User:Pentium5dot1/UN:REQ explanations/Precious Moments

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A ''small'' amount of dirty humor is ok, but it has to be kept to a minimum [[HTBFANJS#The_.22.40.23.24.25.5E.26.2A.22_Rule:_Being_Crass_or_Tasteless_Doesn.27t_Automatically_Make_Everything_Funny|per HTBFANJS]]. It is ''absolutely essential'' that you first try milking the above ideas for all they're worth.
 
A ''small'' amount of dirty humor is ok, but it has to be kept to a minimum [[HTBFANJS#The_.22.40.23.24.25.5E.26.2A.22_Rule:_Being_Crass_or_Tasteless_Doesn.27t_Automatically_Make_Everything_Funny|per HTBFANJS]]. It is ''absolutely essential'' that you first try milking the above ideas for all they're worth.
   
For more details: h x x p : // w w w. s o m e t h i n g a w f u l. c o m/d/photoshop-phriday/far-from-precious. p h p<ref>[[wikipedia:Hxxp|Fix the protocol specifier]] and remove all spaces. I'm not sure whether the site is on Wikia's spam blacklist, but I'm not taking any chances. Also, you will need to use the numbered "Pages" links at the top and bottom of the text, as the links in the bulleted list are 404'd.</ref> Don't bother downloading any of these images; I am pointing them out to you just to give you some ideas. Another similar site: h x x p : // fx. worth1000. c o m/contests/18603/contest<br>Please be aware that some of the images are based on the [[wikipedia:Hummel figurines|Hummel]] product line rather than on Precious Moments.
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For more details: hxxp: // www . something awful .com /d/photoshop-phriday/far-from-precious. p h p<ref>[[wikipedia:Hxxp|Fix the protocol specifier]] and remove all spaces. I'm not sure whether the site is on Wikia's spam blacklist, but I'm not taking any chances. Also, you will need to use the numbered "Pages" links at the top and bottom of the text, as the links in the bulleted list are 404'd.</ref> Don't bother downloading any of these images; I am pointing them out to you just to give you some ideas. Another similar site: hxxp: // fx. worth1000 .com /contests/18603/contest<br>Please be aware that some of the images are based on the [[wikipedia:Hummel figurines|Hummel]] product line rather than on Precious Moments.
   
 
There seem to be urban legends that the Precious Moments products are inspired by aborted fetuses.<ref>[http://everything2.com/title/Precious+Moments+figurines] Same disclaimer as above. The external links contained in this E2 writeup are almost certainly dead.</ref> This is sometimes given as an explanation for their SD proportions. See also [[wikipedia:Cephalopelvic disproportion]].
 
There seem to be urban legends that the Precious Moments products are inspired by aborted fetuses.<ref>[http://everything2.com/title/Precious+Moments+figurines] Same disclaimer as above. The external links contained in this E2 writeup are almost certainly dead.</ref> This is sometimes given as an explanation for their SD proportions. See also [[wikipedia:Cephalopelvic disproportion]].
<!-- TODO: Use this as a reference somewhere: <ref>h x x p : // streaksblog. b l o g s p o t. c o m /2007/06/my-visit-to-precious-moments-er-place.html<sub><sup>Preemptively defeating blacklist as above.</sup></sub> This is not a reliable source either.</ref> -->
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<!-- TODO: Use this as a reference somewhere: <ref>hxxp: // streaksblog. blog spot .com /2007/06/my-visit-to-precious-moments-er-place.html<sub><sup>Preemptively defeating blacklist as above.</sup></sub> This is not a reliable source either.</ref> -->
   
 
== Footnotes ==
 
== Footnotes ==

Revision as of 00:47, May 23, 2010

If you got here via Google or some other search engine, please read Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles and its "More info" subpage to get a better idea of this page's purpose. This page pertains specifically to a request in the Conspiracy Theories/Scams section.


Correct Wikipedia link (not a disambig): wikipedia:Precious Moments, Inc. The Wikipedia article unfortunately lacks pictures due to editorial decisions, primarily non-free content policy.[1]

Most Precious Moments products depict human children[2] which are typically of Caucasian race. They are generally drawn in super deformed proportions[3] but not in an anime style; the eyes are teardrop-shaped, and the rest of the body follows typical conventions for Western cartoon illustration. They are designed to look cute. These characters are shown performing various tasks of everyday life, and there are often mildly Christian themes present. The most common Precious Moments product types are collectible figurines and illustrations on greeting cards. Most stores in the business of greeting cards/gifts carry at least one Precious Moments product.

This is categorized as "Conspiracy Theories/Scams" because it could relate to brainwashing and/or social engineering of some kind.

See also

For some suggested directions in which to take this parody, see the following:

Similarities between the Precious Moments characters and the Eloi

Inspired by Tepples, who has written the following on the idea; ask him for a clearer explanation if you need one.

  • Pin Eight: RAnT: Reverse engineering entertainment
  • Barely Legal@Everything2.com
  • The Story of Fairydust, Balloon Fight, and Balloon Fever specifically, "I discovered the Precious Moments art by Sam Butcher and realized how it could tie into The Time Machine, with Precious Moments being the Eloi and some other race out of one of the storybooks being the Morlocks. It became obvious to me why Precious Moments drawings and figurines are most often of children: it has become normal for the Eloi to live in what amount to big orphanages because the Morlocks ... periodically take away and eat the parents." It's true that Eloi family bonds are weak, but this just misses the point: all Eloi look essentially childlike, with the main sign of growth being an increase in height. See also here. This should really be a footnote, but I'm reluctant to mess up the numbering, which I've mentioned in past edit summaries

I recommend reading the relevant passages in Chapter IV of the original text of The Time Machine (see second and third paragraphs).

Note that the similarity is not exact; for example, the Eloi officially have clearly defined chins (3rd paragraph of Chapter IV), but the Precious Moments figurines do not.

SD-related discussion

Practical perspective

Precious Moments wardrobe malfunction - Computer-rendered; is SFW, but if it ran a little longer it probably wouldn't be... If you don't get the point, look for the comment by tepples.

Do not embed this video in the article. It is here only to give you some ideas. Please see the note below about how HTBFANJS applies.

Evolutionary perspective

Large brains consume more metabolic resources.[4] Does evidence of superior intelligence exist in the Precious Moments characters? If so, is it evolutionarily worth the cost? (Probably not...[5] but what if...[6])

Explain something about cuteness being ultimately rooted in neoteny. The word kawaii is a more precise translation for this kind of cuteness, since it means "cute in a childlike (i.e. neotenous) sense, pretty, adorable," or quasi-literally translated, "lovable" (referring specifically to motherly love and not sexual love). Due to its etymology, it may mean "pathetic, pitiful" in some contexts.[7]

Dirty humor (please keep to a minimum)

A small amount of dirty humor is ok, but it has to be kept to a minimum per HTBFANJS. It is absolutely essential that you first try milking the above ideas for all they're worth.

For more details: hxxp: // www . something awful .com /d/photoshop-phriday/far-from-precious. p h p[8] Don't bother downloading any of these images; I am pointing them out to you just to give you some ideas. Another similar site: hxxp: // fx. worth1000 .com /contests/18603/contest
Please be aware that some of the images are based on the Hummel product line rather than on Precious Moments.

There seem to be urban legends that the Precious Moments products are inspired by aborted fetuses.[9] This is sometimes given as an explanation for their SD proportions. See also wikipedia:Cephalopelvic disproportion.

Footnotes

Unless otherwise specified, information about the content of the Precious Moments product line is obtained from the official Precious Moments website.

  1. Actually, the section of the article that contained the pictures was removed because it was original research. Even if that were not the case, under US copyright law, a photograph of a three-dimensional object is considered to involve originality, unlike a photographic reproduction of a two-dimensional artwork. Thus the pictures would have been copyvios anyway. Wikimedia Commons explains here and here
  2. Some of the newer products depict mammal species commonly kept as pets. These follow the same illustration style as the products that depict humans.
  3. Super deformed typically means that the head comprises at least one third of the total body height. One half is the most common ratio. Citations are on Wikipedia. It should be obvious from looking at the products that most follow this rule but some do not - e.g. in one figurine depicting a newlywed couple, the heads comprise about one fourth of the total body height. I am not aware of any Japanese illustrators working for Precious Moments, Inc., even though Precious Moments products (used to?) exist in Japan.
  4. Could this be the selective pressure causing recent declines in cranial capacity over the course of human evolution? Perhaps the Neanderthals encountered food shortages for which their large brains were of little help. Also see Boskop Man (a human subpopulation hypothesized to have larger brains than present-day humans).
  5. Canonical Precious Moments artwork does not depict meat consumption[citation needed]. If the Precious Moments characters were real, they would have a low-calorie vegetarian diet. (Notice I didn't say vegan; they might occasionally eat insects for protein, but not enough to alter the substance of this argument.) It's anyone's guess what is in those plants, but such a diet wouldn't support a brain of superhuman proportions. Intelligence would have little adaptive value in the canonical Precious Moments universe, in which the social structure is simple and the search for food is easy. Could we make a joke about the Precious Moments people going extinct?
  6. Consider non-canonical extensions of the Precious Moments universe. For example, alien invaders might spread disease, steal or poison food, or directly prey upon the Precious Moments people.
  7. [1] [2] I know Everything2 is not a reliable source, but it'll have to do for now. See also wikipedia:Cuteness in Japanese culture#Linguistics.
  8. Fix the protocol specifier and remove all spaces. I'm not sure whether the site is on Wikia's spam blacklist, but I'm not taking any chances. Also, you will need to use the numbered "Pages" links at the top and bottom of the text, as the links in the bulleted list are 404'd.
  9. [3] Same disclaimer as above. The external links contained in this E2 writeup are almost certainly dead.
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