User:Insineratehymn

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|[[HowTo:Properly Whore Your Article]] Is currently on [[UN:VFH|VFH]]. Vote for it NOW!
 
|[[HowTo:Properly Whore Your Article]] Is currently on [[UN:VFH|VFH]]. Vote for it NOW!
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|[[Contents|CONTENTS]] FEATURE IT NOW!!!!!
 
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Revision as of 02:01, January 30, 2007

Insineratehymn

Fancy Announcement Box
My proposed expansion to the current rules on Uncyclopedia: located here
HowTo:Properly Whore Your Article Is currently on VFH. Vote for it NOW!
CONTENTS FEATURE IT NOW!!!!!
Welcome to Insineratehymn's Userpage


Death Metal Gumdrops

I am the death metal bread!

ApocalypseDeathMetal
Citizen! The death metal bread comes for you!!
Name Insineratehymn
Alias The Death Metal Bread
Birth 990 AD
Birthplace The desolate battlefields of Kansas
Age 1682^57*sin(5.3298)*cos(8.0987)
Goal in life Defeating the tyrants of Wikipedia
Things he does not wish to know about The Cabal, the existence of a higher authority
God he worships Benson
Hobbies Listening to metal, vandalizing Wikipedia, making Uncyclopedia a better place, masturbating to Lindsay Lohan, playing video games, illegaly downloading music, proclaiming himself as the complete, irredeemable cardboard box

Introduction

This is Insineratehymn speaking. My real name is Ethan Mittel (this is because I am SO German). I come from the most boring state in the union, Kansas (please spare the Kansas school board-related jokes). As you are reading this, I currently occupy certain venues on the internets:

Most of the time, most of the stuff I write on Uncyclopedia is not very funny. I know I am able to write funny content, but I cannot seem to let it out. The times when I do write funny content is when I overdose on pills. It was one of these moments that led to the creation of my Paracoccidioidomicosisproctitissarcomucosis article.

As for other stuff about me, I love computers, video games, and heavy metal. Oh yes, I love metal, my favorite genres being thrash metal, death metal, black metal, and grindcore.

Biography of Absurdity

Death Metal Gumdrops

Insineratehymn on a good day.

Housemaster

Insineratehymn on a VERY good day.

Insineratehymn was born in the year 990 AD, spawned from the essences of ancient Anglo-Saxon and Norsk warlords, and imbued with the intelligence of Plato, Confucius, and Julius Caesar. He was mournful over the loss of his parents who passed away during childhood. However, Insineratehymn had A.D.D. and quickly lost memory of their fate. He was also an aspie and didn't like being teased.

When he became a teenager, he joined the International Circus of the Heavy Metal Umlaut For All Things Ape Shit Crazy and Bat Fuck Insane, or the ICHMUFATASCBFI for short, which was managed by Lemmy Kilmister at the time. His activities usually consisted of cleaning up poo, balancing on enormous wheels, cleaning up poo, sticking his head into the mouth of a hippo, cleaning up poo, whipping himself in the crotch, and cleeninng up yuky doodys. Throughout his 5 years of working there, he managed to make a grand total of 13 dollars. He also caught the dreaded Paracoccidioidomicosisproctitissarcomucosis from the elephants.

After his many escapades in the circus, he started listening to metal, against the orders of the christian church, and the metal fairy came to him one night and granted him vast knowledge of all things metal. He would know more than any other metalhead in the history of the universe, under one condition: that he would pledge his allegiance to the empire of Uncyclopedialand, and devote his skills to conquering the evil fascists of Wikipedia. Enthusiastic over any offer of new wisdom, Insineratehymn willingly accepted, and to this day, he keeps his post in the utopian city of Uncyclopedia, proudly creating funny articles (to him, maybe) that he hopes will one day be featured on the front page, and vandalizing Wikipedia just for kicks.

Oh, he is also a worshiper of Benson, but that's a different story.

Statistical Analysis of My Being

Insineratehymn (AKA Ινσινερατοσ τηε ωισε (Insineratos the Wise), AKA Insineratum maximus consilium)
Kingdom German
Phylum Aspie
Class Philosopher
Order League of Benson
Family Metalhead
Genus Genius
Species Nerd
Primary Armament Logic and Intelligence
Secondary Armament Extreme sarcasm
Power Plant Caffeine
HP: 666,666,666,666
Mana Points: 999,999
Strength: 20
Intelligence: 150
Weight 210 lbs
Length 5'8"
Special Attack Material evidence






























Things I done do

4 photo

I used to be in Iced Earth. I was their singer for a time but I was forced to leave after Tim Owens came into the band and replaced me.

6:00-8:00 AM Breakfast, boot up computer
8:00-10:00 AM Do computery stuff
10:00-12:00 PM Edit Uncyclopedia
12:00-12:05 PM Eat Lunch
12:05-3:00 PM Illegaly download music
3:00-3:05 PM Masturbate to Lindsay Lohan
3:05-4:00 PM Do more computery stuff
4:00-7:00 PM Illegaly download more music
7:00-7:10 PM Dinner
7:10-8:00 PM Edit Uncyclopedia
8:00-9:00 PM Listen to music I illegaly downloaded
9:00-6:00 AM Sleep

My Current To Do List

  1. Create Paladin article work currently in progress completed, but needs improvement
  2. Communicate in the Village Dump more often already on the job
  3. Fix up ugly articles
  4. Expand my own articles
  5. Create more articles
  6. Yrnea ubj gb rapelcg va EBG-13
  7. WORSHIP BENSON
  8. HATE HATE HAT!
  9. Record more audio files
  10. Quit being redundant
  11. Quit being redundant
  12. Quit being redundant
  13. Quit being redundant
  14. Quit being redundant
  15. AAAAAAAAA!

Uncyclopedia-related Stuff

Please excuse this mess, for this user has Overflowing Userboxitis Syndrome

You'll need to scroll down this box in order to see all of my userboxes.

Uncyclopedia:Babel
Plato This user is exceptionally skilled at using superior logic and intelligence to flame idiots who deserve it, idiots such as Anonymous Slashy.
Domokunyellownbackground This user is a master of extreme sarcasm, and can kill a grue with a mere utterance.
2780+ This user has over 2780 edits.
; This user is a Grammar Nazi. Heil Semicolon!
Nietzsche187a This user is humping Friedrich Nietzsche's leg.

This user is also known for
StealingGhelæ's Sig

Boredkid This user is a Registered User and they can upload images and move pages, whoopdie freakin doo.
Hanshaketiny This user is a member of the Welcoming Committee, because no other Committee would take them.

ThinkerToilet This user is a member of the Reviewing Committee, because they are self opinionated knowitalls.

48px-Face-surprise.svg This user is happy to help n00bs. Leave a message here.
MagicWand.jpg This user wishes they were an admin. Please grant them their wish.
12 This user has recorded 12 audio files because they love the sound of their own voice.

US flag This user is American
...and unabashedly proud of it!
(List of American Uncyclopedians)
Mario-lo-res This user is a Gamer and therefore creepy.
Angrygod This user hates religion and is a sinner through and through!
Baphomet
This user walks down the
left hand path
.
Thus, they would be considered evil by the Catholic Church.
(List of left hand path Uncyclopedians)
Happysatan This user is a sinner, and bows before Satan.

Happysatan Satan loves this user, and will be seeing him/her in hell shortly.
Evolutionism-recursion This user is a Evolutionist.
...who believes that all decent articles evolve over time, through various users.
sin-5 This user sins without mercy and is going to Hell where he/she will be raped and eaten by Satan himself.
\m/ This user is a metalhead, prone to wearing offensive shirts and headbanging to really loud music. Metalheads also have long hair, but are not to be confused with hippies.
Firefox Logo This user believes the Mozilla Firefox could easily defeat Godzilla.

DC-- logo This user turns to DC++ for all of his illegaly downloaded music and computer needs.
>:3 This user is a lion! RAWR!!!
Paladin This user is a paladin. Hide your demons and undead.
... This user would be a professional procrastinator, but he or she can't be bothered.
Drumkit This user plays drums, and usually hangs around with musicians.

Skullnbones

This user is ARR-some!

Alanmoore1 This user is a level 13 Wizard. They see the fnords.
Mad scientist caricature This user is a Mad Scientist.

Villianc This user denies any involvement with the cabal. There is no cabal.
Numbersix This user is not a number, s/he is a free wo/man!
AA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA AAAAAAA AAAAAAA!!!
Pi3.14 This user loves pi
Shyny ub This user is easily distracted by anything shiny.
Autism11 This user is an aspie and thus a member of The Master Race; bow before his/her intellectual might, puny Neurotypicals! (or alternatively punch the user in the face and take his or her lunch money)

Brain This user's IQ is 150.

Leagueofbenson This user is a member of the League of Benson, and therefore admits that Benson is better than this user.
1337 This user is elite.
en-N This user is a native speaker of English.
yt-N This user is a native speaker of ytmnd.
sa-N This user is a native speaker of Sarcasm.
ac-N This user is a native speaker of those African clicky noises.
gb-N This user is a native speaker of Gibberish.
re-4 This user speaks Recondite English at a near-native level.
rh-4 This user speaks Random Humour at a near-native level.
17-3 This user is able to contribute with an advanced level of 1337.
MW-2 This user is able to contribute with an intermediate level of MediaWiki.
enr-2 This user is able to contribute with an intermediate level of Engrish.
grc-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of classical Greek.
ht-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of HTML.
la-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of Latin.
ns-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of Newspeak.
cpp-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of C++.
css-1 This user is able to contribute with a basic level of CSS.
typo-0 This user does not understand Typo and hates people that speak it because they're all annoying foreigners.
fr-0 This user does not understand Français and hates people that speak it because they're all annoying foreigners.
bs-0 This user does not understand Bullsh!t and hates people that speak it because they're all annoying foreigners.
java-0 This user does not understand Java and hates people that speak it because they're all annoying foreigners.
sl-0 This user does not understand sign language and hates people that speak it because they're all annoying foreigners.
il-0 This user does not understand Igpay Atinlay and hates people that speak it because they're all annoying foreigners.
elv-0 This user does not understand Elvish and hates people that speak it because they're all annoying foreigners.
es-E This user only speaks Español because it was a required course in school.
us-E This user only speaks American English because it was a required course in school.
zh-F This user got an F in Chinese and likes their native language better (if they have one).
ja-F This user got an F in Japanese and likes their native language better (if they have one).
de-F This user got an F in Deutsch and likes their native language better (if they have one).
ao-G This user does not speak AOLer and furthermore believes AOLer to be an embarrassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of AOLer.
du-G This user does not speak Dumbass and furthermore believes Dumbass to be an embarrassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of Dumbass.
pika-G This user does not speak Pikachu and furthermore believes Pikachu to be an embarrassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of Pikachu.
vl-G This user does not speak Valley girl and furthermore believes Valley girl to be an embarrassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of Valley girl.
nq-G This user does not speak Nelly queen and furthermore believes Nelly queen to be an embarrassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of Nelly queen.
enl-P This f****r speaks English, but Louder heavily laced with profanity that would make a f*****g a*****e sailor blush from all the g*******d blasphemy.
lz-X This user only speaks Lesbian enough to seduce native Lesbian speakers.
Template:User Vandalise Wikipedia
Wiki This user uses Uncyclopedia as his or her primary point of reference.
.sdrawkcab si resu sihT

!degnellahc-yllatnoziroh TON si resu sihT :etoN
Uncyclopedia elzzup otatop
Evilbug-lalalalala42 This user is of the genus Fuckinous Randomious and has eye beams.
usb This user likes to use userboxes.

Ugly This user is aware of how silly this huge table looks on his/her user page, but acknowledges that its real purpose is twofold: statistics and standardisation.
238px This user believes all userboxes should be the same size.
This user has been known to type quickly, therefor being more efficent than an AOLer.
BBL This user has too many Babel boxes on their user page.
Ubx-
Crapload
This user has a crapload of userboxes. To see more of them, go to some other page.

Eeek! This user steals userboxes from random people's user pages.
Msyclopaintia This user's primary source of artwork is MS Paint.
Earth This user can be found on the Uncyclopedia Frappr Map.
Windows Logo This user uses Windows because he or she can't get enough of your lover.

MEH This user redefines lazy.
NO This user doesn't care.

Ass-kissing

Ass-kissing of Uncyclopedia begins here!

Uncyclopedia is the greatest website in the whole fucking universe. It is a proud collection of sophisticated humor of every sort and the community is friendly. The articles are great to read and are guaranteed to make you laugh. The admins are glad to help anyone out if they need it and are proud of the job they do. And... what's that? No, I am most certainly not being mind-controlled by the cabal! And what do you mean "what's the cabal"!? I don't know what the cabal is. Even if I did know I wouldn't tell you. Actually, I do know. The cabal is-*is shot by a hidden member of the cabal*

Ass-kissing of Uncyclopedia ends here!

Basic Info

These are the types of articles I fix up:

I created these articles (now located on articles subpage):

My signature:

I just created a new template, just in case anyone wanted to use it. Put it in your userbox if you want.

If you're wondering where my userboxes are, they are located here.

File:Spying.gif

Current Activity

My current activity as of late is watching the recent changes page looking for really crappy articles and vanity pages to submit to the QVFD. The rate at which I report these crap sacs is expeditingly rapid. How do I report them at such a phenomenal speed? The first thing I do is get a good vantage point. My personal favorite spots are in the corner rooms of tall buildings or a grassy knoll. I then sit and wait. The minute a really crappy article or a vanity page comes along, I use ultra-advanced GPS to flag the target. At that moment, the Uncyclopedia Sysop Sattelite (the U.S.S.) fires its laser, vaporizing the target. Here is a note to all anon IPs and stupid people who think they are cool: think twice before submitting that one-liner or vanity article, because I am watching, waiting in the shadows.

I am also a member of the welcoming committee, because the local mental institution declared that I was far too mentally unstable for any other career.

Some of the templates I use

  • {{subst:welcome}}--~~~~ -- I use this to give newbs a warm welcome, that way they don't feel like subatomic particles.
  • {{expand}} -- Used on articles that have good material, but need to be expanded into a full article.
  • {{ICU|~~~~~|sub=insert reason here}} -- Used on articles that need to be improved in 7 days. I usually include a reason as well.
  • {{ugly}} -- I use this on articles that have a good idea, good material, but are poorly executed.

Cookies, Awards, etc.

If there are any cookies, ninja stars, awards, etc. that Uncyclopedia users want to give me, please place them in the area below. It will be greatly appreciated. Please! I need some form of gratification for my work!

MUN
Member of the Order
Newcookie Jamtrousers has awarded you a cookie!
Now go play in traffic.
-For pointing out that no-one gives awards anymore. --Sir Jam 20:15, 30 November 2006 (UTC)
Newcookie Todd Lyons has awarded you a cookie!
Now go play in traffic.
For your audio version of HowTo:Get Banned.  ;-) ~ Sir Todd GUN WotM MI UotM NotM MDA VFH AotM Bur. AlBur. CM NS PC (talk) 22:45, 30 November 2006 (UTC)


Ice-Cream Braydie has awarded you some ice cream!
For voting for HowTo:Make a Band
Sweetsprize Braydie has awarded you some sweets!
For voting for HowTo:Cheat At Scrabble
Ahmdinajad Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

has awarded you a Nuclear missile
Now go and destroy the The Zionist Entity

This Template Will Self Destruct in Countdown seconds

Cookie flyingfeline has awarded you a hug and a biscuit.
She would also like to scream hysterically in your ear,
but is afraid it would get her desysopped.
Pow! BANG BANG BANG!!!
The victory bells(?) have rang!
Pow!
NeedABrain thanks you for voting on Onomatopoeia
Uncyclopedian

I award you an award award!

Jocke Pirat awards you the award award for giving them an award!

</div>



Ooh! Secret link!



Template:Crack


Hotness This is a vanity page.
This page is a shameless example of egotism and is completely worthless. The author is pretty darn hot, though. You have to admit that.