User:W.E. Sapphire

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This Admin has successfully beaten the crap out of many,
many articles in rapid succession. Fear them greatly.

W.E. Sapphire, a brief history of


Warsaw, 150 years after the birth of W.E. Sapphire

W.E. Sapphire was born on February 29, 1854, in Warsaw, and at the age of six deduced that Poland has spent only 52% of its time as Poland, due mainly to the fact that any time an emerging global superpower (or even Eastern-European semipower) came to any sort of recognisable status, Poland was the first to be annexed. An avid Grease Hut, Dr. Sapphire enjoys such pastimes as something, croquet and opera. By the age of nine, he had read 14,000 of the 120,000 books in the Sapphire Library, and had already completed four plays, three of which were published in their original four-act form, the second was a brief skit for a Birthday Party of his cousin Algernon's.

The Sapphire Ballroom

The ballroom in which W.E. Sapphire was strapped to a chair and forced to watch various aristocrats dance for two hours a day during the first five years of his life

For the first five years of his life, W.E. Sapphire spent two hours a day watching various Victorian dances being held in his parent's ballroom. From the ages of five to ten, he learned how to perform various dances, most notably the waltz.

Octagon Room

The Octagon Room was Sir Ernest and Lady Sapphire's favorite room in which to receive guests. Dancing in the Octagon Room was strictly forbidden.

At ten, his family moved into a large house in Grosvenor Square, London. By this time, W.E. spoke English, French, Italian, German, and Polish. His parents were very proud of him.

He went to college at Oxford where he received a BA, MA, and Ph.D in English Literature after six years. He then went on to be Knighted by Queen Victoria when he rescued Peter Pan from drowning during his swimming lessons with Sir Arthur Sullivan. He was soon invited into the Prime Minister's cabinet as the Secretary of Foreign Affairs, and soon thereafter married Miss Susan Markby, who became Lady Susan Sapphire upon the marriage. Sir William and Lady Sapphire live in Knightsbridge in Sir William's estate. Lady Sapphire enjoys such pastimes as knitting and the Woman's Liberal Association. Sir William enjoys tedious, practical subjects as well as skiing and vegetarian cookery. Both have held the title of Renowned Croquet Champion of the uncyclopedian league (in the respective male and female divisions) for the past 32 years.

W.E. Sapphire, some miscellaneous alter-egos of


W.E. Sapphire, alter-egoing between Lady Bracknell and Lorenzo da Ponte

W.E. Sapphire, some Random Trivia relating to

Here you will find out everything from why Dr. Sapphire hates Debussy to the fact that he greatly prefers the word jam to jelly, and finds latter both repulsive and pointless in contrast to such delightful alternatives as marmalade and conserve.

W.E. Sapphire, the Most Hated Enemies of

  • Damn Fundamentalist Christians, they attempted to abduct him and make him live in St. Stephan's.
  • Aaron Burr, shot Alexander Hamilton, W.E.'s 4th grade pen-pal.
  • Bill Gates, took away Apple®'s business.
  • Monica Lewinsky, can't give a blowjob to save her life.
  • some french chick, convinced his parents to make him learn french.
  • Debussy,
    “It's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean...”
    ~ James Potter on Snape Debussy
  • Marquess of Queensbury, was instrumental in the imprisonment of His Holiness, Sir Oscar Wilde (who was posthumously knighted by Queen Elizabeth II, unfortunately, he doesn't know)
  • Hitler, killed both his great-grandparents and his pet gerbil, Arnold.
  • Michael Haydn, partially responsible for getting his older and greater brother, Franz Joseph Haydn, thrown out of St. Stephan's Cathedral.
  • Ernest Hemmingway,
    “has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
    ~ William Faulkner on Ernest Hemmingway

W.E. Sapphire, the Warm and Fuzzy Favorites of

W.E. Sapphire, the Most Notable Inventions of

  • Paper Shredder
  • iPod
  • Secular Humanism
  • La Traviata
  • Tissue
  • Grapes
  • The Sonnet
  • Quidditch
  • Globes
  • English Muffins
  • Something
  • The Stork
  • Sean Christopher Stork
  • Sopranos
  • The Baton
  • The White Rabbit
  • A Grand Opera About a Prostitute Dying of Consumption in a Garret, with Mr. Ibson
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