ADMIN BABIES SMACK DOWN
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Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to our annual ADMIN BABIES SMACK DOWN. Yes yes! Forget the WWF, scorn the WCE spit in the face of Taliban, this is where the action REALLY HAPPENS!
With me in this historical broadcast I have my usual sidekick and radio commentator extraordinaire, Hezekiah Zamenhof. Say hello, Hezekiah!
Good evening everyone, I'm thrilled to meet you all in this historical evening when the baby poop will really hit the proverbial fan.
Thanks you Hezekiah. Also with me is Mathilde Musharef, best looking Pakistani on the planet and an international expert on babyhood. Say hello Mathilde.
خوب همه شب ، من خوشحالم که اینجا!
What was that Farsi? What are you on drugs? Shut the fuck up.
And I'm and will always be your loyal anchor, Ishmael Zaklahwi.
So in this glorious evening we have two participants, both aspiring to win the most coveted prize in the field of baby smacking. I can hear that the referee is about to introduce them, so I'll put a sock in it and let you listen.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Tonight we have a special treat, two well known and favorable admins both demanding satisfaction. On the LEFT CORNER, we have the ever popular the tea drinking-mad spelling-baby hugging UNDER USER. Weighting 0.9 stones, wearing a pink nappy and waving a small rattler in a menacing fashion his weapon of choice is the lovely UUETTE!
And on the RIGHT CORNER, the Zionist conspirator, the power hungry banning machine, MORDILLO with his weapon of choice, MORDILLON, weighing 6 Kgs of menace, equipped with a blue nappy and what seems to be a cushion shaped like a star.
Indeed Ishmael, tonight's competitors have been aiming for this show down for a while now, both believing they are superior to the other one's baby of choice. I think that for the first time...
Yes thank you very much Hezekiah, now shut the fuck up.
Ladies and gentlemen, the ref is about the hit the gong, I think I'll keep out for now and let the game speak for itself. Let THE BABIES LOOSE!
(a large gong is being heard, both babies begin to cry)
AND THEY'RE OFF! UU is approaching Mordillo with a murderous look in his eyes, and UUette is preparing some nasty surprise it seems that..OH! SHE SPAT ON MORDILLO! WHAT A STARTING MOVE! MORDILLO SEEMS TO STAGGER BACK ALMOST LOSING HIS BALANCE! WHAT A START FOR THE UU CORNER!
Mordillo seems to regain his balance, staggering backwards he's seems to be aiming Mordillon at UU OH! MY GOD! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE BABY JUST PUKED ALL OVER UU! UU IS COVERED WITH PARTIALLY DIGESTED BABY FORMULA! THE CROWED IS WILD!
Seems that UU has managed to brush himself a bit, and he's now walking forwards with death in his eyes, he seems to be playing around with something behind his back and he...what is that? I CANNOT BELIEVE IT! HE THREW A LOADED NAPPY AT DILLO'S FACE! DILLO IS FALLING TO THE GROUND SCREAMING! The ref is counting backwards...Can Mordillo pull his poop together? YES! HE GETS UP, barely.
Wait? What is Mordillo doing? He pulls a string attached to the above mentioned cushioned star and the star...what is this? OH NOES! THE STAR STARTS PLAYING Für Elise! UU puts one hand on his ears as the other one is holding UUette, but it doesn't help! He's bleeding from his ears the poor bastard!
The pace is picking up ladies and gentlemen, UU gets up from the floor and he turns the baby around and aims her bottom towards Mordillo, Mordillo is trying to shield his eyes but it is TOO LATE! A FULL BLOWN FART STRAIGHT TO HIS EYES!
Mordillo is staggering around partially blind, and UU is using the opportunity to let UUette release a string of AGAGAFGUGUGUBABA into Mordillo's ears, and he's DOWN! HE'S DOWN LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WHAT A FIGHT!
Mordillo is still holding on one foot and he...oh my god! THAT HAS TO BE AN ILLEGAL MOVE! Ladies and gentlemen, Mordillo REMOVES MORDILLON'S DIAPER! HE IS AIMING AT UUs AND HE RELEASES ALL SAFETIES! A STREAM OF BABY PEE-PEE HITS UU's POOPER! BOTH ADMINS ARE STAGGERING! BOTH ARE DOWN! THE CROWED GOES INSANE!
Both babies seem quite content with themselves as their fathers wiggle on the ground drenched with pee-pee, poo-poo, dirty diapers, rattlers and other dangerous baby toys.
Let's ask the proud fathers how do they feel following this outrageous battle.
MISTER UU! MISTER UU! A WORD PLEASE! HOW IS IT BEING DRENCHED IN BABY BODILY FLUIDS AND DIRTY DIAPERS?
Just another day in the office.
Mordillo? Anything for the pages of history?
Yeah, bloody babies. They're bliss.