Ōkami

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Obama Okami

It is good to remember that Okami is a Japanese game. Okay, the characters can`t speak properly, but think what would happen if the game would be in the wrong hands...

“In Soviet Russian, Ōkami paints YOU!”

"Ōkami" is what happens when you give Japanese game designers Crystal Meth and a charcoal drawing set. It is a game where the Goddess of the Sun, Amaterasu, comes down from celestia in the form of a wolf to get a new make up or something, and finds herself trying to kill a giant ball that kills everything. All that while making flowers bloom and using a magical paint brush that freezes time, giving the main character, Amaterasu, enough time to draw magical lines or symbols that do some crazy awesome shit like summon a cherry bomb the size of a horse or slow down time, summon fire, lightning water, grow lily pads on water to jump across, make vines to swing on, attract nearby sources of fire, lighting and water. It is worth noting that Amaterasu almost sounds like that Italian dessert Tiramisu. Ōkami is a very international game.

The game's theme is very divinatory as it seems to be the first japanese game where is other gods than, well, God. To the western players it might be very confusing, as the old Japanese myths appearing in the game are so absurd, that luckily even the makers themselves understand them.

Divine Plot

Humans are stupid creatures. Everytime eight headed dragons drop from somewhere, people freeze like stones and some weird atheist goddess calls another god to help these stoned people. The god saves a tiny village, and still the people think that the drunken old bastard who thinks he is a swordsman because someone in his family 100 years ago saved everybody. That's exactly what happens in this game. You, Amaterasu, goddess of the sun, are awakened through a small statue of yourself to once again rid the land of this evil, while restoring beauty to the land and saving a bunch of thankless people.

While traveling around, you find that small "brownie" or elf or whatever your fictitious character dictionary wants to discribe him. The elf, Issun, is stealing your painting techniques to become a great enough artist to even be able to draw a good picture of you, that it might even restore the faith that the people have in you, and reminding them who you really are as it turns out.

Divine Celestial Gods

Bakugami

Ammy testing the big TNT ball.

Throughout the story, Amaterasu and Issun free more of these Japanese Celestial Gods by painting new constellations. Each of them teaches Amaterasu ability, like how to make free bombs or fish. The Celestial Gods are:

  • "Yomikami" is a Dragon and the first god you find.
  • "Tachigami" is a small mouse with a sword that is too long. I think it's also a beaver or something I dunno.
  • "Hanagami", a bunch of hippiemonkeys, teaching you hippie-abilities.
  • "Bakugami", a dangerous giant pig with an ability to make TNT. Always on a Big TNT Ball. BIG TNT ball.
  • "Nuregami", a watersnake, goddess of the ability glass of water.
  • "Yumigami", a rare space rabbit from Moon.
  • "Kazegami", or Kamikazekimi, teaches the power of wind.
  • "Moegami", a Phoenix who smokes cigars. Blame the Japanese myths.
  • "Kasugami" is... em... it`s a drunken sheep, living in... a bottle full of mist... My god, where did they get all these weird ideas?
  • "Kabekami", a large cat who happens to be the Goddess of Walls and teaches Amaterasu to climb up walls like Spiderman. Or, in this case, like a spider wolf.
  • "Gekigami", a hot-tempered Tiger with a giant Crossbow. Yikes.
  • "Itegami" is an ox. It is the final Celestial God, and it teaches Amaterasu to use a refrigerator in places where there is no refrigerator.

Divine Characters

Because this is another weird Japanese game, this game has more characters than the lovable admin of Uncyclopedia, Chief[1] has contributions. They just don't fit in this article, so let's just list some of them:

Amaterasu

I told her NOT to play with fire, but Ammy didn't listen

Amaterasu

Amaterasu is the main character of Okami and a Japanese Goddess of the Sun. Her whole name is "Amaterasu-ō-ri-gami, the god of paper, which makes no sense, because she already is the Goddess of the Sun... It must be some kind of wordgame.

Anyway, Amaterasu has once saved the whole world from the same Orochi - that terrorizes places or so it appears in the game - in a form of a pure White Wolf Shiranui. It happened 100 years before the happenings of the game, which makes the whole things a myth. Amaterasu comes from Celestia to the world in the form of a white wolf to show people that she's not a myth; only to be petted by atheists and to remain in the Books of History as a very boring myth.

Issun

Issun

Issun is a Wandering Artist saving the World with Ammy. Issun appears for the first time on the clothing of Wood Spirit Sakyua known to Issun as "Valley of Sakyua`s chest". Issun never ate much food at all, so he remained small for the rest of his life. Issun has a really evil sense of humor, which makes the players cry often. *bohoo* Most of the time in the game, the player is forced to read (not to listen; the language spoken on Ōkami is pure nonsense) Issun`s terrible comments to nearly everything, which means that yes, mucho of sex jokes.

Mr. and Mrs. Orange

Mr. and Mrs. Orange, (not to be confused with Mr. and Mrs. Banana) are the "Main Chiefs Elders" of Kamiki Village. The Orange-section on their names comes from the oranges on top of their own heads. While Mr. Orange does all the cool stuff, like sacrificing beer for the sake of a tree sprite, Mrs. Orange makes boring stuff, like drying laundry and baking cherry cakes. I don`t know whose jobs are more useful, but drinking beer is quite cool.

Mr. and Mrs. Orange had their name from their fearful ancestors Mr. and Mrs. Kiwi. Despite the name change, slicing the fruit on top of Mr. Kiwi's house still yields "Kamiki oranges", not "Kamiki Kiwi".

Blockhead

Blockhead

Go to hell.

Bouncywikilogo7
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Ōkami.

Blockhead is an ancient type of Wall living in the darkest chambers of Nippon. Yes, you read that right. Blockheads are living stone walls. The Blockhead family has 4 brothers, all stucked somewhere on your way, by some weird miracle. When you meet up with them, you can use something like 40 minutes to destroy them with your magical miracle tail, or then you can cheat. I cheated. But I won`t tell you how.[2]

Anyone who has played the game, knows how much I hate it. They suck. They are stupid. Even Oscar Wilde himself has made a quote about how much he hates them. I don't remember for sure what the exact quote was because Wilde has millions of intelligent quotes, but it was something like

I FUCKING HATE IT!!!

Although it's everyone else's opinion as well.

Orochi

Orochi is a eight-headed dragon. While the Lord of Darkness were just balling around, Orochi filled the whole world full of darkness, 100 years before the game starts. The attempt was not very successful, so Orochi died, but he died with a smile on his face knowing that Ammy kills herself a few minutes later.

Like I said, Orochi has 8 heads, and all the head represent one element. Because 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1 surprisingly is 8[3], Orochi has almost all of the elements from the Pokemon series. Some of the Ōkami players think this is a certain reference to the Pokemons.

Yami, the Lord of Darkness

Yami is the Lord of Darkness, the real bad guy of the game, even worse than Orochi. It may come to a surprise to the player that Yami the Lord of Darkness is just an ordinary six feet tall super ball, and not a seven-tailed moose who masters the dark arts of gastronomy, as seven-headed moose and gastronomy often appear to be Japanese myths.

Divine Footnotes

  1. Click. It.
  2. It would be cheating if you'd watch how I cheated.
  3. A well known fact
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