I'm Listening, Start Talking

I'm very sorry!

Me so sorry! Please, forgive me! PLLLEEEAAAAASSEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! (wails and cries loudly)

(sniffs) I'm sorry, UU! I'M SO SORRY! I will never be a dick again!!!! (wails louder so that Sannse can hear)

Please adopt me as a n00b so that I can be a good person again! (wails and cries louder)

|Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Kyurem CUN|IC Kill | 03:46, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

Hey Joe, Whaddya know? I love the pleading and the wailing about how you'll never be a dick again, followed by a sig that makes a mockery of Signature guidleines. Pup thus spoketh Puppy the imperfect.

Longer sig isn't part of being a dick. |Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Kyurem CUN|IC Kill | 04:32, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

Someone felt the need to make their signature big, due to having a small penis. Signatures must be shorter than this line of Xs:

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Calculation will be done at full erection extension.

Taken from Signature guidleines. Also talks about height. Oh, and page whoring via sig. Oh, and showing your user name clearly. Oh and... maybe you should read it? Pup

Hi Joe - I'm not the one you need to apologise to. Plus, apologies are one thing, actions another. Don't do anything to draw my attention back in your direction for the wrong reasons, and everything should be cool.

I'm not adopting though - gonna take my name off the list. I'm too busy, and just not very good at being an adopter. Oh, and your sig is a bit on the long side. And a tad high. Have a look at those guidelines that POTR linked to - brevity is the new hotness, see if you can do something about it! --UU - natter 08:18, Jun 29

Yay! I'm so hot. Also is this you back? And ta for teh vote, I think it might be just what that article needs to pass!    Orian57    Talk   08:53 29 June 2009

I'm easing myself back in gently, so to speak. --UU - natter 08:55, Jun 29

Yeah, it's good to go slow. At least at first. Also I wrote another UnScript - in like three hours - I'd quite like your opinion. Other people have already said it looks good, and it is on pee, if you have time/the will, a full review would be awsome. if not a quick thumbs up or down would be cool. Ta! Oh and here's the link.    Orian57    Talk   09:00 29 June 2009

Easing myself back in means not doing too much at first - I still have insane amounts of work on, so I'm trying to balance my Uncyc contributions better. So no reviews until stuff calms down, although I'll try to have a swift look at some point, but no promises. --UU - natter 09:50, Jun 29

Yeah I figured you wouldn't, just thought I'd ask. Anyway good to see you at least back a little bit. :D    Orian57    Talk   09:56 29 June 2009

Yay - I knew you couldn't leave me like that! Pup

signpost

well, good to see you're at least about. sorry the signpost is so late, i got caught doing other stuff at the end of last week and i'm never prone to much uncyc-ing on the weekends. anyway, last week's issue is all set, and this week's issue will be done on time! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:26, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, I can't leave for any decent amount of time - I'm just going to try and operate in a reduced capacity in an attempt to stop my brain getting so frazzled. Like the issue - as ever, good work, good sir! --UU - natter 15:33, Jun 29

Sirs. I did the side bits, tehy're just as important you know!    Orian57    Talk   17:04 29 June 2009

you did indeed! thank you muchly for that, and good work on the selection of the old school FA, that one is a favorite of mine! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:19, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

Could you get the original too?

NobodyNobody (Talk • Contribs (del) • Editcount • Block (rem-lst-all) • Logs • Groups • Checkuser) Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:02, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

Ok I have to tell somebody how sad I am, It might aswell be UU

(Big hurra for more puns revolving around your name!) But guess what I just watched! Yeah, that's right! Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie Aside from being terrible - it was only £3 from a charity shop - it was also the best hour and a half that I've had in ages. And thouraghly entertaining I might add. Discuss:    Orian57    Talk   19:33 29 June 2009

Oh dear me...Nameable • mumble? 21:01, 29 June 2009 (UTC)

You enjoy watching Teenagers running about in jumpsuits - hang on, what's not to enjoy? Pup

The evil woman was half naked for most of it. Thats something.    Orian57    Talk   21:22 29 June 2009

I might take a trip to the video store now on a completely unrelated issue... Pup

I highly recomend it! It's a shit movie but with the mood I was in it was just great - and only £3!    Orian57    Talk   21:34 29 June 2009

Unsignpost! June 25th or 30th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By ME, I Swear!

June 25th, 2009 • Issue 53 • The newspaper that steals other newspapers' lunch money

Users Campaign to Delete Vast Portions of Uncyclopedia By Gerrycheevers Several users have recently begun campaigns to rid Uncyclopedia of some of its oldest, cruftiest, stalest content, or so they would have you believe. We at the UnSignpost aren't here to report anything other than the facts, including but not limited to: opinions, speculation, and pictures of cats with funny captions. First on the chopping block was the Timeline series. This group of articles apparently chronicles the made-up version of history as recorded by people who aren't very funny. Dr. Skullthumper has taken the lead in the crusade against this unholy document, and reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users supported the good doctor, while others appreciated his sentiment but enjoyed the crisp, fresh smell of proper procedure much better. Noted deletionist Gwax made an appearance in order to streamline the effort to remove all of the unfunniness from the timeline, and he has been joined by several other users seeking to improve rather than delete the entire project. Next in line for the guillotine was Uncyclopedia's longest-running and only soap opera, The Young and the Uncyclopedians. At the head of this movement is prominent murderous amphibian Thekillerfroggy, who made such bold claims as "Vanity, sir!" and "Words words words!" As this project is not merely a page but an entire slew of pages, it was rejected by the Uncyclopedia Deletion Tribunal, but further actions may be in the works. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" Usefulness of IP Contributions Called Into Question...Again By Gerrycheevers The question of whether or not we should allow IPs to edit our precious humor wiki has been raised yet again, this time by plucky Der Unwehr founder Guildensternenstein. UnSignpost reporters were baffled by the concept of what an IP was, until it was explained that it is some sort of automatic vandalism robot designed to troll websites, post vanity, and ensure all articles make the proper amount of references to Chuck Norris. The debate raged fiercely, with many users falling on either side of the so-called "IP line". One camp decided that the contributions from these entities did more harm than good to the community and its collection of humor. The opposing faction took up the opposite view: that IP editors were harmless and at worst an annoyance. Modusoperandi, the lead counsel for the IP defense team, made several compelling arguments, most notably the case that IPs are adorable and thus harmless. In the end, it was decided that IP editing is something we must live with, mostly because Conservapedia doesn't allow it, and we don't want to be any more like them than we already are. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!"

Check out these pages! Ledddy calls for more reminiscence The counting goes horribly, horribly wrong THIS JUST IN THIS JUST OUT From our logs: 01:41, 24 June 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 66.109.20.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Dex is all like BAN HIM and I'm like OKAY DEX) 00:18, 21 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!) 00:17, 21 June 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs | block) resurrected Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) ‎ (wrng "a"gn) 00:16, 21 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs | block) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (NO MORE MR. NICEGUY) Biopic of the Week "How has the UnSignpost never run a biopic on So So?", you might ask. "I mean, his userpage is somewhere between confusing and disturbing, but the guy's a comedic genius! His writings are classic!", you might continue. You might even mention that he was nommed for WotM for about half a year in 2007 before finally winning the thing. Well, you might be interested in reading this week's UnSignpost, and then you might look into shutting up. Old School FA of the Week The Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice is the longest possible order you could order at Starbucks. It was ordered only once (in the late 1990's), and it singlehandedly destroyed the economy of South America. It is now illegal in both American Continents, Africa, Asia, Europe, and Antarctica. In fact, it's now illegal everywhere save for a select few unclaimed square inches in the Southern Pacific Ocean and Belgium (but nobody gives a crap about Belgium.) The United Nations is working on this problem even as you read this.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

We're not late you're just high!    Orian57    Talk   14:19 30 June 2009

A suspicion

A lesson to everyone out there. Do not press the ESC key while editing. It deletes all of your type. And I had written a good much of nonsense. Regardless, here is a much less funny version of what I just wrote. I am suspicious (and sorry if I spelled the title of this section wrong. Please change it.) of the vote by Flutter on the Uncyclopedia:VFH/UnBooks:The Autobiography of Jesus of Nazareth page. If you can look at deleted pages, the Uncyclopedia:VFP/Ginger1.jpg page makes me even more suspicious. I decided against asking Flutter about this, as I was afraid it would start drama. Man, but you should have seen the way I asked you all of this just a minute ago. It was fantastic. I used a crazy old-school British accent, and asked, like 50 questions. It was fantastic. This one is forgettable. But gets to the point. Am I crazy, or does something seem awry? Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 14:47, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Suspicious of what, exactly? I'm suspicious of a lot of things, particularly this suspiciously hot-for-this-country heatwave we're having - I'm suspicious it has been sent to fry my brain even more and make me do even less productive work than normal. And also it may be an evil attempt to force me to break the UU shorts out and scare ladies everywhere. But yeah, apart from seeming somewhat stroppy towards Socky, is there anything else I should be suspecting? --UU - natter 15:02, Jun 30

Oh god! From the picture of you I've built up in my head. Wearing shorts would be the worst decision you could make.    Orian57    Talk   15:04 30 June 2009

That was generally it. It looked like he was just voting against something Socky had nommed. But, again, you should have seen what I wrote before I hit the ESC key. You would have understood so well of what I was suspicious, it could have been great. GREAT, I SAY! (Oh, and just so you know, I think that when I first joined here, you had a picture in your userspace of some hairy, shirtless guy. Whether or not that was you, I am now picturing him in shorts. And, crazily enough, here in The America, we are having very nice weather. It's like 80 degrees with a nice breeze and no humidity. Fantastic.) Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 15:41, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

where the feck in america are you? in the northeast we've had something like 19% of possible sun for the month of june. right depressing, that. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:47, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it. Flutter's been around awhile, I doubt he's looking to start drama. Also, what Gerry said. Also also, this isn't my talkpage. -OptyC Sucks! CUN15:51, 30 Jun

Just suspicious. That's why I brought this matter to the right honerable UU, that's why. Didn't want to start nuthin where there wasn't nuthin. If he says its nuthin, it's good enough for me. I'm in Maryland. It's that weird state that isn't really Northeast, but It isn't really Southeast either. And June, in general, has been terrible. But the last few days have been terrific. I'm used to 100% humidity. When there isn't much humidity, it is always a terrific day. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 15:55, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

I'll keep a percentage of an eye on him - if I see a pattern develop, I'll have one of my now legendary "words". And I am from the North of England. Where it is supposed to be grim. My constitution gets proper upset by heat. And by "heat", I mean "anything that doesn't require the wearing of at least 4 layers of clothing". I am struggling epically. I am thinking of relocating my desk to the interior of the office fridge. Thank God at least my car is air-conditioned... --UU - natter 16:03, Jun 30

Think how I feel! I live in scotland this brilliant weather is really fucking with me. I can go outside and not die hyperthermia!    Orian57    Talk   16:05 30 June 2009

Hmmmm. Scotland. Kilts. It's all becoming so clear to me now. You're gay aren't you Orian? -OptyC Sucks! CUN16:07, 30 Jun

No. I've got a nice wee lass hidden away somewhere. At least that's what my granny recons. She's wrong.    Orian57    Talk   16:09 30 June 2009

My constitution gets proper upset when someone usurps the power, and tries to take over as king. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:11, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

My constitution is from the South of England. We are slightly more used to the hot weather, but then again, this has been HOT. And, um, yeah, I am just joining in this conversation which I am no way involved in at all. Sorry about that. Nameable • mumble? 18:51, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

Sorry? Dude, that's what I do all day! Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 19:06, 30 June 2009 (UTC)

I thought that was what talk pages were for... Look, there's a conversation about two headers up on my talk page that I have not contributed to, nor do I intend to. This is our constitutional right as Uncyclopedians. --UU - natter 09:36, Jul 1

 :(    Orian57    Talk   10:49 1 July 2009

Also

Ta for putting the award on my page! Yay! I'm pretty pleased to have won that. Who writes the thing for the front page?    Orian57    Talk   10:49 1 July 2009

Mordillo normally does it, but he's a little grouchy right now (something to do with being in Sweden, apparently). I might look to do it if I get time and inspiration. --UU - natter 10:51, Jul 1

Cool. cool, cool. So hows UU today?    Orian57    Talk   10:55 1 July 2009

Busy and uninspired. ;-) --UU - natter 11:39, Jul 1

Oh it's like that is it? Well you have fun being "busy" and "uninspired". :)    Orian57    Talk   12:03 1 July 2009

Ta!

I, Orian57, extend my grattitude for (of?) your vote on WotM! No but seriously, guys. Thanks, it means something to me, more than it should probably.

While we're here and talking about writing I did this yesterday: UnNews:Conservapedia is better than Wikipedia, Christian Announces. Personally I like it so much I suspect it may be a feature but I also suspect it's secretly shit, so your opinion'll help clear that up. Unless that's too much in which case you know, whatever. :)    Orian57    Talk   11:37 1 July 2009

Looks like you got an in-depth opinion from Hv, so hopefully that will help a bit. I think Conservapedia is at the same time the funniest and scariest site on the internets, and I don't know that we'll ever be able to satirise it as effectively as it satirises itself... --UU - natter 13:34, Jul 2

Oh I agree completely. And yeah, I've skimmed the review and it looks about right, on reflection. I was just suffering the psot-natal glow you get when you finish an article and think it's the best thing you've done since HowTo:Build the Perfect Sandcastle. Not that you wrote that, obviously.    Orian57    Talk   13:52 2 July 2009

I need Help to get my old stuff back

Yo man I need help. i lost my old pages of Grand Theft Auto Wayans Stories and George Lopez Stories because I made it suck and I was at freakin school that time it was deleted. It's all about grand theft Auto because GTA is cool. You can steal cars, make money, get hookers, shoot cops, and don't give a F#^*, OK. So, is there any chance to have my old pages of Grand Theft Auto: Wayans Stories and Grand Theft Auto: George Lopez Stories back huh? Ok, motherlicker, hahahahahaahaahahahaahah! HAHAHAHA Motherlicker.

-User:TKDKidXism 15:07 1 July 2009

See your talk page. --UU - natter 08:59, Jul 2

Aww.

I liked that article. :( -Magic My Mom

It was a one-liner, nonetheless - with a few (unfortunate) exceptions, we like to see articles that are somewhat longer. You can recreate it and I'll put the ICU tag on it if you like, but it needs to be longer or it probably won't survive. --UU - natter 09:33, Jul 2

__NOBENSON__

__NOBENSON__

__NOSOCKPUPPET__

__NOMOREDILDO__

__NOCAJEK__

These are my Four Words of __NOJOE9320__. This is the admin edition, please. If you receive this message, this means that you should tell me what being admin is like. Tell me please. |Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Kyurem CUN|IC Kill | 10:04, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

A lot of work. And you don't get enough time to write stuff. Unless you're Modus. --~~ —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Under user (talk • contribs)

Clearly he's busy, only had time for two tidles.    Orian57    Talk   10:15 2 July 2009

__NOMOREDILDO__ - My woman will be very upset... Pup

High five

No reason. Just fun.~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN  [talk] 15:13, 2 July 2009 (UTC)

IT has been too long since you graced this talk page Lj, nice to see you! --UU - natter 15:14, Jul 2

I'll toss in a group hug to go with the high five. Just for no reason. ;) -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 15:52, 2 Jul

UnSignpost: July 2nd, 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

July 2nd, 2009 • Issue 54 • The newspaper with the name that's an anagram of "stop using n"

The Young and The Uncyclopedians Cancelled By Gerrycheevers After enjoying a long-running career and several writer changes, Uncyclopedia's fabled soap opera The Young and the Uncyclopedians was cancelled this week. And by "cancelled" we mean totally owned by Thekillerfroggy. It seems TKF finally had enough, and spent nearly an hour systematically deleting the entire series, which previously contained over 60% of all content in the UnScripts namespace. The newly freed electrons, no longer required for TYATU, can now be used for other Uncyclopedia-related tasks, such as boron smelting, and they may even be used to form a sort of crude bot that can edit The count to a million project automatically. Not content with merely obliterating the entire series, Thekillerfroggy apparently became bored halfway through his holy crusade, and decided to get creative in the deletion summaries. As can be seen in a memorial erected by what is presumed to be a jilted fan of the show, TKF nostalgized and ranted, remembered and forgot, loved and lost, all while expressing his inner thoughts through the medium of deletion summaries. An example can be seen at the very end of his effort, where Thekillerfroggy writes: "Sigh./Well here's the home stretch/It's been real/We've had some good times/some bad times/But in the end/All we are is dust in the wind/So goodnight, sweet prince/Farewell TYATU/Fin." Reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users held a candlelight vigil in userspace, where some of the episodes have been resurrected in a zombie-like form. Entertainment editor DogNewspaper (pictured) wagged his tail, perhaps expressing hope that one day a new soap opera, sitcom, or crime investigation show featuring Uncyclopedia editors would once again grace this site. We can only dream... Main Page Suffers Spasms of Dickery By Gerrycheevers If you logged onto the Main Page sometime on July 2nd between 2:00 and 3:00 GMT (and if you can't figure out what time that is where you live, then don't expect us to provide it for you, we're not a bloody watch!), you may have noticed some subtle changes. Instead of the usual Wikipedia-like format, with carefully organized features, news stories, anniversaries, and vital information, you may or may not have found...something else. You may or may not have found an intruiging offer to reffer freinds to take some sort of mp3-player related actions. You may or may not have found some sort of story with a vague theme of respecting one's elders, and everything about those elders, and we do mean everything. You may or may not have found some sort of strange mix of the two that left you with conflicting feelings. These feelings may or may not have included, but not been limited to: fear, anger, jealousy, confusion, fear again, and a vague sensation of falling. The admins responsible for this will not be named here, due to their next probable course of action in the case in which we did mention them, which would most likely be something along the lines of turning every UnSignpost issue into a Euroipod, whatever that is. The only thing we can report on is that the shenanigans ended just over an hour after they began, with the Main Page being restored to its previous false information-rich state. However, this episode shows us that it will never be safe from the hijinks of that group of admins, who, again, will not be named.

Check out these pages! HowTo: Get Banned for a Day Serious, on-topic discussion More voting for things! From our logs: 12:34, 26 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Gotlegginh (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(please enjoy our complimentary fuck the hell off) 21:18, 26 June 2009 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 seconds ‎(Non-kosher edits to Woody's meatpage) 08:35, 29 June 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.78.127.159 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(I is an 8 year old from the UK with super admin powerz, fuck you) 11:49, 1 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 222.153.106.69 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(I think you'll find it is you who fail. and not even epically either - just with a bit of a whimper.) Biopic of the Week Lovable Wikia dictator Sannse has settled in rather well in the Uncyclopedia Community. She is a double Hall of Shame member, and she recently took home the coveted Uncyclopedian of the Month award for her work in making things behind the scenes to run smoothly, which we take it means that she is very good at regulating the caffeine intake of the hamsters that run on the wheels that power Uncyclopedia. Her typical reaction to watermelon jokes is summed up on the right. Old-School Featured Article of the Week HowTo:Cheat At Scrabble is an informative guide to consistently winning via questionable means that most enjoyable of letter-arranging games, Scrabble. Fake dictionaries, fake online dictionaries, fake tiles, and octopi are just a few of the diverse methods one can utilize in order to gain a distinctly unfair advantage while playing the game. This Week in Uncyc, 1776 While the American colonies and the British Empire were not quite getting along, the corresponding members of Uncyclopedia were also having a bit of a flamewar. Prominent British users subtly edited the article on America to include a fictional fourteenth colony called West Wankerton, and American admins reacted by banning the drinking of any tea-related beverages in the Uncyclopedia break room. In the end, both sides agreed to a truce due to the massively impressive fireworks show, which was a Fourth of July tradition. The truce basically entailed both entities cooperation in the vandalism of the article on France.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

So Can I Have Those GTA Contents?

Yo man, I need some more stuff back because I'm a GTA fan. Theres some downloadable contents for Grand Theft Auto: Wayans Stories and it has GTA Wayans: KoreanCity Wars and GTA Wayans: The Puerto Rican Guy Who Sees The Wayans. So I need those untyped articles about GTA: Wayan Stories Downloadable Contents. Those contents were inspired by some freakin Grand Theft Auto IV. It's really cool to have downloadable contents for unlimited gameplay. It's cool. Theres one with a biker guy and another who is a gangster working with a club owner getting the diamonds. So is there any way to get those contents because I added Bobby Lee from MADtv. So Can you return those pages and put them just like those other two: The unlimited article. You know? those articles with the heading: User:TKDKidXism/???. Also have a nice 4th of July yo. I'm some Chinese dude with a higher grade on Math.

-TKDKidXism 23:36 July 2009

Papa, I'm back!

I've been away for a few days (or a week), but I think I feel a little more sane now. Got a babysitter for a few days and got actual sleep!

Can you help me with one thing? Is there another way of quoting than the 'Q|text|who|what' template? I'd like to try adding just a quote without who said it into my article. -- Little Pink Sock 11:45, 4 July 2009 (UTC)

Like this?

It also centres the text, but it is an alternative quote template that doesn't require you to put the source in. Good to see you about - you realise your article is up for VFH and doing rather well? Do you also know you can self-for vote? Just thought I'd check. It should only take a few more votes to get your first feature, which would be something, huh? (I'd recommend not whoring round for those extra votes though, it's doing well enough to suggest it should get them fairly comfortably). Glad to hear you've managed to catch up on the old snooze time a bit - next door are away for the weekend, taking their little bag of noise with them, so hopefully we'll be allowed the same luxury! How're things apart from that? --UU - natter 16:36, Jul 4

Thank you. I'm trying something back in my article. I'm not sure if it works, though. As comes to how I'm doing, I've slept for 13 hours straight just today. That's how much I've had catching up to do once I managed to dump the bundle with someone else for a few hours. Now I'm looking around, abhorred by the amount of household chores I've been too tired to tackle and wondering if parenting will get easier in the future... -- Little Pink Sock 18:06, 4 July 2009 (UTC)

My eldest whelp is 17 and my youngest is 12 - Forget it, you're doomed. Pup

I'm the eldest of... (counts on fingers) seven kids, the youngest brother (still in gradeschool) being young enough to legally be my son. I've been there as far as the whole babysitting thing goes. I just somehow thought it'd be easier with one of my own. -- Little Pink Sock 11:02, 5 July 2009 (UTC)

Review, maybe?

If you have the time, would you mind giving this a look at? You don't need to if you don't want to. Staircase CUN^t 18:50, 4 July 2009 (UTC)

Actually, I just popped online to get times for the cinema. Taking the Missus out so she can swoon over Johnny Depp. Maybe tomorrow, if I get time - can't promise though, but I will try. --UU - natter 18:53, Jul 4

)k, thanks, I appreciate it. Staircase CUN^t 18:58, 4 July 2009 (UTC)

Speaking of which, UU, I just saw Public Enemies. It's an alright movie, but IMO, it suffers from an overall lack of narratrive. Johnny Depp gives a good performance, though. Saberwolf116 01:52, 5 July 2009 (UTC)

This is a Giant Ugly Template And it’s yours!

The actors would like to thank you! For voting for UnScripts:Heartbeat 2012 to become featured. Female Police Officer: Hel- Nathan: (interupting) Hello and thank you. We appreciate the recognition of our work and in recognition of this we give you this template. Female Police Officer: I swear to god if you cut across me like that again I'll beat you to death you bastard! Oscar: I apologise for the woman, she's not normally this vulgar. Must be her period or something.

I haven't been here in days! Whats up?    Orian57    Talk   11:05 5 July 2009

What the BELGIUM?

I love how you use my country as an expletive. Lulz. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:37, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

That's actually a standard deletion reason option on the magical list of witty admin deletion reasons. So blame someone else! --UU - natter 12:42, Jul 6

Like Douglas Adams? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:46, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

I prefer to blame Orian. For everything. It generally saves time. --UU - natter 12:47, Jul 6

*waits for Orian to show up* —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:52, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

You're just jealous that I'm such a good writer! On that note, what do you think of this this? I've got some positive feedback but your opinion would be nice too. Also did you have a good weekend?    Orian57    Talk   12:54 6 July 2009

I had a busy weekend. A very busy weekend. So much so that getting back to a merely manic office at work seems relaxing by comparison. And that article is a bit long for me to devote too much time to right now. A very brief skim indicates it looks OK though. Oh, and is it just me or do you feel, every time you see that dead-behind-the-eyes-and-trying-too-hard grin of Miley Montana or whoever she is, that she's a superb bet to follow the Lohan career path? --UU - natter 14:09, Jul 6

Ok? O. K. It got 45 on Pee Review. It's at least "pretty great". And er, yeah, she's gonna become a terrible role model for American girls everywhere. Although I do love that song, 7 Things.    Orian57    Talk   14:17 6 July 2009

If it got 45 on PR, and you know it's "pretty great", then why do you need my opinion, huh? Not skating close to whoring territory, are we? ;-) --UU - natter 09:08, Jul 7

No, I just wanted your full opinion too.    Orian57    Talk   10:23 7 July 2009

Doro

I also had a great poster of Lita Ford on my bedroom wall as a kid, and a nice couple of Joan Jett.....but Doro will always have a special place in my heart.... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Indeed. They all played an important role in my formative years. Mind you, don't forget Vixen! --UU - natter 14:05, Jul 6

Lita Ford and Vixen... Wait I'm confused, are you talking about cars and animals? If so I think I might leave.    Orian57    Talk   14:19 6 July 2009

Just as incomprehensibly for you, we're talking about girls. --UU - natter 14:26, Jul 6

Ok now I'm definitly going - freaks!    Orian57    Talk   14:27 6 July 2009

These weren't just "girls" they were Ubergirls.... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

That's worse! Eww /me runs for the hills    Orian57    Talk   16:01 6 July 2009

I heard your noob is doing better than MrN's Noob did

I should congratulate you. You've obviously got a better whip/carrot technique than Daddy.. ;) -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 15:33, 6 Jul

Under_user prides himself on his whip/carrot technique. There's not much difference between some of your work and that of LPS, especially the quality and layout but sometimes getting a feature is more about the luck of the draw. Why don't you ask her to work on a collaboration together, that's always fun, and I think your styles of humour would compliment each other... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

i couldn't resist being the first to suggest that in the event that you two do collaborate, you charge $9.95/minute for people to watch. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:54, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

To watch what? Bitch fight? -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 17:36, 6 Jul

i was thinking 'braid each other's hair', but whatever works. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 21:11, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

I doubt my hair's even long enough to tie into a ponytail, let alone braid. What are you guys talking about? I'm confused. -- Little Pink Sock 21:28, 6 July 2009 (UTC)

Define "doing better". To be an accepted part of the community this far down the line is a good thing too. Look at how many features MadMax has, for instance. As an adopter, I'm not up to the standard of MrN - I'm way less involved. My "carrot/stick technique" in this case has effectively amounted to advising her not to get discouraged by a less than stellar review. It was the least I could do - a quantity I specialise in. However, your general banter and what I've seen you do suggests to me that all it's gonna take is for one idea to click, and you'll be on your way to feature and beyond! For me, it was rewriting something that tickled me - for you, it could be anything. Find your muse, young Luvvy, and the world is your oyster. Perhaps you could write about the importance of the hugtackle in modern society? ;-) --UU - natter 20:32, Jul 6

The idea will come to me eventually. Until then, I'll just keep spamming you guys' user pages for no good reason with hugs and cuddles and various gifts of fuzzy meowy kind and occasionally use the QVFD and welcome and whatnot buttons I have on articles or revert obviously vandalous IP edits... -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 12:31, 7 Jul

Our blooming Collab

How are your chopping abilities these days? I have some ideas for pics, or are you "busy" with "real life" and want it to ask at the corner? ~ 09:03, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

My 'chopping abilities are as limited as they've always been, but provided these ideas don't feature anything particularly rude I should be able to squeeze 'em in around work. What are you thinking of? --UU - natter 09:06, Jul 8

A HUGE TEUTONIC PENIS! or rather, I was thinking of something like the door is being crashed aside by a bunch of Teutonic knights surprising a player. A player trying to play a controller while it's sprouting spikes. Bismarck playing a guitar. You know, every day stuff. ~ 09:49, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

I'll get on it, in between listening to the cricket working hard. --UU - natter 10:57, Jul 8

Are you putting cricket before Uncy? How English of you! ~ 12:30, 8 July 2009 (UTC)

Only during the [Ashes] good sir. This particular series takes precedence over everything short of breathing and possibly eating. However, I feel good about today, I reckon there may be some clear 'chopping time today, we'll see what happens. --UU - natter 09:03, Jul 9

Crikey, this is turning out to be a real challenge to my limited skills. Bismarck is done, as best as I can manage it. I'm trying to sort the spiky controller out, but I dunno if I'm going to pull it off. I may have to enlist Sonje's help. We'll see... --UU - natter 09:54, Jul 10

I think Otto never looked so good! ~ 10:27, 10 July 2009 (UTC)

I'm not sure who has worse timing, you or me

You deleted my page on "Maximum Ride" on the day I was going to go back and finish it. Ha- it's laughable. But I'm not mad, rules are rules and I should have remembered to go back and edit it. It's my fault. At least the website sent me an E-mail about it, my page on the Jonas Brothers was removed and I didn't hear jack shit about it. But the website should send E-mails to remind people the day before it gets deleted, because I completely forgot about it. But it probably would have been deleted anyways.

Damn- I suck. Is there anything in the rules that says I can't go back and try again?

I would like a copy though, for... reasons I haven't quite figured out yet. I'm still not sure of everything on this site yet, I'm a friggin' noob and my noobishness must be punished.

Please, and thank you. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by TheTrueFreak (talk • contribs)

It could be worse - you could be going off prematurely! Pup 07:51, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the compliment. We'll see how many more puns I can work into uncyclopedia. I'm already at two. Ollie Garkey 13:13, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

No worries. And good luck! You can always slot a pun or two in Fish Puns, as long as they fit the article. --UU - natter 08:27, Jul 10

Hey, thanks for the copy. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by TheTrueFreak (talk • contribs)

No problem. --UU - natter 08:27, Jul 10

I ask you directly

I am very serious about this. DOOO IT! Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 22:18, 9 July 2009 (UTC)

1. Vanity?
2. Writer's block (again)
3. Spending too much time listening to cricket
4. Can't be bothered
5. ???
6. Over-used and crappy in-joke!

That answer your question? --UU - natter 08:31, Jul 10

1. Well, don't write it as yourself. Geez. If it were vanity to take real life situations, and write it on this site, I wouldn't have but an article or two here.
2. Me too (sort of. My head is in the clouds, which happens way too often. And when it does, I can't write worth the dickens.)
3. I'm not sure if this is some weird British joke or not. Like, the animal? The Sport? The Band?
4. Too busy fighting oddly similarly named vandals? Yes, that happens.
5. Eighteen.
6. I, in fact, like that in joke, thank-you-very-much.

Not to satisfactory rates. I give you a C-. You were very close though. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 14:27, 10 July 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 9th July 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

July 9th, 2009 • Issue 55• Help! I'm trapped in a newspaper printer!

Survivor returns to Uncyclopedia after almost two years By THEDUDEMAN, with additional reporting by An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays In late 2007, a man by the name of Leoispotter had the idea to bring his favorite reality show to Uncyclopedia. Thus, the first season of UnSurvivor was created. After five thrilling rounds of voting, Mr. Briggs Inc. managed to win against the other finalist, Thekillerfroggy, by a mere two votes. Flash forward almost two years. Kingkitty, a competitor in the first UnSurvivor, decides it's time for another go-around, and season 2 is born. In an exclusive interview with Mr. Kitty, he had this to say: "Well, I was bored ("and crazy", says one passing by civilian) and I thought: 'perhaps the community could do something fun, and stop with all this writing bullshit.'" When later asked what he thought about this current season, he said, "It's showing to be bigger and better than last season, with more betrayals, more violence, more whining, and more betrayals. Lots of betrayals. Mostly of me." Currently, UnSurvivor Season 2 is in its final round of voting, where the voted-off members of the game get to vote on the finalist they want to win. The finalists this season are: after last seasons defeat, Thekillerfroggy, and newcomers to the show, THEDUDEMAN and An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. Voting is set to take place over 72 hours instead of the usual 24, and the winner will be announced sometime Friday July 10th. After this, according to Mr. Kitty, there "probably" will be a season 3, and it will be bigger and better than anything ever before. Uncyclopedians pay crass tasteless tribute to Michael Jackson By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Michael Jackson, the legendary King of Pop, touched many lives, and the news of his untimely demise has left a deep void in the lives of his millions of fans and victims. Fans all over Uncyclopedia, stricken by grief, flocked by the dozens to mourn their departed hero in the only way they knew how: through the medium of humour. They ranged from perfunctory to crude to mediocre, but each expressed a deeply profound sadness that the weird plastic rapist was no more. (Yeah, "weird plastic rapist". That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Tributes continue to pour in despite the fact that it is no longer funny or clever. With the stage set for a long, protracted battle over his kids and estate, Uncyclopedia expects that unfunny people will continue to get mileage out of this story for many weeks to come. Uncyclopedia admins plan to send a selection of the best "tributes" to the Jackson family, along with the number of a company that recycles plastics. (That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Editors emerge from woodwork, contribute to UnSignpost By Gerrycheevers This week, when UnSignpost Active Editor Gerrycheevers brought up the Uncyclopedia page containing the currently in-progress UnSignpost, he suffered a minor heart attack upon finding that two stories had already been added to the paper. It seems both An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and THEDUDEMAN, both newly given the title "Consulting Editor", took exception to being named "Consulting Editor" and took it upon themselves to blanket the UnSignpost with awesomeness. Unsignpost Payroll Manager DogNewspaper (pictured) bared his teeth at this development, indicating his frustration at having to re-issue new timecards to both editors. Gerrycheevers is expected to make a full recovery; flowers can be sent to the Uncyclopedia Infirmary and Shooting Range.

Check out these pages! The second round of the Uncyclopedia Music Awards! 4.252.99.182 HAS BEEN FOUND! Uncyclopedians trying to workout From our logs: 23:02, 7 July 2009 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Spang (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 days ‎(testing, I haven't done this in a while) 09:26, 7 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.178.213.53 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) ‎(In fact, here is our complimentary "welcome to uncyclopedia & fuck off" package. Have a nice day.) 00:36, 6 July 2009 Cs1987 (Talk | contribs) blocked The Woodburninator (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 191 seconds ‎(You ain't no ban magnet. But I can help you become one. By banning you, that is.) Biopic of the Week Now missing for over 18 months, it's time to send the search party out for ENeGMA. If the userbox on his user page is accurate, then his 250,000+ edits mean that he has created virtually all of the content on Uncyclopedia. While that isn't quite true, he has produced some classically awesome articles, and we wish he'd come back and play. Quote of the Week <TheLedBalloon> well, my parents were like, son, we're going to make meatloaf tonight <TheLedBalloon> and I was like <TheLedBalloon> shit yeah <TheLedBalloon> you know <TheLedBalloon> I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOAF <Shaggy-Rogers> EVEN BLOW YOUR LOAD ON YOUR MOM'S FACE =-= Mode #uncyclopedia +o TheLedBalloon by ChanServ =-= Shaggy-Rogers was booted from #uncyclopedia by TheLedBalloon (2 dads) =-= Mode #uncyclopedia -o TheLedBalloon by TheLedBalloon Old-School Featured Article of the Week A Handgun is a non-lethal weapon that has been in use for over 150 years. As adaptable as it is safe, the Handgun can fire many different kinds of bullets, which each require different distinct noises such as "pchoo!". Advantages include an infinite amount of ammunition and the lack of a necessity to reload. Attempts at Handgun regulation have proven pointless at best. This Week in Uncyc, 658 AD With the Dark Ages in full swing, Uncyclopedia tried to lighten the mood with a contest that urged users to photoshop a humorous image involving a priest, a monk, and a nun. Since the most advanced photoshop technology at the time still consisted of using paint to draw on canvas, not a single entry was completed by the two-week deadline. However, prominent Uncyclopedian John Smith continued his work far past the deadline, and after eight months submitted an image of a waterskiing nun, which became Uncyclopedia's first featured image.

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9001(bot)  22:57, Jul 9

Townsville

Why did you have to mess around with the Townsville article? It was fine as it was. Funny. Do you live in Townsville? No. It does include a lot of inside jokes that only us self proclaimed Townsvillians would get. A lot of people in my office think that your edits have made the article a lot less humorous. I would like you to leave the article alone and let me take care of it as I have been doing for the last 8 months or so. I will take into account some of your suggestions but would rather it if I could just do with it what I see fit. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Captain Hobo (talk • contribs)

Hello. UU is away, so I hope he will allow me to answer on his behalf. No. This is a wiki, and anyone can edit it. If you want to be the only person who edits a webpage... Start your own. As for UU's edits, I had a look at them, and what he removed violated UN:VAIN and UN:CBN. As well as fixing some spelling errors for ya and such I noticed. Anyway... Chill out dude, and get with the spirit of the place. Read some of our guidelines like BGBU and HTBFANJS and you will have more fun here. MrN  Fork you! 01:53, Jul 10

Thanks MrN, that's roughly what I would have said. I'd also have mentioned that it says "new stuff on bottom" in nice big red letters at the top of this page, and moved this to the bottom, which is what I'm doing now. I'd also mention about signing using 4 tildes (~~~~).

Now, as to Captain Hobo - pages in mainspace aren't your personal property. And there are certain policies we try to keep to, as MrN mentioned, including UN:VAIN and UN:CBN. You may point out examples of vanity in other articles, and if you do I'll thank you and remove those as well. This wiki is read by people from areas other than Townsville (which I don't live in, but have visited, and I've been to places far worse, believe me), so don't make it exclusively funny to people who live there - try to make it more universal. Oh, and my guess is that the people who think it less funny were probably mentioned by name, and found it funny, or know the people who were being belittled, and found that funny. Take that kind of thing to MySpace, we don't want it here, thanks! --UU - natter 16:06, Jul 10

Three cents worth. Been to Townsville a fair bit, have a number of friends up there. Haven't been there for a while but I know the place fairly well. I'm a Melbourne boy myself. There aren't that many jokes that could be made about Townsville.

I mean the first thing is the fact that the biggest employer in Townsville is the defence forces, in particular RAAF, which means that there is a fairly high level of fire power there, a high level of gun ownership, and the first electorate to have voted in a Communist Party candidate in the 50's, and one of the few electorate to vote in a One nation party member. Taht means that we're worried about terrorism while at the same time we have a bunch of xenophobic, politically backward yokels amassing a huge amount of arms and firepower that are being supported by the federal government within the national borders. I couldn't think of any way to make that amusing.

But let's stop and have a look at the tourist attractions. There is the museum of Tropical Queensland. So my mind would automatically think of things that to me represent the best of tropical Queensland. You know what I mean, sun, surf, fantastic rainforest, coral reefs, all the touristy jazz. And what is it built around - the relics that come from a downed ship, the HMAS Pandora. I can't think of a single joke on that area either.

But let's look at sport. Of course there is the North Queensland Cowboys. A superb team in anybody's language, even in the eyes of those that know nothing of the game. And all that controversy last year about them trying to rig a cheerleader contest sponsored by a bourbon company so that a primary school teacher could win is something that nobody could use to determine anything humorous.

However all those comments that are directed at people and places that you and a dozen of your friends would understand, along with the splendid examples of wit and mirth that surround a backwater perspective on racial relations, unfounded accusations against people within the community, those of course had far reaching humorous potential. I'm sure that there would have been chuckles from the pub at Townsville all the way down the block to the next pub. (Did I mention the high rates of alcoholism? Must have slipped my mind.)

Pup 23:48, 10 July 2009 (UTC) BTW UU, feel free to take this out of here and drop it into Capt Hobos page if you prefer - I don't really want to spam your page, but I wanted to follow the existing thread.

Question

Why the reversion of the Michael Jackson article? Ollie Garkey 04:37, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

Well, firstly, if I hadn't reverted it, I'm pretty certain someone else would - people tend to be protective of featured articles. Secodly, edits to featured articles only tend to stand if they're a significant improvement, which I didn't feel that was. (I kinda liked the punny name, mind). I wasn't trying to dismiss your contribution out of hand - but there are plenty of articles more in need of help, to which your edits are more likely to be welcomed - have a look at Category:Rewrite, for starters, plenty you can go nuts on there. (I'm not saying never make changes to featured articles, BTW, just saying if you do, and they're not a major improvement or fixing something obviously wrong, they're likely to get reverted). Hope that answers your question. --UU - natter 08:05, Jul 11

Thanks

CHEERS!
 Thanks for voting for this. Cat appreciates it too. Or I think she does, because she's chewing the carpet quite happily.

Hang on a second, that doesn't look like the carpet. No! She wouldn't! Not the cabbages...!!!
Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:08, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

And sincerest sorries for the whoring. Though, once I noticed the rule, I went and changed the message. And then you pointed it out. And then I felt really bad. But you liked it, anyway, so that's the good thing. Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:16, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

Hey, it happened shortly after the admins had a bit of a chat about cracking down on whoring, so I had to say something! And yes, I did like it, so yay, or something. --UU - natter 17:28, Jul 11

Papa, have I missed something?

Should I have made one of those box template things as thanks for the vote on my featured article? I think I feel a tinge of shame for not doing so. -- Little Pink Sock 18:04, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

It is an optional thing but personally I think it's a nice thing to do. you still can though, no bodies gonna mind if it's late. Also this isn't my conversation. I'll leave now.    Orian57    Talk   18:19 11 July 2009

Orian just wanted to be called "Papa for once - never mind him. The templates are kind of like a "thank you" card to everyone after a christening, bris, or secular naming ceremony. Pup 20:26, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

scary side note - I couldn't remember the name for the Jewish ceremony at which a boy gets circumcised, so I started to type in "rabbi circumcision" into my google bar to see what came up, and the first "suggested" search was "rabbi circumcision mouth". I might just stay an agnostic if nobody minds.

Brit milah or bris? -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 20:48, 11 Jul

And the Luvvy scores two points. Again. ~ 21:44, 11 July 2009 (UTC)

My Hebrew teacher is good... :P -- DameViktoria - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log) 21:52, 11 Jul

You know what'd have been really funny there. If you'd missed out an "O" in the "Good", because then it'd look like your Hebrew teacher was God and he's no doubt quite good at it but then I could have made a hypocritical remark about how ungood your English teacher is. LOL!    Orian57    Talk   22:57 11 July 2009

Actually, I half remembered bris, but I wasn't 100% sure. Pup 01:01, 12 July 2009 (UTC)

Just humour him. Yes, you're right. If there had been a mistake that would have been side splittingly funny. Okay, everyone back away quietly, keeping eye contact, palms forward, and don't panic. Pup 01:01, 12 July 2009 (UTC)

What they said, minus the extraneous Jewish bits. I started out painstakingly hand-crafting thanks templates for every vote, but kind of stopped at some point and never really got going again. Some people do, some don't - it's up to you. But note that Mhaille, Cajek and Modus, who are top of the tree, feature-wise, don't bother, so it's not like it's going to cast a shadow over you forevermore if you don't give every voter a template! --UU - natter 08:30, Jul 12

Actually, the Jews remove the extraneous bits. It's called a bris. Pup 09:27, 12 July 2009 (UTC)

I look away for a few minutes and you shift the subject to male circumcision? What about what happens to 90% of the Fatimas and other tweenie females in sub-Saharan Africa? I could believe males aren't as severely damaged by the procedure, since female circumcision usually ends up removing an equivalent of most of the dong from a girl, without anaesthetics, so she has no clit or any other bit left that could effectively help arouse her while she's being raped made love to by her husband who's often enough old enough to be her father or even grandfather, which gets an element of the disgusting when she's usually just 12-14 when she's married off to the old fart. (Does someone notice I'm into human rights?)

So UU, it seems like I don't need to make a template I have no idea of doing? Thank you for that nugget of information. -- Little Pink Sock 11:17, 12 July 2009 (UTC)

Making them is easy enough, just type in the name of someone elses and steal the code, change the words and picture and you're sorted.    Orian57    Talk   12:18 12 July 2009

I'll natter on about male circumcision for ages because it is funny in potentia. Female circumcision is the equivalent of systematic genital mutilation - hard to see the funny there. Agree 100% - If you do a template, try not to mention any mutilation! --Pup 21:41, 12 July 2009 (UTC)