UnTweets:Mr McElroyLand!

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Name: John McElroy
Location: Scotland
Bio: Apathetic English teacher, probably not getting enough sex.

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Followers 1927

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Mr McElroyLand!

Procrastinating; can’t do marking at this time of night. Might as well start being “trendy” instead.

11:35pm May 5th from web


Writing this on the toilet stall (hooray for paradoxes!). 01:14pm May 6th from txt

Hating; 32 of the worst grammarians outside of the internet.

11:44pm May 5th from web

Giving Bs; not too good, not too bad; smiles all round and I can get an early night.

12:06am May 6th from web

Packing a briefcase for once; might as well try and look the part.

8:07am May 6th from web

Learning; Jackie is showing me how to do this through my phone.

11:19am May 6th from txt

Success! I can now officially do this wherever I like, supposing I have money to burn…

11:20am May 6th from txt

Remembering about those essays I left on my desk last night. Suppose this means I’ll have to spend tonight doing it properly.

02:35pm May 6th from txt

Basically in detention; cleaning graffiti off the toilet walls. Not fair, we can’t keep the kids here after 3:30!

03:31pm May 6th from txt


03:32pm May 6th from txt

Home. Eating egg and waffles, apparently this means I’m in need of a wife.

05:42pm May 6th from web

Marking; wish I had just left them all at B. Far too many are getting honest Cs and that makes me look bad.

09:10pm May 6th from web

Drinking. Whisky and Vodka are actually quite nice together. And I’m getting drunk a lot faster than expected.

10:24pm May 6th from web


Right I'm gonna walk from here. Ran a red light so the cops'll be after it anyway. 08:07am May 7th from txt

Turning into my dad. Tripping out of my slippers and everything!

10:39pm May 6th from txt

Eating a bucket of aspirin.

07:39am May 7th from web

Shit, those were sedatives...

07:41am May 7th from web

Dunno... Probably shouldn’t be driving...

08:03am May 7th from txt

Why am I going to work? I might be dying.

08:22am May 7th from txt

Ah, that was nice. Just threw up, feel slightly more alive.

08:31am May 7th from txt

Fell asleep in class and my First Years drew on me. They're getting Cs regardless of wither they deserve them or not.

09:51am May 7th from txt

Having a fag in the toilets, glad to be alive.

11:15am May 7th from txt

Left the Third Years' essays in the car -.-

12:12pm May 7th from txt

Can't remember where I left my car. Don't think I locked it...

03:43pm May 7th from txt

Home, talking to insurance people.

04:27pm May 7th from web

Rewriting 32 essays from memory and then grading them. I should really consider reading "To Kill a Mockingbird".

06:13pm May 7th from web

Drinking apple Sourz with vodka.

08:14pm May 7th from web


"I'm siiiinging in the rain/ just siiiining in the rain!/ What a glorious feeling/ I'm haaaapy again!" awesome song! 09:16pm May 7th from web

Parties are much better if there are other people at them, but they're all sleeping :(

09:17pm May 7th from web

Snooker and football are exactly the same sport: in both you try and get the white ball in the net.

11:23pm May 7th from web

At least I can't make the same mistake again, there's only aspirin left in the cabinet.

07:03am May 8th from web

My car's on the news and it's full of heroin. Like to see the insurance company refuse me now.

07:23am May 8th from web

Why are they all being so nice to me? Is it because of the heroin?

09:12am May 8th from txt

Being arrested. I didn't run that red light! It was the drug lord.

09:15am May 8th from txt

Can't believe they took my phone off me! Anyway, I'm getting a new car but I still need to do those essays (the originals are evidence).

02:25pm May 8th from txt

I need a drink.

02:26pm May 8th from txt

Woohoo! Got the rest of the day off!

02:35pm May 8th from txt

Still need a drink though.

02:36pm May 8th from txt

Drinking and watching Countdown.

04:16pm May 8th from web


Popping bubble wrap; it's like anti-knitting. 07:39pm May 8th from web

7, Fuckwit.

04:18pm May 8th from web

Heroin? 6? Is that the best he can do? Retard.

04:21pm May 8th from web

Right, essays...

04:35pm May 8th from web

Actually, I'll just make them do it. Say that remembering a good essay is the only reliable way of cheating.

04:37pm May 8th from web

Anyone ever tried Marmite and vodka? Not really a liquid but not a paste either. Makes the toast soggy.

05:38pm May 8th from web

Ugh, run out of aspirin. Think I'll call in sick.

07:12am May 9th from web

Ok, so not going to school, can catch up on some marking.

08:17am May 9th from web

Think I might have a hair-of-the-dog, first though. My head is killing!

08:19am May 9th from web

Skiving, I feel so naughty...

08:54am May 9th from web

No booze left, need to go get some - what if somebody comes over?

09:37am May 9th from web

Those kids should be in school. I'm so gonna grass on them if they don't bring a sick note tomorrow.

10:02am May 9th from txt

I thought offies were always open?

10:09am May 9th from txt

Pub, anyone?

10:10am May 9th from txt

Wow, you know how my car was stolen? I just met the guy who stole it! He's angry, thinks that it's my fault the car wasn't roadworthy.

10:17am May 9th from txt

I'm trying to reason with him.

10:18am May 9th from txt

He's not listening.

10:18am May 9th from txt


Yay! Resue! 10:22am May 9th from txt

He just pulled out a gun!

10:18am May 9th from txt

I am screaming in agony. Bullets REALLY hurt!

10:19am May 9th from txt

I am bleeding to death. These may be my last words... gotta make them good.

10:19am May 9th from txt

Oh, he mugged me, and then insulted my "worthless" phone and "terrible" dress sense. :/

10:23am May 9th from txt

On reflection I wish I had worn clean underwear today.

10:24am May 9th from txt

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