101 Things You Should Not Do

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Throughout history, man has made it his mission to do

Stuff...

“Yes, very helpful.”

~ Oscar Wilde on the above statement

Stuff which are exciting, fun, humorous, intelligent, life-changing, inspirational, motivating, important, valuable, necessary, loving, giving, challenging, exigent, charitable, and anything which transcends the invisible boundaries of human capacity. These are not these things. If you enjoy living, breathing, maintaining your limbs, or anything which contributes to your continued and remotely comfortable existence, then these are the things you SHOULD NOT do.

“...things you SHOULD do. Got it!”

~ George Dubya Bush on 101 Things You Should Not Do

[edit] 101-81

101. Give a Donkey a republican as a birthday gift.

100.9. Give a republican a donkey as a birthday gift.

100.8. Shaving your balls

100.7. Have your roomate shave your balls

100.7.5. Have your Mom shave your balls

100.6. Counting how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop

100.5. Eating fire with no pants on.

100.4. Rubbing your head, thinking it will arouse you sexually somehow.

100.3. Drive an early car.

100.2. Be an obstructionist

100. Use Internet acronyms in everyday language

“Like OMG, I LOL'd when I read that.”

~ Some retarded teenage girl on that aforementioned thing

99. Parking your car on a highway

98. Covering yourself in combustible fluids

97. Lighting yourself while covered in combustible fluids

96. Staring into a laser pointer

95. Operating without anesthetics

94. Jumping off a skyscraper

93. Consuming radioactive isotopes

92. Holding your breath, forever

“It seems a bit counterproductive.”

~ Captain Understatement on the aforementioned rule

“Yeah, and everything else here is really helpful.”

~ Captain Sarcasm on the aforementioned quote

91. Poking a hippo

90. X-Raying your reproductive organs over and over again

89. Upgrading to Windows Vista

88. Using your legs as collateral

87. Making fun of the Mafia

86. Hugging a porcupine

85. Wearing a condom and having sex, in the wrong order (or just wearing a condom)

84. Being a Democrat

83. Making friends with a psycopath

82. Drinking raw sewage

81. Having sex with a hooker who clearly has AIDS

[edit] 80-61

80. Living near a volcano (a billion people are actually doing this)

79. Skinny dipping in shark infested waters

78. Robbing a bank, without a getaway driver

77. Fuck Rosie O'Donnel

76. Playing hide and seek with a grue

“I don't see my name anywhere on this article, oh wait there it is.”

~ Satan on the list of 101 Things You Should Not Do

75. Pissing off Annoying the admins

74. Eating Dominoes

73. Reading chain letters

72. Reading chain letters and not responding to them

71. Putting your head through a guillotine

70. Breathing in China

69. Devouring the contents of a public restroom

68. Touching a leper

67. Touching a leopard

“Wait, what's the difference between number sixty eight and number sixty seveaaaAAAARGH!!”

~ Some guy on touching a leopard

66. Picking a fight with Chuck Norris

The last guy who fought Chuck Norris.

65. Dating a vampire

“Dating a vampire isn't dangerous.”

~ A Twilight Fan on the millions of deaths caused by dating vampires

“Ohhh, yes it is.”

~ A Harry Potter fan on the above comment

64. Betting on an American soccer team

63. Betting on a European football team

62. Playing golf in a thunderstorm

61. Having Nico Bellic as your taxi driver

[edit] 60-41

60. Eating Dominoes while watching Dirty Jobs

59. Racing a cheetah

58. Marrying O.J.

57. Watching the Ring

56. Beating up Stephen Chow

“Look, I'm beating up Stephen Chow and nothing bad is happening to m... oh crap.”

~ Some guy on Metamorphosis

55. Admitting that you "enjoy" Naruto (we will find you, believe it!)

54. Giving pork to a Muslim during Hari Raya Puasa

53. Citing Uncyclopedia in your bibliography

52. Licking an electric socket

51. Challenging Michael Phelps to a swimming contest

51.5. Challenging Michael Phelps to a pot smoking contest.

50. Firing a mortar 90 degrees into the air

49. Kissing a pig

48. Welcoming hostile alien visitors

47. Taking Arts as a University Major

46. Farting in a nudist colony

45. Punching Bahamut

44. Bashing God on your deathbed

43. Imitating Chris Angel

42. Taking the red pill

41. Playing hide and seek with a ninja

[edit] 40-21

40. Answering the door to a guy named Johny

39. Standing up on a roller coaster

38. Scaring a cop with a tazer

37. Declaring your homosexuality during a Westboro Church Mass

36. Commenting on Vin Diesel's lack of hair

35. Fixing yourself

34. Asking Yuriko to read your mind

33. Hugging a boa constrictor

32. Calling Sephiroth a girl

“I am SOB, not a, NOT A SOB, GIRL!!!.”

~ Sephiroth on his feminism

31. Bungee jumping, without the bungee

30. Bringing Snake on an airplane

29. Commenting on Kratos' lack of hair

28. Underestimating an army of 300 Spartans

27. Fighting a Cactuar

26. Commenting on Dr. Manhattan's lack of pants

“Well I'm sorry if the girth of my reproductive organs prevent me from fitting into a pair of pants.”

~ Dr. Manhattan on his lack of pants

25. Pissing off the Avatar

24. Taking the phrase "I Believe I Can Fly" seriously

23. Being reasonable with terrorists

22. Commenting on Will Smith's recent filming career

21. Making Auron wait

[edit] 20-1

20. Converting to Scientology

19. Forgetting your partner's anniversary

18. Applying Halo physics to real life

17. Strapping a JATO rocket onto your car

16. Asking Sauron what army he's in

15. Messing with Cloud's anti-gravity hairdo

14. Thinking that Illidan can't hear your insults

13. Fighting a Sith Lord

12. Watching Barney in the dark

11. Being cheap with Yojimbo

“You could have told me that earlier!?”

~ Yuna on Thing You Should Not Do Number 11

10. Calling Leonidas a homosexual

“SPAAAAAAARTAAAAAA.”

~ Leonidas on some guy who called him a homosexual

9. Having Dr. Doom as your proctologist

8. Sumo wrestling Galactus

7. Criticizing Darth Vader within strangling distance

6. Joking with the Joker

5. Messing with Rambo

4. Resisting the Borg

3. The Hokey Pokey

2. Making love to Jesus Christ

1. And, the number one thing you should never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVEEEER do is

doing the 101 Things You Should Not Do

“This is going to go great for my next term in office!”

~ George W. Bush on 101 Things You Should Not Do