1001001
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“In Soviet Russia,1001001 makes you”
1001001 is often considered to be the first android (though there were 1001000 others before it, none of which worked for more than ten seconds). It was built in 1001001 B.C., a fact which many historians refute because no knowledge of how to construct robots existed back then.
Contents |
[edit] Creation Rumors
No one's EVER been able to figure out quite how 1001001 was built in 1001001 B.C., which was, by the way, long before such technology every existed. Here, our crack team has attempted to collect all existing rumors regarding its construction.
[edit] Story 1: Built by Stalin
1001001 was supposedly built by Stalin in 1001001 B.C. when the former was time-traveling aimlessly. This rumor was started by Stalin himself and exists in many pieces of pinko/commie literature. The theory is that he was built for the commumists to be a strategist for Stalin thanks to his hugely-powerful computing systems.
[edit] Story 2: From a Black Hole
1001001 supposedly came out of the black hole Cygnus X-1, says band Rush. This has been hinted at in many songs by the band, for example, The Body Electric.
[edit] Story 3: Built by Rush
1001001 was supposedly built by the band Rush. The only people who believe this are geniuses who partake in idolatry, praising the trio. These people also tend to listen to every Rush album day-in and day-out (Especially Grace Under Pressure, because everyone knows that album is just fucking mind-blowing)
[edit] Story 4: Built by Jack Thompson
1001001 was supposedly built by Jack Thompson to be his right-hand man, as Jack's previous right-hand man was killed not long before by Abraham Lincoln. This theory is accepted by everyone except Christians, Rush fans, Rush, and commies. When the construction of 1001001 was completed, it killed Jack Thompson with a quick shot to every part of his body at once.
[edit] Story 5: Bunk?
1001001 may not actually exist, say Christians. After all, it has destroyed statues of Jesus en masse before, and God would not send such a terror down to Earth, right?
[edit] How to Recognize
1001001 speaks Base64, chatspeak, 1337, binary, and English fluently. 1001001, in spite of having been aorund for over a million years, shows no signs of wear and, in fact, looks good as new. Its body is all silver and looks like a human's body, though it has no sexual organs, hair, or anus. Its eyes are red lenses with light-emitting sensor arraays behind them. Remember, if it's holding a gun, RUN LIKE FUCK IN HELL! It will probably shoot you and kill you. It has perfect accuracy, though it usually does not hunt and kill anyone. Well, not recently.
[edit] Important But Seemingly Useless Information
- The body is made of Damascus Steel covered in zinc covered in lithium covered in more Damascus Steel (airtight) covered in titanium. The original model was covered in potassium, which made it steam when it walked. Apparently, this was considered to be imposing. Thanks to the body structure, it cannot be penetrated by bullets.
- It has red lenses covered by motion sensors which are generally thought to be flashlights (though they are not, they do emit light). This, too, was thought to be imposing.
- Sensor arrays give it all of the human senses, as well as the ability to detect electrical fields and utilize thermal vision.
- It is immune to alchemy. Man, these guys knew their stuff back then.
- It immediately knows how to use any gun as soon as it picks it up.
- It invented the extreme sarcasm gun.
- Its name, translated from binary to unicode, means "I".
- It was pulled from Zork because Zork already had Grues. They, allegedly, didn't need TWO evil things that kill you damn near everywhere.
[edit] Affiliations
1001001 is not affiliated with anyone. However, many rumors circulated saying it was affiliated with one or more of the following:
- A grue.
- Drew Carey.
- Jack Thompson.
- Steve Ballmer.
- Syrinx.
- The Autobots.
- The Decepticons.
- Your Mom.
[edit] How to Deal With it
There are five possible ways of dealing with 1001001 if you catch it with a weapon:
- RUN LIKE FUCK. This is usually the least effective method.
- Summon a 2. This will cause it to WTF for a moment. It'll kill you anyway. However, the associated glory of making the robot WTF will increase your speed by 1.
- Use extreme sarcasm.
- Make shitty Homestar Runner references.
- Or, just fucking die.
- Summon the power of the Great Tig... Nah, fuck it. You'll die anyway.
Never, EVER summon a grue around it, as it will probably just kill it flat-out with the extreme sarcasm gun.
1001001 is the secret name for Baba Booey.
