From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“It's like cooking a wiener -- doesn't take long and requires no skill”
A martial art (literally "The Fisherman's Way of Åland Islands") originating from the archipelago of Finland. Generations of fishermen have gathered combat skills and techniques necessary for the survival in the ultimate conditions of the arctic circle (Santa Claus). This art is distinguished by its focus on coastal combat -- offshore fighting is included. Weapons in Ådo range from fishing rods and hooks to modern Harpoon anti-ship missiles, symbolising the evolution of the hunting man.
The man behind Ådo is Åke.
The roots of Ådo fighting style originate from the first catch of a seabass. As the saying goes: The early fisherman catches the seabass. In early fall of 1895, Åke caught a plague from a fish trap. Because of the tight export laws of the era he couldn't sell any of his goods and thus, became frustrated of all mankind. He sought answer in the sea. And found none. Fishes and navy seals rejected him. Because of his extraordinary circumnstances a crab approached and offered the secret teachings of the crabi-crabong. However, it was soon that Åke realised all the crab was teaching was crap. What kind of world is this? Åke pondered, a kind of crap. He then sought refugee on a Swedish fishing boat.
As a plagued man, Åke traveled the many ports of Baltic sea, always rejected and looked down upon. He got accustomed to Swedish men. Many times he would secretly observe their mating rites. During his voyages, Åke made contact with numerous harbor men, absorbing their essence. After loosening up, he became aware of his potential as a fighting man. Soon, he was getting in trouble all around the Baltic Sea. At the same time he would learn the fighting styles of the region.
However, after a near-death experience in a death match, Åke realised some of the styles he had learned, such as missionary or 69, weren't efficient enough. He decided to develop his own fighting style based on his experiences with the Baltic men and the coast. Ådo was born.
Belt ranks are not used in Ådo. Instead, coloured swimming caps are worn. The incorporation of the caps occurred partly because of nurses.
Estimates of the Swedish influence in Ådo vary considerably, and there are no clean divisions among 'styles'.
As the school of Ådo grew, Åke started studying martial arts outside the Baltic, the motto being: "Absorb like a sponge". Ådo drew inspiration from countries all around the world, such as Korea (all three of them), Atlantis, Esperanto and the Moon.
Educational Ådo footage recovered by the Swedish intelligence organisation, G.A.Y from the private archives of Finnish army leader, corporal Kim Ill Räikkönen. Any tips leading to the discovery of the video referred in this material 'Video 6 - guns and other edged weapons' will be greatly rewarded. We promise.