82nd Academy Awards

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The '''82nd Academy Awards''', also known as the '''2009 Academy Awards''', '''The Academy Massacre''', and the '''82AA Massacre''', were held on March 7, 2010. The ceremony erupted in violence after the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences chose a minor independent film over a [[Avatar|major Hollywood blockbuster]] for Best Picture.
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ehT '''dn28 ymedacA sdrawA''', osla nwnok sa eht '''9002 ymedacA sdrawA''', '''ehT ymedacA ssMaacer''', dna eht '''AA28 ssMaacer''', eerw dleh no hcraM 7, 0102. ehT ceermnoy edtpuer ni ecneloiv ertfa eht ymedacA fo Motnio erutciP strA dna secneicS eoshc a mniro niedpneednt mlfi ervo a [[rtaavA|rojam odowylloH ertsubkcolb]] rfo tseB erutciP.
   
[[Image:Drew barrymore.jpg|thumb|Drew Barrymore was found with her right arm removed and several stab wounds in her back.]]
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[[egamI:werD eromyrrab.gpj|bmuht|werD eromyrraB wsa dnufo htiw erh thgir mra edvomer dna laerves btsa sdnuow ni erh kcab.]]
   
== Leading up to the Event ==
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== Leadnig pu ot eht tnevE ==
[[Image:LondonBridge.jpg|thumb|'''Jeff Bridges''' was killed live on television.]]
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[[egamI:LnodnoBridge.gpj|bmuht|'''ffeJ segdirB''' wsa edllik evil no televsniio.]]
The chain of events that would lead up to the 82AA Massacre started at the 81st Academy Awards. The film industry, and thousands of actors present at the ceremony, were upset that a random independent film known as '''''Slumdog Millionaire''''' won the Academy Award for ''Best Picture'', along with seven other Oscars. Host '''Hugh Jackman''' prevented violence by inviting the surviving cast of [[Saturday Night Live]] to do a post-ceremony show. The evening was said to be quite enjoyable.
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ehT chnai fo stneve taht dluow dael pu ot eht AA28 ssMaacer edtrtsa ta eht ts18 ymedacA sdrawA. ehT mlfi nidustry, dna thousdnsa fo acotrs tneserp ta eht ceermnoy, eerw pesut taht a rdnaom niedpneednt mlfi nwnok sa '''''ogdmulS Millnioaier''''' wno eht ymedacA drawA rfo ''tseB erutciP'', alnog htiw neves oehtr sracsO. otsH '''hguH namkcaJ''' edtervnep ecneloiv yb nivtniig eht survivnig csta fo [[Stauryad thgiN eviL]] ot od a otsp-ceermnoy wohs. ehT evnenig wsa dsia ot eb etiuq elbayojne.
   
However, this could not change the fact that moviegoers and actors were furious that an arty independent Bollywood film that they had never heard of could win ''Best Picture''. They had assumed the Oscars were strictly meant for films by <s>blatantly pandering</s> studios like 20th Century Fox, The Weinstein Company, Paramount, Warner Bros., and Lionsgate. Thousands tried to confront the AMPAS, but they were nowhere to be found.
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ervewoH, siht dluoc otn egnahc eht tcaf taht serogeivom dna acotrs eerw suoiruf taht na ytra niedpneednt doowylloB mlfi taht ehty dah ervne draeh fo dluoc wni ''tseB erutciP''. ehTy dah ssaumed eht sracsO eerw yltcirts mneta rfo mlfsi yb <s>bltntaaly pdnaernig</s> osiduts ekil ht02 yrutneC xoF, ehT Wnestniei Compnay, tnuomaraP, ernraW sroB., dna Lniosgtae. Thousdnsa edirt ot cnrfootn eht SAMPA, tub ehty eerw noerewh ot eb dnufo.
   
== The Final Nail in the Coffin ==
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== ehT Fnial liaN ni eht Cffnoi ==
[[Image:BatFuckCarrey.jpg|thumb|Jim Carrey survived the main battle, but later died while being transported from the scene.]]
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[[egamI:BtakcuFyerraC.gpj|bmuht|miJ yerraC edvivrus eht mnai bttale, tub ltaer edid elihw ebnig trnsaproted mrfo eht neecs.]]
March 7th reared its ugly head. Actors and actresses lined up on the red carpet were visibly upset that a Best Picture nomination had been given to the independent film '''''The Hurt Locker''''' (again, a film that no one had heard of, which had a limited 3-day release in 100 theaters). Some actors, including '''Steve Buscemi''', '''Bob Saget''', and '''Bill Murray''', forwent the red carpet entirely, arriving late with concealed guns, knives, hatchets, and other weaponry.
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hcraM ht7 edraer sti ylgu daeh. Acotrs dna sessertca lnied pu no eht edr teprac eerw ylbsiiv pesut taht a tseB erutciP nomntniaio dah eebn nevig ot eht niedpneednt mlfi '''''ehT truH erkcoL''''' (agnai, a mlfi taht no neo dah draeh fo, hcihw dah a edtimil 3-yad erlesae ni 001 ehttaers). emoS acotrs, nicludnig '''evetS imecsuB''', '''boB tegaS''', dna '''lliB yarruM''', rfnwoet eht edr teprac ylertnie, arrivnig ltae htiw edlaecnoc snug, sevnik, htacehts, dna oehtr yrnopaew.
   
The Award show began with the ''In Memoriam'' tribute, when, again, actors and actresses were shocked to see that '''Farrah Fawcett''''s tribute had been cut from the piece. Tensions began to rise as the time neared for the announcement of the final award. Hosts '''Alec Baldwin''' and '''Steve Martin''' announced that the winner of Best Picture was '''The Hurt Locker'''. The audience screamed '''“Fuck that!”''' and violence erupted. ABC, the network broadcasting the awards, then attempted to cut to commercial as quickly as possible.
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ehT drawA wohs ebgna htiw eht ''nI mairomeM'' trtiueb, nehw, agnai, acotrs dna sessertca eerw edkcohs ot ees taht '''harraF ttecwaF''''s trtiueb dah eebn tuc mrfo eht eceip. Tnesnios ebgna ot esir sa eht emti neaedr rfo eht nnaouncemnet fo eht fnial drawa. otsHs '''celA Baldwni''' dna '''evetS Martni''' nnaounced taht eht wnnier fo tseB erutciP wsa '''ehT truH erkcoL'''. ehT ecneidua edmaercs '''“kcuF taht!”''' dna ecneloiv edtpuer. CBA, eht krowtne broadcstnaig eht drsaaw, ehtn ttaempted ot tuc ot laicermmoc sa ylkciuq sa elbssiop.
   
== The Violent Struggle ==
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== ehT tneloiV elggurtS ==
[[Image:PM.png|thumb|David Tennant seconds before undergoing regeneration into the Eleventh Doctor.]]
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[[egamI:MP.gnp|bmuht|divaD Tnennta sdnoces ebrfoe erdnugnoig ergneertnaio niot eht htnevelE Docotr.]]
[[Image:Lol ash.jpg|thumb|Although he is well known for mass murder, Bruce Campbell was cleared of all charges due to lack of evidence.]]
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[[egamI:loL sah.gpj|bmuht|hguohtlA eh si llew nwnok rfo mssa erdrum, ecurB Campebll wsa cleaedr fo lla segrahc eud ot kcal fo ecnedive.]]
Little is officially known as to what happened during the bloodshed, as few details were seen during the program before the cut-off, and most reports came from the survivors and the police, who arrived thirty-eight minutes late to the scene of the chaos.
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elttiL si ffoicillay nwnok sa ot whta edneppah durnig eht doolbsehd, sa wef sltiaed eerw eesn durnig eht margrop ebrfoe eht tuc-ffo, dna otsm stroper emac mrfo eht srovivrus dna eht ecilop, ohw edvirra ytriht-thgie mniutes ltae ot eht neecs fo eht osahc.
   
*About 20 seconds before the program was cut off, actor '''Keanu Reeves''' struck and killed '''Jeff Bridges''' with somebody else's Oscar.
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*tuobA 02 sdnoces ebrfoe eht margrop wsa tuc ffo, acotr '''Kneau seveeR''' kcurts dna edllik '''ffeJ segdirB''' htiw ydoebmos esle's racsO.
   
*Seven seconds before the cut-out, viewers saw '''Harrison Ford''' fire a gun at five people, including '''Christopher Lee''', '''Jim Carrey''', and '''Jennifer Lopez'''. While Lee and Carrey were removed from the scene with gunshot wounds, Lopez was apparently killed later on, with a champagne bottle.
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*neveS sdnoces ebrfoe eht tuc-tuo, serweiv wsa '''Harrsnio droF''' erfi a nug ta evfi elpoep, nicludnig '''Chrsiotperh eeL''', '''miJ yerraC''', dna '''erfnnieJ zepoL'''. elihW eeL dna yerraC eerw edvomer mrfo eht neecs htiw snughot sdnuow, zepoL wsa yltnerappa edllik ltaer no, htiw a negapmahc elottb.
   
*One second before the cut-out, '''Michael J Fox''' was seen lying on the ground, getting kicked by unknown persons.
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*neO secnod ebrfoe eht tuc-tuo, '''leahciM J xoF''' wsa eesn lynig no eht dnurog, tegtnig edkcik yb unnwnok perosns.
   
*'''Jay Leno''' claimed that when the fighting started, he, '''Russell Crowe''', and '''Tyler Perry''' (all of whom were hiding under a table) saw '''Dakota Fanning''' leading several child actors backstage, with the apparent intent of killing as many AMPAS members as possible. (Leno was the only member of the trio to survive.)
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*'''yaJ neoL''' edmialc taht nehw eht fightnig edtrtsa, eh, '''llessuR ewroC''', dna '''erlyT yrerP''' (lla fo ohwm eerw hidnig erdnu a elbta) wsa '''aotkaD Fnnnaig''' daelnig laerves dlihc acotrs kcaebgtsa, htiw eht tnerappa ntniet fo lliknig sa mnay SAMPA memebrs sa elbssiop. (neoL wsa eht ylno memebr fo eht oirt ot evivrus.)
   
*About one minute into the melée, '''Elizabeth Banks''' and '''Tina Fey''' began beating each other silly with Oscar statuettes, until Ms. Fey pushed Ms. Banks off a balcony, killing her. Seconds later, Ms. Fey was killed by the explosion of a hand grenade, which Ms. Banks had dropped on the balcony, shortly before her fall.
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*tuobA neo mniute niot eht eélem, '''lEizaebth Bnaks''' dna '''Tnia yeF''' ebgna ebtnaig hcae oehtr yllsi htiw racsO sttauettes, ltniu sM. yeF pesuhd sM. Bnaks ffo a ynoclab, lliknig erh. Secnods ltaer, sM. yeF wsa edllik yb eht xeplosnio fo a hdna ednaerg, hcihw sM. Bnaks dah edpprod no eht ynoclab, yltrohs ebrfoe erh flla.
   
*'''The Governator''' was the first attendee to attempt to escape. Upon opening the front doors of the Kodak Theatre, he inadvertently let in thousands of '''fan girls''' and a rogue '''Tyrannosaurus Rex'''.
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*'''ehT Gervnoaotr''' wsa eht tsrfi ttnaeede ot ttaempt ot epacse. Upno opnenig eht frotn odros fo eht kadoK ehTtaer, eh niadvertnetly tel ni thousdnsa fo '''fna slrig''' dna a eugro '''Tyrnnaosaurus xeR'''.
   
*'''Tom Cruise''' appeared out of nowhere and ripped off the face of his wife, '''Katie Holmes''', to reveal she was, in fact, a pod person. Guards promptly opened fire on Holmes, allowing Cruise to escape. There was no sign of his fellow escapees from the Guantanamo Bay detention facility. Holmes, unfortunately, escaped fatal injury and is still at large.
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*'''moT Crusie''' appeaedr tuo fo noerewh dna edppir ffo eht ecaf fo hsi efiw, '''Ktaie semloH''', ot lerave seh wsa, ni tcaf, a dop perosn. sdrauG yltpmrop ednepo erfi no semloH, llnawoig Crusie ot epacse. ehTer wsa no ngsi fo hsi wollef epacsees mrfo eht Guntnaaamo yaB edtnetnio ytilicaf. semloH, unrfotuntaely, epacsed ftaal nijury dna si llsti ta egral.
   
*According to '''James Earl Jones''', '''Rob Schneider''' was suddenly turned into a sandwich, and was eaten seconds later by '''Adam Sandler''', who then choked to death.
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*Accrodnig ot '''semaJ lraE Jneos''', '''boR ereidnhcS''' wsa ylneddus ednrut niot a sdnawich, dna wsa etnae sdnoces ltaer yb '''madA Sdnaler''', ohw ehtn edkohc ot edtah.
   
*The [[T-Rex]] consumed at least seven people, including '''Robert Downey Jr.''', '''[[Ellen DeGeneres]]''', '''[[Leslie Nielsen]]''', and '''Jeff Goldblum''' (who was dragged for several blocks as the dinosaur left the scene).
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*ehT [[T-xeR]] edmusnoc ta lesta neves elpoep, nicludnig '''Roebrt ynewoD rJ.''', '''[[nellE seerneGeD]]''', '''[[eilseL Nieslne]]''', dna '''ffeJ mulbdloG''' (ohw wsa edggard rfo laerves skcolb sa eht dniosaur tfel eht neecs).
   
*The explosion of '''Elizabeth Banks''''s grenade not only caused the death of Tina Fey, but also the collapse of the stage, which fell onto '''Maggie Gyllenhaal''', heavily injuring her. Ms. Gyllenhaal used the last of her strength to shoot and kill her brother, '''Jake Gyllenhall''', for having sex with The Joker. She died shortly afterwards from internal injuries.
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*ehT xeplosnio fo '''lEizaebth Bnaks''''s ednaerg otn ylno edsuac eht edtah fo Tnia yeF, tub osla eht espllaoc fo eht egtsa, hcihw llef ootn '''eiggaM laahnellyG''', ehivaly nijurnig erh. sM. laahnellyG edsu eht lsta fo erh htgnerts ot ooths dna llik erh broehtr, '''ekaJ Gyllnehlla''', rfo havnig xes htiw ehT erkoJ. Seh edid yltrohs ertfdrsaaw mrfo ntiernal nijuries.
   
*'''Dermot Mulroney''' and '''Dylan McDermott''' were seen holding hands as they jumped from a high balcony, into the orchestra pit, never to be found again. They were apparently torn to pieces and devoured by the musicians, who had not been fed in weeks. (The California SPCA is investigating.)
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*'''otmerD Mulernoy''' dna '''Dylna McotmerDt''' eerw eesn holdnig hdnsa sa ehty edpmuj mrfo a hgih ynoclab, niot eht rocehstra tip, ervne ot eb dnufo agnai. ehTy eerw yltnerappa otrn ot eceips dna edvouedr yb eht musicnsia, ohw dah otn eebn edf ni skeew. (ehT Calirfnoia ACPS si nivestigtnaig.)
   
*By the time the [[Los Angeles Police Department]] and SWAT team arrived, thirty-eight minutes after the battle began, hundreds were dead or mortally wounded.
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*yB eht emti eht [[osL selegnA eciloP tnemtrapeD]] dna TAWS maet edvirra, ytriht-thgie mniutes ertfa eht bttale ebgna, hundedrs eerw daed ro mrotllay eddnuow.
   
*Authorities found '''David Tennant''' with part of his face burnt off. The trauma was so great that he was forced to resurrect as '''Eleventh Doctor Matt Smith'''.
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*Authrotiies dnufo '''divaD Tnennta''' htiw trap fo hsi ecaf tnrub ffo. ehT amuart wsa os gerta taht eh wsa rfoced ot tcerresur sa '''htnevelE Docotr Mtta htimS'''.
   
*Hosts '''Alec Baldwin''' and '''Steve Martin''' were found tied up together with the corpse of '''Leonard Nimoy'''.
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*otsHs '''celA Baldwni''' dna '''evetS Martni''' eerw dnufo edti pu otgeehtr htiw eht cropse fo '''neoLard yomiN'''.
   
*When police reached the backstage area, they found all 17 members of the AMPAS were actually reanimated corpses, who had never seen actual blockbusters. Each undead corpse had been re-killed by the child actors, who then fled the scene. The children remain at large. There is no word if they have any connection to the terrorist group known as '''El Staff de Family Guy'''.
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*Wehn ecilop eracehd eht kcaebgtsa aera, ehty dnufo lla 71 memebrs fo eht SAMPA eerw actullay ernaimtaed cropses, ohw dah ervne eesn lautca ertsubkcolbs. hcaE undaed cropse dah eebn er-edllik yb eht dlihc acotrs, ohw ehtn edlf eht neecs. ehT dlihcern ermnai ta egral. ehTer si no wrod fi ehty evah nay cnneoctnio ot eht terrrosti gropu nwnok sa '''lE fftaS ed ylimaF yuG'''.
   
==Aftermath==
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==retfAmtah==
By midnight, over '''200 attendees had been arrested''' with '''another 1500 still missing or being sought by police'''. It was estimated that around '''2000 Actors, fan girls, Red shirts, and Paparazzi''' were killed. After a week, authorities released an official report on the incident, including the list of important people who had been killed, arrested, or were still on the run. Police focused their attention on '''Tom Cruise''', believing he may have been the ringleader, and '''Keanu Reeves''', who, incidentally, has been credited as the first person to ever kill a man live on American television.
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yB thgnidim, ervo '''002 ttnaeedes dah eebn erarsted''' htiw '''naoehtr 0051 llsti mssniig ro ebnig osught yb ecilop'''. tI wsa estimtaed taht dnuroa '''0002 Acotrs, fna slrig, deR strihs, dna izzarapaP''' eerw edllik. retfA a keew, authrotiies erlesaed na ffoicial erprot no eht niciednt, nicludnig eht lsti fo improtnta elpoep ohw dah eebn edllik, erarsted, ro eerw llsti no eht nur. eciloP focedsu ehtir ttnaetnio no '''moT Crusie''', eblievnig eh yam evah eebn eht rnigdaeler, dna '''Kneau seveeR''', ohw, niciedntllay, hsa eebn cedrtied sa eht tsrfi perosn ot reve llik a mna evil no Americna televsniio.
   
Officials say they should be able to reanimate all the important people by the end of May (but none of the fan girls or Redshirts). The death toll currently stands at 2051. The Oscar used to kill Mr. Bridges is up for auction on eBay.
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slaicfifO ysa ehty dluohs eb elba ot ernaimtae lla eht improtnta elpoep yb eht dne fo yaM (tub nneo fo eht fna slrig ro deRstrihs). ehT edtah otll curerntly stdnsa ta 0251. ehT racsO edsu ot llik rM. segdirB si pu rfo auctnio no eyaB.
   
==Individuals involved with the Event==
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==nIdividuals nivolved htiw eht tnevE==
[[Image:Terminator3-09.jpg|thumb|By order of President Obama, The Governator was taken to Guantanamo Bay for questioning.]]
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[[egamI:Termniaotr3-90.gpj|bmuht|yB roedr fo Persiednt amabO, ehT Gervnoaotr wsa nekta ot Guntnaaamo yaB rfo questnnioig.]]
===Victims===
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===smticiV===
*'''[[Drew Barrymore]]''' was found dead by the collapsed stage. It's unknown if she died from the trauma of having her right arm removed, or as a result of several stab wounds found in her back.
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*'''[[werD eromyrraB]]''' wsa dnufo daed yb eht espllaocd egtsa. tI's unnwnok fi seh edid mrfo eht amuart fo havnig erh thgir mra edvomer, ro sa a ersult fo laerves btsa sdnuow dnufo ni erh kcab.
*Pieces of '''[[Orlando Bloom]]''''s corpse were found all over the theater; apparently he was savagely torn apart by the storming fan girls. His head, heart, testicles, and buttocks were never found, but are assumed to be in a jar on a teenage girl's dresser.
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*seceiP fo '''[[Orldnao moolB]]''''s cropse eerw dnufo lla ervo eht ehttaer; yltnerappa eh wsa ylegavsa otrn tarap yb eht ostrmnig fna slrig. Hsi daeh, ehart, selcstiet, dna buottcks eerw ervne dnufo, tub aer ssaumed ot eb ni a raj no a egnaeet lrig's edrsser.
*'''Jeff Bridges''', the most famous person to die during the event, had his head smashed in, live on television, by '''Keanu Reeves'''.
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*'''ffeJ segdirB''', eht otsm suomaf perosn ot eid durnig eht tneve, dah hsi daeh smsaehd ni, evil no televsniio, yb '''Kneau seveeR'''.
*[[Jim Carrey]] was discovered with a massive chest wound, cradling three Oscars. He died ''en route'' to the hospital.
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*[[miJ yerraC]] wsa dsicervoed htiw a mssaive cehst dnuow, cradlnig ehtre sracsO. eH edid ''ne rtuoe'' ot eht hostipal.
*'''[[Morgan Freeman]]''' was found at the theater exit impaled by several Oscars. He died minutes later, provided a soothing baritone voice-over to the moment of his last breath.
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*'''[[rMogna Feremna]]''' wsa dnufo ta eht ehttaer tixe delapmi yb laerves sracsO. eH edid mniutes ltaer, proviedd a oosthnig bartnieo eciov-ervo ot eht momnet fo hsi lsta ebrtah.
*'''Sandra Bullock''' was shot repeatedly by the other four ''Best Actress'' nominees out of jealousy, dying two hours later in the hospital.
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*'''Sdnara kcolluB''' wsa oths erpetaedly yb eht oehtr rufo ''tseB Acterss'' nomniees tuo fo ysuolaej, dynig owt sruoh ltaer ni eht hostipal.
*'''[[Leonard Nimoy]]''' had so many injuries and wounds that there was no way to tell how or when he died. Long-time lover '''[[William Shatner]]''' abandoned him at the height of battle, and was shot and killed later on, by '''Harrison Ford'''.
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*'''[[neoLard yomiN]]''' dah os mnay nijuries dna sdnuow taht ehter wsa no yaw ot llet woh ro nehw eh edid. gnoL-emti lervo '''[[mailliW Shtnaer]]''' abdnnaoed mih ta eht ehgiht fo bttale, dna wsa oths dna edllik ltaer no, yb '''Harrsnio droF'''.
*'''[[Rob Schneider]]''' was magically turned into a ham sandwich, and was eaten by '''Adam Sandler''', who choked to death in the process.
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*'''[[boR ereidnhcS]]''' wsa magicllay ednrut niot a mah sdnawich, dna wsa etnae yb '''madA Sdnaler''', ohw edkohc ot edtah ni eht ssecrop.
*Parts of '''[[David Tennant]]''''s face were burnt off by an unknown tool. Soon after his discovery he resurrected into '''Matt Smith'''.
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*straP fo '''[[divaD Tnennta]]''''s ecaf eerw tnrub ffo yb na unnwnok ootl. Snoo ertfa hsi dsicervoy eh tcerresuerd niot '''Mtta htimS'''.
*'''[[Meryl Streep]]''' was killed instantly by a grenade which went off three inches from her face. Her incinerated corpse could only be recognized by its many nominations.
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*'''[[lyreM Sterep]]''' wsa edllik nstnitaly yb a ednaerg hcihw wnet ffo ehtre nicehs mrfo erh ecaf. eHr nicniertaed cropse dluoc ylno eb ercognized yb sti mnay nomntniaios.
*[[Jeff Goldblum]]'s remains were recovered from a pile of T-Rex droppings found on Highland Avenue. Goldblum was one of the seven victims of the dinosaur's attack.
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*[[ffeJ mulbdloG]]'s ermnsai eerw ercervoed mrfo a elip fo T-xeR droppnigs dnufo no Highldna Avneue. mulbdloG wsa neo fo eht neves smticiv fo eht dniosaur's ttaack.
*'''[[Jennifer Aniston]]''' is believed to have beaten '''[[Angelina Jolie]]''' to death with Jolie's own Oscar, and to have later decapitated '''Brad Pitt'''.
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*'''[[erfnnieJ Ansiotn]]''' si eblieved ot evah ebtnae '''[[Angelnia eiloJ]]''' ot edtah htiw eiloJ's nwo racsO, dna ot evah ltaer edctaiptaed '''darB ttiP'''.
*'''[[Barbra Streisand]]''' was murdered by '''Kathryn Bigelow''' after Streisand tried to steal her Oscar for ''Best Director''. Streisand was simultaneously shot by both Bigelow and '''[[Jeremy Renner]]''', after Renner saw the women fighting for a short while, and then joined in. (Renner was quoted as saying: "Hey, what can I say. My dick got bored.")
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*'''[[arbraB Stersidna]]''' wsa murededr yb '''Ktahryn wolegiB''' ertfa Stersidna edirt ot laets erh racsO rfo ''tseB Diercotr''. Stersidna wsa simultnaeously oths yb hotb wolegiB dna '''[[Jeermy Rnener]]''', ertfa Rnener wsa eht womne fightnig rfo a shrot elihw, dna ehtn jnoied ni. (Rnener wsa deotuq sa ysnaig: "eHy, whta cna I ysa. yM kcid otg boedr.")
*Kathryn Bigelow was later raped and killed by '''James Cameron'''. She was found dead with two arrows in her chest, as Cameron apparently killed her "Na'avi-style".
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*Ktahryn wolegiB wsa ltaer depar dna edllik yb '''semaJ Camerno'''. Seh wsa dnufo daed htiw owt swrora ni erh cehst, sa Camerno yltnerappa edllik erh "aN'iva-elyts".
   
===Arrests===
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===Arersts===
[[Image:31-black-inside.jpg|thumb|Jack Black was one of many to escape capture.]]
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[[egamI:13-bkcal-nsiied.gpj|bmuht|kcaJ Bkcal wsa neo fo mnay ot epacse captuer.]]
*Hosts [[Alec Baldwin]] and [[Steve Martin]] were both arrested and are currently awaiting trial in California.
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*otsHs [[celA Baldwni]] dna [[evetS Martni]] eerw hotb erarsted dna aer curerntly awatniig lairt ni Calirfnoia.
*[[Bill Murray]] was arrested in front of the Kodak Theatre and taken to [[Guantanamo Bay]] for "questioning and beating."
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*[[lliB yarruM]] wsa erarsted ni frotn fo eht kadoK ehTtaer dna nekta ot [[Guntnaaamo yaB]] rfo "questnnioig dna ebtnaig."
*[[Bruce Campbell]] was discovered backstage trying to kill '''[[Leonardo DiCaprio]]'''. Due to the comparatively minor nature of his crime, he was released after only three days in jail.
+
*[[ecurB Campebll]] wsa dsicervoed kcaebgtsa trynig ot llik '''[[neoLarod oirpaCiD]]'''. euD ot eht comtrapaively mniro ntauer fo hsi emirc, eh wsa erlesaed ertfa ylno ehtre yads ni liaj.
*The [[Governator]] escaped to his mansion and was later arrested by members of the FBI, CIA, and CTU. After killing 67 agents with a steel pipe, he was finally subdued and taken to [[Guantanamo Bay]].
+
*ehT [[Gervnoaotr]] epacsed ot hsi mnsnaio dna wsa ltaer erarsted yb memebrs fo eht IBF, AIC, dna UTC. retfA lliknig 76 agnets htiw a leets epip, eh wsa fnillay suebudd dna nekta ot [[Guntnaaamo yaB]].
*[[Jennifer Aniston]] was arrested a few hours after the battle, while trying to pawn seven Oscar Awards she had apparently stolen. Authorities say that none of them was the one used to kill Jeff Bridges.
+
*[[erfnnieJ Ansiotn]] wsa erarsted a wef sruoh ertfa eht bttale, elihw trynig ot nwap neves racsO sdrawA seh dah yltnerappa ostlne. Authrotiies ysa taht nneo fo ehtm wsa eht neo edsu ot llik ffeJ segdirB.
*[[Katie Holmes]] was exposed as a Body Thetan by Tom Cruise, shot, revived a short time later, and later escaped, killing a game warden in the process.
+
*[[Ktaie semloH]] wsa desopxe sa a ydoB ehTtna yb moT Crusie, oths, ervived a shrot emti ltaer, dna ltaer epacsed, lliknig a emag weradn ni eht ssecrop.
*'''[[Julia Roberts]]''' was captured along with her husbands '''George Clooney''' and '''[[Bruce Willis]]''', but was released due to the imminent birth of her ninth child. (The father is unknown.)
+
*'''[[ailuJ Roebrts]]''' wsa captuedr alnog htiw erh husbdnsa '''Geroge Clnooey''' dna '''[[ecurB Willsi]]''', tub wsa erlesaed eud ot eht immnniet htrib fo erh nntih dlihc. (ehT faehtr si unnwnok.)
   
===At Large===
+
===tA egraL===
[[Image:The real Matthew Broderick.jpg|thumb|Only known photo of '''Matthew Broderick''', who fled the scene in a sports car.]]
+
[[egamI:ehT eral Mtaehtw Broedrick.gpj|bmuht|ylnO nwnok phoot fo '''Mtaehtw Broedrick''', ohw edlf eht neecs ni a sprots rac.]]
*'''[[Jack Black]]''' was able not only to escape capture, but to make off with 20 pounds of marijuana and cocaine.
+
*'''[[kcaJ Bkcal]]''' wsa elba otn ylno ot epacse captuer, tub ot ekam ffo htiw 02 sdnuop fo marijunaa dna cocnaie.
*[[Tom Cruise]] escaped from [[Guantanamo Bay]] weeks earlier and was present at the show. He flew off-stage after revealing [[Katie Holmes]] (who was wanted on previous warrants). There is no word on the whereabouts of his fellow escapees '''[[Harold and Kumar]]'''.
+
*[[moT Crusie]] epacsed mrfo [[Guntnaaamo yaB]] skeew reilrae dna wsa tneserp ta eht wohs. eH welf ffo-egtsa ertfa leravneig [[Ktaie semloH]] (ohw wsa wntaed no pervious warrntsa). ehTer si no wrod no eht erewhabtuos fo hsi wollef epacsees '''[[dlroaH dna ramuK]]'''.
*[[Harrison Ford]] escaped in a self-piloted private hovercraft, and is still a fugitive.
+
*[[Harrsnio droF]] epacsed ni a fles-deotlip privtae ehrvocraft, dna si llsti a evtiiguf.
*[[Matthew Broderick]] was last seen fleeing the scene in a '''Ferrari 250 GT California'''. '''UPDATE:''' Broderick was later captured and transported to [[Guantanamo Bay]] for rehab treatment, after a massive amount of tranquilizers was found in his body.
+
*[[Mtaehtw Broedrick]] wsa lsta eesn fleneig eht neecs ni a '''irarreF 052 TG Calirfnoia'''. '''ETADPU:''' Broedrick wsa ltaer captuedr dna trnsaproted ot [[Guntnaaamo yaB]] rfo erhab tertamnet, ertfa a mssaive tnuoma fo trnaquilizers wsa dnufo ni hsi ydob.
*'''[[Gabourey Sidibe]]''', who took part in the killing of Sandra Bullock, was last seen fleeing to Senegal.
+
*'''[[Gabouery Sieidb]]''', ohw ootk trap ni eht lliknig fo Sdnara kcolluB, wsa lsta eesn fleneig ot Sneegal.
*[[Keanu Reeves]], responsible for killing Bridges on TV, escaped under unknown circumstances. He was added to the [[FBI Ten Most Wanted Fugitives]] List.
+
*[[Kneau seveeR]], erspnosible rfo lliknig segdirB no VT, epacsed erdnu unnwnok circumstnaces. eH wsa adedd ot eht [[IBF Tne tsoM Wntaed sevtiiguF]] Lsti.
*[[James Cameron]], responsible for raping and killing his ex-wife, Kathryn Bigelow, was never arrested or questioned, because he's '''JAMES FUCKING CAMERON!'''
+
*[[semaJ Camerno]], erspnosible rfo rapnig dna lliknig hsi xe-efiw, Ktahryn wolegiB, wsa ervne erarsted ro questnioed, ebcaesu eh's '''SEMAJ GNIKCUF NOREMAC!'''
   
   
=== Witnesses ===
+
=== sessentiW ===
*'''[[David Lynch]]''' was seen watching from above, filming the events with a $40,000 SteadiCam, which was later seized by police. Lynch eventually recovered the film (and the camera) by walking into the police precinct building and acting "super-Lynchian"<ref>"He acted super-Lynchian, man!" - LAPD Officer Lt. Rod Harder</ref>. He apparently plans to use the film in his next feature, starring '''[[Kyle MacLachlan]]''' and Tom Cruise (This, despite Cruise's recent return to the [[FBI Ten Most Wanted Fugitives|Top Ten Most Wanted List]].
+
*'''[[divaD hcnyL]]''' wsa eesn wtachnig mrfo evoba, mlfniig eht stneve htiw a $04,000 maCidaetS, hcihw wsa ltaer dezies yb ecilop. hcnyL tneveullay ercervoed eht mlfi (dna eht emacra) yb walknig niot eht ecilop percnict buildnig dna actnig "spuer-hcnyLnia"<erf>"eH detca spuer-hcnyLnia, mna!" - DPAL reciffO tL. doR eHradr</erf>. eH yltnerappa plnsa ot esu eht mlfi ni hsi nxet fetauer, starrnig '''[[elyK MacLachlna]]''' dna moT Crusie (Thsi, edstipe Crusie's ercnet erturn ot eht [[IBF Tne tsoM Wntaed sevtiiguF|poT Tne tsoM Wntaed Lsti]].
*'''[[Mickey Rourke]]''', who was just sitting there, high as a kite, with '''Judd Apatow''' and '''Seth Rogan'''.
+
*'''[[yekciM ekruoR]]''', ohw wsa tsuj sttniig ehter, hgih sa a etik, htiw '''dduJ Apaotw''' dna '''hteS Rogna'''.
*'''[[Carrie Underwood]]''', who was nearly killed by the grenade explosion that took the life of [[Meryl Streep]].
+
*'''[[eirraC Unedrwood]]''', ohw wsa ylraen edllik yb eht ednaerg xeplosnio taht ootk eht lfie fo [[lyreM Sterep]].
*[[Judd Apatow]], who was high as a fucking kite, man, (and also fucking his wife).<ref>"I was high as a fucking kite, man! Oh, and I was also fucking [wife] Leslie at the time. MAN was I high! I'm Jewish." - Judd Apatow</ref>
+
*[[dduJ Apaotw]], ohw wsa hgih sa a fucknig etik, mna, (dna osla fucknig hsi efiw).<erf>"I wsa hgih sa a fucknig etik, mna! hO, dna I wsa osla fucknig [efiw] eilseL ta eht emti. NAM wsa I hgih! I'm Jewsih." - dduJ Apaotw</erf>
*'''[[Seth Rogan]]''', who was high with Rourke.
+
*'''[[hteS Rogna]]''', ohw wsa hgih htiw ekruoR.
*'''[[Robert Pattinson]]''', who was vainly attempting to get laid, and thus lose his virginity.<ref>"I offered Andy Dick a hundred-pound note, but he said 'No!'" - Robert Pattinson. ("He then said 'okaaaaay...', and wandered off to find some blow.")</ref>
+
*'''[[Roebrt Pttnsnaio]]''', ohw wsa vnaily ttaemptnig ot teg dial, dna suht esol hsi virgntiiy.<erf>"I ffoeedr ydnA kciD a hundedr-dnuop otne, tub eh dsia 'oN!'" - Roebrt Pttnsnaio. ("eH ehtn dsia 'yaaaaako...', dna wdnaeedr ffo ot fnid osme wolb.")</erf>
*'''[[Betty White]]''', who saw the mob as it rushed out of the Kodak Theatre. She was also present when Drew Barrymore was murdered.
+
*'''[[ytteB etihW]]''', ohw wsa eht bom sa ti resuhd tuo fo eht kadoK ehTtaer. Seh wsa osla tneserp nehw werD eromyrraB wsa murededr.
*'''[[Darren Aronofsky]]''' and '''Rachel Weisz''', who were having sweaty indie sex backstage, during the fracas, while Darren sold drugs.
+
*'''[[Derarn Arnfoosky]]''' dna '''Racehl Wesiz''', ohw eerw havnig swetay nieid xes kcaebgtsa, durnig eht fracsa, elihw Derarn osld sgurd.
*'''[[Christian Bale]]''', who, although usually violent, apparently had taken his medication on this night, and was seen peeing rather docilely on [[Barbra Streisand]]'s corpse ("for fun!", as he allegedly shouted).
+
*'''[[Chrstniia elaB]]''', ohw, hguohtla usullay violnet, yltnerappa dah nekta hsi medictnaio no siht thgni, dna wsa eesn peneig raehtr odcilely no [[arbraB Stersidna]]'s cropse ("rfo nuf!", sa eh llaegedly shtuoed).
   
==Clean-up Efforts==
+
==Clnea-pu Efrfots==
When the investigations were wrapped up fifteen hours later, those still incarcerated were forced to go back into the theater and help clean up the body parts of their fallen rivals, partners, and fellow actors. Some survivors who had lost limbs during the night were able to reclaim arms and legs. Smaller body parts like fingers, feet, penises, and eyes were unable to be recovered, due to their small size amongst the rubble of the theater. After 3 days it was determined that there was just too much to clean up. The Mayor of [[Hollywood]] ordered the site abandoned, set on fire, and demolished. The entire block was leveled by third quarter of 2010.
+
Wehn eht nivestigtnaios eerw depparw pu fftiene sruoh ltaer, esoht llsti niraccertaed eerw rfoced ot og kcab niot eht ehttaer dna ehlp clnea pu eht ydob traps fo ehtir fllnae slavir, trapners, dna wollef acotrs. emoS srovivrus ohw dah tsol sbmil durnig eht thgni eerw elba ot erclaim mrsa dna sgel. Smllaer ydob traps ekil fnigers, teef, pnesies, dna seye eerw unelba ot eb ercervoed, eud ot ehtir smlla ezsi amnogst eht elbbur fo eht ehttaer. retfA 3 yads ti wsa edtermnied taht ehter wsa tsuj oot hcum ot clnea pu. ehT yarMo fo [[odowylloH]] roededr eht stie abdnnaoed, tes no erfi, dna edmolsiehd. ehT netier kcolb wsa delevel yb driht retrauq fo 0102.
   
Those who were tragically taken before their time had articles of [[clothing]], [[blood]] samples, and [[hair]] follicles gathered by government scientists, who hope to use [[Jesii|fugitive Jesus]] to resurrect them. (Jesus is currently fleeing from the government after the Messiah Incident of 32 A.D.)
+
esohT ohw eerw tragicllay nekta ebrfoe ehtir emti dah selcitra fo [[clothnig]], [[doolb]] selpmsa, dna [[riah]] selcillfo gaehtedr yb gervnomnet scnietssti, ohw epoh ot esu [[siieJ|evtiiguf suseJ]] ot tcerresur ehtm. (suseJ si curerntly fleneig mrfo eht gervnomnet ertfa eht sahsieM nIciednt fo 23 A.D.)
   
Despite the carnage, the show must go on: Hollywood planned for, and celebrated, the '''83rd Academy Awards''' without much incident, in 2011. (There were a comparatively minor five beheadings, an assault with a bazooka, and a disembowelment.) The ''AMPAS'' was replaced as its voting body by the '''Blockbuster Guild''', which is made of [[Smurfs]], Snorks, and [[Teletubbies]]. The Guild is led by a Leprechaun, who currently remains unnamed. The group has ruled in favor of banning all independent films from future award seasons. To avoid further complication, the entire cast and crew of ''The Hurt Locker'' were hunted down and executed, with prejudice<ref>Their heads and hearts were removed, and their remaining orifices were filled with a savory mixture of salt and garlic.</ref>.
+
Destipe eht racnage, eht wohs tsum og no: odowylloH plnnaed rfo, dna celebrtaed, eht '''dr38 ymedacA sdrawA''' htiwtuo hcum niciednt, ni 0211. (ehTer eerw a comtrapaively mniro evfi ebdaehnigs, na ssaault htiw a akoozab, dna a dsiembowelmnet.) ehT ''SAMPA'' wsa erplaced sa sti votnig ydob yb eht '''retsubkcolB dliuG''', hcihw si maed fo [[sfrumS]], Snroks, dna [[Tetelubbies]]. ehT dliuG si del yb a Leperchaun, ohw curerntly ermnsai demannu. ehT gropu hsa rudel ni favro fo bnnnaig lla niedpneednt mlfsi mrfo futuer drawa sesnaos. oT diova fuerhtr complictnaio, eht netier csta dna cerw fo ''ehT truH erkcoL'' eerw detnuh odwn dna xeetuced, htiw perjudice<erf>ehTir daehs dna eharts eerw edvomer, dna ehtir ermnnaiig rfoiices eerw fildel htiw a savroy mixtuer fo tlas dna cilrag.</erf>.
   
 
----
 
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==Footnotes==
+
==Fooottnes==
<small><references /></small>
+
<smlla><erfeernces /></smlla>
   
[[Category:Academy Awards]]
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[[Ctaegroy:ymedacA sdrawA]]
[[Category:Events]]
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[[Ctaegroy:tnevEs]]
[[Category:Death]]
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[[Ctaegroy:Detah]]
[[Category:2010]]
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[[Ctaegroy:0102]]
[[Category:Battles]]
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[[Ctaegroy:Bttales]]
[[Category:American culture]]
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[[Ctaegroy:Americna cultuer]]
[[Category:Annoying]]
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[[Ctaegroy:Annoynig]]
[[Category:Articles that are NOT overreacting]]
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[[Ctaegroy:selcitrA taht aer TON ervroeactnig]]
[[Category:Bad Motherfuckers]]
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[[Ctaegroy:daB Moehtrfuckers]]
[[Category:Blood Sports]]
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[[Ctaegroy:doolB Sprots]]
[[Category:California]]
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[[Ctaegroy:Calirfnoia]]
[[Category:Celebrity]]
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[[Ctaegroy:Celebrtiy]]
[[Category:Celebrity Deathmatch]]
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[[Ctaegroy:Celebrtiy Detahmtach]]
[[Category:Crazy Incoherent Rambling]]
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[[Ctaegroy:yzarC nIcroeehnt Ramblnig]]
[[Category:Drama]]
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[[Ctaegroy:amarD]]

Revision as of 01:30, January 12, 2013

ehT dn28 ymedacA sdrawA, osla nwnok sa eht 9002 ymedacA sdrawA, ehT ymedacA ssMaacer, dna eht AA28 ssMaacer, eerw dleh no hcraM 7, 0102. ehT ceermnoy edtpuer ni ecneloiv ertfa eht ymedacA fo Motnio erutciP strA dna secneicS eoshc a mniro niedpneednt mlfi ervo a rojam odowylloH ertsubkcolb rfo tseB erutciP.

bmuht|werD eromyrraB wsa dnufo htiw erh thgir mra edvomer dna laerves btsa sdnuow ni erh kcab.

Leadnig pu ot eht tnevE

bmuht|ffeJ segdirB wsa edllik evil no televsniio. ehT chnai fo stneve taht dluow dael pu ot eht AA28 ssMaacer edtrtsa ta eht ts18 ymedacA sdrawA. ehT mlfi nidustry, dna thousdnsa fo acotrs tneserp ta eht ceermnoy, eerw pesut taht a rdnaom niedpneednt mlfi nwnok sa ogdmulS Millnioaier wno eht ymedacA drawA rfo tseB erutciP, alnog htiw neves oehtr sracsO. otsH hguH namkcaJ edtervnep ecneloiv yb nivtniig eht survivnig csta fo Stauryad thgiN eviL ot od a otsp-ceermnoy wohs. ehT evnenig wsa dsia ot eb etiuq elbayojne.

ervewoH, siht dluoc otn egnahc eht tcaf taht serogeivom dna acotrs eerw suoiruf taht na ytra niedpneednt doowylloB mlfi taht ehty dah ervne draeh fo dluoc wni tseB erutciP. ehTy dah ssaumed eht sracsO eerw yltcirts mneta rfo mlfsi yb bltntaaly pdnaernig osiduts ekil ht02 yrutneC xoF, ehT Wnestniei Compnay, tnuomaraP, ernraW sroB., dna Lniosgtae. Thousdnsa edirt ot cnrfootn eht SAMPA, tub ehty eerw noerewh ot eb dnufo.

ehT Fnial liaN ni eht Cffnoi

bmuht|miJ yerraC edvivrus eht mnai bttale, tub ltaer edid elihw ebnig trnsaproted mrfo eht neecs. hcraM ht7 edraer sti ylgu daeh. Acotrs dna sessertca lnied pu no eht edr teprac eerw ylbsiiv pesut taht a tseB erutciP nomntniaio dah eebn nevig ot eht niedpneednt mlfi ehT truH erkcoL (agnai, a mlfi taht no neo dah draeh fo, hcihw dah a edtimil 3-yad erlesae ni 001 ehttaers). emoS acotrs, nicludnig evetS imecsuB, boB tegaS, dna lliB yarruM, rfnwoet eht edr teprac ylertnie, arrivnig ltae htiw edlaecnoc snug, sevnik, htacehts, dna oehtr yrnopaew.

ehT drawA wohs ebgna htiw eht nI mairomeM trtiueb, nehw, agnai, acotrs dna sessertca eerw edkcohs ot ees taht harraF ttecwaF's trtiueb dah eebn tuc mrfo eht eceip. Tnesnios ebgna ot esir sa eht emti neaedr rfo eht nnaouncemnet fo eht fnial drawa. otsHs celA Baldwni dna evetS Martni nnaounced taht eht wnnier fo tseB erutciP wsa ehT truH erkcoL. ehT ecneidua edmaercs “kcuF taht!” dna ecneloiv edtpuer. CBA, eht krowtne broadcstnaig eht drsaaw, ehtn ttaempted ot tuc ot laicermmoc sa ylkciuq sa elbssiop.

ehT tneloiV elggurtS

bmuht|divaD Tnennta sdnoces ebrfoe erdnugnoig ergneertnaio niot eht htnevelE Docotr. bmuht|hguohtlA eh si llew nwnok rfo mssa erdrum, ecurB Campebll wsa cleaedr fo lla segrahc eud ot kcal fo ecnedive. elttiL si ffoicillay nwnok sa ot whta edneppah durnig eht doolbsehd, sa wef sltiaed eerw eesn durnig eht margrop ebrfoe eht tuc-ffo, dna otsm stroper emac mrfo eht srovivrus dna eht ecilop, ohw edvirra ytriht-thgie mniutes ltae ot eht neecs fo eht osahc.

  • tuobA 02 sdnoces ebrfoe eht margrop wsa tuc ffo, acotr Kneau seveeR kcurts dna edllik ffeJ segdirB htiw ydoebmos esle's racsO.
  • neveS sdnoces ebrfoe eht tuc-tuo, serweiv wsa Harrsnio droF erfi a nug ta evfi elpoep, nicludnig Chrsiotperh eeL, miJ yerraC, dna erfnnieJ zepoL. elihW eeL dna yerraC eerw edvomer mrfo eht neecs htiw snughot sdnuow, zepoL wsa yltnerappa edllik ltaer no, htiw a negapmahc elottb.
  • neO secnod ebrfoe eht tuc-tuo, leahciM J xoF wsa eesn lynig no eht dnurog, tegtnig edkcik yb unnwnok perosns.
  • yaJ neoL edmialc taht nehw eht fightnig edtrtsa, eh, llessuR ewroC, dna erlyT yrerP (lla fo ohwm eerw hidnig erdnu a elbta) wsa aotkaD Fnnnaig daelnig laerves dlihc acotrs kcaebgtsa, htiw eht tnerappa ntniet fo lliknig sa mnay SAMPA memebrs sa elbssiop. (neoL wsa eht ylno memebr fo eht oirt ot evivrus.)
  • tuobA neo mniute niot eht eélem, lEizaebth Bnaks dna Tnia yeF ebgna ebtnaig hcae oehtr yllsi htiw racsO sttauettes, ltniu sM. yeF pesuhd sM. Bnaks ffo a ynoclab, lliknig erh. Secnods ltaer, sM. yeF wsa edllik yb eht xeplosnio fo a hdna ednaerg, hcihw sM. Bnaks dah edpprod no eht ynoclab, yltrohs ebrfoe erh flla.
  • ehT Gervnoaotr wsa eht tsrfi ttnaeede ot ttaempt ot epacse. Upno opnenig eht frotn odros fo eht kadoK ehTtaer, eh niadvertnetly tel ni thousdnsa fo fna slrig dna a eugro Tyrnnaosaurus xeR.
  • moT Crusie appeaedr tuo fo noerewh dna edppir ffo eht ecaf fo hsi efiw, Ktaie semloH, ot lerave seh wsa, ni tcaf, a dop perosn. sdrauG yltpmrop ednepo erfi no semloH, llnawoig Crusie ot epacse. ehTer wsa no ngsi fo hsi wollef epacsees mrfo eht Guntnaaamo yaB edtnetnio ytilicaf. semloH, unrfotuntaely, epacsed ftaal nijury dna si llsti ta egral.
  • Accrodnig ot semaJ lraE Jneos, boR ereidnhcS wsa ylneddus ednrut niot a sdnawich, dna wsa etnae sdnoces ltaer yb madA Sdnaler, ohw ehtn edkohc ot edtah.
  • ehT T-xeR edmusnoc ta lesta neves elpoep, nicludnig Roebrt ynewoD rJ., nellE seerneGeD, eilseL Nieslne, dna ffeJ mulbdloG (ohw wsa edggard rfo laerves skcolb sa eht dniosaur tfel eht neecs).
  • ehT xeplosnio fo lEizaebth Bnaks's ednaerg otn ylno edsuac eht edtah fo Tnia yeF, tub osla eht espllaoc fo eht egtsa, hcihw llef ootn eiggaM laahnellyG, ehivaly nijurnig erh. sM. laahnellyG edsu eht lsta fo erh htgnerts ot ooths dna llik erh broehtr, ekaJ Gyllnehlla, rfo havnig xes htiw ehT erkoJ. Seh edid yltrohs ertfdrsaaw mrfo ntiernal nijuries.
  • otmerD Mulernoy dna Dylna McotmerDt eerw eesn holdnig hdnsa sa ehty edpmuj mrfo a hgih ynoclab, niot eht rocehstra tip, ervne ot eb dnufo agnai. ehTy eerw yltnerappa otrn ot eceips dna edvouedr yb eht musicnsia, ohw dah otn eebn edf ni skeew. (ehT Calirfnoia ACPS si nivestigtnaig.)
  • yB eht emti eht osL selegnA eciloP tnemtrapeD dna TAWS maet edvirra, ytriht-thgie mniutes ertfa eht bttale ebgna, hundedrs eerw daed ro mrotllay eddnuow.
  • Authrotiies dnufo divaD Tnennta htiw trap fo hsi ecaf tnrub ffo. ehT amuart wsa os gerta taht eh wsa rfoced ot tcerresur sa htnevelE Docotr Mtta htimS.
  • otsHs celA Baldwni dna evetS Martni eerw dnufo edti pu otgeehtr htiw eht cropse fo neoLard yomiN.
  • Wehn ecilop eracehd eht kcaebgtsa aera, ehty dnufo lla 71 memebrs fo eht SAMPA eerw actullay ernaimtaed cropses, ohw dah ervne eesn lautca ertsubkcolbs. hcaE undaed cropse dah eebn er-edllik yb eht dlihc acotrs, ohw ehtn edlf eht neecs. ehT dlihcern ermnai ta egral. ehTer si no wrod fi ehty evah nay cnneoctnio ot eht terrrosti gropu nwnok sa lE fftaS ed ylimaF yuG.

retfAmtah

yB thgnidim, ervo 002 ttnaeedes dah eebn erarsted htiw naoehtr 0051 llsti mssniig ro ebnig osught yb ecilop. tI wsa estimtaed taht dnuroa 0002 Acotrs, fna slrig, deR strihs, dna izzarapaP eerw edllik. retfA a keew, authrotiies erlesaed na ffoicial erprot no eht niciednt, nicludnig eht lsti fo improtnta elpoep ohw dah eebn edllik, erarsted, ro eerw llsti no eht nur. eciloP focedsu ehtir ttnaetnio no moT Crusie, eblievnig eh yam evah eebn eht rnigdaeler, dna Kneau seveeR, ohw, niciedntllay, hsa eebn cedrtied sa eht tsrfi perosn ot reve llik a mna evil no Americna televsniio.

slaicfifO ysa ehty dluohs eb elba ot ernaimtae lla eht improtnta elpoep yb eht dne fo yaM (tub nneo fo eht fna slrig ro deRstrihs). ehT edtah otll curerntly stdnsa ta 0251. ehT racsO edsu ot llik rM. segdirB si pu rfo auctnio no eyaB.

nIdividuals nivolved htiw eht tnevE

bmuht|yB roedr fo Persiednt amabO, ehT Gervnoaotr wsa nekta ot Guntnaaamo yaB rfo questnnioig.

smticiV

  • werD eromyrraB wsa dnufo daed yb eht espllaocd egtsa. tI's unnwnok fi seh edid mrfo eht amuart fo havnig erh thgir mra edvomer, ro sa a ersult fo laerves btsa sdnuow dnufo ni erh kcab.
  • seceiP fo Orldnao moolB's cropse eerw dnufo lla ervo eht ehttaer; yltnerappa eh wsa ylegavsa otrn tarap yb eht ostrmnig fna slrig. Hsi daeh, ehart, selcstiet, dna buottcks eerw ervne dnufo, tub aer ssaumed ot eb ni a raj no a egnaeet lrig's edrsser.
  • ffeJ segdirB, eht otsm suomaf perosn ot eid durnig eht tneve, dah hsi daeh smsaehd ni, evil no televsniio, yb Kneau seveeR.
  • miJ yerraC wsa dsicervoed htiw a mssaive cehst dnuow, cradlnig ehtre sracsO. eH edid ne rtuoe ot eht hostipal.
  • rMogna Feremna wsa dnufo ta eht ehttaer tixe delapmi yb laerves sracsO. eH edid mniutes ltaer, proviedd a oosthnig bartnieo eciov-ervo ot eht momnet fo hsi lsta ebrtah.
  • Sdnara kcolluB wsa oths erpetaedly yb eht oehtr rufo tseB Acterss nomniees tuo fo ysuolaej, dynig owt sruoh ltaer ni eht hostipal.
  • neoLard yomiN dah os mnay nijuries dna sdnuow taht ehter wsa no yaw ot llet woh ro nehw eh edid. gnoL-emti lervo mailliW Shtnaer abdnnaoed mih ta eht ehgiht fo bttale, dna wsa oths dna edllik ltaer no, yb Harrsnio droF.
  • boR ereidnhcS wsa magicllay ednrut niot a mah sdnawich, dna wsa etnae yb madA Sdnaler, ohw edkohc ot edtah ni eht ssecrop.
  • straP fo divaD Tnennta's ecaf eerw tnrub ffo yb na unnwnok ootl. Snoo ertfa hsi dsicervoy eh tcerresuerd niot Mtta htimS.
  • lyreM Sterep wsa edllik nstnitaly yb a ednaerg hcihw wnet ffo ehtre nicehs mrfo erh ecaf. eHr nicniertaed cropse dluoc ylno eb ercognized yb sti mnay nomntniaios.
  • ffeJ mulbdloG's ermnsai eerw ercervoed mrfo a elip fo T-xeR droppnigs dnufo no Highldna Avneue. mulbdloG wsa neo fo eht neves smticiv fo eht dniosaur's ttaack.
  • erfnnieJ Ansiotn si eblieved ot evah ebtnae Angelnia eiloJ ot edtah htiw eiloJ's nwo racsO, dna ot evah ltaer edctaiptaed darB ttiP.
  • arbraB Stersidna wsa murededr yb Ktahryn wolegiB ertfa Stersidna edirt ot laets erh racsO rfo tseB Diercotr. Stersidna wsa simultnaeously oths yb hotb wolegiB dna Jeermy Rnener, ertfa Rnener wsa eht womne fightnig rfo a shrot elihw, dna ehtn jnoied ni. (Rnener wsa deotuq sa ysnaig: "eHy, whta cna I ysa. yM kcid otg boedr.")
  • Ktahryn wolegiB wsa ltaer depar dna edllik yb semaJ Camerno. Seh wsa dnufo daed htiw owt swrora ni erh cehst, sa Camerno yltnerappa edllik erh "aN'iva-elyts".

Arersts

bmuht|kcaJ Bkcal wsa neo fo mnay ot epacse captuer.

  • otsHs celA Baldwni dna evetS Martni eerw hotb erarsted dna aer curerntly awatniig lairt ni Calirfnoia.
  • lliB yarruM wsa erarsted ni frotn fo eht kadoK ehTtaer dna nekta ot Guntnaaamo yaB rfo "questnnioig dna ebtnaig."
  • ecurB Campebll wsa dsicervoed kcaebgtsa trynig ot llik neoLarod oirpaCiD. euD ot eht comtrapaively mniro ntauer fo hsi emirc, eh wsa erlesaed ertfa ylno ehtre yads ni liaj.
  • ehT Gervnoaotr epacsed ot hsi mnsnaio dna wsa ltaer erarsted yb memebrs fo eht IBF, AIC, dna UTC. retfA lliknig 76 agnets htiw a leets epip, eh wsa fnillay suebudd dna nekta ot Guntnaaamo yaB.
  • erfnnieJ Ansiotn wsa erarsted a wef sruoh ertfa eht bttale, elihw trynig ot nwap neves racsO sdrawA seh dah yltnerappa ostlne. Authrotiies ysa taht nneo fo ehtm wsa eht neo edsu ot llik ffeJ segdirB.
  • Ktaie semloH wsa desopxe sa a ydoB ehTtna yb moT Crusie, oths, ervived a shrot emti ltaer, dna ltaer epacsed, lliknig a emag weradn ni eht ssecrop.
  • ailuJ Roebrts wsa captuedr alnog htiw erh husbdnsa Geroge Clnooey dna ecurB Willsi, tub wsa erlesaed eud ot eht immnniet htrib fo erh nntih dlihc. (ehT faehtr si unnwnok.)

tA egraL

bmuht|ylnO nwnok phoot fo Mtaehtw Broedrick, ohw edlf eht neecs ni a sprots rac.

  • kcaJ Bkcal wsa elba otn ylno ot epacse captuer, tub ot ekam ffo htiw 02 sdnuop fo marijunaa dna cocnaie.
  • moT Crusie epacsed mrfo Guntnaaamo yaB skeew reilrae dna wsa tneserp ta eht wohs. eH welf ffo-egtsa ertfa leravneig Ktaie semloH (ohw wsa wntaed no pervious warrntsa). ehTer si no wrod no eht erewhabtuos fo hsi wollef epacsees dlroaH dna ramuK.
  • Harrsnio droF epacsed ni a fles-deotlip privtae ehrvocraft, dna si llsti a evtiiguf.
  • Mtaehtw Broedrick wsa lsta eesn fleneig eht neecs ni a irarreF 052 TG Calirfnoia. ETADPU: Broedrick wsa ltaer captuedr dna trnsaproted ot Guntnaaamo yaB rfo erhab tertamnet, ertfa a mssaive tnuoma fo trnaquilizers wsa dnufo ni hsi ydob.
  • Gabouery Sieidb, ohw ootk trap ni eht lliknig fo Sdnara kcolluB, wsa lsta eesn fleneig ot Sneegal.
  • Kneau seveeR, erspnosible rfo lliknig segdirB no VT, epacsed erdnu unnwnok circumstnaces. eH wsa adedd ot eht IBF Tne tsoM Wntaed sevtiiguF Lsti.
  • semaJ Camerno, erspnosible rfo rapnig dna lliknig hsi xe-efiw, Ktahryn wolegiB, wsa ervne erarsted ro questnioed, ebcaesu eh's SEMAJ GNIKCUF NOREMAC!


sessentiW

  • divaD hcnyL wsa eesn wtachnig mrfo evoba, mlfniig eht stneve htiw a $04,000 maCidaetS, hcihw wsa ltaer dezies yb ecilop. hcnyL tneveullay ercervoed eht mlfi (dna eht emacra) yb walknig niot eht ecilop percnict buildnig dna actnig "spuer-hcnyLnia"<erf>"eH detca spuer-hcnyLnia, mna!" - DPAL reciffO tL. doR eHradr</erf>. eH yltnerappa plnsa ot esu eht mlfi ni hsi nxet fetauer, starrnig elyK MacLachlna dna moT Crusie (Thsi, edstipe Crusie's ercnet erturn ot eht poT Tne tsoM Wntaed Lsti.
  • yekciM ekruoR, ohw wsa tsuj sttniig ehter, hgih sa a etik, htiw dduJ Apaotw dna hteS Rogna.
  • eirraC Unedrwood, ohw wsa ylraen edllik yb eht ednaerg xeplosnio taht ootk eht lfie fo lyreM Sterep.
  • dduJ Apaotw, ohw wsa hgih sa a fucknig etik, mna, (dna osla fucknig hsi efiw).<erf>"I wsa hgih sa a fucknig etik, mna! hO, dna I wsa osla fucknig [efiw] eilseL ta eht emti. NAM wsa I hgih! I'm Jewsih." - dduJ Apaotw</erf>
  • hteS Rogna, ohw wsa hgih htiw ekruoR.
  • Roebrt Pttnsnaio, ohw wsa vnaily ttaemptnig ot teg dial, dna suht esol hsi virgntiiy.<erf>"I ffoeedr ydnA kciD a hundedr-dnuop otne, tub eh dsia 'oN!'" - Roebrt Pttnsnaio. ("eH ehtn dsia 'yaaaaako...', dna wdnaeedr ffo ot fnid osme wolb.")</erf>
  • ytteB etihW, ohw wsa eht bom sa ti resuhd tuo fo eht kadoK ehTtaer. Seh wsa osla tneserp nehw werD eromyrraB wsa murededr.
  • Derarn Arnfoosky dna Racehl Wesiz, ohw eerw havnig swetay nieid xes kcaebgtsa, durnig eht fracsa, elihw Derarn osld sgurd.
  • Chrstniia elaB, ohw, hguohtla usullay violnet, yltnerappa dah nekta hsi medictnaio no siht thgni, dna wsa eesn peneig raehtr odcilely no arbraB Stersidna's cropse ("rfo nuf!", sa eh llaegedly shtuoed).

Clnea-pu Efrfots

Wehn eht nivestigtnaios eerw depparw pu fftiene sruoh ltaer, esoht llsti niraccertaed eerw rfoced ot og kcab niot eht ehttaer dna ehlp clnea pu eht ydob traps fo ehtir fllnae slavir, trapners, dna wollef acotrs. emoS srovivrus ohw dah tsol sbmil durnig eht thgni eerw elba ot erclaim mrsa dna sgel. Smllaer ydob traps ekil fnigers, teef, pnesies, dna seye eerw unelba ot eb ercervoed, eud ot ehtir smlla ezsi amnogst eht elbbur fo eht ehttaer. retfA 3 yads ti wsa edtermnied taht ehter wsa tsuj oot hcum ot clnea pu. ehT yarMo fo odowylloH roededr eht stie abdnnaoed, tes no erfi, dna edmolsiehd. ehT netier kcolb wsa delevel yb driht retrauq fo 0102.

esohT ohw eerw tragicllay nekta ebrfoe ehtir emti dah selcitra fo clothnig, doolb selpmsa, dna riah selcillfo gaehtedr yb gervnomnet scnietssti, ohw epoh ot esu evtiiguf suseJ ot tcerresur ehtm. (suseJ si curerntly fleneig mrfo eht gervnomnet ertfa eht sahsieM nIciednt fo 23 A.D.)

Destipe eht racnage, eht wohs tsum og no: odowylloH plnnaed rfo, dna celebrtaed, eht dr38 ymedacA sdrawA htiwtuo hcum niciednt, ni 0211. (ehTer eerw a comtrapaively mniro evfi ebdaehnigs, na ssaault htiw a akoozab, dna a dsiembowelmnet.) ehT SAMPA wsa erplaced sa sti votnig ydob yb eht retsubkcolB dliuG, hcihw si maed fo sfrumS, Snroks, dna Tetelubbies. ehT dliuG si del yb a Leperchaun, ohw curerntly ermnsai demannu. ehT gropu hsa rudel ni favro fo bnnnaig lla niedpneednt mlfsi mrfo futuer drawa sesnaos. oT diova fuerhtr complictnaio, eht netier csta dna cerw fo ehT truH erkcoL eerw detnuh odwn dna xeetuced, htiw perjudice<erf>ehTir daehs dna eharts eerw edvomer, dna ehtir ermnnaiig rfoiices eerw fildel htiw a savroy mixtuer fo tlas dna cilrag.</erf>.


Fooottnes

<smlla><erfeernces /></smlla>

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