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2000 (M&M) was a leap year that started on Saturday of the Common Era, in accordance with the Gregorian calendar.
Popular culture holds the year 2000 as the first year of the 21st century and the third millennium. Popular culture is also stupid. In real life the year 2001 was the first year in the 21st century. This is, of course, because the first century started with 1. There was no year 0, and you are stupid for even thinking there was.
The Year 2000 in the World
- January 1 - With the world on edge, the "Year 2000 Bug" surfaces to feast upon the technology of modern society. He is destroyed by The Orkin Man after a short fight in Tokyo, Japan.
- January 1 - After years of being edgy and cool, Prince's New Year's Party considered lame, outdated by many.
- January 30 - The St. Louis Rams defeat The Tennessee Titans by a touchdown in The Super Bowl after Titan's wide receiver Kevin Dyson comes up just one foot short of the end zone at the end of the game.
- February 12 - Charles Schulz dies after choking on a peanut.
- February 17 - In a comical mix-up, Microsoft accidentally releases millions of copies of Atari 2600 game "Chuck Norris Superkicks" and labels it as "Microsoft Windows 2000." In trying to save face, they refuse to admit their mistake, and play off "Superkicks" as a 'viable operating system for the modern businessman' for a year and a half, until Windows XP is released in October of 2001.
- March 12 - Faced with outrage over the accusations of sexual molestation and misconduct by many priests in the church, along with many other alleged actions by the church over the years, Pope John Paul II begins a new agenda for the Catholic Church: play dumb. He is said to put his fingers in his ears and scream "NEENER NEENER NEENER! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" whenever someone brings those things up.
- March 21 - Following a 15-minute smoke break, The US Supreme Court rules that tobacco is not an addictive drug, and shoots down a bill by the Clinton Administration.
- March 26 - Vladimir Putin is 'elected' to the position of 'President' of Russia.
- April 3 - In the landmark case The United States v. Microsoft it is ruled that Microsoft "thumbed its nose at" going to Chad's party with The US, and thusly was "very uncool."
- April 15 - The St. Louis Rams defeat the Tennessee Titans 2-1 in a game of futbol after Titan's striker Kevin Dyson misses a goal by one foot at the end of regulation.
- April 22 - Brazil's native black population ruins the country's 500th anniversary celebration for everyone else. Angry about stolen property or something...
- April 22 - Americans outraged when a six year old boy returns home after running away. Called a flip-flopper for not "Sticking to his guns."
- April 25 - The state of Vermont comes out of the closet.
- May 4 - The ILOVEYOU virus hits businessmen around the world. It causes them to inexplicably tell their secretaries I love you, which often results in sexual intercourse. The virus stops abruptly after two weeks when their wives call bullshit on the whole thing.
- May 20 - Chinese president Chen Shui-bian makes the "Four will have Noses, and but One will be Without" pledge to a Chinese population with growing fears about child deformities.
- June 17 - After years of ignoring the blight, God finally tries to rid the world of Iceland by causing an earthquake to strike on their "national day."
- June 21 - Scotland repeals law forbidding the promotion of one's own homosexuality. God warns Scotland, "You're next."
- July 2 - France defeats Italy 2-1 to win Euro 2000. France's Zinedine Zidane states this win was the hardest of his career because, in order to win the championship, he caused his best friend, Marco Matterazzi, to lose it.
- July 15 - The St. Louis Rams defeat the Tennessee Titans in the Hopscotch Championships when Scotcher Kevin Dyson leaves one foot out of his last square.
- July 21-23 - G-8 nations hold their 26th annual "Power Summit". The issues they talk about are AIDS (and how to spread it), the 'digital divide' (and how to make it grow), and eating the world's poorer countries out of existance by 2015.
- August 8 - The Confederate submarine H.L. Hunley raises to the surface after 136 years on the ocean floor. The crew is greatly disappointed by what they see, and return the sub to the bottom of the ocean.
- August 12 - After hearing rumors of the H.L. Hunley, the Russian submarine K-141 Kursk decides to follow their lead, and sinks to the bottom of the sea. 118 crew members are lost.
- September 5 - Tuvalu joins the United Nations. Members of Uncyclopedia are shocked to find that Tuvalu does not have its own article.
- September 16 - The former president of Peru calls for a new election in which he will not run, and therefor cannot lose. Bob Dole follows suit, asking for a new election to be held on November 7, and for the American people to forget he ever ran. The American people proactively agree to Dole's request by, 3 years prior, forgetting he ever existed.
- September 26 - The Pacifists in Prague rally turns violent when one internet blogger calls them "Uber Ghey."
- October 1 - After a total of 0 previous mentions in this timeline, the 2000 Summer Olympic Games close in Sydney, Australia.
- October 5 - President Slobodan Milosevic leaves office after widespread demonstrations throughout Serbia. President Clinton calls this a win for Democracy.
- November 7 - George W. Bush is 'elected' president of the United States, even after losing the popular vote, and possibly the electoral college. Democracy evens its record to 1-1.
- November 25 - The Rugby League World Cup in England ends with Australia winning 40-12 over the New Zealand Kiwis.
- November 26 - New Zealand figures a name-change is in order after the loss. They change to the much more masculine "Dandilions".
- December 12 - The St. Louis Rams defeat the Tennessee Titans in a height competition when Titans tall-man Kevin Dyson comes up one foot short of the tall-man from the Rams.
No one important, thats for sure.
- January 19 - Hedley Lamarr, States Attorney in the American Wild West.
- February 12 - Tom Landry, Thank God
- February 12 - Charles Schulz, His wife is rumored to have "Good Grief."
- April 1 - Abe Vigoda, Professional old-guy.
- April 5 - Lee Petty, 1 down, only another 5000 Pettys to go.
- May 12 - Adam Petty, ....that was quick.
- May 31 - John Coolidge, Son of former president Calvin Coolidge, who was known for keeping his own lips sealed, but not his wife's.
- July 1 - Walter Matthau, given that I could not come up with anything funnier than the late comedian could have, nothing witty shall go here.
- August 5 - Sir Alec Guinness, an English actor who had absolutely nothing to do with beer. How drab.
- October 23 - Rodney Anoa'i, Yokozuna is dead! Oh My God! Yokozuna is dead!
|This page was originally sporked from Wikipedia.|