Money

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

The Devils in business and times’ have never been better for his greatest enterprise. It has been said that "the Devils in the detail", since he wrote all the laws behind the bills.

The obligatory quip about Jews is always needed when discussing money. Here's one grasping for your money. Lol.

Here is Lord Vader and his Imperial Fleet on the Coruscant Credit. The advent of banknotes allowed for the zeitgeist and propaganda to be reflected in money throughout the eras of history.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Money.

“I'm falling out of the gene pool to be swallowed up by the sex industry”

~ Oscar Wilde on Money

“New car, caviar, four-star daydream, think I'll buy me a football team!”

~ Roger Waters on Money

Money is the means by which anthropologically weaker people exert power over the strong. It has mysterious origins; however modern economic structures have originated chiefly out of the west, as the east’s values have strayed towards Communism. Money is seen as the symbol of status and showing you have affluence through consumption is the goal in modern life in the Free World.

The medium has always been thought of as a system of control. It isn't; it's a system of self-enforced enslavement as most people are too lazy to be bothered doing anything else. The activity of acquiring money such as employment is the main goal in life after adolescence as personal fulfillment dwindles and the pressure of society increases. Here money is pivotal in gauging personal success. Money was once dominated by men who were seen as providers however women and children are increasingly taking part in the acquisition of money.^[1]

[edit] Origins

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[edit] Coinage

This started out as gold or platinum with pretty pictures of 'great' leaders, this didn't last long with the 'recession’ in the known world^[2] and base metals replaced the precious ones. Nationalism and empires came from the roads and was paid for with tin coins that had depictions of Alexander the Great on them.

Coins took up space and jingled which attracted thieves, however the medium of coinage has continued in most developed countries to give black youths something to do, as they often complain that spoilt whites have enough money from their parents and its something to pass the time. Just one of many ways money helps the poor.

[edit] The advent of banknotes

The Chinese invented banknotes as they found it an effective way of using money because Asian men were not up to the task of mining the metals required to make coins. This is yet another example of mediocrity driving progress though money. Banknotes allowed for wealth to be easily conjured up, and got rid of the skepticism around using base metals as a form of "fools gold", now the powers that be just said, "we'll pay you back, honest, here's a piece of paper for now".

Banknotes became widespread when it was clocked on by dumb westerners that profit could simply be made up and money could exert greater controls over a populace. However the advisor to this was less than pleased to see philanthropy taking place and this has affected money's image and tarnished the evil reputation of the medium.

[edit] How Money Works

Money is just paper. For anyone to believe that paper has some kind of real value would be crazy. That is why "In god we trust" is written on money, you better believe in something just as crazy as money if you want paper to be worth much.

But don't despair, just because you are crazy doesn't mean that you can't get stuff for your money. See, as long as everyone is just as crazy as you then the system works!!! All evidence points to the fact that society is crazy so your investments are safe. Just remember that everyone has to stay crazy, so if you see anyone who starts to act sane please kill them because we can't have any sanity, it just doesn't make any sense.

[edit] Modern Era

“It's the Devil's art through and through, and I want in!”

~ Heinrich Faust on Numismatics

Capitalism brought the worship of money and the demise of the working class; of course like all the Devil's promises these changes brought little other than a more difficult hierarchy to overthrow. Capitalism broke down the larger boundaries creating the possibility of getting insanely rich off 'foreign sorts' who are easily manipulated into giving away their natural resources and labour. Again usually the evil of money and greed is blamed; however there is no one alive who has not willingly bowed down to the power of money.

In recent times the medium has fallen into the realms of electronic transfer and this has to be honest affected how well a hooker can fleece you. However brothels are fitting ATMs to ease the flow of cash. This has brought with it an end to the benefits of leaders being portrayed on money—it's simply no longer profitable/empowering as consumers are often too busy thinking about or investing in the sex industry with credit cards.^[3]

Today money and the acquisition of wealth enjoys a renaissance as the globe worships Mammon, the God of money. Generally most have a positive view of money and despite its satanic nature, and any 'hiccups' are all on the part of the drones that 'control' the markets.

[edit] Footnotes

[edit] See also

• Economics
• Civilisation

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