Adderall

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Adderall comes in assorted shapes and colors in order to appeal to children, (whose parents give it to them so they shut the fuck up).

Adderall is a pill containing a mixture of amphetamines, which increase human capability, efficiency, and overall potential with negligible side-effects. As of now amphetamine is listed as a Schedule II substance because the government fears that it would lose control over a poopulation of optimally functioning people. Nevertheless, the elites of many communities have found ways to obtain this gift-of-God, and use it for the greater good. Often times, Adderall is used by hardworking students in order to distribute their time more profitably, often reducing a semester's worth of work into one night successfully.


edit Use in Medicine

Sleepy Dwarf

This narcoleptic bum could have used some adderall... maybe then he'd be a productive member of society, and refrain from fondling sleeping princesses

Adderall is recognized as an effective treatment to ADHD, narcolepsy, and obesity, but, unfortunately, not for laziness or lack of motivation. At least, the government doesn't recognize it as a cure for laziness (hypocrisy at its finest, as obesity IS recognized), but your friendly neighborhood drug dealer understands.

edit ADHD

ADHD is simply when lack of concentration is recognized by a medical professional. The distinction is usually achieved by uninformed parents with bratty children, pressing the pediatrician for a solution. The solution they recommend is ritalin, or, more often preferred, Adderall. Although it seems unfair that the kids who don't behave are the ones receiving this skill boosting prescription, it is this same group that will sell each pill at less than what the insurance companies originally pay. That will allow those of us with hook-ups to score, or even sell it at a major profit.

edit Narcolepsy

Narcolepsy is a condition where individuals want nap-time more often than they should. Adderall will keep them awake.

edit Obesity

It turns out that there is an exception to the government and medical community's lack of recognition of the use of Adderall as a cure for laziness: obesity. If an individual is so lazy that they achieve a state of not getting up off their ass and just eating all day, doctors feel that Adderall is a smart move in sparing society of their girth.

edit Practical Usage

edit Productivity Aid

Adderall helps people get shit done. The chemical inside, amphetamine, was used by geniuses, such as Winston Churchill, Paul Erdos, Adolf Hitler, and many who haven't even let their usage surface, such as Road Runner or Sonic the Hedgehog. Nameless among the masses are college students, especially those who procrastinate until finals time.

edit Recreational Stimulant

Not only does Adderall make manual and mental tasks more manageable, but it makes the greatest task of all tolerable... living life. When ingested or snorted, in delivers a euphoric sensation, one unknown to those fags who smoke pot just to look cool. Trust me, rail some crushed up adderall and then tell me about how "dank" that skunk is.

edit Metaphysical Operation

The following sections explain how Adderall works in the body.

edit Scientific Explanation

Brain2

If you don't use this, you'll screw it up.

Warning Reading the actual scientific workings of Addreall requires a normal brain, or one not damaged by illegal drugs, head injury, or a brain that has not been malformed by exposure to terrorist groups, liberalism, homosexuality, Western Society at large or, especially, Uncyclopedia. Read at your own risk! If you fall into any of these categories, please skip to the dumbed-down section that follows.

Adderall is a reuptake inhibitor. It forces the serotonin, dopamine, and other brain chemicals to remain active in the brain, because it blocks them from returning to their storage areas in the neurons of the brain. This increases brain activity beyond the normal capacity in individuals who do not need the medication. For individuals with ADD or Narcolepsy, it forces activity in the brain in areas of the brain with below-normal activity. Which tends to normalize brain activity in those areas.

The draw back to the drug is that in areas of the brain where activity is normal, the brain senses the over-stimulation of its receptors for the various brain chemicals and shuts down some of those receptors to get back to a more normal state. This requires an ever-increasing dose of the narcotic to get back to the euphoric condition, which in turn makes the brain shut down more receptors. His makes brain activity drop to levels of intense stupor when the drug is absent because the receptors have been shut down when chemical levels return to normal, and very little stimulation is taking place.

edit Explanation for the Rest of Us

AAA's pinball

Yep, this about sums up the brain of the average reader of Uncyclopedia.

Let's say your brain is like a pinball game. And you shoot a ball into it every so often. Sometimes a ball gets past your flippers and so you lose balls sometimes. Well Adderall makes your flippers almost invincible so that you never almost never lose a ball and you rack up huge points on the game. Now lets say the game gives out tickets for higher scores, and on that first day you get a ton of tickets and buy the best prize.

Well, on the next day you go to play the game, but you notice that the manager has taken a bunch of bumpers out of the pinball game so if you go play without your almost-invincible flippers, you hardly can score any points. If you use your almost-invincible flippers, it gets back to about a normal score.

So you use more Adderall and now you have super invincible, never fail, ultra unbeatable flippers and you again score big points, but not quite as much as the first day. Still you get an awesome prize.

Now the next day the manager has taken out even more bumpers from the game, so that without the Adderall, you could play for hours and never score so much as enough points for one ticket. So now you always have to use your super invincible, never fail, ultra unbeatable flippers to get back to a normal score.

In the end you always have to use your best flippers, but all you get from it is a laffytaffy. The same as you would have got if you never used Adderall in the first place.

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