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Artist's depiction of the 90s.

The 1990s (also known as the '90s) were, quite possibly, the greatest decade ever,[1] the final decade of the 20th century, and the last good decade in general.[2] They began on January 1, 1990 and ended on December 31, 1999 (duh).

Culturally, the 1990s were characterized by the rise of Grunge rock, cheesy Eurotrance loved around the world, superior television shows, improved special effects,[3] girls who totally wore clothes in music videos all the time and brilliant hip-hop that didn't consist of the word "nigga" repeated over and over again. The main issues of the day were terrorism, poverty and famine, problems that have now all been solved but at the time seemed quite pressing.

During the 1990s, the Bush dynasty in the United States was interrupted by a womanizing pretty boy named Bill Clinton. The international status of the United States drifted from "evil empire" to "war hero," mainly because there weren't many opportunities for them to demonstrate this.

You kids these days with all your fancy gadgets and whole lives ahead of you... you probably can't quite appreciate what this article is getting at, so feel free to "rave" or "tweet" until the danger of you learning something has passed.

edit Notable events

  • 1990 — Jesse Spano became addicted to caffeine because there was never enough time.
  • June 27, 1991 — Some people in Serbia got upset over religion, triggering a war that killed many Slavs.
  • April 29, 1992 — May 4, 1992 — The Rodney King verdict results in riots in Los Angeles.
  • January 20, 1993 — The end of the first Bush administration and the beginning of the Clinton administration. Nothing changes whatsoever.
  • April 5, 1994 — Kurt Cobain committed suicide, it does not improve his music.
  • 1997 — Duke Nukem Forever wasn't made.
  • February 1999 — Osaka first appeared, confusing us all. Seriously, what IS it called when a cat paddles?
  • December 31, 1999 — The 90s were put to rest with the Y2K gossip and the End of Days movie. They both failed to achieve their secret purpose: mass suicide.

edit Identity


A typical child of the 90s.

The 90s is considered by many '90s kids to be the "Golden Age" of life. But for someone who grew up in the 1950s, they would argue that the '50s were a better time to live than the '90s, even though both decades were very similar due to the tech boom, rise of boy bands and teen idols, and the creation of a new form of malt shop called the "Internet Café."[4]

Contrary to what the greedy Baby Boomers may tell you, the '90s were a very moral, peaceful, and family-oriented decade. Just look at shows like Full House for proof. In this decade, kids played outside frequently,[5] respected their elders, never lied, never stole, never cheated, never hurt anyone, and knew how to come home when the street lights came on. This wholesome golden age was only ever so slightly overshadowed by the beginnings of economic globalisation, but this was easy to ignore especially with the technological wonder of the Game Boy Color to marvel at.

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about 1990s.

Noted physicist Stephen Hawking argued against the label of the '90s as the "Golden Age", stating that time is not, nor can it ever be golden. Hawking postulated the 90s were, in fact, "a rather pleasing shade of Mauve."[citation needed] He later broke the 90s down into two distinct sub-eras: the first era (1990—1991) was very similar to the 1980s, and considered to be a hangover from that decade, while the second era (1991—2001) was the '90s we know today, being the backlash from the nightmare of the 80s.

The 2000s were moderately similar to the 90s, and are considered by some to be The 90s: Part Deux.

edit Technology

Ghetto ass cell phone

Cellular phones as they appeared in the 90s. No curves, no sleekness, no social media bullshit, no clutter, no Flappy Bird, no YOLO, just pure, unadulterated cellphonery.

The 90s was the decade where software changed all the time; you wanted software to change, not just live in the "cloud" and go "off-line." In fact, most software from this time was indeed "off-line," delivered by floppy disk or CD. When you wanted to get in touch with your buddies, you connected to an electronic bulletin board system, and left messages by e-mail for them, or on the forums there. Instead of playing social networking games, there were "door games" set up on some of the BBS systems. Some electronic bulletin boards were even connected to the Internet, later on. Computers became usable to the general public and AOL became popular for the first and last time.

'90s kids will know that back in the '90s, the Internet actually had content, not "Swag" and "YOLO" whatever those are. To access the Internet, you actually had to make an effort to go online, with the accompanying DSL modem noise (or, as '90s kids call it, "dial-up"). Back then, computers didn't automatically connect on start-up, and cellular phones (not cell phones) were only used for calling other people and playing the snake game. Who among us doesn't remember rushing home from school, going straight up to your bedroom, and then waiting three hours to see a woman's breast load incredibly slowly with the awesome power of dial-up? This, we thought, was as good as it would ever get.

edit Popular culture

edit Television

Television was a huge part of what made the 90s such an endearing decade. 90s shows notably lacked many of the details that are constant companions in modern entertainment; that is, to say, nobody was cooking meth, everyone had their clothes on, and there were no drive-by shootings. Contrary to what you might expect, this did not render TV uninteresting; the distinct lack of drugs and violence didn't even register with the public, and was in fact abhorred when it did appear. What you must understand, and anybody who grew up or lived in the 90s will tell you, is that nineties TV marked the peak of television broadcasting and squeamishness of the general public.

One of the most popular 90s shows was Batman: The Animated Series (often abbreviated to B:TAS). In this show, our caped crusader Batman would confront a villain/minor life event of the week, scowl at it, use something on his utility belt, learn a valuable life lesson and then he would share a private joke with his faithful butler before the credits rolled. It was all very tidy, and there was no argument that this was how the world worked. Children everywhere aspired to be Batman, and to one day share private jokes with butlers of their own. This formula, as you may recognise from literally every other show in the 90s, set the tone that defined a decade.

edit Music

The 90s was the decade that saw the total commercialization of POP and ROCK and ANTI-DISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM. It was also the decade when MTV still played music. But most importantly, it was the decade of the goths and punks.

The 90s implied a new era of philosophic stuff; rock stars who were captivated by this came up with a new music genre called grunge, which differs heavily from most other genres.[6] Grunge music became popular in the 90s because of the success of bands like Nirvana, Pearl Jam, and Soundgarden. One of the most important '90s icons was Kurt Cobain, the frontman of Nirvana, who is remembered for being the first person to prove it's OK to kill yourself if you have some sort of "Philosophic Principle" that no one else understands, thus making you feel miserable and banned from society and wanting leave this world. Cobain's death proved to many that being suicidal was a-OK, bringing in an era of teen angst and rebellion in high economic times.

Hip-hop/rap was at its peak in the 90s. To all you non-90s kids, I'll explain to you why: back in the 90s, rappers rapped about REAL issues, not just fucking hoes and capping bitches. Beastie Boys, Biggie Smalls, Coolio, Dr. Dre, Eminem, Ice Cube, Shaquille O'Neal, Tupac Shakur, and the Wu-Tang Clan are the only rappers ever to mention how hard life in the inner city is, how it's like a jungle sometimes, and how they wonder how to keep from going under. Plus, hip hop is like an Oreo: the best part is white. xDDDDD

Even pop music was tolerable in the '90s. Say what you will about Aaron Carter, Aqua, the Backstreet Boys, B*witched, Hillary Duff, Hootie and the Blowfish, N'Sync, and the Spice Girls; at least their music was catchy and had soul, unlike modern crap "artists" who make you feel drained whenever you listen to them. Plus, all of these 90s pop bands got famous without social media bullshit like Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube.

The 90s saw the rise of "rave" culture and electronic music. Techno music back then was real, unlike the dubstep crap we have now (dubstep isn't even music, all you do is press a button that says "Make music").

edit Fashion

In terms of fashion, the '90s was a revolution against the 1980s and all their cheesiness with a comeback of edginess. Women stopped dressing like Madonna and men stopped wearing those stupid tough-guy leather jackets. The second half of the '90s consisted mainly of wannabes whose only choice of clothing style was striped polo shirts and utility style jeans plastered with red and blue Tommy Hilfiger logos.[7]

edit Revival

In 2009, '90s nostalgia splurged all over the Internet, eventually becoming a large militant fanboy army movement called "'90s kids". '90s kids hold the view that the '90s were a fun, colorful childhood utopia, the likes of which the world will never see again. Thanks, 9/11.

The movement bashes the current era, holding the view that:

  • The Holocaust, World War I, and World War II are happening 24/7
  • Social media is sucking the joy out of life.
  • Justin Bieber is all the radio plays anymore.
  • Kids don't play outside anymore and spend all their time on Minecraft.
  • Kids today are mentally-deficient, spoiled brats
  • Everything now is commercialized.[8]

There is an ongoing Civil War on the Internet about who can/can't be called a "90s kid." 16-year olds claim to know every single last detail about the entire decadea, even though they were born in 1999 and therefore can't remember shit from it. 25–30 year-olds think that if you don't know what Pete & Pete is, you're not a '90s kid—you're a filthy Millennial Belieber swagfag.

edit References

  1. Unless you're a bratty 2000s kid, then you wouldn't understand the '90s like us '90s kids do.
  2. Unless you were born after 2000, you're in no position to think the late 2000s/2010s are any good.
  3. '90s special effects are better than 2000s special effects. Why? Because they're from the '90s.
  4. With the smoothies, but without without the jukeboxes.
  5. Unlike children today.
  6. Even though Grunge is a revival of 1970s punk rock, but with a different twist to it, because this one is cooler and people get to wear their old wrinkled sweaters and still look neat.
  7. Since back then, if you weren't one of them, you were nothing.
  8. Although 90s kids were obliviously fed commercialism as a child.
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