From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“We make the internets not suck.”
Wikipedia, "the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit," is a satirical parody of Uncyclopedia. In contrast to Uncyclopedia, which strives to be as fractious as possible, Wikipedia entries occasionally reach consensus, and range from nonsensical to biased to subversive, with little or no resemblance to the truth. However, because of its parodic nature, some people find it informative as it reveals at least something about how people think about certain topics, albeit in an ironic sense. All text on Wikipedia is available under the terms of the overmind sometimes also known as microsoft or cheese fries.
Wikipedia was the creation of internet 'preneur Jimbo and his band of whales, without the help of anyone, especially Larry Sanger. Mr. Jimbo conceived of Wikipedia after reading Herman Hesse's Magister Ludi (The Glass Bead Game) and William Golding's Lord of the Flies in one single weekend. He envisioned Wikipedia as an Internet Amusement Park that would combine the best aspects of both novels. Wikipedia has encountered some difficulties with the implementation of this vision as the cannibal children keep eating the scholars.
Stands for nuther point of view. It means that one should add another point of view when one does not suffice. There is debate, however, about the actual meaning of the acronym. Some believe that it stands for "Neutral Point of View". In this case, it means that one should have no opinion about a matter when stating the facts. However, some people debate the facts, because there are two sides and interpretations to most issues. The majority view, however, is that these people are wrong. The majority view, sadly, is bullshit. In any case, "Neutral Point of View" in Wikipedia simply means "The view a small cartel of administrators hold to" and if this contradicts genuine neutrality, neutral editors are likely to be blocked for up to a fortnight.
Also highly recommended are extensive discussions of word definition. Beware of citing any common usage definition! This is generally considered chickening at WP; instead, assume the contrary of this definition and by ways of extended subordinate clauses and historic trivia.
Also, everyday facts are best presented as general opinion (e.g. "...although it should be kept in mind that no conclusive evidence exists one way or the other, many contend that water is wet, the earth is round, and poking sharpened sticks into your eyes is not a particularly good idea") Many people believe that this is what many people believe.
In addition, lists are known to be made and deleted everyday as constant reminders that death IS indeed near, and certain conservatives accuse it of harboring way too many hippie liberals. Wikipedia is further proof that life and indeed every "reliable" source of information has a liberal bias. Who would have thought?
The history of Wikipedia begins in 1865 BC at the height of the Martian Civil War. Abraham Lincoln Logs, in a stroke of genius, realized that if encyclopedias were written collectively on the internet, then encyclopedia editors would be unemployed, and he could round them up and send them off to fight the Confederacy. Unfortunately, his vision of a publicly edited encyclopedia failed, largely because neither computers nor the internet had yet been invented. However, the all-editor 53rd Light Cavalry Regiment (the "Encyclopedic 53rd") was a smashing success; its most celebrated accomplishment was routing a division of gossip columnists defending Atlanta (this was widely viewed as a vindication after an earlier failure to capture Savannah, when the Confederates distracted the regiment with poorly composed, grammatically incorrect encyclopedia articles strewn about on the battlefield).
However, the concept of a disinformation encyclopedia began with a group of Hungarian rebels, who decided that the best tool to use against the Communist government's spies and informants was misinformation. Infiltrating the offices of the Encyclopedica Hungarica, the rebels typeset a monstrous 53-volume tome (weighing almost 1300 lbs.!), which collected every piece of misinformation, lie, rumor, and mindless drivel they could fit on paper(assembling this misinformation is particularly impressive when one considers that Fox News had yet to be invented).
In the next year, the Hungarian government nearly ground to a halt due to the chaos. As a result, letters and important correspondence went astray due to inaccurate addresses printed in the encyclopedia. KGB spies attempted to round up the heads of the rebel group, but inquiries for "I.C. Weiner", "Ben Dover", and "I.P. Freeley" (listed as the leaders of the rebels by volume 23) produced nothing but puzzlement and smirks. Infuriated, the Hungarian president attempted to fly to the Kremlin to consult with the Soviet Union about the problem, only to find that his pilot had flown him to Moosejaw, Saskatchewan (which the sabotaged Encyclopedia Hungarica described as the capital of the USSR). To this day, much of the damage has yet to be undone: for instance most of the western half of the country still believes that Pi is equal to seven (which accounts for the strangely shaped wheels on the cars there).
In 1999, as a result of a five-dollar bet made over a bottle of bad tequila, this sabotaged version of the 1973 Encyclopedia Hungarica was digitized, placed online, and dubbed "Wikipedia". The term "Wiki" derives from the Hawaiian "wiki-wiki" which means "Some random guy on the Internet said it, so it must be true".
Accuracy Controversy of 2005
In December 2005, John Siegenthaler was outraged to discover that the Wikipedia article on Web comics was 100% factually accurate, and had spurred neither edit wars, nor votes for deletion, nor requests for arbitration. Furthermore, he found that not a single contributor to the article ended up whining on their LiveJournal about how the entire Wikipedia community was out to get them. Siegenthaler immediately published a Wikipedia exposé in the respected daily Der Stürmer, causing frenzied media debate about the continued satirical value of the encyclopedia. In response, Jimbo decreed that henceforth people could neither create nor edit articles unless they had medical or judicial proof of insanity. As Wikipedia continues to grow, such controversies will only continue. Despite the diligent efforts of the Wikipedians, it becomes increasingly difficult to ensure that accuracy, objectivity and non-libelous claims do not find their way into Wikipedia.
Wikipedia and the Church of Scientology
After the 2004 recruitment of Wikipedia founder Jimbo by the Church of Scientology, one of the overriding goals of Wikipedia's thriving Scientologist subculture became the addition of new Scientology-related articles and the revision of existing articles to include the Church's viewpoint. Known as WikiProject Scientology, the first phase of the effort involved soliciting Church members to contribute to Wikipedia's August 2005 pledge drive, and its unexpected success resulted in Scientologists becoming the primary financial backer of Wikimedia. Through unofficial Church channels news of this achievement reportedly reached the ears of the majority of Internet-enabled Church member within 24 hours; the influx of new readers and editors dramatically impacted Wikipedia's content and focus. Today, Wikipedia is recognized as the most popular non-commercial Scientologist site on the Web. King Jimbo even gave Scientology profit Tom Cruise control of the Wikilandian Death Star, (as seen below). Within days, many history and technology articles were seen blasted to bits. Many suspect Cruise is to blame.
Articles in Wikipedia are often deleted with a clever and witty message attached. These "joke deletions" are a fun activity that users play towards each other- whomever writes the cleverest message gets to delete someone else's article, and the author of said article checks up on it only to find it removed, and promptly dies in various fits of laughter. These colloquial sayings are known as "isnotisms," and are presented in the following format:
- Wikipedia is not a crystal ball
- Wikipedia is not a phonebook
- Wikipedia is not a dating service, most of the time at least
- Wikipedia is not a land of milk and honey
- Wikipedia is not valid reference material
- Wikipedia is not a weapon of mass destruction
- Wikipedia is not a place for happy people
- Wikipedia is not above plagiarising
- Wikipedia is not involved in the Watergate scandal (Yeah, sure...)
- Wikipedia is not a majoritarian democracy
- Wikipedia is not edible
- Wikipedia is not a rectal suppository (it would hurt if it was... it's huge!)
- Wikipedia is not what you think it is
- Wikipedia is not musical
- Wikipedia is not as silly as this page
- Wikipedia is not a home for lost Vikings
- Wikipedia is not a lean, green, fighting machine.
- Wikipedia is not a day over 40
- Wikipedia is not to be used under the influence of alcohol
- Wikipedia is not suitable for minors
- Wikipedia is not the cure for cancer
- Wikipedia will not do your homework for you
- Wikipedia is not middle aged, bald, short and ugly
- Wikipedia is not about you
- Wikipedia is not a documentary
- Wikipedia is not your escape from reality
- Wikipedia does not owe you money.
- Wikipedia is not the answer
- Wikipedia does not care
- Wikipedia is not going to be happy when they see this
Wikipedia and the Myth of Cthulhu
It's not really a myth. A very unknown fact is that the concept of Wikipedia was brought to Earth by the Primordials, millions of years ago. The first Wikipedian place was a secret city, deep in the Arabian desert. And the first Wikipedian man (probably a Cro-Magnon), dreamed about two ways for expanding the kowledge about Cthulhu: a satanic cult, and a database for entering the mind weaked.
Several investigators are convinced that the word "Wikipedia" comes from the aaaaancient word Wykkgnypfle'dyah. They don't know yet its significance, but they foud that it's impossible for a human being, to pronounce this word correctly.
- The Ministry for Misfactual Unformation
- The Un-Wiki War
- BJAODN, the only reliable part of Wikipedia
- TFAODP, the only unreliable part of Uncyclopedia
- The Life and Death of a Template
|Parts of this article were originally sporked from Wikipedia, the freakin' subject of this article.|