1998

1998

When it was ninety eight

It was a very good year

It was a very good year for the Deutsche Bank or Tony Blair

John Glenn left Earth for a dare

Which was really kind of great

In nineteen ninety eight

When it was ninety eight

It was a very bad year

It was a very bad year for people named Lewinski

Or even Kaczynski

France's world cup win came not a moment too late

In nineteen ninety eight

When it was ninety eight

It was a lethal year

It was a lethal year for Jack Lord, Pol Pot and Sonny Bono

Frank Sinatra and Flo-Jo

For they each became "the late..."

In nineteen ninety eight

Events

Edgar

• 1998 is BRUTALLY RAPED by 1997. Twelve months later, 1998 will give birth to a healthy baby 1999.
• 1997 is then officially declared dead at 12:00 AM, January 1st 1998. The world celebrates.
• Hong Kong is returned to China, and Los Angeles is returned to Mexico. (Haha, just kidding, Mexico. Sucks to be you.)
• Dutch musician Trance is born. He dies the day after.
• The Mario Party comes to power in Italy.
• Scarface: the Musical is released.
• I go to the White House only to find Al Sharpton complaining about it being racist.
• Gluteus Maximus, ruler of Uranus, dies of asphyxiation. He is succeeded by his daughter, Vagina Flatus.
• Jimmy Neutron is considered a good show by pot-smokers everywhere.
• Bill Clinton changes the meaning of the word 'is' to 'is not'.
• Dutch maestro Edgar Davids is born.
• Satan becomes incarnate upon the earth as the Antichrist, and establishes the One World Satanic Government, saying "Lo, one thousand nine hundred ninety-eight is thrice times six hundred sixty-six! And 1998 has three Friday the 13ths in it! My time, at last, has come!" Moments later, His reign of wickedness and debauchery is brought to an untimely end by a falling piano.
• GINO is un-fucking-fortunately born.
• Every good PC game ever is released. Apparently, Fate is smoking three bowls of hash simultaneously.
• The Goo Goo Dolls have their only lasting hits: Iris, and Slide. Don't you feel old, 30-something chick who bobbed her head to those songs in her 1998 Volkswagon Beetle TDI?
• Glenn Close is still alive.
• All your base are belong to Them.
• Jimmy Neutron is considered a bad show after 2 weeks of air time. Pot-smokers everywhere fail to notice.
• Missouri declares its independence on November 24. The rest of the U.S. says "oh, yeah? Show me."
• Raccoon City is destroyed by three cruise missiles and repeated aerial bombardment in an attempt to contain a T-Virus outbreak.
• The United States enjoys its lowest crime rate in 200 years, best economy in 222 years, highest government approval rating in 78 years and lowest unemployment rate in 400 years. Come back, Bill! We miss you! :`(