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“In Soviet Russia, Olympics bid loses YOU!”

~ Russian Reversal on on losing the Olympics bid.

“GaGa GooGoo!”

~ Renald Sneep on on being born.

“That's a bit shit. What's it supposed to be?”

~ Everyone on seeing the new logo.

“How Much?”

~ Everyone (again) on hearing that it cost £400 000.00.

“Thank God I won't be in charge by then. The Tories can short it out. It's payback for what they did to me with the Millenium Dome ”

~ Tony Blair on Hearing the London Bid Had Won.

“O O! We 'ave really stuck it to zose rostbif fou-elles zis time”

~ The French on Hearing they had managed to dump the games on London

“Zzzzzzzzzz....”

~ New York City on Hearing that the games went to someone else

King David V of Beckham won the right to stage the 2012 Olympics in a narrow victory over the French at the battle of Agincourt in 1415.

However, due to delays, the actual games won’t take place until 2012 making the project almost (but not quite) as late as the new Wembley Stadium or “Ye Newe Stadiumae for Ye Hamlet of Wem-by-Lee” as that project was described in the Domesday Book (1086).

The honour of hosting a sporting competition of the World’s finest athletes competing for personal and national glory is highly sought after. Unfortunately, London didn’t get the FIFA World Cup and has been suckered in to wasting billions staging a silly playground competition to see who can run the fastest and hundreds of other sports no more worthwhile than an egg and spoon race.

Essentially, all the countries send their team to the Olympic village, and the least liked are sent home at the end of each week based on a telephone vote. During their stay they are set a series of trivial challenges like “who can run the fastest”, “jump the highest”, etc. to keep them amused.

It is common practice to spend more on the opening and closing ceremonies than many countries do on health care in a year, but for some reason no one is ashamed.

[edit] Logo Controversy

Main article: Epilepsy

This logo was chosen to reflect the 2012 Games

The logo was quickly withdrawn when it was found to cause an emetic response in people with any sense of taste.

Even little Tony Blair aged 12¾ managed to make a better logo.

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about 2012.

[edit] Business Plan

The Olympic flame will be fuelled with £50 notes bringing the total cost of the event to around £20 000 000 000.00 by the end of next week. A cost-cutting suggestion has been made to move the Olympics to December 21, so that the end of the world can fuel the torch instead. The International Olympics Committee, alas, has vetoed the suggestion.

A stated aim of the Olympics is to get young people to take more exercise. However this could be achieved much more cost effectively by nailing a Big Mac and fries to the back of a car and driving it around residential areas.

[edit] other facts about 2012

• The world will end.
• The world will see big change on the 21st December 2012 http://2012theendoftheworld.org/
• as well as hosting the london olympics, 2012 is also a year, temporally located somewhere in between 2011 and 2150.
• the pwn war ended in 2012.
• 2012 will be yet another game in the eternal match between the realists and doom theorists, bringing the score to a whooping 2012 to 0 in favor of the realists.
• The number line will be reshuffled, so it wont actually be year 2012.
• beginning of the second kosavo war, due to the president of russia.
• friendster will crash caused by too many sign ups.
• nostradamus will become alive and beheaded by nephilims.
• hopi indians will conquer the earth.
• stephen hawking will be eaten by a black hole.
• string theory will be proven but physicists will saw einstein that oscillates in the 11 dimension.
• the mozilla firefox will be eaten by the sun in 2012.
• the microsoft corporation will be eaten by nephilims.
• global financial crisis will be punished and lately it will be global financial war.
• google will have dominated the universal internet world then abolishing other search webs... cool isnt!
• philippine empire will reign supreme as the most corrupt empire in the intergalactic universe.
• it is the largest number obtainable by adding the numbers 938 and 1074 together.
• ghengis khan invents the pinkie swear.
• milky way and andromeda will collide to each other to form a new born galaxy called andromilky consisting of numerous number of stars and planets for the aliens to survive.
• monkeys will evolve to aliens. yeah! aliens not humans cause according to them, humans are idiots.
• dogs will mate with cats and create the ultimate breed of animals in 2012.
• planet x will crash into our sun
• planet x will win the 100 meter dash in london
• planet x will be outed as gay
• First Zorrarricalle opens in Miami
• their wood be a wide spread famine in all over the erth caused by misspelings and bad grammer.
• harry potter 100 will be released.
• the mayan sixth world begins in 2012, after having been fucking kill™ed by steve ballmer. their fifth world ended in 1987, also fucking kill™ed by steve ballmer. astonishingly, this is not a joke, although it does seem to present a slight flaw in their calculations by quietly skimming over 25 years of existence and not mentioning steve ballmers role in the apocalypse. the sixth world is apparently blank, and begins at the end of the mayan long count, which some have interpreted as the end of the world. the mayan team is not going to compete in london as a result.
• the university of berkeley, california intends to reach mars by 2012, a quest which will be rendered pointless in 2009 when the university of elysium planitia, mars reaches california.
• some poor kid will be born with gills and live in a toilet for the first 2 years of his sorry life... sucker...
• terence mckennas timewave graph goes into the negative in 2012, suggesting its about fucking time to lay off the crack, cause time is like, going backwards, dude, seriously, im seeing some funky stuff right now.*the 2012 winter olympics may or may not be held in i dont give a, heck. guy pierce, the mayor of i dont give a relied heavily on the quotes of oscar wilde to try and ensure victory for his wonderful city.
• the now famed 3 monkeys of peace will be murdered by tom cruise
• pigs first learned to fly on october 26. this caused mass chaos. the chicago cubs get swept in the first round of the world series, big shock after over a 100 years of failure. the chicago white sox, however, win the world series. the minnesota vikings actually won a playoff game, but just one. the bears win their 5th straight super bowl, as everyone predicted.
• the polar ice caps will melt and oceans will rise by 100 metres (47.25 feet). half the population grows gills and live under the sea with ariel.
• unbeknownsed to the outside world a mad scientist created a time machine and used it to send the entire universe ahead 1000000000000 years creating an inevitable time loop.
• extreme cup stacking becomes an official sport.
• the second term of conan obrien of precidency of conelandia will end. unfortunately, tarja halonen will still look like him.
• the great tire war of 2012 will begin and end in 2012.  most of mankind will be destroyed.
• as predicted by the mayans,the jonas brothers will revile that they are secretly a group of aliens that have been sent here to tell us that earth will explode due to the fact that your house is painted green.
• scientists realized that ham was the culprit of ham disease.
• hillary clinton will become president resulting in america turning into an anarchy.
• the world will become a post apocalyptic wasteland and mechanical pencils will become the new currency.
• chuck norris will end his feud with the mexican drug cartels, then restart it again.
• either second life or world of warcraft will become the permanent home of 20% of the earths population.
• mechanical pencils will create hyperinflation, in which only jedi master yoda can survive (ironically, by using his lightsaber to make mechanical pencils).
• dr.dre will think about releasing his detox album...but will end up finishing it in 12 more years with only 10 tracks in the album.
• docter phil retires, becoming the newest excuse for massive outrage. riots fill the streets, as usual.
• pigs will learn to fly, however we will learn they have bad eye sight or are controlled by terrorists after they crash into tall buildings. we will find a terrorist group in the middle east to blame.
• approximately 95% of the world will be in debt with the remaining 5% having some sort of swine/bird/lizard/farm animal flu
• you, the reader, will most probably be dead because of the massive meteor/nibiru planet/ending of some 3000 bc tribe dudes calander.. just imagine if people 5000 years in the future saw our calender.. oh god the world ends every 12 months!!!!
• obama will be gone therefore so will swine flu. they said pigs would fly when a black man became president

[edit] the 2012 olympics

• in 2012 the olympics will be hosted in happy-land, not britain, happy-land. britain declares herself an independent nation due to this. then realizes she already is.
• january 19-potato salad enslaves the human race.beneath the potato salad is heinz ketchup who is the potato salads adviser. then comes mustard who is in charge of federal affairs and relations.he dies upon arrival to pakistan.
• the 2012 olympics (opening) will be held in mars nearby mt. olympus. it is london exactly but they try to impress in such that they will build a facilities in mars, neptune and uranus as well. the swimming events will be held in neptune while in uranus, track and field.

==world domination==/ death!!!!!!!!!!

It has been predicted that the world will end in 2012. while it is probable that most people will die in horrible ways, one person named sassan has been spreading horrible rumors of his visions. he has devised an unstoppable (?) plan to take over the world. in fact, this was predicted by the ancient mayans. and since everything that the mayans ever predicted has come true (including richard nixons assassination in 1968), sassan will likely take over the world. some have suggested that 2012, while unequivocally sucky for those who die (except, perhaps, for an hero), could be only moderately sucky for everyone who survives due to the relative reduction in competition over scarce resources. however, people who suggest this are idiots, because sassan will invariably destroy many needed resources as part of his plan. apparently some believe that the parts of earth that are now poland and the ukraine will figure prominently in the post-apocalyptic world. again, those who suggest this need help turning light bulbs, as sassan lives in nijmegen , netherlands and likely has no attachment to these areas. Basically, some mayans got fed up with spending their lives writing a calendar and ended it. People know believe this is the end of the world. In other words, We're all gonna die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a movie was being made about this subject, but it sucks. (its being directed by the same hack that made the day after tomorrow). Check out the Website http://www.whowillsurvive2012.com/

Kevin Rudds ball sack will get eating by wild dogs. The dogs shit the hairy ball sack out and Kevin stitches em back on.

a website with a lot of information on what will happen on 21/12/2012 http://2012theendoftheworld.org/

check it out. link title

[edit] See Also

• Federal University of Santa Catarina, Brazil