2010

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“2010 is a year.”
~ Captain Obvious on 2010

2010 (Pentium MMX) pronounced "twenty ten" (And not two-thousand and ten, as some people would assume) - is a common year (meaning no made up days in February or any of that crap) beginning on Friday, January 1st, 2010. It was first adopted in the Pacific islands and Australia. Asia, Africa, and Europe later followed suit, along with parts of America. The Pacific Coast and Hawaii are still hesitating to accept the new-fangled idea, but 2010-loving faggots are being born everywhere.

The United Nations declare 2010 (and 2009 as well) as the "International Year of Failure"

The year the comeback kid George W. Bush took back his 2004-2008 United Spades of Amerika presidency term from republican Saddam Hussein in a controversial game of I Spy. Among other things... It's the new version of 1986!

Nope, no flying cars.

Death Of Obama

It has been confirmed that Barrack Obama will get sniped soon, the date is still being decided. The weapon used will be a 1959 Mosin-Nagant Carbine. The man which will snipe Obama, will be randomly chosen from the Extremist Ku Klux Klan (The Hardcore KKK Members). While the running mate is picked from the American Neo-Nazi party.

It was then revealed by irishmen that the plan was foiled by a sign that said "Leave Now".

2010 US Census

The 2010 U.S. Census commemorates a new age of America: about 300-350 million Americans are around:

About 30 million illegal immigrants and 20 million undocumented workers. 60% or less white (non-Hispanic), 13-19% black (er...African Americans) who have that "one drop", and the largest minority are...Space Martians secretly living among us about 80% of the U.S. population.

More than 90% of women work/held a job and continue to make more profits by making sexual harassment lawsuits against men for no reason, the percentage of young people under age 60 ("Baby-boomers" think they are "young" again) are over 50%, and the entire birth rate is composed of non-Americans from Mexico, Central or South America, and North America (um, is that a country?).

And in religion: approximately 95% are Christians, about 2, 3, 4 or 5% Jewish (unless the Evangelical Protestants from the Republican party converted them all already), even more like 10% are Al-Qaeda terrorists (a.k.a. Brown Moslems), and in the Democrat party: Pagans, Atheists and "Secular progressives" finally voted out the Religious right.

About 15-20% are unemployed, 25% are well in the poverty gap and the top 1% get to have financial security despite the recent global economic crisis.

The U.S. government is cracking down the current pandemic facing the nation and endangers our mental health: Homosexuality...an unknown number of men have the "ghey" disease, many more are possibly metrosexuals and the rest are women who are butches, bitches and worst: maybe are feminists!.

To current the gender balance of gender roles in America, the U.S. government now requires all "openly" gay men (may include metrosexuals) to be tracked down by a serial number or told to wear dresses with a pink triangle badge.

According to the Census, nobody has a flying car yet. That's just wrong.

The First Challenge

The main point of his televised stammering speech was to provoke intelligent discussion about the legitimacy of Saddam's presidency. Bush cited the well known fact that Saddam was born out of wedlock, thus making him illegitimate. Saddam responded, saying that Bush and the whole TBS network wasn't anywhere near Bury, England and challenged Bush to American Gladiators.

Bush refused the challenge stating that the TV show wasn't American enough. So he double dog dared Saddam to a game of I Spy. The Supreme Court ruled in favor of Bush and the game of I Spy was set to be aired live February 3, 2010 on TBS.

The Something Blue Seen Round The World

TBS tried to call the event Judgement Day 3, but the Governator threatened to sue Ashley Olsen. February 3 came and went and the event was not aired. TBS spokeswoman Claire Redmond said, "Oops LOL." and the show was aired the following night. The broadcast stunned the world more than Janet Jackson accidentally giving birth during the Super Bowl.

What Saddam Spied:

  • A Band Aid brand bandage
  • A Monkey on roller skates
  • A Pony

What Bush Spied:

  • A Book on Origami Kama Sutra
  • The U.S. Constitution on fire
  • A Smurfette

Unfortunately for Saddam, Bush's scientologists discovered that he is colorblind and gets confused when a Smurfette stands on top of a pastry. Bush's top agent Rolf, disguised as a waiter, snuck in a Smurfette with Saddam's on air meal of Wheaties and bagels. During the third round of I Spy, Saddam was unable to successfully identify the Smurfette as being blue.

With nothing more than his little eye, Bush had cast a Shadow of Doubt (+5 vs. Mad Dictators) on Saddam's presidency. Bush then rolled out the next phase of his Mandate, called Plan Bee.

Plan Bee: The Do Over

Bush, having embarrassed Saddam, ditched TBS in favor of the Lifetime channel and made a public announcement asking the Amerikan public for a do over. He felt he didn't get a fair second term in 2004-2008. Exactly 50% of the people agreed and contacted their congressional representatives with baskets of kittens and expensive 900 number phone calls.

Congressman Tom Delay introduced the Do Over Act, which proposed that Stephen Hawking must construct a time machine large enough for the whole planet to fit in, that must take everyone back to 2004 so Bush can redo his second term and have a better chance of defeating Saddam in 2008.

As usual, the democrats scrambled to get the bill passed while the republicans blocked it at every pass. Bush complained and threw a fit, so his mother gave him some warm milk to sleep better with. While he was napping, Barbara Bush politely asked Congress to reconsider the bill. The Immortal Senator Orrin Hatch said to Barbara Bush, that if she was really sincere, she would perform the Truffle Shuffle during his lunch break. She obliged, and after the ensuing mess, the Do Over Act was passed with flying colors.

Senator Hillary Clinton contacted Stephen Hawking on his Blackberry and quite politely demanded a time machine be built. Mr. Hawking, having nothing to do with time travel or any form of theoretical science, told her to STFU and suggested Amerika force everyone in the world to buy 2004 calendars from his web based calendar business and pretend it's 2004. Senator Clinton thought that was a smashing idea and brought peyote and gin to the celebration party. George W. Bush was voted Miss Life of the Party for the 33rd year in a row.

The Arrestation without Taxation...no, Representation...no, Saddam Is Deported

Saddam Hussein was deported back to Iraq and is currently being held in an undisclosed location by forces of the Coalition of the Willing. He will be held there until his trial for war crimes or by January 2007(the second time around) so he can begin his campaign for 2008 President of the United Spades of Amerika, whichever comes first.

The Consequences of the Do Over

A notable scientist once said, "For every action, there is an equal yet opposite reaction by President Bush to ban abortion."

January 2004 (take two), Bush is re-resworn in as President of the USA. The people of Australia, the only country to reject the Do Over, are shipped to the UK and are forced to swear allegiance to Her Majesty the Queen's Royal Sewing Kit. The former Australians were rather dismayed as they would like to see Her Majesty the Queen knit more practical things like socks and caps than the tie dyed tea cozies she is so fond of.

Meanwhile, Canada is overwhelmed by an influx of "wetbacks" crossing the Great Lakes and these Americans threaten to leave when Bush is re-elected did meant it. Canada and French Canada (the "other canada") regrets this.

Chocolate Scandal

(See Chocolate, Chocolate in Australia section) The Australian Good for You party (Who banned chocolate in March 2010) where overthrown by Chocoholic Kids and Old People when it turned out that the over rated Government had been eating Chocolate themselves. After the overthrow Julia Gillard took over Australia.

The Other Stuff

Other important facts about the year 2010.

  • January 1 - Ending one crappy decade and starting an even more crappier decade.
  • Jaunary 4 - Y2K10 bug, OH NOES.
  • January 12 - Good for you party wins Australian election against an athlete. Tony Abbott, Nice guy Kevin Rudd and Hippy boy Bob Brown.
  • Obamacare is a reality! Now time to legalize marijuana.
  • Obamassacre, a KKK style operation is to take place in fifth quarter. Only the target now are French tourists.
  • February 7Super Bowl XLIV will be played at Cardinal McCarrick High School Eagles Stadium Water Front Park Cm's Finest 08, and the Pittsburgh (er, Sixxburgh) Fixxers win by a score of 99-1.
  • January 6 - Uranus was officially renamed in order to end vulgar jokes about the planet. It is now called Urectum.
  • March 1- The Good for you party bans Chocolate in Australia (And Farmidale, Narrabri and Oompa Loompa land) unless it is for medical reasons
  • March 24 - Rush Limbaugh leaves the country forever.
  • March 25 - Glenn Beck is now the biggest bag of hot-air on radio.
  • April 1 - Beavis claims Jesus comes back the next day but he doesn't and he is assassinated.
  • May 1 - April Fools!!!
  • June 10 - The Bloodbath World Cup 2010 is held in Iraq with a bloody carnage involved.
  • July 10 - John Lennon resurrected himself and joined.
  • December 31 - Everyone is wondering if 2011 is going down the toilet (just like 2009 & 2010).
  • Paul McCartney, Sting, and that blond guy from the Beach Boys to form Beatles 2. Lennon's new band was unable to tour in the USA due to the 2006(take two) No Zombie Act. The band later fell apart due to creative differences between Paul and their tour mascot, Scruffles the Dog.
  • Sweden and Finland ended their marriage separation by renewing their wedding vows. Quebec has yet to return the couple's child, Norway. But Denmark and Iceland fight over who's the child's mother/father.
  • My neighbor was caught digging through my trash again. For punishment, the Karma Overlord gave him cooties.
  • October 16 - Astronauts Roy Schneider and That Old British Chick who Likes to Get Naked arrive at Jupiter and save the Earth from an attack by Keir Dullea.
  • The Phantom butt-fucked his momma.
  • Tom Philips, an imfamously sexually-forward space alien (masquerading as a garbage man) murders 14,000 innocent bystanders with a four-iron.
  • Drew Brown awakens from his 40-year long coma, induced by a heart attack. It has been rumored that the heart attack was caused by hot mashed potatoes.
  • Sonic The Hedgehog suffocates in meth cloud.
  • An army of billions of Dutch zombie soldiers will arrive in big orange spaceships and make everybody wear turquoise colored clothing.
  • Oscar Wilde's homeworld of Jupiter will be blown up by a couple of misfit Monoliths.
  • Sailor Moon and Sailor Jupiter announce they are in a same-sex relationship. They got married in a rainbow world called Hawaii.
  • George Clooney's smugness grows so great that the Universe decides to spawn a wormhole near Pluto in order to reassure skittish shareholders of the fiscal viability of their enterprise.
  • The United States of America will only be the last surviving country on earth.
  • Lauren Conrad's former BFF Audrina Patridge will die.
  • Barack Obama will invade Canada and Australia. The Anzacs attack from beyond the Grave and then use John Howard's eyebrows as a phazer cannon.
  • Will Farrell actually makes a film that doesnt suck donkey testicals [don't count on it though].
  • Serbia ceases to exist, the European Union takes them in.
  • 'Superspiderbatman film to be released starring Marcus Cunningham(of drunk man fame).
  • A jobless single woman living at home with her parents raising six kids had octopulets, now that's strange and stupid.
  • Meanwhile, Sarah Palin is pregnant again and gave birth to a baby boy named Trigga. Barack Obama denies paternity claims, and John Edwards blames it on Tiger Woods once again.
  • Sailor Moon slapped Sailor Mars.
  • Turns out Jupiter wasn't destroyed, but instead turns into a hypergiant, which pretty much makes the Solar System asplode. Go figure.
  • 10 October - The Date of 10/10/10, when everybody loses The Game, no matter if they know what it is or not.
  • 18 October- Maurice Sendak dies while having sex with a guy. That's where the wild things are, my friend.
  • Sailor Moon gets beaten up by Sailor Saturn.

United States of America invades Japan

Following controversy's that Japan was planning on attacking a small town in Texas called "The Joint" after a dispute outside a bar, US spies found out about the plans to bombard "The Joint" and then sent around 18 men to Tokyo the capital of Japan and from there they took over the country.

Once the Japanese Prime Minster Shinzo ABE agreeded to the terms that he would be given a pension which consited of 2 Kit Kat's a day and a wet salmon, Shinzo surrendered and gave authority to Barack Obama who then sold the country to the leader of soft drinks company Coca Cola. After renaming the country Coca Cola all the japanese residents that did not want to be called Coca Collians were then shipped to Poland.

Meanwhile, PepsiCola defends their French-Canadian Republic market base (Canada) and China, both would declared war on America and the Chinese are worst than the Japanese (who's the "Good Asians" or "Bad Asians"?). PepsiCola prime minister Cournel Harland Sanders founder of Kfc is now considering taking over other countires such as Mexico and Russia.

However, the U.S. army was defeated by the huge Mongol hordes of Chinese, the Red Army we thought we're gone and the tidal brown wave of Mexicans across the Gulf of Mexico via the Rio Grande. In a peace treaty by traitorous president Barack Obama, the Russians acquire Alaska, the Chinese retrieve Hawaii and the Mexicans annexed Texas, Arizona, California and New Mexico.

Meanwhile, the Arabs and Iranians started a fight, but the USA is sure to pick sides with the "other bad guy" to keep its' high-valued oil wells flowing.

David Feldheim's Graduation

In 2010, it is noted that local hoosier, David Feldheim graduates highschool in 2010. Let's all give a round of applause for David!

The Ashes film to be released

After 130 years in production a film about the popular sporting contest The Ashes is due to be released.

World Domination

On AD 2010, Cats plan to dominate the world. Most human will perish during the initial invasion and the rest(About 5 million people) will be used as slaves to the Cats. This Steven Speilberg will be unveiled in world domination theatres. Kittenolivia and the Cat Nation declare war on America and oblivitated New York city, Washington DC and Los Angeles by a simple beam of light from their hovering spacecrafts.

Long awaited World Cup Win

Okay, Spain finally win the World Cup after having their arses thrashed by Wales for the last six seasons. Afterwards, the country is destroyed by a Russian missile that contains super AIDS. And fire. but wait whos that that comes out of thier grave. ed gien, no jeffrey dahmer, no wait TUPAC he rises once again he comes up kills everyone leaves a last bullet for himself his last words is ill be back and shoots himself.......AGAIN.

Flying Cars

None. Cars fly. They build the flying car that runs on helium and pneumonoultamicroscopicsilicovolcaniconiosis (lung disease that you get from volcanic ash) interesting huh? who wouldve thought that the worlds comeing to an end. well i sure didnt because everyone loves dabagina.Then Cars Fly Around Car Sales Like Maniacs.

Other News

  • It was fscking hot in Los Angeles on September 26th: High of 110 degrees fahrenheit.

Sports

YOU GO GIRLS!

  • Spain won the 2010 World Cup in soccer against the sissy Dutch. Spaniards are perceived as gay, but the Dutch played like girls.

oh, someone already wrote that in the article...SORRY.

GAY MEN CAN PLAY BALL!

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