User talk:Clemens177

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(Okay, two recent emails, bear in mind I'm divorced and remarried)
m (Okay, two recent emails, bear in mind I'm divorced and remarried: yeesh)
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(name deleted)
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Why are you posting personal stuff here, Clemens? C'mon: it's disturbing. {{User:Cajek/sig2|1:53 Jun 24, 2009}}

Revision as of 01:53, June 24, 2009


I have moved your page to John Galt, which is where it should be as an article. Did you mean to start that page in your userspace? Because you actually started it as another user's userpage. Tip: articles prefixed "User:" go to the user with the name that follows the colon. To create that article in your userspace, you should have created User:Clemens117/John Galt. Bear that in mind next time, and you won't go far wrong. Also, don't remove content from any talk pages except your own (this one). A more trigger happy admin may have banned you for that. Not a threat, just a tip for the future! Good luck, see you around the wiki. --UU - natter UU Manhole 09:20, May 19

Thanks, I appreciate the help! Clemens177 09:22, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

No worries. Other tips: on talk pages, indent any new posts by using colons at the start of the line like I just have - makes things easier to follow. And put any new topics under a header, like that "Answers" one I created up there - makes things easier to follow, and conversations easier to find (particularly if your talk page gets as crammed as some do!) If you have any other questions, have a word on my talk page, I'm generally around and happy to help. --UU - natter UU Manhole 09:25, May 19
Thanks again! I'll do that! --Clemens177 10:11, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Nice UnNews

UnNews:Mother flees with child to avoid health ruling Is pretty funny. Have some cheese --Concernedresident 22:35, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

You've got some potential

I've read a few of your articles, and they have the potential to be really good with some polish/tune-up. I'd suggest submitting some of them to Pee Review for advice from fellow users. So yeah. Oh, I'm Guildy, by the way. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:14, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

I don't know what you mean by "is there something I should already have," which is what you said in your post to me just a moment ago. However, I (as well as most users here) almost always submit a work to Pee Review once it's finished to get some feedback on it. It's a really good system, actually. Sometimes it takes a while to get your thing reviewed, but it's ussually worth it to have a second, third, or even fourth opinion on your work. I would suggest submitting Atlas Shrugged and John Galt for review at the moment. Polish those up, and then do the same with some of your other articles. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:23, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
Oh, also, I'm obligated to advertise my usergroup, as you are a new user and would be very useful doing this sort of thing. I'm also fairly certain Atlas Shrugged would be the sort of notable thing you'd get credit for writing, so yeah. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:25, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Hey, bro

I've noticed that you are into UnNews. So am I! I think we could share ideas or write an article together potentially. Staircase CUNt 02:55, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

Of sigs and such

Say, clem, dont you want a fancy signature? You know, everybody has one (except me, I have five. Whatever) and, you know, a nice sig gives you easy access to the Kewl Kidz Klub and so forth. What do you say? Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool Egypt_orb_spinning.gif 22:13 May 27 '09


... is the link to me UnNews that I jsut finshed. If you will, could you come up with an image? Also, feel free to change something around, and add stuff. but just try to keep in the idea of where he blew the money on drugs, ok? Also, Feel free to start you article up, I'll give it the good ol' touch up when you're done. Staircase CUNt 22:38, 27 May 2009 (UTC)

May I recommend...

...that you hunt down more pictures for your pages? Google is quite handy. Apparently, there are a bunch of pictures of things, stuff and whatnot on "the internets". More than a single picture on a page helps to prevent the "wall of text", an effect that frightens both young and old alike. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 03:40, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

What up Clem?

Your UnNews articles have been lengthy and good, I'm quite impressed. One thing to note when editing Template:RecentUnNews is that the convention is to put only a part of the headline you have written in bold and linked. So for example, instead of writing
HR Director slowly losing it.......... it would be better to do something like ............... HR director slowly losing it.
Otherwise, the main page begins to look like one entire side is yelling at people. Also, it's alright to use an alternate title on Template:RecentUnNews from your article's title, e.g.
Human resources gets some homicide........... or something equally silly.

Alright, keep up the good work! IronLung 06:50, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

A belated welcome, with few apologies and zero transfat


This isn't your (or somebody you know) fellow employee or something, right? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 12:19, 29 May 2009 (UTC)

I haven't mentioned to yet that I've noticed your enthusiasm for UnNews. Thanks for keeping your articles coming. Also, here; have a complimentary "Welcome to UnNews" thing. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 12:19, 29 May 2009 (UTC)


Che Ape

Reverend Zim_ulator says: "There are coffee cup stains on this copy, damnit! Now that's good UnJournalism."

Welcome to UnNews, Clemens177, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.

I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.

Good things that can happen to you

You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.

What happened to my article?

If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.

Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.

Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?

UnNews Audio

If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

UnNews UnFunnies

At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC) Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 12:19, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
As to the picture, I get all my cute girl pics from porn sites. A surprising thing is that they always have a variety of pics, and they always start out clothed. You should see her As to the advise or commands...uh...okay. *smiles* --Clemens177 12:23, 29 May 2009 (UTC)


-yah i liked your edits on the orginal they made it alot better... --Fruitloopeater 16:02, 30 May 2009 (UTC)


I moved your article to User:Clemens177/Attention Whore endlessly hitting refresh because it's vanity.I didn't delete it because it looked like you invested some time into it, and maybe you have some other use for it. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 09:24, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for pointing out that the link was still on the main page. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 22:51, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

The finer points of UnNews and comments on UnNews:Superfriends revealed! Wendy Harris-Vulcan tells all!

A couple of things about this article: you don't need to add [[Category:June 2009]] as a category because the UnNews template has a template which datestamps the article into a date category.

Another small thing; a few of us at UnNews like to keep a few things consistent, and I tend (with few exceptions) to tidy up articles which I think are worth my efforts. It seems you don't put Sources at the end of your articles generally.

It's another consistency thing to make us look better than The Onion. I like to make them ironic and funny in my own way, but if you add your own, it may be ironic and funny in a way that flows better with your intent. Having said that, it's not a big deal, and in fact, I like doing them as little challenges to amuse myself, with not a care if no one else notices.

Lastly, your articles are on the long side. This is not a bad thing, just something I noticed. Remember that long is ok, but does not add value to an article in itself. Personally, I'd rather have two funny medium length articles, which most readers will probably read through, than a hilarious, really long one which more readers might not finish. At least, this is acording to zims' rule, which states there are more stupid people than smart ones around at present.

Let me conclude by saying you seem to be a good fit with UnNews. Thanks for your contributions, and for paying attention to my drivel. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 13:34, 6 June 2009 (UTC)

Dear Miss Manners...

Miss Manners would like all of you to add your letters here. Just edit this section and add to the end of the list, and if you are worth getting to, Miss Manners will get to you.

Dear Miss Manners,

I am a koala. I have been for all my life, and I have found it to be an immensely satisfying lifestyle. I have never regretted my decision, however recently it has become a bit of a burden. Ever since I opened up about it to my girlfriend, she refuses to take me seriously anymore. She coos at me when I yawn, takes photos of me in trees to show her friends, and generally giggles when I do amusing or cute things. Plus, we never have sex anymore. What's worse, she's told my co-workers, and now they don't take me seriously either. Whereas previously I was entrusted with the monetary transfers of millions of dollars, now they make me climb the potted tree in the corner and chew on eucolyptus leaves all day. It's embaressing. Being a marsupial is no laughing matter, I assure you. It's a 24 hour a day job, grooming, snoozing, yawning, looking adorable, it's all immensely time consuming. I have been able to balance these tasks with my work and personal life successfully for thirty years, even when I was at Harvard studying tax law. So why, oh why, do my fellows and my beloved now treat me like some sort of trained chimp? Please tell me how to re-establish myself with my co-workers and my girlfriend. You're the only one who can help.

Yours sincerely,

Archibald the Koala

UnNews:Jill Stanek wins pro-choice Sanger Award!

You have a lot of time on your hands, don't you clem? It's ironic, how ironic this article is. Cheers! zim 06:47, 11 June 2009 (UTC)


I've edited Template:RecentUnNews to look more like it was intended. Try to keep your additions in a similar format, please. Thanks and cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 09:50, 11 June 2009 (UTC)

Could you revert the edits ? I am not keen on the Nazi connections in the article. Please keep your jokes about the land though. their's and ours. Thanks. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 07:47, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Hope that helps! Clemens177 08:02, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
Hi Clemens. I took out the 'penis' and 'slave' links as well but tried to keep the other bits I liked. I am not against anyone adding to my articles but sometimes there is a danger another contributor will take it in a direction not intended by the original author. Also I would suggest it may be advisable to post a note to the writer to see if they welcome additions or not. This will also go for a feature as well. I think this is advisable when you are dealing with regular or 'live' contributors (i.e. people who have been active here for last few months at least). I am pretty laid back but other writers here do bite a lot more if they think their work is being changed too much. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate). 08:57, 15 June 2009 (UTC)

Miss Manners

This is a picture of Lady Sonia, you naughty boy. (Google it. Unless you're at work).

Google it? You naive child, while her name as Britain's hottest online dominatrix porn queen is indeed "Lady Sonia", here in my flat her name is simply "honey", as in "Honey, grab me a cold one before dressing up as a Nurse and masturbating me!" =) --Clemens177 18:21, 15 June 2009 (UTC)
Oh shit, and I thought she was one of them amateur porn sluts... Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool Egypt_orb_spinning.gif 09:12 June 17 '09

"Christian anarchist"?

So, you called yourself that in the forum topic I started. In fact, you called yourself that just a few moments ago! ...what does it mean?   Le Cejak <1:50 Jun 18, 2009>

As a Christian, I believe the Bible when it says that all governments are of Satan, and the only allegiance you should grant is to Jehovah. Both the Old and New Testament specifically spoke out against governments. They are to be endured, but not followed. See 1 Samuel 8 for God's advice against having a government. It's believed to be the first anarchic essay in history. Also notice that the Kings then were a good deal nicer then our Presidents now. --Clemens177 02:36, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
Well, that sounds pretty crazy, but you should prepare for people to mock you on Uncyc. Yer a good writer, though.   Le Cejak <3:31 Jun 18, 2009>
Not sure that this forum gives much opportunity for mocking individual contributers, though those who are Christian are well used to that. I'm glad you think I'm a good writer. Oh...and I surely can't be the only Christian here, it's just that most Christians on the net don't admit it as there is so much prejudice and bigotry against them. --Clemens177 04:00, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
Being a Christian is normal, but I've never heard of a Christian anarchist. I don't follow the Fountainhead or Ayn Rand like you do. Although, you did a good job mocking her, so...? Anyway, you Christians win in real life, so quit yer bitchin' :D (just respond here, Clemens, you don't need to copy it to my talk page)   Le Cejak <4:03 Jun 18, 2009>
I have heard of Christian anarchism before. Leo Tolskoy was a Christian anarchist. --Docile hippopotamus 04:06, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
As it happens I loosely follow much of the doctrine of Jehovah's Witnesses, though as a smoker (and for other reasons) they would not regard me as one. The Witnesses regard all the governments of Earth as under the control of Satan, and yes, the Bible definitely supports that. So their allegiance, as mine, is only to Jehovah, just as the Bible mandates. That we're quiet about it doesn't change that around 16 million - by some estimates - around the world believe it. --Clemens177 04:13, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
Îa Îa Shub Niggurath.   Le Cejak <4:43 Jun 18, 2009>
Lovecraft, huh? Never really got into all that. --Clemens177 05:05, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
Doesn't matter if you have: we're all dead soon, anyway. So, what was that about your human "gods"? I get the feeling that you expect them to protect you from the deep ones?   Le Cejak <5:11 Jun 18, 2009>
Well, I can only assume you are joking, if you have an actual belief in the writings of a science fiction writer. On the other hand, if that's truly your belief, then peace, that's freedom. As for me, I do believe in Jehovah, and as a part of that, yes, he would protect me from any "deep ones" which I would label as "devils" or "demons". --Clemens177 06:10, 18 June 2009 (UTC)
That's very very very very very very very optimistic of you. Your anthropocentric viewpoint is sure to come in handy when... uh... but yeah, all the cultists in the wiki say "hey!"   Le Cejak <6:15 Jun 18, 2009>
Hey! But yeah, at least I'm not a Scientologist.   Le Cejak <6:18 Jun 18, 2009>

Not optimistic at all. The Bible speaks pretty clearly one what one must do to be saved, and Satan isn't near as strong as Jehovah. He's just an angel gone bad, is all, and easily enough dealt with if you remember who to call upon. Not sure how that's "anthropocentric", though. Theocentric, perhaps.

Glad to hear you are not a Scientologist. It amazes me that such an ideology could take off. Ahh, well. --Clemens177 07:24, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

That's very very very very optimistic and human of you. Do you think the deep ones care about your so-called "bible"? In that sense it's VERY human-centric. It's okay, Clemens. It's okay, take a load off and quit worrying so much about the deep ones. That's right, here's some warm milk. You keep living in your dreamworld, far away from reality. That's right, there's no such thing as "deep ones" keep thinking that take a load off just relax.   Le Cejak <14:42 Jun 18, 2009>
Well, I won't deny your right to worship thetan controlled, pre-cleared "deep ones", and I've heard that warm milk offering IS an actual sacrament for those in the you what, let me have that warm milk before Chancellor Sutler steals it! --Clemens177 18:29, 18 June 2009 (UTC)

Saw you on Village Dump

I just wanted to let you know that I think you are quite talented and you should submit some of your writing for publication or send it to some agents. Seriously. Some of it is so good I can't believe you put it on here. I added to the discussion about IP addresses. Your expression of concern stood out to me because of the quality of your work. Do you have Adobe or another program you can pdf pages on? You might want to do that, especially if you have these pieces elsewhere and can use the pdfs to verify date of origin. Mozilla Firefox has a free tool for doing that. I know what you mean though about articlaes appearing and disappearing. I have been clicking way too much, being a nOOb and all and I did notice the other day that every time I clicked on the main page it looked different. I thought, is this place riddled with smoke and mirrors or what? Maybe you could help me on my first effort. I don't have much time but plan to work on it early tommorrow morning, very early, before the birds wake-up. - Hestian


If there was a part of "fuck off, you goddamned filthy cunt" that you didn't understand, I'm sorry that I was unable to make myself clearer. I suppose this is where you'll attempt to post a variety of wavefiles from tape recordings you made of us when we were together, carefully cut and spliced. I'm sorry for this group, but I had no reason to know you knew the email addy I came here with.

You are the stalker that the police and courts have named you, and named you with more men than just me.

As to your ass kissing opinion on my writing, when I need a semi-literate loser to tell me the obvious...I'll be sure and go down to the homeless shelter and find someone who's opinion is more meaningful to me. I'm aware, by the way, that you copy all my work. You need to remember that I copyright all my shit.

Now...go rent the movie "Obsession" starring Jenna Elfman. Know that even if you looked like her, I'd still not fuck you. Know that the legal point made in the movie was valid. After a certain volume of emails - and I've several hundred archived on each of two different email accounts - the "threat" is just in the volume, regardless of whether an explicit threat is wrote. Not that you may not have already crossed the line with some comments you've made recently about your wishes for my wife.

Not that she and her family aren't scared already. As you type away playing the innocent, with a 24/7 day after day, month after month, non-stop barrage.

And since my wife has many more emails from you in her account, and my wife's daughter...and my wife's sister...and there's all those calls to me, her, her kids, her other relatives, my parents, my ex-girlfrieds and two former companies I worked at...Jesus. I know you are thinking that so long as you don't explicitly threaten my wife that I can't get a restraining order...but I advise you now - cease and desist emailing me and mine, or it will be court - but a criminal court, for criminal charges. And the volume of it all, the length of time - along with letters of confession from you of previous theft - will go along way towards that.

I am aware that you believe that you have "tapes" and/or "evidence" that will "prove" that I love you, or that I'm cock sucking asshole, or a bullshit artist, or a wife beating sociopath, or whatever delusional shit it is lately. But you need to go to an attorney - please, really, go to one, the consultations are usually free - and learn that no matter how much of a cocksucking asshole and all else that I may or may not be - it's fucking irrelevent to the fact that we are divorced, and you keep emailing, net stalking, harassing family and friends, calling and emailing me at my former employer, stalking me here....etc. Print this out and show it to him. Show him everything you've got of mine in your "Dean Shrine", show him all your tape recordings - you who aren't a stalker - and see what he says.

End this and get a fucking life. And no, you don't have one, or you'd not be pursuing me. You have "erotomania", a mental disorder in which you falsely believe someone loves you. You are an obsessive fucking twitch, with violent tendencies well known to many, who has provably travelled about the nation on several occassions trying to track me down, and incessantly stalks me and my wife now.


--Clemens177 00:54, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Note to members

Hestian is my ex-wife, and note how in her initial writing to me she pretends to be a stranger, and a stranger who clearly wishes to interact with me quite badly. Not a "hey, it's your friendly ex-wife who you get along with" but "Well, he hates me, so let me try in my feeble way to trick him into interacting with me".

However, her daily emails - I've left it on simply to collect all her shit, while using another email unknown to her for business - told me that she was here a week or so ago. Now her own main page here of "Hestian" (listed in Google as a "forgotten goddess"...get it?) shows her working on an article about "binkies", meaning pacifiers, and this comes two days after yet another of her emails to me, but one in which besides wishing my "Fat Ho Bag wife to burn in hell" also mentions a cute little story about her granddaughter losing her "binky" and the resulting furor.

Should someone truly doubt this, say so, and I'll email it to them. Only long term members, though. Else she'll pretend to need to see it just for the joy of having me email her.

--Clemens177 01:25, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

P.S. Oh, and if you check the "edit history", you'll see that after I posted this, she tried to delete her message to me, not realizing that nothing ever dies here. I've put it back, so you can see how she tried to bullshit me into thinking she was a random newbie.

I and everyone I know wants to see these emails. Cause I'm bored. Also, to Clemens' ex-wife, GET OVER IT! Goddamn. There's no reason to harass him over the goddamn Internet, especially over a humour site. What the fuck, lady? Do you want me to rape you? MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 01:31, 24 June 2009 (UTC)

Okay, two recent emails, bear in mind I'm divorced and remarried

Names and email addies deleted

Binky Blues, boohoo‏ From: deleted Sent: Thu 6/18/09 6:40 PM To: deleted Cc: deleted

Hi Dean,

I miss you soooooo much.

We took the kids binkies away last night and (daughter) and I are exhausted. I hope it goes better tonight.

I went to do laundry today. Remember when I washed your clothes out in the kitchen sink? I was so happy when we got that washer going.

I love you.

(daughter) took the kids to see their Dad. He can only see them with her present. He didn't call them for a month and hasn't seen them for a couple of months. What a jerk of a guy. He hooked up with some older woman who has a 13 year old and a toddler boy, not by him. Sge's got money and he doesn't have to work.

Lucy is very much pregnant now. Very much so. Remember Lucy? She's in the house. I might have told you. You got your way, she is a house cat.

I miss you.

I love you.

I'll wait. It'll be worth it. I know it will.

(name deleted)

Make your summer sizzle with fast and easy recipes for the grill.

From: Deans panties (that's the name she used)( Sent: Sat 6/20/09 3:41 PM To:

In (granddaughter) and (other granddaughter') closet! LOL

So far she has a black one and a black and white one. (daughter) took some video of her labor while (granddaughter) and I were at the store. I got a call while there and told (daughter) what to do when she started having them in the hallway and then carried the first one under the bed. The girls have a big closet and we keep the floor clean so it was easy to put plastic and a big ole comforter down. Then I told her to shut Lucy in there with a lamp and the new kitten, first Lucy of course.

So far so good. Food and water are in there too. The litter box is now in that room and the child safety cover is one the doorknob. I have actually been sleeping in there because the girls go to sleep with Abby every night.

I love you.

I miss you inside me.

I need you to take care of me.

Don't reply to any of these e-mails because I only use the accounts once.

(phone number deleted) when you have had enough of the wrong woman. I didn't send the tapes and I promise I won't tape you.

Fuck those people in Springfield! I know you have had ties there and the old whore loaned you a bunch of else would she find a man???? But, I am your soul mate and 3 weeks before you married that fucking whore you told me she didn't matter???? Till she came to you lying and manipulating and exaggerating so she could get out of her self-made financial woes she tried to blame on you to anyone who would listen???? You did cause me financial trouble, but I don't need you for that . YOU were DEAD wrong last fall when you thought I thought I was going to get my bills paid. I knew how unrealistic you are about money! And how you spend too much on stupid stuff, like security cameras you don't need. I couldn't believe I couldn't buy my flax see oil for my blood sugar but you wanted to buy cameras, and that was against Kathy possibly or Lisa bringing people over!! I would never come there. The only reason I was going to come over when I was on the train is because (my wife) had invited me there (she did not) and I would be right there. What a load of bullshit. And that fucking whore KNOWS you are lying. She's a goddamn con artist. HER WHORE ass doesn't care if you lie. She just wants $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ She doesn't even like the sex! NO ONE ELSE WANTED HER FAT OLD BROKE WHORE ASS. She had a rep.

Come back to me.

I need you to be whole!

(name deleted)

Why are you posting personal stuff here, Clemens? C'mon: it's disturbing.   Le Cejak <1:53 Jun 24, 2009>

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