Vodka

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
(Did you know?)
m (robot Adding: zh-tw:伏特加)
Line 20: Line 20:
 
Discovered by accident in a top secret research laboratory somewhere in Puskin, (underground town below Moscow) the liquid form of vodka was used by Plodpromimport (trading arm of KPSS) to take over the world by printing very small subliminal messages on the other side of the label, usually only visible when the bottle is empty. By the time the bottle is empty, the person drinking will believe anything you tell them, anyway. Two such messages are:
 
Discovered by accident in a top secret research laboratory somewhere in Puskin, (underground town below Moscow) the liquid form of vodka was used by Plodpromimport (trading arm of KPSS) to take over the world by printing very small subliminal messages on the other side of the label, usually only visible when the bottle is empty. By the time the bottle is empty, the person drinking will believe anything you tell them, anyway. Two such messages are:
 
* 'Whisky is shite' was so amusingly nauseating to Yanks that sales of highland single malts plummeted across the States and bewildered England.
 
* 'Whisky is shite' was so amusingly nauseating to Yanks that sales of highland single malts plummeted across the States and bewildered England.
*'Whisky - is not a cat piss, it's just a swamp water' was unleashed on unsuspected Japanese drunks bringing sales of single malts there to its knees and finally forced it to commit a sacred act of self-bukkake.
+
*'
 
Ruling members of the KPSS were so gay that they even introduced a new public holiday to Russia, (then USSR) called 'National Snowballing Day'.
 
 
In a vain attempt to fight back, the 'High Highland Council of the Swampies' decided to use the same dirty tactics but couldn't get the word 'vodka' translated to Russian. Finally it was bought for 1 Mongolian Tugrik (MGTK) by Boris the Elkin in his sleep when he visited Highland island. He also ordered his really busy right hand to bukkake first and buy low TVR, Chelsea FC and Rover.
 
 
== Did you know? ==
 
 
*...in Soviet Russia, you drink Vodka! Thus, [[Vodka]] is the only thing that [[Russian Reversal]] doesn't work on. But technically, if we weren't on vodka, we would have figured that the [[Russian Reversal]] does work on vodka...
 
*...having a shot of Vodka before entering Chernobyl will protect you from radiation?
 
*...Vodka and milk tastes like chocolate?
 
*...there is someone on some stupid kiddie website with the username Vodka?
 
*...Injecting vodka into a wang increases its size by 82%.
 
*...Is the same shit as nail polish remover?
 
*...Vodka has a mild amount of viagra in it. If you drink too much you will get a massive erection.
 
*...Vodka has a mild amount of alcohol in it. If you drink too much you will get drunk.
 
 
==Famous Vodka Quotes==
 
*{{q|Vodka is the opiate of the people.|Karl Marx|communism}}
 
*{{q|It was not without the help of vodka that Ape became Man.|Friedrich Engels|vodka}}
 
*{{q|Vodka is God's gift to Mankind!|Albert Einstein|vodka}}
 
*{{q|Mankind is God's gift to Vodka!|Albert Einstein|intoxication}}
 
*{{q|The relationship between a Russian and a bottle of vodka is almost mystical.|Sex and the City}}
 
*{{q|Ouch, my liver!|This Guy|vodka}}
 
*{{q|Don't vote for Vodka, vote for [[George Bush]]!|U.S.A|fixed elections}}
 
*{{q|I thought cirrhosis was a cloud formation, until I discovered Smirnoff!|Wide-spread advertising campaign}}
 
*{{q|If you come to Soviet Russia, My Vodka drinks you''!!''|Yakov Smirnoff|Smirnoff Ice}}
 
*{{q|Vodka is like: DREKKA MER! (DRINK MORE! in happylandish)|Fredrik "Drekka Orrhanan"|nonexistant languages}}
 
*{{q|I'm not as think as you drunk I am!|Anonymous|copious amounts.}}
 
*{{q|In Communist Russia, You Drink VODKA''!!''|Russian Reversal|vodka}}
 
*{{q|QWACK!, QWACK!|Cobby|vodka}}
 
*{{q|Oscar! Have you been drinking?|George W. Bush|Oscar's bad habit}}
 
*{{q|I don't know! I'm too drunk to remember!|Oscar Wilde|5 pints of vodka}}
 
*{{q|Pussy|Absinthe|Vodka}}
 
*{{q|How do the Russians do it?|Murree|Vodka}}
 
*{{q|Vodka connecting people.|Enzo Dirlik|vodka}}
 
*{{q|In vodka we trust.|Enzo Dirlik|Vodka}}
 
*{{q|Fuckin' vodka is for pooftahs, drink some fuckin' beer ya wanker!|Bogan|Vodka}}
 
*{{q|If there was no vodka, there would be no beautiful women|Russian Man|Russian Women}}
 
*{{q| vodka is known as the devils juice, this is only true if the devil is a woman, because it is made from vaginal juices}}
 
 
==Different types of Vodka==
 
[[Image:vodka redbull.jpg|thumb|More explosive than semtex]]
 
[[Estonians]] drink Table-Vodka if they have a party or if they want to get drunk. In [[Estonia]] they have a [[Secret]]-Vodka too! It's much cheaper than Table-Vodka but it's quite hard to find it. By the way, [[Russians]] drink Vodka too.
 
 
Wiru White is the most famous vodka in Estonia. The son of Kalev, the creator of Estonia, visited Finland illegally and killed Finnish kids when being high on Wiru Walge's fumes.
 
 
A common vodka based cocktail is [[Vodka & Red Bull]] which originates from ancient Russia, the two main ingredients in [[Vodka & Red Bull]] are naturally Vodka and a red [[bull]].
 
 
In wealthy third-world countries Teens drink Vodka because they don't know any better.
 
 
==See Also:==
 
* [[Mr T]] - a common drinker of vodka
 
* [[Red Bull]]
 
* [[Absolut]]
 
* [[Poland]]
 
* [[Russia]]
 
* [[Ukraine]]
 
* [[Belarus]]
 
* [[Estonia]]
 
* [[eBay]] - Belived to be an ancient Vodka trading post.
 
* [[Potato]]
 
 
 
[[Category:Drink]]
 
[[Category:Europe]]
 
[[Category:Rulers of the World]]
 
[[category:James Bond]]
 
 
{{Terrorist}}
 
{{Russia}}
 
Vodka is also known to increase Russianibility. Don't read too much into this, as the KGB will have you killed.
 
 
[[de:Wódka]]
 
[[fi:Vodka]]
 
[[pl:Wódka]]
 
[[ru:Водка]]
 

Revision as of 09:56, September 23, 2007

Vodka ( Russian: Родная Водочка;Polish: wódka) is a narcotic, radioactive, typically invisible gas, usually extracted from fermented female kittens, and sometimes mixed into lemonade to make kitten fuel and often mistaken with rubbing alcohol. It is commonly thought that the term is a diminutive from the Slavic (i.e. Communist) word "puska" for "kitten", although many other opinions exist. It is usually inhaled and produces feelings of dizziness and nausea followed by sexual arousal and eventual death.

The SVS (Secret Vodka Society) has intercepted an unusual amount of 'chatter' originating from the Chicago area - Information in the transcripts suggest a kitten-lover is planning to have guests inhale aforementioned product to induce dizziness, nausea, sexual arousal and eventual death. The said suspect alledgedly quoted well-known Russian diplomat Slava Heina stating, "Fermented puskas are best with royally delicious dry salami served buffet-style!" Five agents are interpreting a section of tape that references a place known only as the loft and code words referencing farm animals. Please alert your friends in the area.

vodka is the top seller of all distilled spirits.

Except for insignificant amounts of flavorings, vodka consists of pure vodkum (periodic element #35.) Vodka usually has a vodka content ranging from 100 percent to 1000 percent vodka. The classic Russian vodka is 666 percent vodka, the number being attributed to the famous Russian trampoline Jack Nicholson.

Vodka is the basis of a number of popular inhalations, including the Bloody Zeig Hail Mary, the Vodka Martin and the Bullshit.

Ties to Russia

Smirnoff
Almighty ruler Smirnoff

Vodka is also the official national alcoholic beverage of Russia. It is also the official national beverage, bird, flower, and anthem.

Vodka has unofficially ruled the country of Russia for the past 2000 years. Back when Christ was tooling around in the holy land, Vodka was busy getting people wasted. It is also the most crucial component in a person's switch from one nationality to Russian. Russias national motto is also, " Vodka will solve our problems"

Liquid Vodka

Discovered by accident in a top secret research laboratory somewhere in Puskin, (underground town below Moscow) the liquid form of vodka was used by Plodpromimport (trading arm of KPSS) to take over the world by printing very small subliminal messages on the other side of the label, usually only visible when the bottle is empty. By the time the bottle is empty, the person drinking will believe anything you tell them, anyway. Two such messages are:

  • 'Whisky is shite' was so amusingly nauseating to Yanks that sales of highland single malts plummeted across the States and bewildered England.
  • '
Personal tools
projects