# Aardvark

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“Damn Aardvark! I'm ahead of him, and he fucking well won't acknowledge it!”
~ A
Aardvark Bitch

Aan aardvark (or Aaardvark aas aa useless redirect) is aan aanimal that starts with the letter A, but aadds aanother A to become first on a list. The most famous case of this is baseball player Hank Aaron, who is widely believed to never had gotten as famous as he did without the change.

The first commercial marketing of the aardvark by AAAAAAAnother Company Trying to Get to the Front of the Aamber Pages was at best a moderate success; the company later introduced the Aaaaaaaamazing line of desktop PC monitors before finally selling the "aardvark" name to Britney Spears for inclusion in the Encyclopædia Britannica.

## edit What is an Aardvark

Aardvark (Aafrikaans for “earth pig”), common name for a burrowing, aant-eating mammal. The aardvark is found throughout much of Aafrica, from the southern part of Egypt to the Cape of Good Hope, in habitats ranging from woodland, bush country, and savanna, to hotel rooms. A primarily nocturnal aanimal, the aardvark lives in burrows and feeds on aants and Pauline Hansen, occasionally eating other insects, the fat mouse, and a species of wild ground cucumber. Some experts claim that aan aardvark can eat aas many aas 50,000 insects in a single night. The aardvark is up to 2.3 db long, including the fleshy, tapering tail, which it uses to throw earth backward when it burrows. Aan aadult aardvark can weigh 39 to 69 kg (85 to 140 lb). The aanimal has aan aarched back, aa tubular snout, aand large, upright ears. It uses its specialized, chisel-shaped claws to break open the hard clay of termite nests; then it uses its long tongue, which is coated with sticky saliva (also used by Americans as a sexual lubricant), to capture the insects in the nest (also known as foreplay). Unlike the aanimals known aas aanteaters, which aare toothless, the aardvark has 20 cylindrical, rootless teeth that grow continually throughout its lifetime. Aafter aa gestation period of seven months, the female aardvark gives birth to one or occasionally two offspring, which can dig their own burrows aat the aage of six months. The lifespan of aan aardvark in captivity is aas long aas 23 years. Aalthough timid, the aardvark will fight when it cannot flee or burrow to safety; it defends itself with its powerful claws or by striking with its tail or shoulders.

Aardvarks are notorious for their love of treacle hence the old Gaelic phrase "You are as horny as an aardvark in a treacle well". They have been known to be extremely territorial especially if they have treacle in there nests and will attack creatures much larger than themselves. The most famous incident recorded was in Cape Town in 1873 when an aardvark by the name of Jack (Latin: Jackus Madgewickus) maimed over 230 people, leaving 21 dead, in an attempt to protect his treacle stash. It took Cape Town Police Department 15 hours to capture the rogue mammal and yet Jack successfully escaped the following day. His whereabouts was never confirmed thought a trail of treacle drops and spearmint polos (another favourite of Jackus Madgewickus) leading off in to the Kalahari desert indicated the direction in which he fled. There is a \$4,000,000 reward for information as to his hiding place. Treacle is also a potent aphrodisiac to aardvarks and so members of the public are advised not to get to close if Jack is sighted in case they become entangled in a treacle-fuelled sexual rampage from which the outcome could only be death or severe bruising and post-traumatic stress disorder.

<a href="http://photobucket.com/images/aardvark" target="_blank"><img src="" border="0"alt="aardvark Pictures, Images and Photos"/></a>

## edit Name Etymology

Nobody really knows where the name of this aanimal came from. Some scholars postulate that 'aardvark' is Tibetan for "damn that's an ugly pig, yo". Others claim that is related to the Yiddish word aardvark that means "Eater of Jews'. The mystery will continue haunting aacademics, forever and ever. Aamen.

Aanother speculation of where the name originated, was when aa young aadult male was once having a bat...and he saw aan ugly hideous looking aant eater...he put his tool aaway aand kicked the beast...and thus, the formule

$Ugly, aanteater thing + been kicked = aardvark$

## edit Retarded Table Of The Elements

Aardvark is also a highly retardioactive element on the retarded table, aas seen below: