Absolutely (TV series)

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Absolutely (TV series).

Absolutely was a psychological experiment concocted by Channel 4 and the BBC in 1991 to place several really annoying people from across Britain into an isolated spot and see what happens. It had worked on brain-dead celebrities and Nazis, so why not idiots as well?

The Contestants

After a rigorous testing, a handful of people made it through the test to find the stupidest people in Great Britain.

  • Frank Hovis - A drunken turd from London
  • Callum Gilhooley - A pillock in an anorak from Glasgow
  • Bert Bastard - The world's oldest idiot, from Cornwall
  • Little Girl - The most obnoxious thing Manchester ever made
  • Mr. Don and Mr. George - Two poofs from Carlisle
  • Denzil and Gwyneth - Two prats from Wales with bad dental work
  • MacGlashan - An anti-English madman from Edinburgh

All contestants were kept in isolation from each other partly because it would've spoiled the experiment, but mostly because all of those chattering voices would've annoyed the helicopter pilot.

The Isolated Spot

The location chosen for the TV-experiment was at a remote village in Scotland called Stoneybridge, so called because of it's stony bridge. The village itself had a population of six, and so there wasn't a lot of excitement when Absolutely began, as the entire village was out searching for a lost cat.

Key Events

  • Day One - They arrive. Nothing happens.
  • Day Two - Gwyneth sneezes. Callum starts talking
  • Day Three - Little Girl starts shouting. Bert knocks her out cold
  • Day Four - Denzil knocks Callum unconscious after a full 48 hours of non-stop talking
  • Day Five - Frank Hovis talks of his holiday on Aenus. Mr. Don vomits over Mr. George. MacGlashan goes mad and beats up Bert
  • Day Six - Bert and MacGlashan continue fighting, and the fight between Denzil and Callum resumes. Little Girl acts as referee
  • Day Seven - The entire group has fallen into a massive brawl, in which Bert breaks his hip, Little Girl loses her virginity and Denzil contracts a disease called Llandudno-Neck

Aftermath

The village of Stoneybridge had become the battleground for a three-day brawl, and once the police broke up the riot, the village attracted some tourism, though all visitors had to be checked for a medical, as the case of Llandudno-Neck had spread like wildfire after the event.


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