You have two cows
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Revision as of 19:56, January 28, 2005 by Euniana
You have two cows is the philosophical truth of the entire world.
- US Democracy
- You have two cows. People with funny hats from 1000 miles away in distant towns whom you've never met elect the leader, who takes your cows away and then gets impeached for having sex with them. Then one of your cows in custody is killed by terrorists, and the government taxes you and bans your kids from school to finance war against cow-hating foreigners. Your other cow is being tortured at the Guantanamo Bay. Now you have no cows, and people with funny accents from 800 miles away accuse you of being unpatriotic for complaining.
- You have two cows, whose ancestors 2000 years ago belonged to the Jews. The British then come over and give them to Israel. You get your neighbours to fight Israel, and Israel offers to give one cow back, which you refuse. You then bomb the cows out of spite. You and the Jews now bomb each other on a regular basis, even though the cows are all dead.
- You have d20 cows. You roll 3d5 to determine how much milk they will give (in litres) and d7 to determine their hit die. They have a 5+d20 chance of getting ill, and in the Third Edition the disease no longer makes them sick but reduces their milk and hit die by d3 and 2d2 litres respectively. They also take turns to get milked, even though you have enough workers to do it simultaneously, and you spend all night calculating the milking process. Your neighbours then accuse you of being a satanist.
- Arts program in university
- You have two cows. You have gigantic orgies with them all the time. In the morning, you listen to lectures on how people think cows are oppressed, how cows are portrayed in art, how many cows were slaughtered from prehistorical times to the post-modern era, what the cowists did during the Second Era of Cowism, and the way cows moo in various languages and the significance thereof. You go home and copy what others have written about their cows on the Internet for your term papers, and get jealous of your roommate who probably showers the profs with cows and gets A's all the time.
- Unimaginative people
- You have two cows.
- You have two death cows with feral eyes and bloody fangs who hang out at the local graveyard a lot. You write of the abyssal and profound darkness which the cows have in melancoly embraced. Oh! the torment upon the blackest hour which has dawned, screaming in pain and suffering. Oh! the distant fog rolling down into the madness-stricken grief that is your cows, in the deathly quiet of the bloodstained night.