AC/DC
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
The Prince of Darkness — the ultimate purveyor of all things wicked, vile, and malevolent — has personally reviewed this article. The submitter and all subsequent editors are damned to eternal torment in hellfire
Considering selling your soul? For great rates call 1-800-666-EVIL.
“Show me a song these guys wrote that does not deal with beer, sex, or partying, and I'll show you a cock-sucker from Guatemala.”
~ Oscar Wilde on AC/DC's lyrical choice
“That little fucker stole my dance move!”
~ Chuck Berry on Angus Young's duck walk.
“Hell, even i know AC/DC does not need a bass player”
~ Cliff Williams on AC/DC
“Hope They Don't Mind I Covered "Back In Black"!”
~ Micheal Jackson statement from his latest album to be released 2010
| |
|---|---|
|
| |
| Years Active | 666 A.C. to 4053 D.C |
| Genre(s) | Cock stompin' rock n roll |
| Label(s) | Atlantis Records - 1666 - present |
| Members | Brian Johnson (drunken Geordie lout, brother of Elmo) Angus Young (escaped from Cherrynole home for the mentally challenged) Malcolm Young (The one whose bulge is always protruding from his nutsack) Cliff Williams (inaudible) Phil Rudd (closet homosexual) George Young (absent) Abhinandan Nandi (What crystal meth lab?) |
| Former Members | Dave Evans (never mind) Bon Scott (HE'S DEAD) Engelbert Humperdinck (Tenor Sax) |
AC/DC are a rock band from Hell (a short drive down the highway from Sydney formed in 1973 by brothers Bill Clinton and Mohammad Ali, both aspiring folk singers. They were influenced by Chuck Berry's classic technique of writing the same song 40,000 times. They are notable for being Australia's second highest-earning entertainers, behind The Wiggles, and also for the fact that they have been wearing the same clothes for close to 40 years, as part of a world record-breaking attempt to break the world-record for having no sense of vogue. Also they rock harder than you ever will, which of course as we all know is true.
[edit] God creates AC/DC, and lives to regret it
According to the latest studies, AC/DC was created by God on the 666th day. When asked after wards why he would create such an awful thing, God replied, "It seemed like a good idea at the time...". Experts believe that He was in fact drunk when he made AC/DC with a blood alcohol reading of 27.5 that was obtained when his son had a few friends over and wanted him to do a few party tricks on a keg of water.
This evidence means that AC/DC out-dates everything in the universe except God - even the Rolling Stones or <insert name here>'s mom. AC/DC is even old enough to have been around before the creation of Light, when all the world was darkness. Some experts believe that this is the cause of the band's high voltage power: its ability to tap into the primordial darkness and so summon dark demons to enhance their rockiness. (plus virgin sacrifices live on stage attract ticket sales, as there mentor Alice Cooper taught them) AC/DC has the power to raise and lower their age at will, hence why they've survived for so long. Currently they are about 60 years old, but will soon convert themselves to 31 again.
[edit] The Early Years
In the earliest days of AC/DC, a man named Dave Evans was the lead singer, if you can believe it. He sucked really bad and no one liked the band because of him. Then one day, Dave and his brother Mark (who was AC/DC's first bassist) were giving offerings to the Gods of Rock. Dave offered his vocals and Mark offered a sweet Bass solo. When God preferred Mark's offering, Dave became angry and killed him. AC/DC soon found out, because they see all, sort of like Santa. When they asked Dave where Mark was, he replied, "Am I my brother's keeper?" This really pissed off AC/DC and they drove Dave out of the Garden of Rock and sent him to the Land of Nod, also known as the Land of Lousy, Pussy, No-Balls, Punk Shit, where Dave developed a way too much eyeliner addiction and died of it. The moral of the story is to never, ever piss off AC/DC.
Then AC/DC needed to find a new singer. Because no one could be worse than Dave and because they didn't really care about their music being good anyway, AC/DC decided to make Bon Scott, formerly the band's unofficial drunk and official bitch, into their new singer. Nobody ever forgot this moment, because it was just so important... except Bon, who was piss-drunk at the time and remembers nothing about it, even to this day, tho he's dead now, so he probably wouldn't remember much if you ask him.
The next victims of AC/DC were everyone. When the band released their first album "Songs About Beer and Sex", almost nobody bought it because it sucked. But then, when nobody liked their second album, "More Songs About Beer and Sex", AC/DC had had it. Their solution was for Bon Scott to drink so much that his piss would flood the world. Bon drank so much that he pissed for 40 days and 40 nights, and then he gave up sex for Lent. Everybody died from the piss flood, except Noah, who was saved because he liked AC/DC's music, Tupac and Fidel Castro, because those pricks will just never die.
The band wasn't much of a success until they released their cover version of Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven", known to us as "Highway to Hell". To avoid plagiarism, they decided to play the song forwards (as opposed to Led Zeppelin's backwards version), and they missed out the most famous verse of (backwards) "If there's a bustle in your hedgerow" or (forwards) "Hey Satan, Pay My Dues"!!!" or something like that.
[edit] Slightly Less Early, But Still Relatively Early, Days
By 8000 BC, AC/DC had succeeded in discovering fire, inventing the wheel, crafting tools out of stone and copper, and creating civilization in Mesopotamia. But this did not please them, as it did not involve sex and beer. For this reason, AC/DC decided to give up the process of civilizing mankind and become full-time rockers. After several failed albums, the band was broke and began to worry that they would never hit it big. These were the hard times for AC/DC. They had no money and could not afford to pay their rent, causing Bon Scott to develop the Down Payment Blues. Since they only wrote one song in their lives, AC/DC had nothing else to do besides wait around to be millionaires. Scott later recalled that this "ain't no fun".
Finally, AC/DC had commercial success with the sale of their mothers. Now with some money in their pockets, AC/DC could afford to drink (lots of) beer and hire (lots of) hookers. They quickly burned through all their money, and were forced to re-record their one song nine (9) times on the album Dirty Deeds Done With Midgets. After this album failed to sell a single copy, AC/DC renamed it Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep, and it went Platinum due to it becoming an New Zealand love song. Later on again it was re-recorded as Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap and finally just cut down to Shake A Leg then again later they played the song way out of tune so much that it sounded like it was in a different key, and figured they would it, "Squealer"
Following this latest success, AC/DC quickly made three more albums, Let There Be Beer, Beer-age, and "Ridin' Down The Highwat To Hell, To The Liqour Store, Stopping For The Munchies, And Picking Up Some Whores" (later Renamed "Long Way To The Top"), which all consisted of their one song. While these albums attracted millions of fans, they also helped alienate many music critics, who described the group as "the Antichrist" (Rolling Stone), "the worst sound since Paris Hilton decided to release an album" ([[The Rolling Stones]), and "shit, absolute fucking shit" (Jesus). AC/DC's response to these comments was, "Fuck you, gotta beer?" and "Say it one more time and are going to plant a tree in your moms ass so we can fuck it in the shade" Unfortunately, this line had already been copyrighted by Sean Connery. However, MC Hammer enjoyed their music, and it often made him dance.
[edit] Hitting It Big
On a road trip south of Hell on the final leg of there "Don't Piss On A High Voltage Box" 1979 tour, AC/DC's bus hit a road sign and curved off the road into the Berlin Wall. AC/DC then had inspiration to write a song about it called, "The Wall" but then thought, "euhh, fuck it, lets do another High Voltage album" as both Pink Floyd and Princess Diana had already had huge hits with The Wall anyway.
But there was still more to come. Lots more.
[edit] Bon Voyage
With the success with the single "I Had Sex With 10 Women At Once", those British pussies, The Clash, became jealous and decided to kill Bon Scott after AC/DC hosting a kick-ass show, and Bon blowing out his voice box and banging 9 17-year old girls, (it was an off night) Scott was ambushed by the Clash. They forced him to drink massive amount of alcohol, and after that only seemed to give him energy, they shoved a microphone down his throat, which caused him to vomit. He then proceeded to choke on said vomit, although there was some controversy as they can't prove whose vomit it was....you can't dust for vomit.
When Angus and Malcolm learned of this they were outraged. They prayed to the God of Rock for revenge. The God of Rock, who was a big fan of AC/DC, granted them their wish; The Clash's career was ruined, they never produced another album, and were more or less stricken from the Torah of rock. However, the brothers weren't satisfied, they captured the Clash, challenged them to a Rock-Off, and whoever the god of rock favored would become the greatest band in the world. The loser would be sent to the depths of hell to be the devil's bitch, or be signed up as Britney Spears back up dancers. Either way, a torturing punishment none the less.
After a mediocre rendition of London Calling by the Clash, the Young Brothers proceeded in playing the greatest song in the history of the world. It was so good, that Chuck Norris himself started tapping his foot. The Clash, faced with the pure awesomeness of the song, were reduced to ash, and sent to hell. The brothers, realizing the power this song had, taught it to two other rockers, and vowed never to play it again. Those two rockers later formed the band Tenacious D. The song itself helped them in a confrontation with a demon, but because of excessive use of marijuana, cocaine, speed, heroin, meth, and beaver tranquilizer, they later forgot the song. (some sources say Britney Spears found it, covered it, and fucked it up)
[edit] Brian Johnson
A New Hope
In 1980, with Bon Scott dead and Alderan destroyed, AC/DC turned to Scottish screamer Brian Johnson, who was their only hope. While no one could ever duplicate Scott's unique and legendary sound, Brain Johnson is considered by many critics to be just as shitty as Bon. However, as opposed to Bon's natural abrasive sound, Johnson had to drink 7 oz of whiskey, and smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day in order to create his 'just gargled with rusty nails' sound. AC/DC hired him immediately. That same year, Brian and AC/DC released yet another album, Back in Rehab. This included such classics as "Hell's Beer", "What Do You Do For Beer Honey", "Shake a Keg", "You Shouted Me All Night Long", "Have a Drink on Me" and the classic hit "Back in (weird gargling sounds)" (which was the bands favourite song).
Johnson was worried that the subject matter of beer and sex with loose women would offend the rest of the band, when in fact, they were offended that he included the song Rock 'N Roll Ain't Noise Pollution, as it DIDN'T have to do with sex and beer. It is the only documented occasion where AC/DC recorded a song different than their original.
Inspired by the success of the album, which Jesus said was 'The greatest piece of shit since Windows 98', Johnson immediately began preparing for the next album by drink the county of Lynchburg dry, and smoking so much that it caused a shortage in the United States. Angus and Malcolm began to write songs for the new album, and by write songs I mean rerecord the one song they had, mixing it up in different keys and slowing it down, or speeding it up.
The next album to arrive with Brian Johnson was For Those About To Drink(We Prefer Beer) reaching #1 all over the world and AC/DC where able to make so much fucking money now that they bought 7 small countries to stock there kegs with that would allow them to not bother to record something worth a shit until they had consumed all that beer, it seemed like a lifetimes supply, but this is AC/DC, and the kegs where all but gone by 1990.
But before getting to far ahead, back to the release of "For Those Who Are Able To See In The Dark, Help Me Find My Shoes" it was this time in a drunken frenzy, Brian, Angus and Malcolm hijacked a battery of canons being transported for dismantlement. They decided to fire the canons during the middle of one of their songs. On the following tour, they brought their canons with them, and fired them into the crowd once the band got drunk enough to think it was cool. Many were deafened, some were annoyed, the rest where just blown to smithereens, in which bits of floating body parts would flutter around the room for several minutes, which was enjoyed by everyone, except Alice Cooper who was pissed he had never thought of that and instead used chicken feathers from a pillow.
[edit] Running On Empty
The mid to late 1980's where the time for AC/DC to just kick back, as they didn't have to do anything. They would often just be found pissing into the microphones and calling it an album, just to let people know they where still alive and kicking. But in 1990 Malcolm had drunk the last of the kegs and they knew they would have to write something to rake the money in, as Malcolm's biggest phobia was being sober. The band tried to put there heads together, and come up with a new song that didn't sound so much like the other one they had been recycling, They ended up doing that anyway, and wrote a tune called, "It's Always Happy Hour Somewhere" and another "You can only drink on days that end in Y" but it was by shear accident as Malcolm had just drunk the last of the kegs that he mistook an amplifier for the toilet and caused a highvoltage sensation straight up his pee hole that launched him several feet back through the air and hurtling him across the ground.
When the other members rushed to his rescue, Malcolm said, "Wow, felt like I was struck by Thunder" and a light went off inside the minds of AC/DC for the song would re-launch there careers and fill there cooler rooms with more keg n piss then they could have ever imagined.
They got Satan himself to come in and produce the song, then recycled that same few songs over as the filler tracks, and hence the return of AC/DC blew stereos all over the world again with there new hit "Chunderstruck"
[edit] Some Inspirational Bullshit Title To Be Put Here To Give It A Happy Go Lucky Ending
AC/DC went on to do a few more albums, and a few live shows, but have made so much money from the single if Chunderstruck that it will be a good 10 years before they need money to top up there beer supplies with the help of a new smash hit.
This did happen, as AC/DC stumbled around drunk for a few years in hiatus worrying about the last 12billion kegs lasting till Christmas, before releasing an album called, "Back In ... Black In... Ice?..... fuck it, Highvoltage vol 100" which was just another rendition of the same 3 songs worked on again, but in this day and age, people would rather that sort of thing then have to put up with the likes of crap coming out these days.... so AC/DC will have enough kegs to last them well into 2015, before we hear from them again on their next album.
[edit] Hall Of Fame
In 2006 AC/DC where inducted into the WWE Hall Of Fame. Which is a pretty big achievement for the band as they have never wrestled a day in there life. It happened when they where supposed to be inducted into the Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame but where so drunk they stumbled into the wrong venue, but because they're AC/DC, Vince McMahon inducted them anyway saying, "Brings us more publicity then the likes of Randy fucking Savage"
[edit] What Does AC/DC Mean?
It's unknown to anyone what it actually stands for, but here are the things people have suggested over the years.
- Alternate Current / Direct Current
- Anti Christ / Devil's Child(ren)
- Alice Cooper / Drinks Chicken-Blood
- Ass Cream / Dick Cheese
- Angus Can't / Do C-major
- Anal Cheese / Dick Cement
- Ass Cock / Dick Cock
- Angus Can / Do Chuck-Berry's-Duck-Walk-Better-Then-Chuck-Can
- Al Capone / Died Chicago
- Aye Cee / Dee Sea
- A Cunt's / Douche Candy
[edit] Discography
- 74 Jailbreak (1974)
- 75 Jailbreak (1975)
- 76 Jailbreak (1976)
- 77 Jailbreak (1977)
- 79 Jailbreak (Oh shit, we forgot to make one last year, lads) (1979)
- High Voltage (1973)
- I Love Rockin Roll (1974) (later re-titled to "Highvoltage 2")
- Dirty High Voltage Deeds Done With Sheep (1975)
- High Voltage 3 (1976)
- Let There Be High Voltage 4 (1977)
- High Voltage (live) (1978)
- Higvoltage To Hell (1979)
- Back On Smack (1980)
- For Those About To Buy High Voltage 5 (1981)
- Flick On The Highvoltage 6 (1983)
- Low Voltage (bootleg) (1984)
- High On The Volatage (1985)
- High Made Volatage (1986)
- Not So High Voltage, But Still Pretty High (1987)
- Extremely highly medium voltage (1987)
- Highvoltage Up My Video (1988)
- Voltage That's Not High (1988)
- High Voltage 666 (1989)
- A/DC (Whoops we missed a letter) (1989)
- AC/DC presents... The Songs of Barry Manilow(1989)
- We Tried To Name This Something Other Then High Voltage (1988)
- The Highvoltage Razor (1990)
- High Voltage vol 12(live in Berlin) (1990)
- High Voltage vol 18(live vol. 2) (1992)
- Highvoltage Ballsmasher (1995)
- Bong Water & HighVoltage Without The Voltage Bit(1995)
- High Voltage to your TV! (VH1 sessions) (1996)
- High Voltage (boxset edition) (1997)
- High Voltage 28 (2000)
- Highvoltage Stiff Lower Hip (2000)
- Best Of High Voltage (2002)
- Medium Voltage (2004)
- Low Voltage (2005)
- No Voltage (2006)
- High Voltage 29 (2008)
- Black... in black... back..ice...? just kidding, its Highvoltage 30 (2009)
- High Voltage 10 (2009) An upcoming "best of" to be released to coincide with the ending of their current world tour of the same name.
- Led Zeppelin IV (2009)
- 10,000 Volts In My Ballsack (2009)
- A Selection of Voltages...Mainly High.. (2010)
- High Voltage (For the last freaking time... hopefully) (2011)
- Power... Ah Fuck, Who Are We Kidding, Its Called 'High Voltage'! (2112)
- High Voltage (2114) (Are You Sick Of This Yet?)
- High Voltage Unplugged (2115)
- Abbey Road (1571)
[edit] Related Articles
- Angus Young
- Malcolm Young
- Neil Young
- The Young Ones
- The Young & The Restless
- Young Talent Time
- Gary Oldman
- Bon Scott
- Brian Johnson
- Cliff Williams
- Phil Rudd
- Dave Evans
- George Harrison
- Chuck Berry
- Chuck Norris
- Richard Simmons
- Big Bird
- Jesus/Satan
- Gary Coleman
- Martha Stewart
