0 (number)

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“Zero is my hero. What would we have without zero? That's right: something. Absolutely something.”

~ Schoolhouse Rock on 0

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about 0 (number).

Nestled snugly amid the infinitely smallest and largest positive and negative fractions respectively, 0 sleeps, ears tuned to the two continuities of the numberline stretching off into forever. One day however its prince will come, arriving on a great white horse and sweeping it off its perfectly rounded base to place a huge, dribbling kiss upon the edge of its elliptical rim. When this happens 0 will awaken, transforming in an instant into the long-forgotten number Uj, the very shape of which will drive men mad even from imagining it. Women, on the other hand, and men after the great Transconfiguration, Orgasm. 0 is a conspiracy. Flee! I said, flee dammit! The uppercase form of 0 is ).

[edit] Events

0 is most notable as the year in which Jesus was born. Or died, or something. It is unknown, however, which Jesus. 0 is known as the Nonexistent Year, which led the majority of people to believe that all Jesi were eternal, having never been born or died.

0 is also the population of Greenland.

0 also is your IQ level right now.

Dividing by 0 is the reason why the bombing of the twin towers happened.

[edit] Confusion

0 should not be confused with zero, which is in fact its lover at the Uj orgy. 0 should also not be confused with ohhh, which is a noise made by women during sex.

All those who insist that 0 is not a number are not true mathematicians and shall surely perish. Also, they are involved in the conspiracy of secret societies working together to destroy math as we know it.

Division by 0 results in the letter E, extensive research on this subject is still in progress.

Subtraction of 1 from 0 results in -0.

[edit] New Discovery

Division by 0 is forbidden for safety reasons (See Infinity Bomb). Dividing 5 by zero, for example, represents a distribution of 5 apples among zero people. Now you have to ask yourself: The five apples are distributed to nobody, therefore, the nobody gets more than all the apples. This is because if there was just one person, this person would receive all five apples. Now, hovever, we don't distribute them to one person, but among zero people. This causes a nobody to receive infinitely many apples. You then send the nobody around the world, distributing apples among all poor people, and the world's food problems is hence solved. Hovever, to protect the fruit producers, this method, and with it division by zero in general, was forbidden by WTO in 2003.

Some people argued against the legislation by claiming that nobody can not carry infintitely many apples around, and that the law was flawed before it was even suggested. The metaagainstsayers againstasaid the againstayers my saying that if it is impossible, it is harmless to ban it. Like the law agains flying through the center of the sun.