Above Top Secret

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
m (I agree that putting it into sections is not vandalism. Adding "DENY IGNORANCE" repeatedly is. So here's a compromise.)
(lol)
Line 1: Line 1:
[[File:Eniac4.jpeg|thumb|379px|'''An ATS user finally figures out who killed Kennedy - [[wikipedia:Rose Kennedy|Rose Kennedy]] - and contemplates his next edit.''']] 
+
[[File:Eniac4.jpeg|thumb|379px|'''An ATS user finally figures out who killed Kennedy - [[wikipedia:Rose Kennedy|Rose Kennedy]] - and contemplates his next edit.''']]
On one hand, '''Above Top Secret''' (pronounced '''ATS''') is a conspiracy and breaking news site manned by some of the [[HowTo:Get a suntan|brightest]] people on the planet. On another hand, it's a place where distracting ads try to grab your attention, and some actually float up out of nowhere and defy all attempts to capture or kill them. And on the last hand, the one that holds all the cards, ATS is a site occupied by inmates of mental hospitals and/or security agencies monitoring the populace to see where the crazy will go next. 
+
On one hand, '''Above Top Secret''' (pronounced '''ATS''') is a conspiracy and breaking news site manned by some of the [[HowTo:Get a suntan|brightest]] people on the planet and owned by [[HowTo:Become Morbidly Obese|The Internet's Fattest Man]]. On another hand, it's a place where distracting ads try to grab your attention, and some actually float up out of nowhere and defy all attempts to capture or kill them. And on the last hand, the one that holds all the cards, ATS is a site occupied by inmates of mental hospitals and/or security agencies monitoring the populace to see where the crazy will go next.
   
==The motto==
+
==The Motto==
ATS, whose motto is "Deny Ignorance" (users must post this at least once per day), is inhabited by thousands of administrators, geeks, scientists, pre-teens and pre-memes, and by good and bad writers of all descriptions and professions. It's inhibited by mothers calling their sons up to dinner. The smart people on ATS research, expose and report on the outlandishness popping up all around us, then [[Kitten Cookbook|dig in]] to expose the secrets from the deepest, darkest lurky-holes of history.
+
The motto of ATS is "Deny Ignorance" this is brainwashed into all members and they must post this at least 87 times a day.
 
The not-so-smart people who troll ATS give it a go anyway, and come away with some friendly advice: STFU! Girls, here's your chance to pick up an intellectually liberated - possibly obese and/or dehydrated - layabout who can type, do research, formulate exotic theories, and make the best chip dip that a little money can buy. And boys, here's ''your'' chance to [[HowTo:Date an Emo Girl|hit on]] lots of cute, hydrated, intelligent working women and feel the cold sting of their laughter.
 
   
== The Content ==
 
Topics at Above Top Secret range from the latest threads about mainstream news and unconstitutional censorship, things you are not allowed to talk about on ATS, loud booms in the sky and under the earth, major die-offs of species leading to gleefully anticipated global destruction, debates on if women are real or just alien-enduced internet fantasy, and the newest and oldest in political and governmental [[UnNews:911 conspiracies explained by a sandwich|conspiracies]]. And that's just their warm up act. They go on to report on wars and rumors of rumors of wars, and write about "Look over there!" when all other media outlets tell you to "Look over here!". Oddly, they allow no mention of "drugs", even though a healthy percentage of their [[Hippies|users]] are solidly and significantly [[California Marijuana Initiative|stoned]] when they come to visit.
 
   
Men who prowl ATS have fun with facts, fear, frivolity, and fantasy - the 4-F Club for those who don't fuck. The women who write there are the salt of the earth, and likely know the chemical formula for both salt and earth. In fact, ATS's brave users exist far ahead of their time while digging their muddy hands into their time. If anyone tells you that [[Ghosts never seem to play fair|ghosts]] can drive a UFO, they probaby aren't doing it on ATS, which doesn't put up very well with [[Salem witch trials|stupid]]. When an ATS thread reaches fifty stars you can bet your mother's house that some good data got through the dumb-down filter laid across the net by "the man" and "his woman". And if it's excitement you're after, exploring the site's caves and forums can take you deep into [[User:Unregistered user|weird]] caverns where stalagtites grow faces and yell at you about the next big thing. Just don't swing your arms around, you're liable to hit [[Stephen Hawking ran over my cat|Stephen Hawking]] on the way out.
+
==The Membership==
  +
  +
ATS is inhabited by thousands of Administrators,geeks , scientists, pre-teens and pre-memes, and by good and bad writers of all descriptions and professions. It's inhibited by mothers calling their sons up to dinner and men with pending restraining orders. The smart people on ATS do not exist everyone else tries research, expose and report on the outlandishness popping up all around us, then [[Kitten Cookbook|dig in]] to expose the secrets from the deepest, darkest lurky-holes of history.
  +
The not-so-smart people who troll ATS give it a go anyway, and come away with some friendly advice: DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE
  +
  +
Girls, here's your chance to pick up an intellectually challenged - possibly obese and/or dehydrated - layabout who can type, do research, formulate exotic theories, and make the best chip dip that a little money can buy. And boys, here's ''your'' chance to [[HowTo:Date an Emo Girl|hit on]] lots dudes and feel the cold sting of Admin's banhammer.
  +
  +
==The Posts==
  +
  +
Topics at Above Top Secret range from the latest news threads about Mainstream News and unconstitutional censorship, New Rules, New things you are not allowed to talk about,Reminders of the old list of things you are not allowed to talk about,9,001 threads about what "deny ignorance" means, loud booms in the sky and under the earth, major die-offs of species leading to gleefully anticipated global destruction,debates on if women are real or just made up internet fantasy and the newest and oldest in political and governmental [[UnNews:911 conspiracies explained by a sandwich|conspiracies]]. And that's just their warm up act. They go on to report on wars and rumors of rumors of wars, and write about "Look over there!" when all other media outlets tell you to "Look over here!". Oddly, they allow no mention of "drugs", even though a healthy percentage of their [[Hippies|users]] are solidly and significantly [[California Marijuana Initiative|stoned]] when they come to visit.
  +
  +
Men who prowl ATS have fun with facts, fear, frivolity, and fantasy - the 4-F Club for those who don't fuck. The women who write there are now or once were dudes, and likely know the chemical formula for both salt and earth. In fact, ATS's brave users exist far ahead of their time while digging their muddy hands into their time. If anyone tells you that [[Ghosts never seem to play fair|ghosts]] can drive a UFO, they probaby aren't doing it on ATS, which doesn't put up very well with [[Salem witch trials|stupid]]. When an ATS thread reaches fifty stars you can bet your mother's house that some good data got through the dumb-down filter laid across the net by "the man" and "his woman". And if it's excitement you're after, exploring the site's caves and forums can take you deep into [[User:Unregistered user|weird]] caverns where stalagtites grow faces and yell at you about the next big thing. Just don't swing your arms around, you're liable to hit [[Stephen Hawking ran over my cat|Stephen Hawking]] on the way out.
   
 
A useful top secret''':''' It's best to view the site as a logged-in member, even if you never post anything, because the unholy place seems as full of ads as that [[2001: A Space Odyssey|black thing]] was full of stars. Logged in members bypass some ads, but not all of them by [[UnNews:Kennedy Assassination Solved|a longshot]] (not-so-much-fun fact: they even let ads grow in-between every fifth or sixth post as seen by the non-member riff-raff''':''' a.k.a. the general public). And as an added bonus, when you log-in you get to view users avatars - some [[Elfen Lied|creepy ones]], [[Dead Dicks|power mad ones]], [[People Who Like to Fuck Naked|sexy ones]], [[A Fine Frenzy|beautiful]] [[Dennis Kucinich's wife|ones]], but mostly [[Alone in the Dark|scary ones]] - and can award "flags", "stars", and "geese" to threads and comments that you like and/or [[Mental illness|agree with]].
 
A useful top secret''':''' It's best to view the site as a logged-in member, even if you never post anything, because the unholy place seems as full of ads as that [[2001: A Space Odyssey|black thing]] was full of stars. Logged in members bypass some ads, but not all of them by [[UnNews:Kennedy Assassination Solved|a longshot]] (not-so-much-fun fact: they even let ads grow in-between every fifth or sixth post as seen by the non-member riff-raff''':''' a.k.a. the general public). And as an added bonus, when you log-in you get to view users avatars - some [[Elfen Lied|creepy ones]], [[Dead Dicks|power mad ones]], [[People Who Like to Fuck Naked|sexy ones]], [[A Fine Frenzy|beautiful]] [[Dennis Kucinich's wife|ones]], but mostly [[Alone in the Dark|scary ones]] - and can award "flags", "stars", and "geese" to threads and comments that you like and/or [[Mental illness|agree with]].
   
==The bottom line==
+
Bottom line, and these ''are'' the bottom lines unless you can find the secret bottom line, on its way to denying ignorance Above Top Secret blasts you to the moon (unlike those faked moon landings) and sends you back either with more knowledge of your world and others like it or with more backlit trauma than your brain can soak up in one visit. Ignorance has its place, but certainly not at ATS (unless you're their advertising manager).
And these ''are'' the bottom lines unless you can find the secret bottom line, on its way to denying ignorance Above Top Secret blasts you to the moon (unlike those faked moon landings) and sends you back either with more knowledge of your world and others like it or with more backlit trauma than your brain can soak up in one visit. Ignorance has its place, but certainly not at ATS (unless you're their advertising manager).
 
 
[[File:Mad scientist.jpg|300px|center|'''"Green! It turns it green! I must alert ATS. It's flags, stars, and geese boys, flags, stars, and geese!"''']]
 
[[File:Mad scientist.jpg|300px|center|'''"Green! It turns it green! I must alert ATS. It's flags, stars, and geese boys, flags, stars, and geese!"''']]
 
<big><big><center>'''"Green! It turns it green! I must alert ATS!"'''</center></big></big>
 
<big><big><center>'''"Green! It turns it green! I must alert ATS!"'''</center></big></big>
Line 48: Line 46:
 
*[http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread814942/pg1 Massive structures at the center of our galaxy? I'm moving.]
 
*[http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread814942/pg1 Massive structures at the center of our galaxy? I'm moving.]
 
*[http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread564758/pg1 Conspiracy nut talks about Roma, and the geeks and peeps gather around like hawks in a mice storm for 400 pages.]
 
*[http://www.abovetopsecret.com/forum/thread564758/pg1 Conspiracy nut talks about Roma, and the geeks and peeps gather around like hawks in a mice storm for 400 pages.]
 
   
 
[[Category:Conspiracies]]
 
[[Category:Conspiracies]]

Revision as of 00:44, April 6, 2012

Eniac4

An ATS user finally figures out who killed Kennedy - Rose Kennedy - and contemplates his next edit.

On one hand, Above Top Secret (pronounced ATS) is a conspiracy and breaking news site manned by some of the brightest people on the planet and owned by The Internet's Fattest Man. On another hand, it's a place where distracting ads try to grab your attention, and some actually float up out of nowhere and defy all attempts to capture or kill them. And on the last hand, the one that holds all the cards, ATS is a site occupied by inmates of mental hospitals and/or security agencies monitoring the populace to see where the crazy will go next.

The Motto

The motto of ATS is "Deny Ignorance" this is brainwashed into all members and they must post this at least 87 times a day.


The Membership

ATS is inhabited by thousands of Administrators,geeks , scientists, pre-teens and pre-memes, and by good and bad writers of all descriptions and professions. It's inhibited by mothers calling their sons up to dinner and men with pending restraining orders. The smart people on ATS do not exist everyone else tries research, expose and report on the outlandishness popping up all around us, then dig in to expose the secrets from the deepest, darkest lurky-holes of history. The not-so-smart people who troll ATS give it a go anyway, and come away with some friendly advice: DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE DENY IGNORANCE

Girls, here's your chance to pick up an intellectually challenged - possibly obese and/or dehydrated - layabout who can type, do research, formulate exotic theories, and make the best chip dip that a little money can buy. And boys, here's your chance to hit on lots dudes and feel the cold sting of Admin's banhammer.

The Posts

Topics at Above Top Secret range from the latest news threads about Mainstream News and unconstitutional censorship, New Rules, New things you are not allowed to talk about,Reminders of the old list of things you are not allowed to talk about,9,001 threads about what "deny ignorance" means, loud booms in the sky and under the earth, major die-offs of species leading to gleefully anticipated global destruction,debates on if women are real or just made up internet fantasy and the newest and oldest in political and governmental conspiracies. And that's just their warm up act. They go on to report on wars and rumors of rumors of wars, and write about "Look over there!" when all other media outlets tell you to "Look over here!". Oddly, they allow no mention of "drugs", even though a healthy percentage of their users are solidly and significantly stoned when they come to visit.

Men who prowl ATS have fun with facts, fear, frivolity, and fantasy - the 4-F Club for those who don't fuck. The women who write there are now or once were dudes, and likely know the chemical formula for both salt and earth. In fact, ATS's brave users exist far ahead of their time while digging their muddy hands into their time. If anyone tells you that ghosts can drive a UFO, they probaby aren't doing it on ATS, which doesn't put up very well with stupid. When an ATS thread reaches fifty stars you can bet your mother's house that some good data got through the dumb-down filter laid across the net by "the man" and "his woman". And if it's excitement you're after, exploring the site's caves and forums can take you deep into weird caverns where stalagtites grow faces and yell at you about the next big thing. Just don't swing your arms around, you're liable to hit Stephen Hawking on the way out.

A useful top secret: It's best to view the site as a logged-in member, even if you never post anything, because the unholy place seems as full of ads as that black thing was full of stars. Logged in members bypass some ads, but not all of them by a longshot (not-so-much-fun fact: they even let ads grow in-between every fifth or sixth post as seen by the non-member riff-raff: a.k.a. the general public). And as an added bonus, when you log-in you get to view users avatars - some creepy ones, power mad ones, sexy ones, beautiful ones, but mostly scary ones - and can award "flags", "stars", and "geese" to threads and comments that you like and/or agree with.

Bottom line, and these are the bottom lines unless you can find the secret bottom line, on its way to denying ignorance Above Top Secret blasts you to the moon (unlike those faked moon landings) and sends you back either with more knowledge of your world and others like it or with more backlit trauma than your brain can soak up in one visit. Ignorance has its place, but certainly not at ATS (unless you're their advertising manager).

Mad scientist
"Green! It turns it green! I must alert ATS!"

Where the wild things are:

Personal tools
projects