Babel:Vogon

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Welcome To Vogonopedia,

30,663 Planets Destroyed for Interstellar Bypass

Beginner's Guide to the Galaxy · Contents · Towel Styles · ??? · Poetry Help · Help Save Earth

Vogon Categories · Featured Poems · A–Z index

Featured Vogon Poem

100AcreSuspects

You sit down with your popcorn and the dvd clicker in hand. Maybe you've seen this film before, maybe you haven't; maybe you're drunk, I don't care. You were a bit unsteady at my video store. This film's more twisty than a boa constrictor and as good at grabbing your attention as a gorilla in a jockstrap. So I recommended it. Just right for wobbly customers like you. Have you seen it before? You can't remember.

You press Play and suddenly a Piglet was talking:

It didn’t make sense that I be there. Normally this kind of talking is done by Movie Trailer Announcer Guy. I looked around the big holding cell and saw a heavily overweight bear, an owl and a rabbit. The owl and the rabbit were kind of cozy, but the bear was trying to stay to himself. Everybody knew him, though—or of him. (more...)

Recently featured: Escher - UnBooks:The Anarchist Cookbook - UnNews:New Borg drone complains about management - UnNews:Noob Gets PWNED - Idea

Yesterday's featured article

Relativity

My dear Edgar,

Knowing, as I do, your acquaintance with the night; and, finding myself gripped with the terrible need to distribute these recent events to one who may find some translation of their bizarreness and not overly suffer thereby, my sole thought upon escape was to immediately inscribe them for you. (more...)


Vogon Trivia

*...that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
  • ...about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accoutrements as alarmingly asinine alignments?
  • ...that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
  • ...about Alliteration articulating an artistic approach aimed at annotating and arranging alphabetic accoutrements as alarmingly asinine alignments?
  • ...that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?

Constructor Fleet Headlines

Mikesam.jpg


On This Day in the Megabrantis cluster...

September 1: Christmas Shopping Season Starts
  • 13 CE - Jesus becomes the first athiest after killing God and being told that Santa isn't real.
  • 1914 - The last passenger pigeon dies in captivity in the Cincinnati Zoo. The taxi pigeon and the bus pigeon promptly file for bankruptcy.
  • 1939 - Adolf Hitler plays a dirty trick on Poland.
  • 1982 - Lovers of Chocolate enjoy life. Chocolate Related Disease increases.
  • 1986 - Santa has a gift for you in his pocket ...
  • 1989 - Wendys begins to serve fairies to the masses. They are quickly determined "too salty" and discontinued.
  • 1990 - The single lightbulb inside of the Grease Hut begins to flicker periodically. This the extent of the restaurant's Christmas decorations.
  • 1992 - The first NFL game of a new era: The England Patriots at the The Dubai Colts (Attendance: 111,223). Emperor George Bush Sr. is angered that all the American sports teams (not basketball) left America for Bill Clinton's Eurasia.
  • 1994 - The United Nations pass a resolution to prevent the Christmas shopping season from starting prior to the 1st of September. Retailers declare war on UN.
  • 1995 - You killed a monkey at the zoo with poisoned bananas then you laughed uncontrollably. How dare you.
  • 1995 - A midget was stolen from the North Pole and raised as an Australian.
  • 1996 - Gobber the mathemagician convinces millions that 2+2 does actually equal five.
  • 2003 - Bill Gates buys the Andromeda galaxy for his wife and Alpha Centauri for his son.
  • 2004 - It is proven that penguins are the smartest creatures in the universe, but the paperwork proving this got used to mop up some spilt coffee and they couldn't be bothered to print it out again.
  • 2007 - Halls are decked early this year to the dismay of masons everywhere.

Today's featured picture

LandoftheJews

Land of the Jews, based on promo poster for George A. Romero's film Land of the Dead.

Image Credit: RabbiTechno
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Recent Poems

Office etiquette (rw) | Barcelona | Antigonish, N.S. | Navelism | Cutter® (rw) | Rutherford B. Hayes | Netflix | Pink slime | Battle of Bosworth | The 100 | Twelve Tables | Jam session | New Jersey | Keynesianism (rw) | George R. R. Martin | Wat Tyler | Father Ted | Andorra | Town meeting | Mylène Farmer | Eclipse (rw) | Fringe | Millard Fillmore | Garter | Jared Leto (rw) | Counties of England | Bosnia and Herzegovina | Anderson Bruford Wakeman Howe | Boko Haram (repl) | Khmer Rouge | Sexual physics



More recent poems | Most wanted poems | Requested poems | Add to stubs | Lonely poems | Poetry Review | Try writing a poem about... | Stuck stanzas

Hitchhiker and Towel of the Month

Writer of the month
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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