International Asperger's Year. Double the Asperger's, HALF THE PRICE!!!
The year of Mozart, as the the world thought that this was the year the struggling classical musician, Dogpile Mozart, would finally catch on in popular culture. His first new single of the year, "Cannon Fodder in A Minor,"bombed, and he died shortly thereafter from pure lack of talent.
January 5 - A hotel in Mecca collapses killing 76 pilgrims visiting to perform the hajj. The collapse was blamed on the hotel's inability to withstand the weight of the faith of the patrons within. Also, the weight of the patrons themselves.
January 13 - Following the end of the hajj, the pilgrim deathtoll is estimated to be 600. The head cleric of Saudi Arabia calls the pilgrimage a "rousing success." In related news, the term "rousing success" is redifined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary.
February 8 - 404 soldiers desert their posts in East Timor starting the 2006 East Timor crisis. The rest of the world steps in to fix it by telling East Timor they are not important enough to have a crisis, and their soldiers deserting their posts could be defined as a mere problem, or an issue at best.
February 17 - 1,126 people are killed in Southern Leyte, Philipines after rains, coupled with a cattle stampede which loosened up the dirt, cause a massive mudslide.
February 19-23 - 4 morehorrible,life-takingoccurances happen in these four days, but the writers of the timeline have run out of ways to try and make horribly depressing news funny.
February 24 - A state of emergency is declared in the Philippines, after an alleged coup detat against the President is foiled when a stampede of cattle tear through a rioting crowd coming for his life.
February 27 - After a 3 day deliberation, the Philippines are declared to be having the worst one-month period since Poland in September of 1939.
February 28 - Riots turning to stampedes break out in Dublin, Ireland prior to the Love Ulster parade, as many of the citizens of Dublin are said to "Have no issue with Ulster whatsoever, but we certainly don't love him."
March 1 - People of Earth were thankful that 2006 was not a leap year, as the general consensus was that if February lasted any longer, the world was bound to end.
March 9 - NASA astronaut Cassini Huygens becomes first person to touch the geysers shooting a liquid substance into the air coming from Saturn's moon Ejaculateus. NASA believed this was a possible presence of water on the moon, until Huygens informed them the substance "tasted weird." NASA did not comment on whether or not Mr. Huygens swallowed.
March 16 - The Blu-ray Disc format for movies is released in the United States.
April 9 - Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon is removed from office. Many of his advisors share the blame for Sharon's failures, saying they did not do enough to help the man through the problems he faced over the last few months of his term. Many pointed to the growing hostilities with Palestine, the increase in terror attacks in Gaza, and the rise of tank stonings as the reasons for his removal. Others just pointed to the fact that Sharon had actually fallen into a coma some 4 months previously.
April 16 - Prince Albert of Monaco reaches the North Pole, becoming the first man with a genital piercing named after him to do so.
April 16 - 100-year-old man Joseph Ireland commemorates the 90th anniversary of his 1916 Rising. He pokes himself in the genitals several times to relive the event, but is saddened to realize his genitals had effectively died some 30 years previously.
May 9 - 14 days after the Baconsville Mine Collapse traps them underground, Todd Russell and Brant Webb are finally able to eat their way out of the bacon-mine. Said Russell following the daring escape, "Bacon is delicious."