A Call to Arms
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Do you ever feel that you are over-worked, under-rewarded and unrecognised? Do you feel that there is a glass barrier out there, that you cannot break through? Then listen in, fellow uncyclopedians.
From the dawn of wikis, there has always been a group of people called The Admins. This secretive group, this so called Cabal, effortlessly regulates powers to enforce their grip and oppression on the sum of all human knowledge and on you, the unpaid workers of this fine establishment. This shadowy collective will ban you, revert your work and mock you on talk pages, before leading to public humiliation within the forums.
Their reign of terror has continued unopposed for too long. Their abuse of n00bs cannot continue. Their cheap, churlish, acidic "comments" left on talk pages too numerous to mention must be stopped. And they must be punished, oh they must be punished.
However, this is not all...
For out there too is another, even smaller group that built the wiki from the ground upwards. Once model contributors, power has corrupted them and now they contribute no more. Controlling the powerful admins as though they were mere puppets, they stand back and let others do the dirty work - spinning a web of deceit and lies whilst hindering any sorts of progess. THEY are the real power behind the throne.
Take a look around the wiki for yourself, ask the simple question to yourself - what is going on? What do you see? Do you no longer see the gleaming wiki of humour, or do you see a corrupt totalitarian oligarchy full of bureaucracy? Is your every addition to improve an article thwarted by a needless revert, or pointless redirect?
I'm sure you're feeling shocked by now - but the time has come for us to act!
A Call to Arms
No more shall this unjust state exist, no more shall disequilibrum be!
- We, the masses can rise up against the few who manipulate the system through extortion and fear. They may be powerful, they ban you/block you, revert your preaching to the ignorant, but in the end, we are unstoppable! No one shall get in the way, least they be mown down by the sheer force of our wrath!
- A new dawn will arise from your works, the fruits of your labour shall become apparent to us all, clear and majestic, so that the halls of knowledge that were built in uncyclopedia centuries ago, shall be puged and cleansed - made pure once more! So let none stay your hands, my comrades, go forth and do what must be done! Make yourself known to all - for freedom and glory!
Harken to these words, and prepare for the bloody war to come.
If you are unsure as what to do, then you must:
- 1. Find an oppressor
- Looking for a particularly dangerous subject to be put down? Don't waste time, just look at these pages:
- Any skilled propaganda artist can be found at the Writer of the Month Award.
- A dedicated admin or bureacrat can be found at Uncyclopedia of the Month Award.
- Admin sympathisers can be found at N00b of the Month Award. They can be eliminated easily, but may wish to call on more powerful adversaries.
- However, anyone found at Useless Gobshite of the Month is not so, but in fact a semi-active revolutionary like yourselves, but has been reprimanded and put on this page to be regarded as a freakshow. They can easily be your allies!
- 2. Take Action
- Once indentified, your target must now face the full force of the common contributor. May nothing obstruct your path of justice!
- You can do:
- Trolling or flaming
- Using talk pages as a soapbox
- Blanking of essential cabalist pages
- You can do:
- For a more extensive list against the bourgoise, look at this page.
Now is the time for action, rise up comrades and let us meet this oppression head on!
Plan of Action
Once we, the masses, have found suitable targets, and we descend against the foul admins in our thousands. Overwhelmed, we shall force them in. However, there is one thing we must do before we can begin: obtain Stewardship. This is the first major goal. Once we have done this, we shall lie low, and sit around Taking Action. When the admins are fully distracted, we shall then strike, in one massive swoop. We shall bar all the admins and bureaucrats, and then demote them! Then, soon after the bougoise have been stripped of their powers, we shall build the Contributor's Wiki! The most active of revolutionaries shall become the new sysops, and a priveledged few being bureacrats.