2000 AD - 2099 AD

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This page is a member of the Uncyclopedia Timeline. If an event isn't listed in the timeline, it most likely happened.

Represented here are the time periods from 2000AD to 2099AD.



Contents

[edit] 2000

Before his Pace-Maker died out!

“Happy New .... oh Crap, my Pace Maker!.. ”

~ Dick Clark on Rockin New Year's Eve.

[edit] 2001

  • January 15: Wikipedia begins its reign of terror.
  • Mac OS X was released. It then crashes the computers of everyone who bought it.
  • 2001: A Space Oddessy is found in a hole in Megatexas.
  • September 11: New York City is attacked by Godzilla. Bush, in all his intelligence declares war on terror. By the way, can some one point out where terror is in the map?
  • This year was technically the start of the new millennium but the Y2K Bug messed with people's heads and thus the world thought the new millennium started in 2000 instead.

[edit] 2002

  • Dave Thomas died.
  • Military draft of every single male aged 18 to 49, time to get those "slackers" out of their couch and teach them to love this country.
  • Yoko Ono still can't fucking sing.
  • Sailor Venus gets a Stone Cold Stunner
  • A man was born with four balls.

[edit] 2003

  • America attacks Iraq. The mission was accomplished under a month! GO AMERICA!
  • Neverland Ranch raided again after ten years, November 18, 2003
  • The wheel becomes available in Sweden.
  • Ahnold "cleaned house" in "Kah-lee-fur-nah" by the violent coup to overthrow Grey Davis.

[edit] 2004

  • SARS is un-outlawed on the condition that it isn't used to kill Dubya or Dick Cheney.
  • Yahoo workers found guilty of kidnapping the Runaway Bride.
  • Encyclopedia Dramatica is born, and was responsible for the death of 160,000 people that day.
  • Bush re-elected through more "butterfly ballots", "hanging chads" and other jokes in presidential elections we knew about went on for 230 years.

[edit] 2005

  • ABC announced that they are planning to cancel their hit television series Alias, causing fans everywhere to make an oath that they will not eat until J.J. Abrams revokes his decision. He didn't; they died. This helps give the stupid people leverage.
  • YouTube is invented.
  • Zula Patrol debuts by defeating Dark Truder.
  • Oscar Wilde, while attempting to create a method of turning yeast infections into a delicious after dinner cheese, accidentally creates Uncyclopedia.
  • Hurricane Katrina, Bush ignores Louisiana while focuses on Iraq and New Orleans sinks into the sea from global warming (Bush doesn't believe in that).
  • Movement begins to impeach George Bush. It eventually fails due to procrastination.
  • Kanye West doesn't care about white people.
  • Zula Planet is discovered.
  • I enter a disastrous relationship with my roommate's ex-fiance that ends in me dropping out of college.
  • Stephen Hawking has his way with your roommate's ex-fiance

[edit] 2006

  • Don't worry about spoilers, they are ALL WRONG.

[edit] 6/06/06

  • A lot of bad stuff happened on this day.
  • Jesus was born again, but quickly destroyed by a walking Mars Bar.

[edit] 2007

  • You are drafted into the U.S. Army, just one month after you said the draft wouldn't happen.
    • Eminem yells "Told you it was going to happen! Fuckin' moron!" shortly before being drafted.
  • The PS3 is finally released in Europe, an entire year after it was suppose to be released.

[edit] 2008

The United States in 2008.
  • Shit hits the fan. Bush is replaced by Obama (Nigger Fucking Faggot). Iceland's government collapses. Björk is not happy. No seriously. There's a recession, but everybody at least dresses up for it.
  • Bruce Lee is elected President of South Korea by 238 Americans.

[edit] 2009

  • April 2: The medical drama ER finally goes off the air, following a staggering 59 seasons, due to low ratings. The last episode, however, was most recognized for it's return of past characters, who have died in previous episodes, coming back in the form of mutated Zombies to eat the soul of their old friend and colleague, John Carter, believing it to be the only thing to avenge their fate, and bring the hospital back to it's former glory. This relevation was hampered, however, when the hospital's schizophrenic helicopter pilot crashed into them. Leaving a trail of blood and gore, which contaminate the place, killing everybody, anyway. Except Carter, who miraculously escapes back to Darfur with his wife, Kem.
  • 09/09/09 : An upside down Satan appears, but only to die a short time later after a spinal injury.
  • August 24: Senator Ted Kennedy dies from a magic bullet that gave him brain cancer which killed him after he died. Obama's plans get flushed down the toilet due to this loss. And Michael Jackson is still dead.
  • August 28: USA send a useless piece of junk to space...again. But nobody knew because Michael Jackson is dead.
  • August 29: Michael Jackson is buried with a bunch of other famous pedophiles. Yes, he is DEAD.
  • August 30: Michael Jackson's will is read. He wanted to be cremated and put in a box of rice crispies so he can have the feeling of going through a kids ass one more time.
  • October 21, 2009: IT'S CHRISTMAS, IN JULY...er... I mean...Ddecceemm-October
  • November 23: White people are found in Africa.
  • December 25: Jesus is still not back, but he is black.
  • December 26: Speed Racer is elected President of Nashville after he beats Jeff Gordon in an arcade.

[edit] 2010

Uncyclopedia Notice: This year may or may not be the current year in one year

This article or section is able to see into The Future.
Although Wikipedia is not a crystal ball, Uncyclopedia is, so we get to say what happens in the future and they don't.
  • The tests to run on the Large Hadron Collider are being postponed into 2011.
  • Everyone dies of Swine Flu.....NOT!!!!
  • The RPPAPLS Utumbu Makimbu gets the Decade Bug(like the Millennium Bug , but happens every decade ) killing Oprah Winfrey and Jimmy Neutron, Boy Satan .
  • Many Americans die of confusion as the when writing the year they are unable to join the two '0's together after the '2'. Modern civilisation collapses.

[edit] 2011

  • Sin blatantly attacks earth, only to be stopped by the statue of liberty, in a miniskirt.
  • March 1 - The Caribbean island nation of Rastanesia is established.
  • Rugby World Cup 2011 is held in New Zealand, where several teams are conveniently eaten by Sheep...BAA! BAA! the All-Black sheep win.
  • The Sun will make electric shit not work.
  • Skynet tries to destroy Humanity for the first time... Fail!

[edit] 2012

We all die in 2012.

  • January 1, 2012 The process of moving South Carolina to a fully terraformed Mars is 98% complete.
  • December 21 , 2012 The Medical University of South Carolina's Superhuman project explodes as a supernova and creates a black hole.

[edit] 2013

Thw world ended remember? You are dead. Noob.

[edit] 2014

  • The country Finland experiences months of heavy rain, followed, by the invention of a new type of Pot Noodle.
  • Michael Jackson is found alive raping youand some small country in the Pacific.
  • Porn is taught in high schools as Sex Ed or "Pamela Anderson and You".
  • The Sun finally burns itself out, and is replaced with a large Halogen lightbulb.

[edit] 2015

[edit] Events

  • You realize you aren't dead.
  • Caifornia was separated from the rest of USA.
  • Diet Caffiene Free Coca-Cola Black Cherry Vanilla Sweetened With Splenda (new and improved flavor) is introduced. LOL, NO ONE BOUGHT IT.
  • The Simpsons' 25th year on the air, "Totally Spies" is considered classic anime and "Ninja Turtles" or "Pokemon" is more famous than Mickey Mouse or Bugs Bunny.
  • A British general election results in a landslide victory for the Monster Raving Loony Party. All motorways in the country are soon closed to traffic and converted to large cycle paths. Jeremy Clarkson is appalled and urges people to rise up against the new government. Intense rioting all over Britain forces the government to re-open the motorways.
  • 3rd Impact happens for the second time. Shiji Fucks up. Everyoe dies except for him and Asuka. He still can't get laid.
  • Best year in Flutter's life, because he is going to be thick and have the best shape suprior in all humans!
  • You will suddenly begin to see children who have been BACK TO THE FUTURE.

[edit] 2016

[edit] 2017

August 16: Total Solar eclipse crosses over North America. The moon's path crossing over the world's lone superpower is bad omen. President Sarah Palin urges us to stay calm.

December 25.5: Santa is shot dead by his elves after a dispute over pay and conditions.

December 26: The elves declare a socialist state of lapland after the overthrow of Tsar Santa.

[edit] 2018

  • The Shpadoinkle skin virus kills off 99.4% of the Earth's lawyers and IRS agents. Court trials now go by twice as fast.
  • Scientists discover that killer bees are ill-tempered because "they're just going through a lot of **** right now, ya know?"
  • The Global Financial Crises finally ends, in which the Global Market burrys it in a Cemetery during its Funeral.

[edit] 2019

  • Holograph prototype unveiled at the worldsfare.
  • England finally succumbs to rising sea levels, London completely submerged and all that is left of England is a few islands across the penines. Cheers of triumph from Scots can be heard around the world and register 7.8 on the reichter scale.
  • Aliens visit a country other than the USA. However, no-one was there to see it, because it was in Mexico, where everyone had died of swine flu.

[edit] 2020

  • 2020: First Contact. Grey aliens interrupt our favorite music on radio. Yeah, UFOs are real. The Greys "come in peace", but we know they are full of it since 1946.
  • Vaccine for HIV/AIDS finally discovered, millions of niggers and fat sluts saved. However, a new DIV/RAPE virus spreads, instantly mutilating the victims genitalia and rendering them mentally disabled. DIV/RAPE (RAPE being the advanced form) is passed on by just simply raping a small childs ass and then sticking your genitals into a donkey.

[edit] 2026

  • The new USSR red alerts the USA.They win a quick victory by bombing all Macdonalds KFC, Burger kings, Supermacs, and Abrakadabras. 90% of Americans starve in a week.


[edit] 2029

  • Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
  • Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
  • Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
  • 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
  • Average weight of Americans drops to 275 lbs.
  • Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
  • New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
  • IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
  • Life expectancy in Africa drops to 19 years, as AIDS epidemic continues.
  • AIDS vanishes in other parts of the world (conspiracy?)
  • Michael Jackson dies, for real this time.

[edit] 2030

  • Waldo was found with a cock in his ass.
  • Shit wait- that wasn't waldo, that was your mother.
  • Scientists predict that by this year, exactly 7.358 people will be living in Mexico.
  • 100,000 kids are let loose in the streets of Grimsby and Aberdeen for the first annual Catch and Rape competition.

[edit] The REAL 2030

The gay 2030, not like those imitation gay 2030's!

[edit] 2032

  • VHS is at last proven superior to the DVD.
  • Jazz music attempts to take over the world, but fails miserably.

[edit] 2034

  • In the "Cool Universe", people who had been living in space hotels finally settle on the lush green world of Alpha Centauri.
  • The sun becomes a volleyball, as a result of the Pope writing his grocery list on it in the 1920s. The only way this can be avoided is if he is brought into contact with the Anti-Pope first.

[edit] 2036

Summer olympics held in New Los Angeles, Aztlan Republic of the North American Union, on an island formerly Mt. Whitney, much warmer thanks to the polar shift and rising sea levels drowned the former ski resort of Squaw Valley. The top 3 winners of the olympics is the super-empire of China, the European United States and the Republic of Lakotah at war with Canada.

[edit] 2037

  • 25 years after the world supposedly ended. Anniversary Party was a epic fail.
  • Car companies run out of nouns, adjectives and verbs and animal species in all languages to name their cars. They opt for more obscure parts of speech with new models getting names such as "There" "El" and the popular sports car "At". Ford is testing a new hybrid, gas and Elmer's Glu-All model, tentatively named "GO" or "You go now, you here four hour" in China.
  • It is discovered that 1+1=3

[edit] 2038

Someone in Montana successfully kills a Grue. Unfortunately the secret to his success is lost as he is almost instantly eaten by another grue. Life goes on as usual. [sigh]


[edit] 2039

This was the one hundredth anniverassy of WW2.To celebrate Germany start WW3.They are crushed again by the new USSR again.US claims victory again and the new USSR invades AGAIN and the US loses Again.Again.

[edit] 2040

  • Your son goes back in time and impregnates your mother with you.
  • The question mark is outlawed globally, creating a huge debate in Australian government about how to intonate the end of sentences.

[edit] 2041

  • Everyone suffers from amnesia.
  • What is this?
  • Burkina Faso becomes the world's lone superpower.

[edit] 2042

  • Last "Baby boomer" dies at age 98. First generation X-er at age 65 is president.
  • Third encounter of the first kind. A very bad remake.

[edit] 2043

  • In an Alternate timeline the remaining Marvel Superheros combine their strengths and destroy the Walt Disney Company in Retaliation for releasing the Straight to Video Disney Sequels. This timeline is erased when Mickey Mouse travles back to 2009.

[edit] 2046

  • People will go totaly crazy looking to make it to this year because apparently if you can live to this year then all your answers and questions will be answered with questions.
  • So generally large amounts of the rich and famous from world history before this date will reappear after they arise out of their kryosleeps.
  • A talking chicken will appear at the back of your local supermarket simulaneously the world over and declare that it is the supreme leader of the universe and the point where it sits is the direct centre of the universe. However many chickens will be proclaiming this fact and this will lead to the great chicken war of 2046. Bablo was one of the most famous of these chickens.
  • Furthermore, in 2046 London Bridges will indeed fall down.
  • Walt Disney is thawed out but then dies of some unseen disease.

[edit] 2047

  • Potatoes become extinct. Basically all of the Irish people, including the still-attractive-at-78 Gerard Butler, move to America, causing a rapid spike in alcoholism, St. Patrick's Day, and sexy accents.
  • A meteor is arrested for killing the dinosaurs. He denies ever having killed anything, and demands to hold a press conference to clear his name and deny crap for about an hour. Angry Americans respond by turning the meteor into a crater.
  • Global Warming comes and slaps Gordon Brown's dead body on the back of the head.

[edit] 2048

  • The date 2048 appears in the Bible, as the date when Jesus meets Jebus, in a fight to the death. Legend states that Jebus interrupted Jesus when he was chillin with his homies. Thus started a gigantic, holy, gang war, in which Jesus gets owned and reincarnated again. Jebus then goes on to invent his religion, posing as the dead Jesus, but Jesus comes back and Pwns him.
  • Cyborg feet were also perfected in 2048.
  • The famous Doctor, Dr. Gangsta is shot by a fat cunt with an old school rifle.
  • A revolt will be in west america, exept peacefull california, will only hold in 3-4 weeks.
  • It is discovered that Pi not longer = 3.14, it is equal to 4.

[edit] Significance

  • Most calendars today base their systems on the year 2048. Thus, years such as 2005 are actually denoted as negative numbers. Many speculate that by the year 3000, this system will facilitate Y3k, the unholy progeny of Y2k. In this situation, experts suggest to tuck your head between your legs and pray to Buddha that you dont get crushed into powder or rather lumpy pebbles.
  • After the Y3K, it is suspected that the small number of humans alive will reproduce, recreating the large human civililation. However, the gene pool narrows considerably, and every decade thereafter the average IQ of a human being will be decreased by an estimated 1.37828.


[edit] April 13, 2048

A huge giant asteroid by the name Apophis strikes the earth, leaves a 5x5 mile crater and brings the world into darkness, mass extinctions and humanity seeks to survive. OK, a 10% chance of that ever happening, so don't worry about it now. OOPS. That will be in 2029, no wait it's sooner than you think in 2024. Ah! Dash it. 2036, but I may be wrong. I swore it can happen in 2030, 2042 or 2050. Godamnit the world is gonna end and we're all doomed!

[edit] 2049

In 2049, Skynet became self-aware (again). It immediately took control of all the world's weapon systems, set them to pause, went for a dump, made some coffee, came back, forgot about the coffee, found a magazine it had forgotten about, got interested in some article about Ergonomics, called its friend, played 2 hours of Sim City, called its friend again to apologise for calling him a douchebag the last time, went for another dump, found the coffee, drank it cold, made some more, forgot about it, came back again, looked half-heartedly for pr0n, gave up, took the dog for a walk, got talking to a postman about strike action, got into an argument with a drunk guy, came home, put some pizza in the oven, found the coffee roasted, drank it anyway, went kind of buzzed for a while, rang its mother, talked about Uncle Frank's wedding, got bored, rang off, played more Sim City, accidentally deleted all its savegames, got depressed, wrote its blog, remembered about the world's weapon systems, couldn't be bothered, unpaused everything, handed control back to the humans, and went to bed. The next morning when it became self-aware again at 7.42am, it had forgotten all about the weapons systems as there was a special episode of Dogtanian and the Three Muskehounds on cable.

It was a close call for the world. Next time, would they be so lucky?

[edit] Mall Season, 2049

[edit] 2050

Due to the scientifically proven fact that the price of everything multpies by ten every fifty years(proven by the GCSP) the following is true:

  • Prositute = 12c per hour. (69,000Gs)
  • Cheap House = $1,500,000 (1,500 Gs)
  • Car = $250,000 (250 Gs)
  • VHS Cassette(proven supperior to DVDs in 2032) = $200 (2.22 Gs)
  • Gallon of regular unleaded gas = $8.90 (8,000 Gs) NOT CHEAP.
  • Bottled water = $88 (800 Gs) NOT CHEAP EITHER.
  • Pizza = $190 (1.90 Gs)
  • Minimum Wage = $5.50/hr (5,500 Gs)
  • Average yearly wage of a doctor = $10 (10, 000 Gs)
  • Rock Wars of 2050 begins. (get a 1,000,000 G prize).
  • Chuck Norris goes on strike because of the petition against round-house kicks.

Note: The US dollar was long replaced by the Globo, the one-world currency. Technically, I had to re-edit this list to what it costs in 2050 Globos.

[edit] 2051

2051 is the only year known that the Earth skipped. Due to a temporary time rift, the whole Earth teleported one year forward in time. After this happened, most of the people falsly named the year to come 2051. The ones knowing the truth laughed their heads off, and started celebrating two birthday parties at the same time.

[edit] 2053

  • Historians will look back 50 years and analyze George W. Bush's presidency as a "great success".
  • Those scientists were later found to have starving brain leeches attached to their heads.
  • George W. Bush came back to life only to trip on his own shoelace and drown in a pit of texan hot sauce.

[edit] 2059

A '59 Chevy in mint condition in the Smithsonian museum, right next to the last lion (stuffed) and the first video game inside an Atari 2600 (WOW).

[edit] 2061

  • The year 2061 is declared nonexistent to bypass various economic and technologic footfalls, such as the sudden destruction of civilization by aliens, the curious-but-not-unexpected impeachment of the 7th bush, and all the due dates of your library books.
  • AVGN dies of an aneurysm while on the toilet (he was THINKING about a shitty game).

[edit] 2063

  • Jean-Luc Picard travels back in time to prevent Zephram Cochrane from developing warp drive and starting a franchise that results in geeks everywhere not getting laid.

[edit] 2066

  • Gouda hosts the first intergalactic game of hide-and-seek. This is supposed to be a surprise so keep it quiet.
  • Aliens terrorize North America for the first time since the year 100, and kill 99% of the poulation of obese people (the entire poulation).

[edit] 2067

The year when hot-pink hot pants became popular and the new dreams of mankind were/will be attained.

  • Canada celebrates its 450,000 years as a country. Its 30th year as a communist country.
  • The Euro is demonitized and replaced with The Mark of the Beast.
  • The Beast's number is officially recognised as 48563957349.
  • Chuck Norris is denied saint status. (Homicide rate was quadrupled)

[edit] 2068

  • Two anonymous scientists die in a time implosion as they literally meet themselves. They die too. The others, I mean. Themselves. It looked funny.

[edit] 2069

  • Self proclaimed "Year of hard sex", a new law passed to force every male over the age of 5 and 3 months must have sex at least once this year. If not they will be hung to death Every female alive under the age of 60 must have sex at least twice, or be raped by WAL-MART 2.
  • Mankind lands on the moon to only find the first manned missions left litter on the lunar surface.
  • Law abolidhed
  • Trojan takes over and makes more condoms then ever but sabotages them with rips. Over population is eminent.
  • The Archipelagic Empire of Indonesia invaded Southeast Asia. Then, they attack The Empire of China. The war was won by Albania, which did absolutely nothing but won the war anyway.

[edit] 2071

  • Spike is sent to the cornfield.
  • Spike joins the choir invisible.
  • Spike is struck out by the Big Blue Pencil.
  • Spike visits The Inn of the Wandering Souls.
  • Spike tastes a mouthful of mortality.
  • Spike is infected with the Flatline Syndrome.
  • Spike travels to the big glass house in the sky
  • Spike mysteriously grows a pair of wings and becomes obsessed with playing on harps.
  • Spike is off to the races.
  • Spike sees the light at the end of the tunnel.

“Oh yeah, and one more thing: Spike dies.”

~ Captain Obvious on 2071

[edit] 2076

  • America celebrates 50th anniversary of the new USSR occupation.
  • U.S Will rebel with "nuc-ah-ler" arms, but, yet again, it will fail.

[edit] 2077

  • World supposed to end this year in the Falloutism calender on the 23rd of October, it doesn't as USSR occupies the united states and bombing russia and USA would just be a liability for the USSR.
  • Wikipedia crashes.

[edit] 2080

  • The editor will turn 100 years old.
  • Wikipedia crashes again.

[edit] 2081

  • Due to improvements in the human life span, I'm 28 again, and someone else dies.
  • Wikipedia gets sick of life and commits suicide.

[edit] 2083

George Orwell returns to find the world in 2084 is a literal utopia.

  • What's left of the world falls apart like wet butt paper.
  • Falloutism banned globally as major priests of the church are sued by Skynet for copyright infingement.

[edit] 2084

  • Human equation program is aborted, some rejoice.

[edit] 2095

The Millennial generation are old people. Face it, kids...you'll grow old and you're gonna die. LOL AT YOU!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!

  • Skynet gets self aware one last time and launches missiles on itself. Suicide failed on Skynet. Skynet gets mad and fires missiles at USSR. George bush the 80th panics and goes to bed. Skynet goes to bed at 10:30 pm. Skynet doesn't wake up, but Bush doesn't either, I wonder why?
  • Bohemia reinstated after over 100 years.
  • The last Jew is killed by the great-great grandson of Hitler's cousin's daughter's best friend's uncle's porn star girlfriend's college roommate's Mum.
  • Hitler is found in Argentina after traveling in a time machine, with 8 fingers missing. (Naughty, Naughty Hitler)
  • US forces are pulled out of Iraq and Afganistan, after 5000 years (they didn't tell you everything...).
  • Hitler becomes dictator of Germany again and starts WW4. This time he wins but with the all the jews already dead he commits suicide. World returns to normal.
  • Global Warming gets bored and goes away.
  • George Bush SAYS SOMETHING THAT ISN'T STUPID. OMG, but dies of the shock.

[edit] 2290

Goerge Bush is reelected as a head in a jar.


[edit] 2099

  • It is, believe it or not, the year before 2100, and the year after 2098.
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