“Did you mean: Exa Crapton.”
The X Factor is a non-talent show currently broadcasting on ITV. It is only open to chavs aged 16-116. A secondary requirement is that all entrants must have boring sob stories about their tedious lives. It is also where talent and dignity goes to shrivel up and die.
Boring Sob Stories
- Boring sob stories used by contestants.
- Abducted by bin men.
- Raped by Weetabix.
- Speech impediments that force the contestant to sing uncannily like a normal person.
- Drunk and disorderly.
- Had sexual relations with a z-list model celebrity (Syria or Sam Hyena)
- Used to be a man but now a woman who is interested in women who used to be gay but are now rabid animals.
- Peeved Bookstain
- Everybody on the programme
- The X Factor was reportedly the bastard offspring of The X Files and The Krypton Factor. Early pilots showing Gordon Burns singing Mantoobian Planetary anthems in front of Mulder and Scully were revealed to be elaborate hoaxes.
- All winning contestants are forced to sign contracts that strictly forbid the use of any talent on their records.
This is in fact true.
- It is rumoured that Michelle McAnus only ever won the show (despite not having entered it: see Pop Idol/American Idol) because she reported had all the suport from all the local cake and food shops. The manager of 'CREAMY CAKES FULL OF LOTS OF CREAM AND SHIT' reported that Michelle once ran out the whole stock on cream filled choc chip buns she reportedly bought 20 at a time and complained that the shop did not have enoght choc chips in 1 of her cakes. She later tried to take them to court for human starvation the store denied these claims and voted for her on the show to avoid further prosecution.
- Mr. Bean
- Mrs. Sanchez
- Cow and chicken
- Prince harry
- Willy Wonka
- Chicken Little
- Tommy vecelini
- Mrs. Bean
- The tweenies
- Captain jack Sparrow
- Carole Chicken
- Bruise Cruise
- Shin Shzang
- Taz the Tasmanian devil(eliminated 1st)-Everything
- Dr. Neo Cortex(Eliminated 2nd)-Don't Cha
- Cinderella(Eliminated 3rd)-I will always love you
- Odie(Eliminated 4th)-The Theme song of DOGS
- the Pink Panther(Eliminated 5th)-The Pink panter theme tune
- X-L-R-8(Eliminated 6th)-Trouble
- Henry VII(Eliminated 7th)-I'm no good
- Cyberman(Eliminated 8th)-She's my man
- Thomas the tank engine(4th Place)-Last Request
- Thomas Cook(3rd Place)-If you're happy and you know it
- Ripjaws(Runner Up)-STRIP TEASE
- Fat Bastard(WINNER)-The Greatest Minute(of my life)
- The Seven Dwarfs(Eliminated 1st)-Feel
- Kevin 11(Eliminated 2nd)-Listen to your heartbeats
- The Ugly Step Sisters(Eliminated 3rd)-Angels
- Wendy Oldbag(Eliminated 4th)-Conga
- Dalek(Eliminated 5th)-EXTERMINATE
- Osama Bin Laden(Eliminated 6th)-Dustbins on the Street
- Happy Feet(Eliminated 7th)-Boogie wonderland
- Lunar Jim(Eliminated 6th)-Lets go Lunar!
- Superman..To the Rescue!!!(4th place)-The Greatest minute(Of my life)
- Jeff Pleasant from the sims(3rd Place)-Stupid
- Homer Simpson(Runner up)-Angel
- the 40 year old Virgin-WINNER-Vain
- Roald Dhal(Eliminated 1st)-The Twits
- Medicine man(Eliminared 2nd)-Wellcomew to my Life
- Bob the Builder(Eliminated 3rd)-Bob the Bulder(Can we Fix it?)
- Harry Hastings(Eliminated 4th)-(O8OO 1066)
- Muffin the Mule(Eliminated 5th)-Barbie Girl
- Shrek(Eliminated 6th)-If you leave me now
- Spoungebob Squarepants(Eliminated 7th)-yellow polka dot bikini
- Wallace and Grommit(Quit the Show)-Pollution is running towards us!!
- Nemo(4th Place)-Leave right now
- Woody(3rd Place)-I dont want to miss a (Fucking) thing
- Prince Charlies(Runner up)-Shine
- Mr. Burns(Winner)-Hang on