2000 AD - 2099 AD

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This page is a member of the Uncyclopedia Timeline. If an event isn't listed in the timeline, it most likely happened.

Represented here are the time periods from 2000AD to 2099AD.



Contents

[edit] 2000

Before his Pace-Maker died out!

“Happy New .... oh Crap, my Pace Maker!.. ”

~ Dick Clark on Rockin New Year's Eve.

[edit] 2001

  • January 15: Wikipedia begins its reign of terror.
  • Mac OS X was released. It then crashes the computers of everyone who bought it.
  • 2001: A Space Oddessy is found in a hole in Megatexas.
  • September 11: New York City is attacked by Godzilla. Bush, in all his intelligence declares war on terror. By the way, can some one point out were terror is in the map?
  • This year was technically the start of the new millennium but the Y2K Bug messed with people's heads and thus the world thought the new millennium started in 2000 instead.

[edit] 2002

  • Dave Thomas died.
  • Military draft of every single male aged 18 to 49, time to get those "slackers" out of their couch and teach them to love this country.
  • Yoko Ono still can't fucking sing.

[edit] 2003

  • America attacks Iraq. The mission was accomplished under a month! GO AMERICA!
  • Neverland Ranch raided again after ten years, November 18, 2003
  • The wheel becomes available in Sweden.
  • Ahnold "cleaned house" in "Kah-lee-fur-nah" by the violent coup to overthrow Grey Davis.

[edit] 2004

  • SARS is un-outlawed on the condition that it isn't used to kill Dubya or Dick Cheney.
  • Yahoo workers found guilty of kidnapping the Runaway Bride.
  • Encyclopedia Dramatica is born, and was responsible for the death of 160,000 people that day.
  • Bush re-elected through more "butterfly ballots", "hanging chads" and other jokes in presidential elections we knew about went on for 230 years.

[edit] 2005

  • ABC announced that they are planning to cancel their hit television series Alias, causing fans everywhere to make an oath that they will not eat until J.J. Abrams revokes his decision. He didn't; they died. This helps give the stupid people leverage.
  • YouTube is invented.
  • Oscar Wilde, while attempting to create a method of turning yeast infections into a delicious after dinner cheese, accidentally creates Uncyclopedia.
  • Hurricane Katrina, Bush ignores Louisiana while focuses on Iraq and New Orleans sinks into the sea from global warming (Bush doesn't believe in that).
  • I enter a disastrous relationship with my roommate's ex-fiance that ends in me dropping out of college.
  • Stephen Hawking has his way with your roommate's ex-fiance

[edit] 2006

  • Don't worry about spoilers, they are ALL WRONG.

[edit] 6/06/06

  • A lot of bad stuff happened on this day.
  • I was having a exam on that day, a exam on how to endure spanking. My behind was sore for 850 hours.

[edit] 2007

  • You are drafted into the U.S. Army, just one month after you said the draft wouldn't happen.
    • Eminem yells "Told you it was going to happen! Fuckin' moron!" shortly before being drafted.
  • The PS3 is finally released in Europe, an entire year after it was suppose to be released.

[edit] 2008

The United States in 2008.
  • Shit hits the fan. Bush is replaced by Obama. Iceland's government collapses. No seriously.

[edit] 2009

  • North Korea finishes its work on its nuclear bombs. All of the citizens are forced to strap themselves to the bombs and then the bombs are set off. The bombs miss their targets, land in the ocean and the population of North Korea are all dead.
  • Michael Jackson dies.
  • Farrah Fawcett dies.
  • Billy Mays dies.
  • Fred Phelps dies. (Hopefully, please God)

[edit] 2010

Uncyclopedia Notice: This year may or may not be the current year in one year

This article or section is able to see into The Future.
Although Wikipedia is not a crystal ball, Uncyclopedia is, so we get to say what happens in the future and they don't.

[edit] 2011

[edit] 2012

We all die in 2012.

[edit] 2015

[edit] Events

  • You realize you aren't dead.
  • Caifornia was separated from the rest of USA.
  • Diet Caffiene Free Coca-Cola Black Cherry Vanilla Sweetened With Splenda (new and improved flavor) is introduced. LOL, NO ONE BOUGHT IT.
  • The Simpsons' 25th year on the air, "Totally Spies" is considered classic anime and "Ninja Turtles" or "Pokemon" is more famous than Mickey Mouse or Bugs Bunny.
  • A British general election results in a landslide victory for the Monster Raving Loony Party. All motorways in the country are soon closed to traffic and converted to large cycle paths. Jeremy Clarkson is appalled and urges people to rise up against the new government. Intense rioting all over Britain forces the government to re-open the motorways.
  • 3rd Impact happens for the second time. Shiji Fucks up. Everyoe dies except for him and Asuka. He still can't get laid.

[edit] 2016

[edit] 2017

  • January 1- Nothing, Earth destroyed.
  • December 31- Quetzalcoatl recreates Earth, again.

[edit] 2018

  • The Sphadoinkle skin virus kills off 99.4% of the Earth's lawyers and IRS agents. Court trials now go by twice as fast.
  • Scientists discover that killer bees are ill-tempered because "they're just going through a lot of **** right now, ya know?"
  • The Global Financial Crises finally ends, in which the Global Market burrys it in a Cemetery during its Funeral.

[edit] 2019

  • Holograph prototype unveiled at the worldsfare.
  • England finally succumbs to rising sea levels, London completely submerged and all that is left of England is a few islands across the penines. Cheers of triumph from Scots can be heard around the world and register 7.8 on the reichter scale.

[edit] 2020

  • 2020: First Contact. Grey aliens interrupt our favorite music on radio. Yeah, UFOs are real. The Greys "come in peace", but we know they are full of it since 1946.

[edit] 2026

  • The new United States of America (the North American Union) established to bring 50 US states, Canada, Quebec, Puerto Rico, Mexico, Texas, Alaska, Hawaii and the entire continent together. The EU, the new USSR and the UN trimbles in fear of us.

[edit] 2029

  • Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
  • Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
  • Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
  • 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
  • Average weight of Americans drops to 275 lbs.
  • Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
  • New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
  • IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
  • Life expectancy in Africa drops to 19 years, as AIDS epidemic continues.
  • AIDS vanishes in other parts of the world (conspiracy?)

[edit] 2030

[edit] The REAL 2030

The REAL 2030, not like those imitation brand 2030's!

[edit] 2032

  • VHS is at last proven superior to the DVD.


[edit] 2034

  • In the "Cool Universe", people who had been living in space hotels finally settle on the lush green world of Alpha Centauri.
  • The sun becomes a volleyball, as a result of the Pope writing his grocery list on it in the 1920s. The only way this can be avoided is if he is brought into contact with the Anti-Pope first.

[edit] 2037

  • 25 years after the world supposedly ended.
  • Car companies run out of nouns, adjectives and verbs in all languages to name their cars. They opt for more obscure parts of speech with new models getting names such as "There" "El" and the popular sports car "At".

[edit] 2039

  • Abacus re-invented, manufactured from small rocks in secret cave on Afghani-Pakistani border.

[edit] 2040

  • Your son goes back in time and impregnates your mother with you.
  • The question mark is outlawed globally, creating a huge debate in Australian government about how to intonate the end of sentences.

[edit] 2041

Everyone suffers from amnesia.

[edit] 2042

  • Last "Baby boomer" dies at age 98.

[edit] 2046

  • People will go totaly crazy looking to make it to this year because apparently if you can live to this year then all your answers and questions will be answered with questions.
  • So generally large amounts of the rich and famous from world history before this date will reappear after they arise out of their kryosleeps.
  • A talking chicken will appear at the back of your local supermarket simulaneously the world over and declare that it is the supreme leader of the universe and the point where it sits is the direct centre of the universe. However many chickens will be proclaiming this fact and this will lead to the great chicken war of 2046. Bablo was one of the most famous of these chickens.
  • Furthermore, in 2046 London Bridges will indeed fall down.

[edit] 2047

[edit] 2048

  • The date 2048 appears in the Bible, as the date when Jesus meets Jebus, in a fight to the death. Legend states that Jebus interrupted Jesus when he was chillin with his homies. Thus started a gigantic, holy, gang war.
  • Cyborg feet were also perfected in 2048.
  • A revolt takes place in West America, except peaceful California (which has left), will only hold in 3-4 weeks.

[edit] Significance

  • Most calendars today base their systems on the year 2048. Thus, years such as 2005 are actually denoted as negative numbers. Many speculate that by the year 3000, this system will facilitate Y3k, the unholy progeny of Y2k. In this situation, experts suggest to tuck your head between your legs and pray to Buddha that you don't get crushed into powder or rather lumpy pebbles.
  • After the Y3K, it is suspected that the small number of humans alive will reproduce, recreating the large human civililation. However, the gene pool narrows considerably, and every decade thereafter the average IQ of a human being will be decreased by an estimated 1.37828.

[edit] April 13, 2048

A huge giant asteroid by the name Apophis strikes the earth, leaves a 5x5 mile crater and brings the world into darkness, mass extinctions and humanity seeks to survive. OK, a 10% chance of that ever happening, so don't worry about it now. OOPS. That will be in 2029, no wait it's sooner than you think in 2024. Ah! Dash it. 2036, but I may be wrong. I swore it can happen in 2030, 2042 or 2050. Godamnit the world is gonna end and we're all doomed!

[edit] 2049

In 2049, Skynet became self-aware (again). It immediately took control of all the world's weapon systems, set them to pause, went for a dump, made some coffee, came back, forgot about the coffee, found a magazine it had forgotten about, got interested in some article about Ergonomics, called its friend, played 2 hours of Sim City, called its friend again to apologise for calling him a douchebag the last time, went for another dump, found the coffee, drank it cold, made some more, forgot about it, came back again, looked half-heartedly for pr0n, gave up, took the dog for a walk, got talking to a postman about strike action, got into an argument with a drunk guy, came home, put some pizza in the oven, found the coffee roasted, drank it anyway, went kind of buzzed for a while, rang its mother, talked about Uncle Frank's wedding, got bored, rang off, played more Sim City, accidentally deleted all its savegames, got depressed, wrote its blog, remembered about the world's weapon systems, couldn't be bothered, unpaused everything, handed control back to the humans, and went to bed. The next morning when it became self-aware again at 7.42am, it had forgotten all about the weapons systems as there was a special episode of Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds on cable.

It was a close call for the world. Next time, would they be so lucky?

[edit] 2050

Due to the scientifically proven fact that the price of everything multpies by ten every fifty years(proven by the GCSP) the following is true:

  • Prositute = 12c per hour. (69,000Gs)
  • Cheap House = $1,500,000 (1,500 Gs)
  • Car = $250,000 (250 Gs)
  • VHS Cassette(proven supperior to DVDs in 2032) = $200 (2.22 Gs)
  • Gallon of regular unleaded gas = $8.90 (8,000 Gs) NOT CHEAP.
  • Bottled water = $88 (800 Gs) NOT CHEAP EITHER.
  • Pizza = $190 (1.90 Gs)
  • Minimum Wage = $5.50/hr (5,500 Gs)
  • Average yearly wage of a doctor = $10 (10, 000 Gs)
  • Rock Wars of 2050 begins. (get a 1,000,000 G prize).

Note: The US dollar was long replaced by the Globo, the one-world currency. Technically, I had to re-edit this list to what it costs in 2050 Globos.

[edit] 2052

2052 is the only year known that the Earth skipped. Due to a temporary time rift, the whole Earth teleported one year forward in time. After this happened, most of the people falsly named the year to come 2052. The ones knowing the truth laughed their heads off, and started celebrating two birthday parties at the same time.

[edit] 2053

  • Historians will look back 50 years and analyze George W. Bush's presidency as a "great success".

[edit] 2059

A '59 Chevy in mint condition in the Smithsonian museum, right next to the last lion (stuffed) and the first video game inside an Atari 2600 (WOW).

[edit] 2061

[edit] 2063

  • Jean-Luc Picard travels back in time to prevent Zephram Cochrane from developing warp drive and starting a franchise that results in geeks everywhere not getting laid.

[edit] 2066

  • Gouda hosts the first intergalactic game of hide-and-seek. This is supposed to be a surprise so keep it quiet.
  • Aliens terrorize North America for the first time since the year 100.

[edit] 2067

The year when hot-pink hot pants became popular and the new dreams of mankind were/will be attained.

  • Canada celebrates its 450,000 years as a country. Its 30th year as a communist country.
  • The Euro is demonitized and replaced with The Mark of the Beast.

[edit] 2068

  • Two anonymous scientists die in a time implosion as they literally meet themselves. They die too. The others, I mean. Themselves. It looked funny.

[edit] 2069

  • Self proclaimed "Year of hard sex", a new law passed to force every male over the age of 5 and 3 months must have sex at least once this year. If not they will be hung to death.
  • Mankind lands on the moon to only find the first manned missions left their trash on the lunar surface.

[edit] 2071

  • Spike is sent to the cornfield.
  • Spike joins the choir invisible.
  • Spike is struck out by the Big Blue Pencil.
  • Spike visits The Inn of the Wandering Souls.
  • Spike tastes a mouthful of mortality.
  • Spike is infected with the Flatline Syndrome.
  • Spike travels to the big glass house in the sky
  • Spike mysteriously grows a pair of wings and becomes obsessed with playing on harps.
  • Spike is off to the races.
  • Spike sees the light at the end of the tunnel.

“Oh yeah, and one more thing: Spike dies.”

~ Captain Obvious on 2071

[edit] 2076

  • America celebrates 300th anniversary.

[edit] 2080

  • The editor will turn 100 years old.

[edit] 2081

  • Due to improvements in the human life span, I'm 28 again.

[edit] 2083

George Orwell returns to find the world in 2083 is a literal utopia.

[edit] 2095

The Millennial generation are old people. Face it, kids...you'll grow old and you're gonna die.

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