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- By Donald Jones, aged 8
A tropical cyclone is a big swirly-whirly thing is the sky. The word cyclone comes from the Japanese word Sai which is a type of throwing knife, and Clone meaning an exact copy of. This is because the Japanese believed that cyclones were created by identical ninjas fighting each other and because they are both exactly the same neither of them can win, and so they keep spinning round and round and round and huffing and puffing and causing all the air to spin around with them.
This is because the Japanese are all silly and build really bad motorbikes. My daddy doesn't like Japanese motorbikes and thinks the people who ride them are faggot weekend bikers, because my daddy rides a chopper.
Other names for cyclones is tornado and twister. I don't know what tornado means, but twister is a game where people stick their hands and feet on coloured dots on the ground and tie themselves up in knots.
Causes of cyclones
Cyclones are made by God to punish poor people. My Auntie Ethel who lives in a trailer lost her house in a cyclone and when she went to the inshurants company to get money from them, they said that they couldn't help her because it was an act of God. She even went to talk to a lawyer about it and he said that there was nothing he could do because it was an act of God, and he had certificates on his wall from community college so he was smart.
I like visiting my Auntie Ethel in the trailer. There are lots of nice people around there. There's one old man who lets all the boys and girls have lollies. He's so funny, he makes us reach into his pockets to get the lollies and then traps our hands in there so it's hard to get away.
It also rains lots when there is a cyclone. The preacher man in the trailer park says that God sends floods lots to punish people for being naughty, but if we're good and build boats like Noah then we'll be okay. I maded a raft down by the creek once out of an old pallet and lots of coke bottles, and it floated on the water for a few minutes and then it sinked and I went in the water and came out all black and smelly.
They use something called a Fajita scale to measure cyclones, which says how much damage the cyclones do. I think it's because mexican food makes you poo lots. I once had a super chili burrito, and it hurt my mouth lots and then when I was on the back on the chopper on the way back to the gang house I poo'd in my pants and it did a lot of damage to them.
I think super chili burritoes must be at least F5 in the Fajita scale, because my daddy said at least 5 f-words when he saw the poo on the bike.
There was a movie once where there were people who chased cyclones and tried to get these ping-pong balls into them. I don't know how it ended because I got bored cause there weren't enough guns in them so I don't know how it ended, but the people mustn't have been very smart because there was a cow being blown in the wind but they couldn't even get a ping-pong ball to blow in the wind.
My daddy said that when my mummy was alive she could do some amazing things with ping-pong balls. I asked my daddy if she would have been able to blow away all those balls and he laughed so hard his beer came out his nose.
I hoped you like my essay on cyclones. My daddy says that it was so long he wasn't even able to read it, so it must be good. He also said that if you don't give me a good mark on this that he's going to come to school and have a little chat with you. My daddy had a little chat with the