The X Factor

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*[[Muffin the Mule]](Eliminated 5th)-Barbie Girl
 
*[[Muffin the Mule]](Eliminated 5th)-Barbie Girl
 
*[[Shrek]](Eliminated 6th)-If you leave me now
 
*[[Shrek]](Eliminated 6th)-If you leave me now
*[[Spoungebob Squarepants]](Eliminated 7th)-Pineapples
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*[[Spoungebob Squarepants]](Eliminated 7th)-yellow polka dot bikini
 
*[[Wallace and Grommit]](Quit the Show)-Pollution is running towards us!!
 
*[[Wallace and Grommit]](Quit the Show)-Pollution is running towards us!!
 
*[[Nemo]](4th Place)-Leave right now
 
*[[Nemo]](4th Place)-Leave right now

Revision as of 21:25, December 1, 2007

“Did you mean: Exa Crapton.”
~ Google on X Factor

The X Factor is a non-talent show currently broadcasting on ITV. It is only open to chavs aged 16-116. A secondary requirement is that all entrants must have boring sob stories about their tedious lives. It is also where talent and dignity goes to shrivel up and die.

Boring Sob Stories

  • Boring sob stories used by contestants.
  • Abducted by bin men.
  • Raped by Weetabix.
  • Speech impediments that force the contestant to sing uncannily like a normal person.
  • Drunk and disorderly.
  • Had sexual relations with a z-list model celebrity (Syria or Sam Hyena)
  • Used to be a man but now a woman who is interested in women who used to be gay but are now rabid animals.

Former Losers

  • Peeved Bookstain
  • Everybody on the programme

Programme Myths

  • The X Factor was reportedly the bastard offspring of The X Files and The Krypton Factor. Early pilots showing Gordon Burns singing Mantoobian Planetary anthems in front of Mulder and Scully were revealed to be elaborate hoaxes.
  • All winning contestants are forced to sign contracts that strictly forbid the use of any talent on their records.

This is in fact true.

  • It is rumoured that Michelle McAnus only ever won the show (despite not having entered it: see Pop Idol/American Idol) because she reported had all the suport from all the local cake and food shops. The manager of 'CREAMY CAKES FULL OF LOTS OF CREAM AND SHIT' reported that Michelle once ran out the whole stock on cream filled choc chip buns she reportedly bought 20 at a time and complained that the shop did not have enoght choc chips in 1 of her cakes. She later tried to take them to court for human starvation the store denied these claims and voted for her on the show to avoid further prosecution.

Programme Judges

Auditionees

1-

2-

3-

  • The tweenies
  • Captain jack Sparrow
  • Violetta
  • Carole Chicken
  • Bruise Cruise
  • Shin Shzang

Contestants

Series 1

Series 2

  • The Seven Dwarfs(Eliminated 1st)-Feel
  • Kevin 11(Eliminated 2nd)-Listen to your heartbeats
  • The Ugly Step Sisters(Eliminated 3rd)-Angels
  • Wendy Oldbag(Eliminated 4th)-Conga
  • Dalek(Eliminated 5th)-EXTERMINATE
  • Osama Bin Laden(Eliminated 6th)-Dustbins on the Street
  • Happy Feet(Eliminated 7th)-Boogie wonderland
  • Lunar Jim(Eliminated 6th)-Lets go Lunar!
  • Superman..To the Rescue!!!(4th place)-The Greatest minute(Of my life)
  • Jeff Pleasant from the sims(3rd Place)-Stupid
  • Homer Simpson(Runner up)-Angel
  • the 40 year old Virgin-WINNER-Vain

Series 3

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