UnNews:Gay Marriage Responsible for Global Warming
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|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
9 June 2006
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LYNCHBURG, VA (Fox News) -- Top scientists from the prestigious Theological Physics Department of Liberty University today announced findings that identify gay marriage as the single largest contributing factor to global warming.
"The indications are all there," University Weatherologist Dr. Theobald Arquente D.D. told UnNews. "The recent increase in the number of gay marriages has caused the Homosphere's... uhhh, entropic density to expand, which probably... reversed the... uh, polarity of the, uh, neutron flow, leading to a dramatic increase in temperature."
"It's all terribly scientific and complicated, but it clearly shows that gay marriage is the main cause of global warming."
The University's Probability and Prophecy department predicts that if the number of gay marriages continues to increase at the current rate, there will be an average of 5 gay marriages per person, by the year 2026.
Although the full report is not yet available, University scientists are confident of their preliminary findings.
"Of course, it is just a theory, like evolution or intelligent design, so there is some speculation involved," Dr. Arquente said in conclusion, "But we did spend many hours of exhaustive research -- by which I mean prayer, and used lots of scientific words... Plus, I mean, just look at the chart. It doesn't get much clearer than that."