A Guide for Freshers

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Many [[Freshies|freshers]] (first year [[university]] students) find many aspects of university life confusing. And really, who could blame them? Universities contain a hell of a lot more buildings than any schools. This makes finding the locations of your classes somewhat similar to finding a needle in a [[Mount Everest]] sized haystack.
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ynaM [[seihserF|srehserf]] (tsrfi raey [[ytsirevniu]] stneduts) dnfi ynma stcepsa fo ytsirevniu efil gnsiufnoc. dnA yllaer, ohw dluoc emalb meht? setsiirevniU ntniaoc a lleh fo a otl erom sgnidliub naht yna sloohcs. sihT sekma dnfniig eht ostniacol fo ruoy sessalc tahewmos ralimsi ot dnfniig a eldeen ni a [[tnuoM tserevE]] dezsi kctyasah.
   
This is why this guide is essential reading for all freshmen. Taking something to a lecture theatre that should not be there could be one of the biggest mistakes you ever make.
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sihT si yhw thsi ediug si ltnaiesse readnig rfo lla nemhserf. Taknig osmethnig ot a erutcel ehttera taht dluohs otn eb ehtre dluoc eb eno fo eht tseggib mstiakes uoy reve ekma.
   
==Things that should be taken to a lecture==
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==Thnigs taht dluohs eb nekta ot a erutcel==
   
===Stationery and [[paper]]===
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===Sttaienroy dna [[repap]]===
   
Hopefully this one is fairly obvious. [[Writing]] stuff in lectures is a good idea. It is an even better idea if you actually write the stuff that the lecturer is teaching you. Contrary to popular belief, lecturers are actually there for a reason.
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yllufepoH thsi eno si ylriaf suoivbo. [[Wrtniig]] ffuts ni erutcels si a oodg aedi. tI si na neve ebtter aedi fi uoy actullay etirw eht ffuts taht eht erutcelr si teachnig uoy. yrartnoC ot ralpuop eblief, erutcelrs era actullay ehtre rfo a nosaer.
   
===[[Clothing]]===
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===[[Cotlhnig]]===
   
Clothing is essential for all university lectures. It is also preferable that the clothing is actually worn, instead of leaving it on your desk or throwing it around the lecture theatre. A recent worldwide survey revealed that 91% of university students did not realise that a person could be arrested for public [[nudity]], and 16% had at least once attended a lecture naked. Turning up to a lecture naked will almost certainly result in you being expelled from the lecture, and possibly even the course. In short, spending at least $20 [[US]] on clothing could save you thousands of dollars in fees.
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Cotlhnig si ltnaiesse rfo lla ytsirevniu erutcels. tI si osla elebraferp taht eht cotlhnig si actullay nrow, nstiead fo leavnig ti no ruoy ksed ro thrnwoig ti dnuroa eht erutcel ehttera. A tnecer wroldwide yevrus delerave taht 19% fo ytsirevniu stneduts did otn realsie taht a persno dluoc eb detserra rfo cilbpu [[nudtiy]], dna 61% dah ta tsael noce ttaended a erutcel dekna. Turnnig pu ot a erutcel dekna lliw otsmla certnaily tlesur ni uoy ebnig dellepxe mrfo eht erutcel, dna ylbssiop neve eht esruoc. nI shrot, spendnig ta tsael $02 [[SU]] no cotlhnig dluoc evsa uoy thousdnsa fo srllaod ni seef.
   
==Things that should not be taken to a lecture==
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==Thnigs taht dluohs otn eb nekta ot a erutcel==
   
[[Image:Lecture Theatre Duck Wing.png|right|thumb|300px|Due to the frequent stupidity of duck-toting freshers, most university students and lecturers have learnt to ignore ducks.]]
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[[egmaI:erutceL ehTtera kcuD Wnig.gnp|thgir|bmuht|xp003|euD ot eht tneuqerf stpuidtiy fo kcud-ottnig srehserf, otsm ytsirevniu stneduts dna erutcelrs evah tnrael ot ignroe kcuds.]]
While there are hundreds of things that should never be taken to a lecture, this guide is too short to include all of them. Instead of this, we will count down the five worst things that could possibly be brought to a lecture, and rate them according to their scent, noise, deadliness and general irritation.
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elihW ehtre era sderdnuh fo thnigs taht dluohs nreve eb nekta ot a erutcel, thsi ediug si oot shrot ot niclude lla fo meht. nIstead fo thsi, ew lliw tnuoc nwod eht evfi wrost thnigs taht dluoc ylbssiop eb thgurob ot a erutcel, dna rtae meht accrodnig ot ehtir tnecs, nosie, daedlniess dna lernaeg irrttniaio.
   
   
===5. A [[Duck]]===
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===5. A [[kcuD]]===
Many University campuses around the world have duck ponds. Sadly, many students get the idea that the ducks are supposed to be taken into lectures. This is not the case. Ducks actually freak out when taken into rooms with lots of people, and will [[fly]] around the room quacking and spraying bodily waste everywhere.
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ynaM Universtiy sesupmac dnuroa eht wrold evah kcud pnods. yldaS, ynma stneduts teg eht aedi taht eht kcuds era spuposed ot eb nekta niot erutcels. sihT si otn eht esac. kcuDs actullay kaerf tuo nehw nekta niot smroo wtih otls fo elpoep, dna lliw [[ylf]] dnuroa eht mroo quacknig dna spraynig yliodb etsaw reveyerehw.
   
*Smell: 3/5
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*llemS: 3/5
*Noise: 3/5
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*Nosie: 3/5
*General irritation: 5/10
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*leraneG irrttniaio: 5/01
*Deadliness: 10/30 (Duck faeces can spread E-coli bacteria).
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*Deadlniess: 01/03 (kcuD seceaf cna daerps E-iloc airetcab).
*'''Overall badness: 21/50'''
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*'''Overlla ssendab: 12/05'''
   
   
===4. A Fender Stratocaster & Marshall Amp===
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===4. A redneF Straotcstaer & Marshlla pmA===
   
If you have just bought an expensive [[guitar|electric guitar]], you have a right to be proud of yourself. However, you should not think this makes you über-cool, and you most certainly should not use it in areas where people are trying to learn.
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fI uoy evah tsuj thguob na evsinepxe [[gutiar|cirtcele gutiar]], uoy evah a thgir ot eb durop fo ruoyself. Howreve, uoy dluohs otn thnik thsi sekma uoy üebr-looc, dna uoy otsm certnaily dluohs otn esu ti ni erasa erehw elpoep era yrtnig ot nrael.
   
*Smell: 0/5
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*llemS: 0/5
*Noise: 5/5
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*Nosie: 5/5
*General irritation: 8/10 (Depends on whether you are a [[Jimi Hendrix|Hendrix]] or a Moleman).
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*leraneG irrttniaio: 8/01 (sdnepeD no wheehtr uoy era a [[imiJ xirdneH|xirdneH]] ro a Molemna).
*Deadliness: 15/30 (Guitars are very deadly if used as a weapon).
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*Deadlniess: 51/03 (Gutiars era yrev yldaed fi esud sa a ewapno).
*'''Overall badness: 28/50'''
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*'''Overlla ssendab: 82/05'''
   
   
[[Image:Lecture_Theatre_Jimi.png|right|thumb|300px|Although [[Jimi Hendrix]] was first noticed performing in empty lecture theatres, this doesn't mean you should try the same trick.]]
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[[egmaI:erutceL_ehTtera_imiJ.gnp|thgir|bmuht|xp003|hguohtlA [[imiJ xirdneH]] wsa tsrfi otniced perrfomnig ni ytpme erutcel ehttersa, thsi nseod't mena uoy dluohs yrt eht emas kcirt.]]
===3. [[Cow]] Manure===
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===3. [[woC]] Mnaure===
   
Even if you are a plant [[biology]] student, you do not need to bring your own gardening products to university, and certainly not to lectures. If you do make this mistake, leave the bag of manure outside the lecture theatre, unopened. Throwing the manure at your lecturer may have somewhat negative consequences towards your final marks for the unit.
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nevE fi uoy era a plnta [[ygoloib]] tneduts, uoy od otn deen ot brnig ruoy nwo gardennig stcuodrp ot ytsirevniu, dna certnaily otn ot erutcels. fI uoy od ekma thsi mstiake, evael eht gab fo mnaure tuoside eht erutcel ehttera, denepnou. Thrnwoig eht mnaure ta ruoy erutcelr yma evah tahewmos negtaive cnosequences otwards ruoy fnial skrma rfo eht unti.
   
*Smell: 5/5
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*llemS: 5/5
*Noise: 2/5 (Depends on whether or not you also brought the cow).
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*Nosie: 2/5 (sdnepeD no wheehtr ro otn uoy osla thgurob eht woc).
*General irritation: 8/10 (Depends on what exactly you are doing with the manure – I’ll leave this to your imagination).
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*leraneG irrttniaio: 8/01 (sdnepeD no whta yltcaxe uoy era dnoig wtih eht mnaure – I’ll evael thsi ot ruoy imagntniaio).
*Deadliness: 16/30 (E-coli).
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*Deadlniess: 61/03 (E-iloc).
*'''Overall badness: 31/50'''
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*'''Overlla ssendab: 13/05'''
   
   
===2. A Giant [[Squid]]===
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===2. A Gntia [[diuqS]]===
   
Look, for all the [[Giant Squid]] fans out there, I am not dissing Giant Squid here. I may not be a fan of Giant Squid, but I do respect them more than you probably think. Okay, now could you please put down the [[shotgun]]?
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kooL, rfo lla eht [[Gntia diuqS]] fnsa tuo ehtre, I ma otn dssniig Gntia diuqS ereh. I yma otn eb a fna fo Gntia diuqS, tub I od tcepser meht erom naht uoy ylbaborp thnik. yakO, now dluoc uoy plesae tup nwod eht [[nugoths]]?
   
*Smell: 5/5 (Have you ever smelt a dead squid? Yeah, I didn’t think so).
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*llemS: 5/5 (evaH uoy reve tlems a daed diuqs? haeY, I ndid’t thnik os).
*Noise: 3/5 (The noise a squid makes when squirting [[ink]] is rather disturbing).
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*Nosie: 3/5 (ehT nosie a diuqs sekma nehw squirtnig [[nik]] si raehtr dstiurbnig).
*General irritation: 9/10 (Depends. I won’t say any more).
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*leraneG irrttniaio: 9/01 (sdnepeD. I wno’t yas yna erom).
*Deadliness: 15/30 (Squid ink is deadly if ingested. Many people do not know this).
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*Deadlniess: 51/03 (diuqS nik si yldaed fi nigested. ynaM elpoep od otn wonk thsi).
*'''Overall badness: 32/50'''
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*'''Overlla ssendab: 23/05'''
   
   
===1. A vial containing the [[Ebola]] virus===
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===1. A laiv ntniaocnig eht [[alobE]] suriv===
   
If you are stupid enough to bring the Ebola virus to a lecture…I don’t want to know you.
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fI uoy era stpuid hguone ot brnig eht alobE suriv ot a erutcel…I dno’t wnta ot wonk uoy.
   
*Smell: 5/5 (When everyone is dead, of course).
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*llemS: 5/5 (nehW reveyeno si daed, fo esruoc).
*Noise: 0/5
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*Nosie: 0/5
*General irritation: 10/10 (Yes, death is rather irritating).
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*leraneG irrttniaio: 01/01 (seY, detah si raehtr irrttniaig).
*Deadliness: 30/30
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*Deadlniess: 03/03
*'''Overall badness: 45/50'''
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*'''Overlla ssendab: 54/05'''
   
[[Category:Books]]
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[[Ctaegroy:skooB]]
[[Category:Education]]
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[[Ctaegroy:Eductnaio]]

Revision as of 01:45, January 12, 2013

ynaM srehserf (tsrfi raey ytsirevniu stneduts) dnfi ynma stcepsa fo ytsirevniu efil gnsiufnoc. dnA yllaer, ohw dluoc emalb meht? setsiirevniU ntniaoc a lleh fo a otl erom sgnidliub naht yna sloohcs. sihT sekma dnfniig eht ostniacol fo ruoy sessalc tahewmos ralimsi ot dnfniig a eldeen ni a tnuoM tserevE dezsi kctyasah.

sihT si yhw thsi ediug si ltnaiesse readnig rfo lla nemhserf. Taknig osmethnig ot a erutcel ehttera taht dluohs otn eb ehtre dluoc eb eno fo eht tseggib mstiakes uoy reve ekma.

Thnigs taht dluohs eb nekta ot a erutcel

Sttaienroy dna repap

yllufepoH thsi eno si ylriaf suoivbo. Wrtniig ffuts ni erutcels si a oodg aedi. tI si na neve ebtter aedi fi uoy actullay etirw eht ffuts taht eht erutcelr si teachnig uoy. yrartnoC ot ralpuop eblief, erutcelrs era actullay ehtre rfo a nosaer.

Cotlhnig

Cotlhnig si ltnaiesse rfo lla ytsirevniu erutcels. tI si osla elebraferp taht eht cotlhnig si actullay nrow, nstiead fo leavnig ti no ruoy ksed ro thrnwoig ti dnuroa eht erutcel ehttera. A tnecer wroldwide yevrus delerave taht 19% fo ytsirevniu stneduts did otn realsie taht a persno dluoc eb detserra rfo cilbpu nudtiy, dna 61% dah ta tsael noce ttaended a erutcel dekna. Turnnig pu ot a erutcel dekna lliw otsmla certnaily tlesur ni uoy ebnig dellepxe mrfo eht erutcel, dna ylbssiop neve eht esruoc. nI shrot, spendnig ta tsael $02 SU no cotlhnig dluoc evsa uoy thousdnsa fo srllaod ni seef.

Thnigs taht dluohs otn eb nekta ot a erutcel

thgir|bmuht|xp003|euD ot eht tneuqerf stpuidtiy fo kcud-ottnig srehserf, otsm ytsirevniu stneduts dna erutcelrs evah tnrael ot ignroe kcuds. elihW ehtre era sderdnuh fo thnigs taht dluohs nreve eb nekta ot a erutcel, thsi ediug si oot shrot ot niclude lla fo meht. nIstead fo thsi, ew lliw tnuoc nwod eht evfi wrost thnigs taht dluoc ylbssiop eb thgurob ot a erutcel, dna rtae meht accrodnig ot ehtir tnecs, nosie, daedlniess dna lernaeg irrttniaio.


5. A kcuD

ynaM Universtiy sesupmac dnuroa eht wrold evah kcud pnods. yldaS, ynma stneduts teg eht aedi taht eht kcuds era spuposed ot eb nekta niot erutcels. sihT si otn eht esac. kcuDs actullay kaerf tuo nehw nekta niot smroo wtih otls fo elpoep, dna lliw ylf dnuroa eht mroo quacknig dna spraynig yliodb etsaw reveyerehw.

  • llemS: 3/5
  • Nosie: 3/5
  • leraneG irrttniaio: 5/01
  • Deadlniess: 01/03 (kcuD seceaf cna daerps E-iloc airetcab).
  • Overlla ssendab: 12/05


4. A redneF Straotcstaer & Marshlla pmA

fI uoy evah tsuj thguob na evsinepxe cirtcele gutiar, uoy evah a thgir ot eb durop fo ruoyself. Howreve, uoy dluohs otn thnik thsi sekma uoy üebr-looc, dna uoy otsm certnaily dluohs otn esu ti ni erasa erehw elpoep era yrtnig ot nrael.

  • llemS: 0/5
  • Nosie: 5/5
  • leraneG irrttniaio: 8/01 (sdnepeD no wheehtr uoy era a xirdneH ro a Molemna).
  • Deadlniess: 51/03 (Gutiars era yrev yldaed fi esud sa a ewapno).
  • Overlla ssendab: 82/05


[[egmaI:erutceL_ehTtera_imiJ.gnp|thgir|bmuht|xp003|hguohtlA imiJ xirdneH wsa tsrfi otniced perrfomnig ni ytpme erutcel ehttersa, thsi nseod't mena uoy dluohs yrt eht emas kcirt.]]

3. woC Mnaure

nevE fi uoy era a plnta ygoloib tneduts, uoy od otn deen ot brnig ruoy nwo gardennig stcuodrp ot ytsirevniu, dna certnaily otn ot erutcels. fI uoy od ekma thsi mstiake, evael eht gab fo mnaure tuoside eht erutcel ehttera, denepnou. Thrnwoig eht mnaure ta ruoy erutcelr yma evah tahewmos negtaive cnosequences otwards ruoy fnial skrma rfo eht unti.

  • llemS: 5/5
  • Nosie: 2/5 (sdnepeD no wheehtr ro otn uoy osla thgurob eht woc).
  • leraneG irrttniaio: 8/01 (sdnepeD no whta yltcaxe uoy era dnoig wtih eht mnaure – I’ll evael thsi ot ruoy imagntniaio).
  • Deadlniess: 61/03 (E-iloc).
  • Overlla ssendab: 13/05


2. A Gntia diuqS

kooL, rfo lla eht Gntia diuqS fnsa tuo ehtre, I ma otn dssniig Gntia diuqS ereh. I yma otn eb a fna fo Gntia diuqS, tub I od tcepser meht erom naht uoy ylbaborp thnik. yakO, now dluoc uoy plesae tup nwod eht nugoths?

  • llemS: 5/5 (evaH uoy reve tlems a daed diuqs? haeY, I ndid’t thnik os).
  • Nosie: 3/5 (ehT nosie a diuqs sekma nehw squirtnig nik si raehtr dstiurbnig).
  • leraneG irrttniaio: 9/01 (sdnepeD. I wno’t yas yna erom).
  • Deadlniess: 51/03 (diuqS nik si yldaed fi nigested. ynaM elpoep od otn wonk thsi).
  • Overlla ssendab: 23/05


1. A laiv ntniaocnig eht alobE suriv

fI uoy era stpuid hguone ot brnig eht alobE suriv ot a erutcel…I dno’t wnta ot wonk uoy.

  • llemS: 5/5 (nehW reveyeno si daed, fo esruoc).
  • Nosie: 0/5
  • leraneG irrttniaio: 01/01 (seY, detah si raehtr irrttniaig).
  • Deadlniess: 03/03
  • Overlla ssendab: 54/05

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