The Minority Report

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"'''The Minority Report'''", codenamed as "Operation: Plan", was a top-secret, and criminally short MI5 document accidentally released to the public by an over-zealous [[emo]] scumbag a couple weeks ago on [[deviantART]], June 7th, to be exact, The Minority was originally a mass-surveillance program, the sole purpose was to survey what MI5 believed to be the biggest threat to our world... Us, and needless to say, upon it's release, it has sparked nationwide outrage as the breaking news broadcast caused millions to miss Jackson's death in Emmerdale, people were shocked, some cried, GLAAD sued.
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'''The Minority Report''', code-named "Operation: Plan", is a top-secret and criminally short MI5 report accidentally released to the public. The Minority was originally a mass-surveillance program whose sole purpose was to survey what MI5 believed to be the biggest threat to our world... us. Needless to say, upon it's release it sparked worldwide outrage. People were shocked, some cried, some sued.
   
==It Begins: Operation: Plan==
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Now, here is the complete report. Don't get your hopes up, it's incredibly short.
   
===History===
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==It Begins; Operation: Plan==
 
I came across a guy who could not take a Joke, "AIC". To make it easier on Uncyclopedia's apparent target audience, the guy slaughtered Bambi.
 
 
Now, I have gone to great lengths to obtain this report, as I had to bribe a hyper-obese, spectacled college loser into hacking the MI5 system, he insisted that I had to track down the actor who played "Harry Kim" in "Star Trek: Voyager" Garrett Wang is the guys name, and get him to sign his DVD box-set, should I succeed, he would hack the system, and get the complete article. I ventured through deep woods, walked over the tallest mountains, swam through harsh waters, embarked on a quest with some local goth kids to see who could stay the longest in a graveyard at night - not to mention, through auditing, acheived "clear" status, and located Madelaine's corpse - and at last, at exactly 13:44 last Monday, I got Wang to sign chubbo's DVD set, providing - through e-mail - photographic evidence, the chunky twonk hacked the system, and got the complete, un-edited report.
 
   
 
===The Wigger===
 
===The Wigger===
 
 
http://www.penguinsix.com/images/chav.jpg
 
http://www.penguinsix.com/images/chav.jpg
   
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http://noadventure.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/wigger-kids.jpg
 
http://noadventure.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/wigger-kids.jpg
   
Retardus En Wiggerium; Meaning, the Handicappable Wigger.
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Meet the stereotypical angsty teenage wannabe-rapper... also known by ''Daily Mail'' readers as "the future unemployable". These two will probably not live to see their financially productive years. They will, however, cause so much concern for their parents that orphanhood is just around the corner.
   
We all know about black people, but what about the white people who adopt their culture? Known as Wiggers, Chavs, Neds, or simply the underage alcoholic scum that plagues each and every street in our great nation, the stereotypical angsty teenage wannabe-rapper... also known by Daily Mail readers as the White Nigger. Idiots who mince around in clothes two sizes bigger, wear sweat-shop headgear, and claim to have been "brought up on the street" But in reality, these people come from a well-to-do background, with parents who worship and adore them, but ever-loving parents cannot stop a pubeless tool's temper-tantrum, "Kappa? Kappa?! Fauk sake, mate, where's me Berghaus!!" guaranteed, a riot shall ensue, and 376 Asians shall die. Trouble Rating: 9.5/10.
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===The Lucky Unstables===
 
===The Mentally Unstables===
 
 
 
Handicapped, These "people" have it all. Free parking, "special" schools, hot nurses who tend to their every need, guaranteed careers as "House Robots" on Robot Wars, and brute strength, truly dangerous human beings. Trouble Rating: 8.0/10.
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The Handicapped, These lucky people have it all. Free parking, "special" schools, hot nurses who tend to their every need (yes, their ''every'' need), and some have brute strength. Truly dangerous human beings if you have no free time. Trouble Rating: 8.0/10.
 
 
 
http://jakerake.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/retard.jpg
 
http://jakerake.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/retard.jpg
   
Drew, went on to play Dopey in Snow White: The Musical.
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Drew, who went on to write ''Snow White: The Musical''.
   
 
http://www.runswithscissors.info/images/funny/retard-1.jpg
 
http://www.runswithscissors.info/images/funny/retard-1.jpg
   
Hank, - as we know - went on to compete on Robot Wars, and is now happily married to Sgt Bash.
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Hank - as we know - went on to compete on ''Robot Wars'', and is now happily married to a babe.
 
 
 
http://files.sharenator.com/super_retard_Super_Mans_Son-s499x376-15698.jpg
 
http://files.sharenator.com/super_retard_Super_Mans_Son-s499x376-15698.jpg
 
 
Tommy, 1994 - 1999, thought that he was the real Superman, ran outside and got killed by a passing Minivan.
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Tommy, 1995 - 2009, thought he was the real Superman. Ran outside and got winged by a passing Minivan, ironically driven by a Mr. Lex "Luther" Lu'tare, of Houston, Texas.
   
 
===Ginger Kids===
 
===Ginger Kids===
   
Incase you doubt my sincerity, I suggest you look-up "CopperCab" on YouTube, I have absolutely no idea what he's on, but this guy, his ginger supporters, and every other ginger out there should be considered armed, and extremely dangerous, Jokes, cannot be taken. Laughs, will not be tolerated. Trouble Rating: 5.5/10.
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In case you doubt the Minority Report's sincerity, it is the first to document that every other ginger out there should be considered armed and extremely dangerous. Jokes, cannot be taken. Laughs, will not be tolerated. Trouble Rating: 5.5/10.
 
 
 
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_AydjtMXudMA/S6w2RBNsGNI/AAAAAAAAAwc/rvcqJqR8cF4/s1600/ginger.jpg
 
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_AydjtMXudMA/S6w2RBNsGNI/AAAAAAAAAwc/rvcqJqR8cF4/s1600/ginger.jpg
   
FUN FACT: Everytime a ginger is born, a homeless dog dies of Cancer.
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FUN FACT: Everytime a ginger is born, a dog howls.
 
 
 
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2372/2459040042_3590fbe0bc.jpg
 
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2372/2459040042_3590fbe0bc.jpg
   
Let's pray that he chokes and dies, the tube.
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Let us pray.
 
 
http://nikkigsblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/ginger-kids1.jpg
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http://nikkigsblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/ginger-kids1.jpg
   
Benny, our beloved dog, died because Suzie - right - was greedy enough to be born.
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Yikes! Keep your mace close-by at all times.
   
 
===Pensioners===
 
===Pensioners===
   
Wiggers, Handicapped People and Gingers... Three well-documented sub-species that deserve to be expired, but sadly, they are not alone... Known simply as "The Walking Dead" to radicals and racists worldwide, Pensioners, are arguably the biggest threat this world has ever known, sadistic, manipulative people who can do absolutely marvelous things... When no-one's around. Trouble Rating: 9.5/10.
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Wiggers, handicapped people, and Gingers...three well-documented citizen groups. But they are not alone. Known simply as "Gramps and Grams" to radicals worldwide, Pensioners are arguably the biggest threat polite society now faces. They are manipulative people who can do absolutely marvelous things... when no-one's around. Trouble Rating: 9.5/10.
   
 
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00670/fencing-pensioners5_670446n.jpg
 
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00670/fencing-pensioners5_670446n.jpg
 
 
Werther's annual Pensioner Beatdown, a yearly event held at Arkham Asylum, pitting two elderly super-villains against each other to see who truly deserves the TV remote, the loser gets deleted.
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Werther's annual Pensioner Beatdown, a yearly event held at Arkham Asylum, pitting two elderly super-villain wannabees against each other to see who truly deserves the TV remote.
   
 
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/11/11/article-1084912-026CC428000005DC-930_468x561.jpg
 
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/11/11/article-1084912-026CC428000005DC-930_468x561.jpg
   
Ralph here, counting what little money Xenu spared him, decided to "end it all" via Kettle Gun.
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Ralph here, counting what little money the local green grocer spared him, undecided whether to "end it all" via Kettle Gun or watch his shows.
 
 
 
http://images.mirror.co.uk/upl/m4/feb2009/4/8/OAP_on_the_A27_Westbound_PicEddie_Mitchell_Image_3_885637217.jpg
 
http://images.mirror.co.uk/upl/m4/feb2009/4/8/OAP_on_the_A27_Westbound_PicEddie_Mitchell_Image_3_885637217.jpg
   
Inspired by Nintendo's "Mario Kart" series, and desparate to prove to his grandson that he could do more than "sit in his chair, and evacuate his bowels" William set-out to break a land speed record that existed only in his imagination...
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Inspired by Nintendo's "Mario Kart" series, and desparate to prove to his grandson that he could do more than "sit in your damn chair and evacuate your bowels", William set-out to break a land speed record that existed only in his imagination...
 
 
 
http://images.mirror.co.uk/upl/m4/feb2009/4/2/OAP_on_the_A27_Westbound_PicEddie_Mitchell_Image_1_772559321.jpg
 
http://images.mirror.co.uk/upl/m4/feb2009/4/2/OAP_on_the_A27_Westbound_PicEddie_Mitchell_Image_1_772559321.jpg
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In "Mario Raceway" he was stopped, contained, beaten by police, sentanced to ten years, and brutally sodomized by his cell mate, Rick.
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[[Category:Books]]
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[[Category:Espionage]]
[[Category:Books]]
 
[[Category:Espionage]]
 
 
[[Category:Science Fiction]]
 
[[Category:Science Fiction]]
[[Category:Retards]]
 

Revision as of 20:08, February 22, 2012

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The Minority Report, code-named "Operation: Plan", is a top-secret and criminally short MI5 report accidentally released to the public. The Minority was originally a mass-surveillance program whose sole purpose was to survey what MI5 believed to be the biggest threat to our world... us. Needless to say, upon it's release it sparked worldwide outrage. People were shocked, some cried, some sued.

Now, here is the complete report. Don't get your hopes up, it's incredibly short.

It Begins; Operation: Plan

The Wigger

chav.jpg

Grouped together, they prepare to rob Gregg's.

wigger-kids.jpg

Meet the stereotypical angsty teenage wannabe-rapper... also known by Daily Mail readers as "the future unemployable". These two will probably not live to see their financially productive years. They will, however, cause so much concern for their parents that orphanhood is just around the corner.

The Lucky Unstables

The Handicapped, These lucky people have it all. Free parking, "special" schools, hot nurses who tend to their every need (yes, their every need), and some have brute strength. Truly dangerous human beings if you have no free time. Trouble Rating: 8.0/10.

retard.jpg

Drew, who went on to write Snow White: The Musical.

retard-1.jpg

Hank - as we know - went on to compete on Robot Wars, and is now happily married to a babe.

super_retard_Super_Mans_Son-s499x376-15698.jpg

Tommy, 1995 - 2009, thought he was the real Superman. Ran outside and got winged by a passing Minivan, ironically driven by a Mr. Lex "Luther" Lu'tare, of Houston, Texas.

Ginger Kids

In case you doubt the Minority Report's sincerity, it is the first to document that every other ginger out there should be considered armed and extremely dangerous. Jokes, cannot be taken. Laughs, will not be tolerated. Trouble Rating: 5.5/10.

ginger.jpg

FUN FACT: Everytime a ginger is born, a dog howls.

2459040042_3590fbe0bc.jpg

Let us pray.

ginger-kids1.jpg

Yikes! Keep your mace close-by at all times.

Pensioners

Wiggers, handicapped people, and Gingers...three well-documented citizen groups. But they are not alone. Known simply as "Gramps and Grams" to radicals worldwide, Pensioners are arguably the biggest threat polite society now faces. They are manipulative people who can do absolutely marvelous things... when no-one's around. Trouble Rating: 9.5/10.

fencing-pensioners5_670446n.jpg

Werther's annual Pensioner Beatdown, a yearly event held at Arkham Asylum, pitting two elderly super-villain wannabees against each other to see who truly deserves the TV remote.

article-1084912-026CC428000005DC-930_468x561.jpg

Ralph here, counting what little money the local green grocer spared him, undecided whether to "end it all" via Kettle Gun or watch his shows.

OAP_on_the_A27_Westbound_PicEddie_Mitchell_Image_3_885637217.jpg

Inspired by Nintendo's "Mario Kart" series, and desparate to prove to his grandson that he could do more than "sit in your damn chair and evacuate your bowels", William set-out to break a land speed record that existed only in his imagination...

OAP_on_the_A27_Westbound_PicEddie_Mitchell_Image_1_772559321.jpg

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