Category:1980s

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If you don't use protection the 80's will make you look like this.

Scenes from a typical condom commercial of the early 1980's.

The 1980s a.k.a. MulletMania, the era of long curly hair, aviator glasses and The Smiths. Its main features were perhaps the fall of the Berlin Wall, and without a doubt the Hanson brothers' birth. The 1980s was also the death of disco, punk, kite-sized lapels, and whatever was left of the free love movement. The period heralded a new era of video games, drugs, crappy TV shows, music videos, the Cold War, the Bush dynasty, and the Goth subculture (appropriately born from the dead corpse of punk). All these things were not change, but rather, annoying human tendencies dressed in new spiffy Battlestar Galactica Underoos. This era was created when Mr.T pitied Chuck Norris at the exact moment he gave a Roundhouse Kick in the chest. Some Historians believe that the 80's were created by the U.S. government created the 80's to end Burt Reynolds attempt to take over the the world in the belief that the destruction of all decent culture and the introduction of Jesus Jones would cause Burt to disintegrate. Some scientists in the 70's believed that the 80's was inevitable considering the ever increasing amount of the 70's in the atmosphere and consequently attempted to remove all the 70's by making marijuana illegal but after they realised to their astonishment that it was already they gave up.

Contrary to popular belief, the Eighties extended far into the 1990s - as late as 1993 in some places, such as at Muriel's Wedding.

In the history of lousy decades, the 1980s was known as being more depressing than the Great Depression and more interesting than WWII and Korean War combined. Even Ethan Woodward's parents killed themselves, though the matter was hushed up and made to look like a freak tractor accident. Never before have people been so scared silly of nuclear war, suicidally nihilistic from the utter crapfest from previous decades, brain-dead from video entertainment, and in love with being pissed off beyond all reason by stupid politicians.

So the 1980s rocked. Seriously. Despite what Jay thinks, he sucks. Ask anyone who was there, and they'll wax lyrical about Pac-Man, or the A-Team or Cyndi "Goddamn Cyndi Lauper" Lauper. They all rocked! The President of America was a zombie, the Prime Minister of Britain was a very unconvincing drag queen and the Pope was the same crappy one we have (R.I.P., 1st April 2005 see St. Peter's Basilica) now. There were lesbians during the 1980s, like Cagney & Lacey and Kate & Allie, but they were ugly. The James Bond movies were even worse than the ones from the 90's.

There were many good things about the eighties, and those were Back to the Future II, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, hair bands, Black Sabbath, White Zombie, the Rubix Cube, and lesbians. It is important here to note that lesbians were founded, not invented, and boy were they founded.

The 1980s saw the aftermath of the breakup of Nato, with the spread of Communisum to Mexico and Derkaderkastan. and the beginning of WW3 with the communism, although, in the end, the US proved successful by using ChronoTech to send the big-breasted agent Tanya to kill the Soviet douchebag Yuri. Also, did I mention that lesbians were founded in the eighties?

In 1991, the 1980s were banned by the Geneva Convention, the Garret Club, and the NYPD, on the grounds that leg warmers were a fire hazard. Furthermore, over 90 percent of house fires reported throughout the decade were at least purported to be caused by overgrown mullets.

[edit] The Great Nickel Riots of 1981

Though this event really happened in 1988, Scientist Cornwallis Santa Flipflodder II renamed it to fit in 1981. This led him to becoming well known as an ass. During the riots Bill Gates and Oscar Wilde went on a rampage through the small town of Baltimore, New Mexico. Using AK-47s and pixie magic, along with Antmusic, these two destroyed the rich and vast history of all that was in New Mexico. Many churros and small rats were destroyed this day. After the prosecution of these two, amount of damage done was revealed to be in the vicinity of $0.32 Canadian, and since Canadian dismissed.

[edit] The Rise Of Hair Products

The 1980's saw an explosion of hair products for both men and women. Seeking ever poofier hair, women routinely applied moose, gel, spray, silicon, Bondo (TM), and other related masonry products to their hair. In turn, males of the era sought to emulate birds by having their hair feathered. It was also law at the time that men should always retain a comb in their back pocket in the event they loose the feathered look. President Ronald Reagan vowed that American hairstyles would be the tipping point for Communism in his famous Berlin speech in which he ordered "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall...and let's give you a capitalist makeover!"

The 80's also saw the rise of the proverbial "Big Hair" bands such as Poison, Whitesnake, Ratt, and Mitch Miller And His Gang. This era saw the inception of the now famous "Mullet." This particular hairstyle would tragically reproduce (having no know predator in the wild) beyond control and infiltrate every swap meet and NASCAR rally in the southern United States.

[edit] The End Of The 80s

Upon seeing the hordes of Smiths imitators, fluorescent teenagers and skin headed skinheads, then Prime Minister of the UK Johnny Al Fresco (then leader of the Scary party) organised a meeting with the top 5 producers of the 1980s: Blighty, Iran, Wales, London and Venezuela, in order to decrease production of the 80s. In 1988, an amnesty of this decade was called, with uproar from from public. Amongst incidents that happened were The John Riots, where 250 people named John stormed a pillar box next to Westminster (The John Riots were recently voted one of the bloodiest acts of police inhumanity, where, out of the 250 rioters, 400 were killed) and, in a desperate and greedy bid to earn money before the much-fabled Great Depression of the 90s, Morrissey released his first solo album, Viva Late (demonstrating his love of procrastination)

On January 1st 1990, news was released that the amnesty had become effective as of midnight. Millions weeped, though their attentions were turned to Nirvana shortly afterwards. It remains much lived to about 4% of the worlds population, which is a lot when you consider.

[edit] See Also

• Sting Theory
• Pac Man Fever
• The Eighties

Media in category "1980s"

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