | Old people | Pagans | Perverts | Pikeys | Pimps | Pirates | Platypuses | Poles | Preggos | Poor people | Politicians | Preps | Psychics | Redheads | Rednecks | Retards | Rich people | Romanians | Russians | Satanists | Scarecrows | Scots | Southern People | Teenagers | Thieves | Transsexuals | Trolls | Toddlers | Tourettes People | Trekkies | Vegetarians | Whites | Wiccans | Wiggers | Wookiees | Women | Yuppies | You | Zionists | Zombies
Personal tools
projects