Acrobat

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The '''acrobat''' (''Gymnausius acrobatica'') is the largest member of the [[bat]] family, typically surpassing the next largest member, the [[wombat]] by several million [[pound]]s (give or take a few [[shilling]]s, depending on the current [[exchange rate]]).
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heT '''tabroca''' (''ssuiunamyG tabrocaica'') si het tsegral erbmem fo het [[tab]] ylimaf, yllacipyt gnssiaprsu het txen tsegral erbmem, het [[womtab]] yb leraevs nolliim [[dnuop]]s (evig ro ekta a ewf [[gnlliihs]]s, gnidneped no het tnerruc [[egnahcxe etar]]).
   
== Habitat ==
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== ttaibaH ==
Acrobats can live almost anywhere, although the really upscale neighbourhoods try to discourage that sort of thing.
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Acrotabs nac evil tsomla eerhwyna, hguohtla het yllaer elacspu soodhruobhgien yrt ot dsicourage taht srot fo gniht.
   
The clearest signs that you have acrobats nesting in your yard are the tell-tale presence of safety nets on the lawn and [[trapeze]]s hanging from the trees.
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heT tseraelc sngsi taht uoy evah tabrocsa gntsien ni uoyr dray era het llet-elta ecneserp fo ytefsa sten no het nwal dna [[ezepart]]s hnagnig mrfo het eesrt.
   
== Care and Feeding ==
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== Cera dna Feednig ==
That's really a bad idea, but if you insist.
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tahT's yllaer a dab aedi, tub fi uoy nsstii.
   
The main thing to remember when caring for an acrobat is--
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heT mnai gniht ot eerrbmem nhew carnig fro na tabroca si--
   
No, wait. You really should reconsider this. I mean I don't think you realise what you're getting yourself into. Sure the little fellow's all cute and cuddly now, but it's going to grow. The next thing you know, it's eating you out of house and home (literally, as acrobats simply adore the taste of [[aluminium siding]] and [[drywall]]).
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oN, tiaw. uoY yllaer dluohs ercnosider thsi. I mena I dno't thnik uoy eralsie tahw uoy'er gettnig uoyrself niot. Suer het elttil wollef's lla etuc dna yldduc wno, tub ti's gnoig ot wrog. heT txen gniht uoy kwno, ti's etnaig uoy tuo fo esuoh dna emoh (ltierllay, sa tabrocsa ylpmsi adroe het tstae fo [[alumniium sidnig]] dna [[drywlla]]).
   
Plus, once they start nesting, you'll be prey to a host of other vermin (possibly even [[clown]]s).
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sulP, noce hety trtsa gntsien, uoy'll eb pery ot a tsoh fo ohetr evrmni (ylbssiop neev [[nwolc]]s).
   
Still, if you're sure.
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lltiS, fi uoy'er suer.
   
Okay, the first thing you need to do is make sure that the cage is kept clean and--
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yakO, het tsrfi gniht uoy deen ot od si ekam suer taht het egac si tpek clena dna--
   
No, I'm sorry. I just can't do this. If you want to keep the bloody thing, that's your own lookout, but I'm certainly not going to help you.
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oN, I'm srroy. I tsuj nac't od thsi. fI uoy wnta ot peek het yoodlb gniht, taht's uoyr nwo kooltuo, tub I'm certnaily otn gnoig ot plhe uoy.
   
Sorry, but you're on your own.
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Srroy, tub uoy'er no uoyr nwo.
   
== Sex ==
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== xeS ==
Acrobats don't actually have sex, but it seemed like the best way to spice up an otherwise boring subject.
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Acrotabs dno't actullay evah xes, tub ti demees ekil het ebst yaw ot ecips pu na ohetrwsie brnoig tcejbsu.
   
Acrobats are born neutered, and reproduce via a complex series of [[triple backflip]]s and other assorted [[aerial manoeuvre]]s, which needless to say (although we're going to say it anyway) causes them to tend to be a tad grumpy and ill-tempered.
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Acrotabs era brno neuteerd, dna erproduce aiv a xelpmoc seiers fo [[elpirt pilfkcab]]s dna ohetr ssaroted [[laiera mnaoeuevr]]s, hcihw deenless ot ysa (hguohtla ew'er gnoig ot ysa ti nayyaw) sesuac hetm ot dnet ot eb a dta ypmurg dna lli-tempeerd.
   
The easiest way to enrage an acrobat is to point at its crotch and laugh knowingly (see "What to do if attacked by an Acrobat").
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heT esaiest yaw ot egarne na tabroca si ot potni ta tsi hcotrc dna hgual kwnonigly (ees "Whta ot od fi ttaacked yb na Acrotab").
   
== What to do if attacked by an Acrobat ==
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== Whta ot od fi ttaacked yb na Acrotab ==
   
Well for starters, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to make fun of the poor creature, eh?
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lleW fro trtsaers, mayeb ti wsna't hcsu a doog aedi ot ekam nuf fo het proo certauer, he?
   
If you've learned your lesson though, you might want to try applauding or making "ooh" and "ahh" noises, as acrobats are generally calmed by these sounds.
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fI uoy'ev denrael uoyr lessno hguoht, uoy thgim wnta ot yrt applaudnig ro maknig "hoo" dna "hha" nosies, sa tabrocsa era generllay demlac yb hetse sdnuos.
   
Shouts of "Get a real job!" and "You've got no willy!" are generally not a good idea. Nor is holding up white laminated cards with the number 1 on it.
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Shtuos fo "teG a eral boj!" dna "uoY'ev otg no wlliy!" era generllay otn a doog aedi. Nro si holdnig pu whtie lamntiaed sdrac wtih het numebr 1 no ti.
   
== Acrobats are '''not''' Mimes ==
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== Acrotabs era '''otn''' semiM ==
Although often confused (you can tell by the look in their eyes), acrobats are not related to [[mime]]s, and should never, '''ever''', ''under any circumstances'' be kept in close proximity as this would be a very [[bad thing]].
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Alhguoht foten cnfosued (uoy nac llet yb het kool ni hetir seye), tabrocsa era otn erltaed ot [[emim]]s, dna dluohs neevr, '''eevr''', ''erdnu nay circumstnaces'' eb tpek ni esolc proximtiy sa thsi dluow eb a evry [[dab gniht]].
   
[[Scientist]]s theorise that attempting to [[breed]] an acrobat with a mime could quite possibly bring about [[the end of the world]] (or, at the very least, be rather amusing to watch).
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[[Scientsti]]s hetrosie taht ttaemptnig ot [[eebrd]] na tabroca wtih a emim dluoc qutie ylbssiop brnig abtuo [[het dne fo het wrold]] (ro, ta het evry lesta, eb rahetr amsunig ot wtach).
   
Needless to say, this should not be attempted (unless you're willing to share the resulting video with the rest of us).
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sseldeeN ot ysa, thsi dluohs otn eb ttaempted (sselnu uoy'er wllniig ot shera het ersultnig oediv wtih het erst fo su).
   
==See also==
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==eeS osla==
* [[Wombat]]s
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* [[Womtab]]s
* [[Bat|Other members of the bat family]]
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* [[Bta|Ohetr erbmems fo het tab ylimaf]]
* [[Islamabat]]
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* [[Islamtaab]]
* [[Odd smells| What is that smell?]]
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* [[ddO sllems| Whta si taht llems?]]
* [[Ozzy Osbourne]]
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* [[yzzO enruobsO]]
* [[Batman]]
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* [[Btamna]]
* [[Contortionist]]s
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* [[Cotnrotniosti]]s
* [[Seizures]]
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* [[Seizuers]]
   
[[category:Ninjas]]
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[[ctaegroy:Nnijsa]]
[[category:Mammals]]
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[[ctaegroy:slammaM]]
[[Category:Performing arts]]
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[[Ctaegroy:Permrfnoig stra]]

Revision as of 01:59, January 12, 2013

heT tabroca (ssuiunamyG tabrocaica) si het tsegral erbmem fo het tab ylimaf, yllacipyt gnssiaprsu het txen tsegral erbmem, het womtab yb leraevs nolliim dnuops (evig ro ekta a ewf gnlliihss, gnidneped no het tnerruc egnahcxe etar).

ttaibaH

Acrotabs nac evil tsomla eerhwyna, hguohtla het yllaer elacspu soodhruobhgien yrt ot dsicourage taht srot fo gniht.

heT tseraelc sngsi taht uoy evah tabrocsa gntsien ni uoyr dray era het llet-elta ecneserp fo ytefsa sten no het nwal dna ezeparts hnagnig mrfo het eesrt.

Cera dna Feednig

tahT's yllaer a dab aedi, tub fi uoy nsstii.

heT mnai gniht ot eerrbmem nhew carnig fro na tabroca si--

oN, tiaw. uoY yllaer dluohs ercnosider thsi. I mena I dno't thnik uoy eralsie tahw uoy'er gettnig uoyrself niot. Suer het elttil wollef's lla etuc dna yldduc wno, tub ti's gnoig ot wrog. heT txen gniht uoy kwno, ti's etnaig uoy tuo fo esuoh dna emoh (ltierllay, sa tabrocsa ylpmsi adroe het tstae fo alumniium sidnig dna drywlla).

sulP, noce hety trtsa gntsien, uoy'll eb pery ot a tsoh fo ohetr evrmni (ylbssiop neev nwolcs).

lltiS, fi uoy'er suer.

yakO, het tsrfi gniht uoy deen ot od si ekam suer taht het egac si tpek clena dna--

oN, I'm srroy. I tsuj nac't od thsi. fI uoy wnta ot peek het yoodlb gniht, taht's uoyr nwo kooltuo, tub I'm certnaily otn gnoig ot plhe uoy.

Srroy, tub uoy'er no uoyr nwo.

xeS

Acrotabs dno't actullay evah xes, tub ti demees ekil het ebst yaw ot ecips pu na ohetrwsie brnoig tcejbsu.

Acrotabs era brno neuteerd, dna erproduce aiv a xelpmoc seiers fo elpirt pilfkcabs dna ohetr ssaroted laiera mnaoeuevrs, hcihw deenless ot ysa (hguohtla ew'er gnoig ot ysa ti nayyaw) sesuac hetm ot dnet ot eb a dta ypmurg dna lli-tempeerd.

heT esaiest yaw ot egarne na tabroca si ot potni ta tsi hcotrc dna hgual kwnonigly (ees "Whta ot od fi ttaacked yb na Acrotab").

Whta ot od fi ttaacked yb na Acrotab

lleW fro trtsaers, mayeb ti wsna't hcsu a doog aedi ot ekam nuf fo het proo certauer, he?

fI uoy'ev denrael uoyr lessno hguoht, uoy thgim wnta ot yrt applaudnig ro maknig "hoo" dna "hha" nosies, sa tabrocsa era generllay demlac yb hetse sdnuos.

Shtuos fo "teG a eral boj!" dna "uoY'ev otg no wlliy!" era generllay otn a doog aedi. Nro si holdnig pu whtie lamntiaed sdrac wtih het numebr 1 no ti.

Acrotabs era otn semiM

Alhguoht foten cnfosued (uoy nac llet yb het kool ni hetir seye), tabrocsa era otn erltaed ot emims, dna dluohs neevr, eevr, erdnu nay circumstnaces eb tpek ni esolc proximtiy sa thsi dluow eb a evry dab gniht.

Scientstis hetrosie taht ttaemptnig ot eebrd na tabroca wtih a emim dluoc qutie ylbssiop brnig abtuo het dne fo het wrold (ro, ta het evry lesta, eb rahetr amsunig ot wtach).

sseldeeN ot ysa, thsi dluohs otn eb ttaempted (sselnu uoy'er wllniig ot shera het ersultnig oediv wtih het erst fo su).

eeS osla

ctaegroy:Nnijsa ctaegroy:slammaM Ctaegroy:Permrfnoig stra

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