The Angry Video Game Nerd

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Redirected from AVGN)
Avgn 2

The man himself.

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about The Angry Video Game Nerd.
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about James Rolfe.

James Duncan Rolfe (born July 10, 1980), better known as The Angry Video Game Nerd, is the creator, mastermind, and star of the popular Internet series The Angry Video Game Nerd, previously known as The Angry Nintendo Nerd and more before that as The Guy Who Irate Gamer Rips Off. The series centers on The Nerd, a basement-dwelling, foul-mouthed coprophiliac who rants about poorly-made retro games from the '80s–'90s, including Back to the Future, Castlevania II: Simon's Quest, Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde, Superman 64, and Shaq Fu.

Originally, Rolfe created the AVGN character as a joke amongst his friends, and the only console he reviewed games for was the NES. Since then, he has gone on to bore the shit out of most people by abandoning the original concept of the Nerd videos, instead choosing to post videos of him playing games with his unfunny friend Mike McGay. He has been quoted as saying to his fans: "Ehh, anything will do for you fools. I bet you'd wipe my bum with your tongue if I ran out of toilet paper, then run off and blog about how awesomely green to the environment I am."

AVGN had a massive impact on the YouTube community, and inspired a wave of Angry Internet Reviewers that exploded in 2007. Despite his fame, James has maintained a humble, friendly, and down-to-earth visage when interacting with his fans through vlogs or conventions. This is in contrast to his contemporaries such as Nostalgia Critic and Irate Gamer, whose egos have inflated to the high heavens.


In The Angry Video Game Nerd, viewers are transported back to the past, as Rolfe, in-character as "The Nerd", plays the "shitty games that suck ass". The games are of such substandard quality that Rolfe claims he'd rather have a buffalo "take a diarrhea dump in [his] ear", or "eat a rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk" and wash it down with beer. He also states then whenever you turn on your TV, you should always tune it in to channel 3 so you can play those shitty games.

AVGN is always seen wearing a plaid t-shirt and a pocket protector filled with pens, though we never see him actually write anything down. Using his filthy mouth, he reviews the worst games of all time, which he considers "horrible abominations of mankind"—seriously, these games rip you off and don't care one bit. In each review, The Nerd asks engaging philosophical questions such as "Why can't a turtle swim?", "Why can't I land a plane?", "They got a quick buck for this shitload of fuck?!", "Why's the password so long?", and "Why don't the weapons do anything?" At the end of the review, he destroys the game with his trusty Zapper.

In his reviews, AVGN swears a ton and often adds "fuck" at the end of a word; for example, "cockadoody bullfuck". Boy, that was a gut-buster, huh? How about "shitload of fuck"? Not just a load of fuck, but a shitload of it! How does this guy come up with this stuff? He also takes a swig of his favorite beer, Rolling Rock, every three minutes to show that he's a cool edgy manly man. Am I right, kids?

It should be noted that while AVGN can be mildly amusing at times, his fact-checking is lacking. He has often taken shots at the company LJN, because they "made" such shitty games as Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Back to the Future, The Karate Kid, Friday the 13th, and A Nightmare on Elm St.. However, LJN was in fact only the publisher of those games, not the developer, and had little (if any) control over their quality. Not to mention they were owned by Acclaim, and they made some of the best games of all time, like NBA Jam, Mortal Kombat and...well, we're sure they made something else you would have heard of too, but under the LJN brand, they developed some of the best Wrestling games on the Super Nintendo.

He's Gonna Take You Back to the Past

The Nerd to Be


James at age 12.

James was born on July 10, 1980 in Haddonfield, New Jersey. The first thing he did upon birth was complain that he was cold, and then he went to other things like the taste of his mothers milk was not to his satisfaction, and that The Dukes of Hazzard was an "unrealistic piece of monkey-shit", because cars do not make skidding noises, like on asphalt, when they are speeding along dirt roads. He proved a handful to his parents, often berating the food they served him and refusing to eat it. The only thing he seemed to accept was Rolling Rock beer, chilled and served in a baby bottle.

James never lost this hatred of things that are bullshit. During his induction day at Kindergarten James wrote a three page long letter in red crayon expressing his anger at the cafeteria for not supplying enough straws for the milk boxes they were drinking. He then expressed his anger towards a fellow student named Chris "Stinky" Bores, who James said copied one of his drawings but Chris told the teacher that James had copied his work. The teachers believed the bogus story Chris told them, and sided with him, to which James was then suspended from Kindergarten for 2 weeks when he said: "What a shit-load of monkey fuck this is... and I don't like it."

For James' seventh birthday, he received a brand new home video game console, the NES. The console came with Super Mario Bros. and Duck Hunt. This seemed to calm down James' anger towards anything and everything, and he finally found something that he enjoyed doing. For weeks on end James would play the video game until Christmas time when Santa brought him a brand new NES game, Top Gun. His relatives had not even arrived yet for the family luncheon before James had become so enraged with how bad the game was that he was using the zapper gun to blow off all but his middle finger to give his opinion on what he thought of the game.

Over the next few years, James would only be a calm and normal boy when he got to play a good video game, but all hell would break loose and he'd invent new English cuss words as he expressed his anger towards these shitty games the only way he knew how. His mother to this day cannot thank Nintendo enough for the creation of Super Mario Bros. 3.

High School Nerd

In the 8th grade, James figured he was ahead of his time, and that no girls were interested in an obsessive video-game player. Therefore, he needed to venture into some other activity in order to meet women. James figured he only had two passions in life; the first being the obvious, video games, and the second being...well, video games. Don't hold this against James, though, you need to remember that this was the mid-'90s, and every boy loved games.

James joined the high school film department and borrowed a camera to make his first movie, Attack of the Killer Lesbian Vampire Zombie Girls from Outer Space. This 35-minute short can be viewed on the Cinamassacre website today, and receives quite a few thumbs-and-all-up votes... but back in 1985, this kind of thing was too far ahead of its time. His film teacher, Mr. Smith, deemed it "complete filth and smut", expressing disappointment that wasn't given a part in the movie, and suspended Rolfe from school for 3 weeks.

After that incident, James would continue making short films, each slightly better than the last. In the 11th grade, he remade his original film with a new and younger cast and changed the title to James Rolfe and Mr. Smith Present: Attack of the Killer Bisexual Vampire Zombie Girls from Outer Space do the whole Football team. This time, he received an A++ and a scholarship to TCNJ. He had to use CGI girls, as when he asked female students to star in his movie, they responded "Fuck off, Nerrrrrd."

James excelled in all academic classes and was well on his way to becoming his class's valedictorian with a 4.0 GPA. However, his English class would prove to be his downfall, as his teacher would deduct points for every time he used the words "fuck", "shit", or "ass", often being presented in that order and combined with other words, which resulted in a negative score to his English results, but an A+ in his creative writing classes. Reports are found that James will forever be remembered as the student who apparently was constantly seen shoving Atari 5200 controllers up classmates' bums in the latrine because they could land the plane with ease in the video game Top Gun.

College Nerd


The "Zelda Strip Nights" were wild times in college, according to James.

James spent four years at The College of New Jersey, where he majored in filmmaking. He made several short films, and feature-length film titled Chris Bores Sucks. The movie was about James's built-up anger from his younger days, and was also the first movie he made that was not XXX rated. The film won "Best Runner-Up" at the Sundance Short Film Festival in 2001, coming in second to The Corner of My Bedroom Where Two Walls Meet.

During this time, James also created a short film about him blowing his top off at how terrible certain NES games from his childhood were, titled Angry Nintendo Nerd Tells You Why Castlevania II Sucks. The short was only to be passed around by his friends to warn new-friends that this guy has a short temper and if he doesn't like you, he will invent new words to express his inner hatred towards you.

But it wasn't until May 16, 2004 that, as a joke, a friend of his put the video up on YouTube, and James found his calling in life. To this day, that video has spawned over 5 million views across the world. This was the beginning of how James was going to be able to continue to make pornographic and horror movies for life, without the fear of having to actually go and work a normal job from nine to five... lucky bastard.

To Play the Shitty Games That Suck Ass...for a living


AVGN logo

He's the Angriest Gamer You Ever Heard.

With the phenomenal success of the first viral video, James figured he would make some more videos of himself getting angry at shitty games he hated as a kid. Soon new titles as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, and The Karate Kid followed, each gaining James more and more popularity with internet folk. But it was when he reviewed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles that he went beyond viral. People stopped laughing at how pissed off this guy was, and actually started to find it humorous. A particular line of "Shredder is my balls, and Splinter is my ass" had people rolling on the floor laughing.

I guess you had to be there at the time, it's kinda lost its novelty now, but it did manage to make James' Angry Nintendo Nerd videos go so viral, he became the #1 most viewed YouTube user in six countries, quite an astonishing feat for someone who isn't being viewed because they have gigantic tits. James has gone on to make so many more of these Angry videos and is still going strong... sort of... to this day he has created over 165 of these things.

Irate Gamer Rivalry

Irate Gamer

James and his mom salute the Irate Gamer.

During the time of James' rise to internet fame, he was also receiving attention from other sources on the web. Just after James posted a AVGN video based on Back to the Future the video game, another name from the past emerged on the net as competition for James. Another very similar character popped up who was also reviewing the same game, almost word for word. James received information about this copycat and was angered to see that it was his old Kindergarten arch nemesis, Chris Bore, whom was calling himself, The Irate Gamer.

Chris has caught on to James uprising, and chosen to use his trademark tactics of stealing James' work, and claiming it was his own. Speculation began to spread that James may have been copying Chris, so James filed a complaint to the authorities, but this did him no good, as the FBI just laughed about it saying it was ridicules for 2 grown men to use the internet for anything but porn. James felt he was on his own, and that even with his legion of followers at his beck and call, he couldn't do anything about this by reporting it. This was 2007 mind you, the Internet was not yet available to any schmuck with an iPhone, so few rules and regulations were enforced.

James figured he would have to look back into his past, to the time when they met, and find a solution. James knew he had a problem, and if you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team. Unfortunately, the A-Team was busy trying to stop the motion picture remake of their show, so James had to result to lower tactics, and do something more drastic, more horrifying, and more cunning. He ordered one of the Irate Gamers DVD's, and sure enough, there it was, clear as day, printed right there on the box it was shipped in... The home address of Chris Bore. With a quick Google search, James was able to find the home phone number of Chris Bores, and he did what any other true-blooded American man with a pissed off vendetta to get a no good dirty copy cat son of a bitch with... he got his mom to call Mrs Bore and tattle on her son about what a naughty little cunt her son was.

The day after this harsh event had taken place, Chris's YouTube channel had ceased to accept comments, and he was no longer allowed to make videos. He did, however, post on his website that he had been grounded for 6 years, was sent to bed without supper, and his mother has confiscated his Xbox. James celebrated this well and truly deserved victory by beating up Bugs Bunny in his next video and taking a massive dump on his face. Bugs Bunny was a clear metaphor for Chris Bores, any old fan knows this because the video game being reviewed Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout was not really all that bad of a game as James made out. However, real fans knew what the hidden meaning to the video review was.

Decline in quality


This is what happens when James goes off for a vacation and Mike is left in charge.

The phenomenon of the AVGN soon grew big, and you know what they say: "What goes up, must eventually come down." In 2007, things were going up, but by 2010, it seemed they were finally coming down. James realized this, and began doing AVGN videos once per month instead of once every two weeks. In spite of doubling his per-video production time, the Nerd reviews actually decreased in quality. It became apparent to James that he was running out of ideas for new curse words to make up, I mean, how many times can you combine a bunch of random swear words and expect people to laugh?

Instead of admitting it's hard to come up with fresh material, James posted random, boring, and useless videos that somewhat related to The Nerd, but not quite. He figured this trick out when he realized his Nerd character had brought him so much fame and fortune, that he could upload any old shit to the net, and his die-hard fans would offer to wipe his butt for him. He proved this theory in 2011, when he uploaded a non-Nerd video of him juggling a ball on a split screen camera. The video generated over 3 million hits in the first 6 minutes alone, leaving James to contemplate how to get more money by just bending over at a camera and letting whatever putrid pile of shit flows out for his obsessed fans to enjoy.

Since 2012, James has posted hundreds of cheap "Nerd Lite" videos of him and his effeminate friend Mike McGay sitting around and laughing about shit nobody cares about. His fans are too stupid to realize this is not Classic Nerd, but instead 15 minutes of boring and useless crap as James and his friend laugh at how dumb something is, without the comical aspect of what made him a star. These videos are more like a reality TV show of how boring James's life is, and how the people he hangs around with are, well, just not funny in the slightest. For a short period while James was on vacation, Mike took over the videos. One notable video featured him discussing with Inspector Gadget how to build with brown bricks in the game Miney Crafta. Yeah.

If the videos posted are not of the aforementioned, then they're old footage from years ago as James sits around and scratches his balls for an hour, or a video he made of his cat where he lifts up it's back tail. James also created other videos that only diehard fans would enjoy, such as You Wanna Know What's Bulllllshit? where he would rave on for an hour about how hard it is for him to open the flaps on orange juice cartons, or how a hamburger contains no actual ham and invents words they should be called, such as: shit burger, ass burger, fuck burger, cunt burger, bitch burger and burger-burger. It was clear to most viewers James was losing his creativity with inventing more intriguing and subtle word replacements.

Making a Movie

In 2011, AVGN was inspired to make a movie based on the AVGN. However, the ad revenue he earned from, Cinemassacre, YouTube, GameTrailers and ScrewAttack wasn't enough to fund it, so he solicited donations from his fans, earning $75,000 in less than ten days. Soon, he requested even more moolah, in case the AVGN movie was successful enough to have a sequel. In the end, James collected a grand total of $300,000, with many fans expressing disappointment that they weren't able to donate more. Jealous haters believed James would take money and run without delivering a movie, but true fans held out hope.

James was so overjoyed that he promised his fans a "Thank You" video for all of their efforts. A couple of hours later, Cinemassacre posted a video of James (surprisingly not in-character as the AVGN) reviewing the N64 game Elmo's Number Journey. The "review" was of...disappointing quality to say the least.

Kickstarter Nightmare

On August 6, 2012, James uploaded a video advertising an old man's Kickstarter to help patch an NES game called Cheetahmen II, requiring $65,000 in donations. The idea was considered a scam by many, since there were already ROM hacks that patched the game years ago, for free no less. For donating $60, you get your own copy of a patched Cheetahmen II reproduction cart. Whoopee do.

Most AVGN fans donated the cause because James supported it, and the project received a grand total of $94,270. However, not all fans were so complicit, and disliked the video while leaving negative comments. Mike McGay at first attempted to reason with the fans, then disabled comments and ratings altogether. Many videos were made to fuel this drama, and you know that you've screwed up badly when even the Irate Gamer is making fun of you.

The Cheetahmen II video still retains the Kickstarter link in its description, and there are also Cheetahmen ads plastered all over the Cinemassacre homepage. This is all despite Mike saying "We don't support this cause."

The End (?)

In 2014, James retired the AVGN character completely by releasing his movie, then uploading it to YouTube one year after its release. Then slowly over time upload the bonus features, then create a commentary track, probably with a friend next to him who had nothing to do with the movie, then post all the outtakes before realizing he has nothing left to upload and resorts to just posting videos of himself eating dinner and enjoying the comments from his fans as they reply with things like "I love seeing this guy eat, I eat alphabet spaghetti too, mmmm yum, I feel a connection with James now" and other things like; "James, you should post the recipe, that cheese on toast looks awesome!"... then as expected, James will post a video of himself jacking off over the comments his starved for entertainment legion of fans has for every little move he makes, and every piece of shit he uploads.



On September 2, 2014, Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie was released to the joy of thousands of adoring fans to rent on Vimeo. It follows AVGN on his quest to review E.T. for the Atari 2600, the "worst game ever made." The film was surprisingly panned by critics, mainly for its amateur green screen effects, unfunny/nonsensical plot, wooden acting, and inconsistent pacing.

Hardcore AVGN fans defended the movie, stating it was "intentionally bad" to be a throwback to '50s sci-fi B-movies. Still, this begs the question of what James spent the remainder of his $300,000 on. Obviously he didn't need that extra cash, if he was just going to make a cheap movie. So either James just isn't a very good director, or he chose to piss all over his fans and call it rain. Which do you believe?

Video game

In 2013, enthusiastic Steam users greenlit Angry Video Game Nerd Adventures, a game where you play as The Nerd, while shooting—though oddly enough, not shitting on—enemies. The game is done in retro style, complete with 8-bit graphics and sound effects replicated from famous NES games.


With his donation drive coming to an end, James coincidentally decided to sell plushies of him and his side-character Shit Pickle for $18 each, further capitalizing off his success. It's pretty obvious that his fans bought these by the hundreds. What's next, Glitch Gremlin dildos?


Stop trying to be the Angry Video Game Nerd.

~ AVGN Nazis on anything related to an online commentary for a video game.

AVGN has one of the most unique fan bases in the world. They no longer care if it is James is the Angry Nintendo Nerd, or that he changed it to The Angry Video Game Nerd because Nintendo games were not the only console that made shitty games. Nope, his fans are so dedicated now that James could just have two shitty CGI graphics fighting in space, call it Star Wars 7: Fuck Hope, and fans would not only vote it 5 of 5 stars, but think it was even better then the George Lucas originals. "Nerd Nazi" is the term used for all those AVGN fans online who flame and cuss out anyone who uploads a video onto the net with any sort of commentary or review for a video game. Apparently, James is the only person allowed to do such things these days.

AVGN fanboys are well-known for their stunning lack of a sense of irony. Be it the Irate Gamer, Alexander4488 or whomever, they're quick to call anyone who does video game rants or reviews that are even the faintest bit reminiscent of the Nerd's videos a "rip-off" or a "plagiarist". It seems lost on them that the Angry Video Game Nerd does not hold a patent on this style of review, and himself does trite Game Grumps-style videos, yet no one accuses the Nerd of the same because only his fans are such epic retards. If what they were saying was the case, every Let's Play video game reviewer would be a rip-off of the person who created the first video of its kind.

See also

Personal tools
In other languages