UnNews:Gay Marriage Responsible for Global Warming
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Gay Marriage Responsible for Global Warming
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, May 4, 2016, 06:36:UTC)(
9 June 2006
"The indications are all there," a University spokesman reported, "The recent increase in the number of gay marriages has caused the Homosphere's... uhhh, entropic density to expand, which probably... reversed the... uh, polarity of the, uh, neutron flow, leading to a dramatic increase in temperature."
"It's all terribly scientific and complicated," the spokesman continued, "But it clearly shows that gay marriage is the main cause of global warming."
University scientists predict that if the number of gay marriages continues to increase at the current rate, there will be an average of 5 gay marriages per person, by the year 2026.
"By that time, the atmosphere will no longer be able to withstand the weight of the Homosphere, and the earth will be crushed... probably into a black hole or something," the spokesman added.
Although the full report is not yet available, University scientists are confident of their preliminary findings.
"Of course, it is just a theory, like evolution or intelligent design, so there is some speculation involved," the spokesman said in conclusion, "But we did spend many hours of exhaustive prayer -- I mean research, and used lots of scientific words... Plus, I mean, just look at the chart. It doesn't get much clearer than that."