1 (number)

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about 1 (number).

1 is the first number and is also a letter of the alphabet. The number after 1 is "2" and the letter before it is "~". The uppercase 1 is !. 1 represents 1 thing, or one more then zero, or one less then 2. It is also part of the number 11, which is two ones. Or is that 2?

1 as the Loneliest Number

Many distinguished numerologists classify 1 as being the loneliest FUCKING number, but in recent years a more popular theory has arisen that classifies 3 as being the loneliest (thus disproving the claim that 2 can be as bad as one and is the loneliest number since the number one). This assertion was first made by Dr. Jerry Springer, MD, after the dark past of 3 was unearthed. Thanks to the tireless work of countless numerologists, we now know that the childhood of 3 was marked by physical and sexual abuse, and an intense psychological dependency on illegal drugs.

See one for 1's perspective on this.

Controversy

It has been argued by some numerologists that the first number is actually 0, but this theory was discredited after Phylicia Rashad proved in 1961 that zero is not actually a number, but is in fact just a circle. The implications of this discovery on mathematics were profound. For example, scientists and mathematicians now treat 1, 10 and 100 as the same numbers. For her discovery Rashad won the Nobel Prize in Mathematics.

For some time, 1 was known as the first number, and 0, although a discredited number and not the first number, was the number before 1. 0 was therefore known as the 0th number, and being the smallest, is still an important member in the class of discredited numbers. As a generalisation, -1 was then the -1th number, -2 the -2nd, and so on, until -infintity was found as the -infinitieth number, which was then thought to be the first number, since it was without doubt before all other numbers. 1 was then known as only the first first number and not the absolute first number. But after the full class of first numbers was enumerated, it was realised that the first first number is equally as important, if not more so, than the absolute first number. Within the class of first numbers, -infinity is known as the (infinitiy+1)th first number, which is proven to be not such a snazzy sounding name as the absolute first number. 1 therefore regained its primary position.

Toxicity

Field studies indicate that 1 may be toxic to pregnant women and nursing mothers. Exposure to 1 should also be avoided if you have a George Bush allergy or dislike the taste of Orange shavings. Side effects may include cottonmouth, nosebleeds and chronic diarrhea. The LD50 of 1 can range from 7µg/kg (rare trimethylated 1, from The Moon), to 3000kg/kg (ordinary garden variety 1 dihydride, from Belgium)

1337 h4x

Some 1337 h4x, including, but not limited to, 1337 h4xX0rz and 1337 h4XX0rZ, will replace exclamation points (!) with ones (1). This makes them pwn j00 and that's how they totally 1337 h4x. E.G.: ROFLMAO!!1!!!1. Notice the sneaky input of the "1"s in between exclamation points. The purpose of this 1337 h4x is to prove to the rest of the h4xX0rz community that the user is indeed a 1337 h4Xx0r or 1337 h4xX0r, and not a n00b. n00b.

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