UnNews:Large Hadron Collider opens wormhole to Mirror Universe
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Large Hadron Collider opens wormhole to Mirror Universe
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, August 2, 2015, 22:52:UTC)(
15 September 2008
"This was completely unexpected," one of the scientists stated, "There was some speculation that the LHC might unravel the fabric of space-time and destroy the Universe, but most of us felt certain that the destruction would be more localised, most likely limited to our Solar System or possibly just the Earth itself. No one anticipated that it would open a portal to a bizarre parallel dimension... This has totally screwed up the office pool."
"I suppose it's still possible that the wormhole will collapse into a singularity," he added, "but I'm not holding my breath. I'm pretty sure I'm just out €10."
"It's hardly fair to label our Universe as 'evil'," said one of the Mirror Universe scientists, during the joint press conference held this morning, "There are difference, of course. For example, in our Universe Betamax became the videotape standard, instead of VHS... Of course, that doesn't really matter any more, since HD-DVD has made tapes obsolete anyway."
Protesters outside of CERN have already added 'Invasion from Mirror Universe' to the long list of dangers they believe the LHC poses. "You have to keep a close watch on these scientist types," warned one protester, "One minute they're opening up gateways to other dimensions, and the next thing you know they're doing something really dangerous like bouncing Wonderflonium."
"Everyone can rest assured that we're all working together to shut down the LHC, as soon as possible," the Mirror Universe scientist stated "even though the wormhole is absolutely stable and poses no danger whatsoever."
"Besides," he added, "I want to get back to my Universe in time to see Gigli 2 on opening night."
- "Scientists insist Large Hadron Collider probably won't destroy the Universe". TimesOnline, 6 September, 2008
- "Has the Large Hadron Collider destroyed the Earth yet?". hasthelhcdestroyedtheearth.com, 12 September, 2008
- "LHC Compact Muon Solenoid Experiment Webcams". Cyriak, 15 September, 2008