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Absinthe advertisement depicting absinthe's clothing dissolving properties, especially on the young nubile lesbians

“Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.”
~ William Shakespeare on Absinthe

Absinthe is a green liquid that is a commonly used to circumvent most methods of birth control. It is also known to act as a truth serum and to occasionally interfere with the Space Time Continuum. It is outlawed in several countries because frequent use may result in, quote, "acting like an idiot". Absinthe is also the fuel of choice for rockets and Formula 1 cars.

edit Distillation

Absinthe is distilled from bits of wood, worms, green crayons, plutonium, and 11 secret herbs and spices according to a secret lesbian recipe. One of thes secret 'herbs and spices' is believed to be green kryptonite as the consumption of absinthe by kryptonians causes them to wear their underpants on the outside, become attracted to large phallic objects such as aeroplanes and supertankers, often rescuing them without warning and taking them back to their Fortress of "Solitude", and then having no recollection of the past 14 hours or why they have large quantities of crude oil and aviation fuel lodged in their Spandex.

edit Using absinthe

Absinthe has been used in Bohemian rituals for centuries to convince others that they are more hedonistic and Bohemian than anyone else. It is considered passé, and positively dangerous, to simply pour absinthe directly from the bottle into a glass. In order to experience the full effects it is recommended that absinthe is poured through a sugar cube before consumption. Ideally this sugar cube should be 15 inches across. Burnt toast, an old sock, or any Edwardian writer can be substituted for the sugar cube.

edit Side effects



Absinthe is a hallucinogenic alchohol. It is made from various different acids and some of which are used for torture in North Korea. An astonishing array of side effects have been attributed to the consumption of absinthe, most of which are true, but you'll never remember them. Most commonly the absinthe causes fantasies about Green Fairies, passing out, and forgetting about having sex with your sister's goat. Poetry and big shirts with frilly collars are also common side effects of absinthe, especially when you've been drinking with Lord Byron and Percy Shelley.

edit Other absinthe facts

  • Absinthe was created by Ewan McGregor and his bohemian mates.
  • Laboratory tests in 1832 showed that Absinthe can cause vanity in mice.
  • Muad'Dib reported to be able to control a herd of sandworms with just one glass of Absinthe.
  • Absinthe does not look green to people who are colorblind. In the dark it also does not look green but will still feel wet.
  • Usually an absinthe drinker is who you least suspect it to be. Which means it's more likely to be some innocent girl who wears glasses, has a blushing ruddy face, smiles all the time, wears a dress, and looks so Amish that you'd be stunned she drinks anything, let alone absinthe.

edit See also

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Absinthe.
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