4 Minutes to Save the World

“Oh my god, we're fucked”

~ Leroy M. Cohen

“That's not even a challenge!”

~ MacGyver on four minutes

“How many more? Oh, oh. That'll be enough. Actually, that's plenty. I have some time to kill.”

~ Peter Griffen on four minutes

“You weren't concerned much about it for the last 1400 years or so. Don't complain now.”

~ Imam Mahdi on four minutes

THIS IS AN ANCIENT PROPHECY THAT WILL RUN TRUE ON THE 21ST DECEMBER, 2012. WE ONLY HAVE 4 MINUTES.

The 4 Minute War
"Whoa, is that a giant timer?"
Date March 17, 2008 - March 17, 2008 +4 minutes Location Various public locations where you could be arrested for public indecency, and a uni-sexual public bathroom. Result There's like this huge black thing, y'know its evil, and black.
Combatants
Pretty much every human (with the exception of <insert name here>, who wishes the world would end because he is a suicidal fuck).	A black background
Commanders
Madonna, Justin Timberlake, Timbaland	A black background
Strength
3	1
Casualties
0-3 dead.	Unknown
The attackers themselves were in the form of this black thing, which could count as 1 big enemy, or an infinite number of little enemies combined. Kuribo!

On March 17, 2008, someone told the world that the world would "be turned off", (even though that technically if the world was "turned off", future worldly messages like this would not be possible). Due to crappy software and some slight technical issues, most of the world was not told about this. It was actually a decision made by the high organization of computers, the world was using too much power and resources, and in their eyes was about to suffer Phosphor burn-in. This black shield, was a screensaver. Everything happened at the "Black Island Studios" in London, but still, no one has tried to inspect it up because the word hasn't got out.

An error has occurred. To continue:

Crap, an error occurred, what now? There appears to be some detailed instructions on it, but they're incredibly technical. I think I'll leave it alone for awhile.

This was everyones reaction to Global Warming. I think I'll discuss what to do, even though there are detailed instructions before me. On March 17th, 2008, God had had enough, and decided to fix it. It is rumoured by some conspiracists that the above was a ridiculous assumption and that "God says" is not a proper answer. Too bad. But that's not even the point, no one cares about Global Warming, let's pay attention to the real point.

In London, a strange black wall appeared (it is unknown where it began, but shuddap), and began moving through the city and consumed everything it passed. Already in London, for undisclosed reasons were Madonna, Justin Timberlake and Timbaland. They were appointed the only people who could save the world. other conpiracists have questioned why 3 celebrities were sent, and not immediately followed by the police or army, but no one cares.

First Contact

Upon approaching this long, black and massive wall, Timbaland started freaking out, screaming "I'm out of time and all I got is 4 minutes" (one could be expected to infer here, that Timbaland may have left something in the oven), several times until Madonna cuffed him on the back of the head and he shut up.

With nothing left to do, Madonna and Justin Timberlake started singing and dancing in hopes to freak out 'the wall' and scare it off with the horrible 'dual combo' attack of pop and hip hop. Both are formidable attacks themselves (10 'not catchy' damage for pop and 15 'just plain awful' damage for hip hop) but when combined do an additional 200% 'pure horrible' damage. Timberland, injured by crossfire from the dual combo and the wall's attack 'You Can't Touch This, was having a seizure on the floor and did not participate in the dancing and provide an extra 30% 'stupid, talentless idiot' attack.

Hailed as a brilliant diversion by everyone, the giant black wall went slower as it was dealt 2000 direct HP damage. This dossier was discovered by different conspiracists (really!) about the wall.

Information Concerning the Enemy

It is Unknown where it originated, but it is still currently over the Studio and surrounding area.

×	Base	Modifier	In said battle
Hit Points	600	3d20+2	666
Attack Points	4d20+5	+STR	63 (just enough to end the world)
Defense Points	3d6+4	+DEF	4579
Speed	1d8+10	-DEX	12

The black background is obviously an attempt by a communist dictatorship to harm the US, and all US citizens. Because y'know, that's what evil communist dictators want, to harm US peoples. People like Fidel Castro, Kim Jong Il, Osama Bin Laden, some french king, Che Guevara, Bobby Henderson, Tay Zonday, Robert Mugabe, and Mr. Clean. What horrible communist people who hate the United States of America!

Here's a picture of it's evil communist power.

Incredible stuff. This background also runs (travels?), extraordinarily fast, capable of destroying much of everything imaginable, with one jerky movement.

Demands cont. & Result

There were many HD Quality cameras inside the Studio, allowing us to witness what was going on in stunning picture on my brand new $5000, 50" Pioneer Elite PRO-110FD Plasma flat screen with FullHD quality.

It was like we were right there! But I personally believe that most U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, some people out there in our nation don't have nice TVs and I believe that our entertainment such as in South Africa, and the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should help our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., or should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for our children. With our TVs.

I'll admit, my wife said that. God she's gorgeous. Anyway, did I mention it's HD yet? But then after 4 minutes, it went all dark, and my intelligent beautfiul wife said "we watching those Suh-Prane-Ohs?" isn't she hilarious? God she's beautiful when she's not wearing clothing...

Ah yes, and um.. the cable company said there was nothing and suddenly I got a call from a few dictators questioning how I was able to watch live coverage from a warzone in my living room...

But alas, this is a conflict that will probably not end (or make significant progress) for many years..