The Life and Times of a Cute Little Puppy

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 19:26, June 11, 2007 by Insineratehymn (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search

The Life and Times of a Cute Little Puppy is a harrowing tale of love, betrayal, and jealousy written from the point of view of a cute little puppy as he struggles to find meaning in his life.



The memoir starts out with a cute little puppy receiving news of his mother’s death. Since he has not seen his mother since he was 8 weeks old, the puppy does not feel any remorse at his mother’s passing. He is deeply disturbed by this. He then decides to do what every man hoping to write a memoir must do; smoke crack and kill some Arabs.

Early Life

The book then talks more about the circumstances of the puppy’s childhood. He never knew his father, and his mother was neglectful, frequently abandoning her children to play with a tennis ball or kill squeaky toys. At only eight weeks old, the puppy and two of his sisters were captured by slave traffickers while their mother was fetching sticks. The puppy was sold to a Chinese family. They were nice enough, even if they did constantly shove fatty foods down his throat and discourage him from moving.

Puppy Puppy

Around this time, the cute little puppy released his self-titled debut album, Puppy Puppy. It met with lukewarm reviews, one critic saying, “You can only listen to cute little puppy noises for so long before you want to kill something.” Nevertheless, the CD was a commercial success and his single “Will u (feed me)?” ranked the eight on Billboard Hot 100.

After selling 5,00,000 copies in the first week, the cute puppy finally had enough money to move out. Although his adoptive family was sorry to see him go, reports say they have bought another dog and are currently fattening it up for Chinese New Year.

Run-ins with the Law

At the tender age of three months, the cute little puppy was a millionaire and had a different girl over at his mansion every week to rub his belly. The puppy lived a fantasy life, spending his days scratching himself, eating cat food, and shooting up on painkillers from Courtney Love. Authorities questioned if he was really fit to sponsor his Zimbabwean child, Abel wa Nguwe. A legal battle ensued, with the government taking custody of Nguwe and sending him eighteen dollars a month.

After having his right to give money to young children was suspended by the law, his mother died and his heroin stash was confiscated. Young puppy was left unable to cope with the pressures of life, and subsequently entered rehab. After two days, he was deemed fit to re-enter normal society, and released upon an unsuspecting public.


The cute little puppy was sent to Iraq to boost troop morale, and is happily employed as a land mine detector at the end of book. An afterword added in late 2006 showed however, that the soldiers preferred the porn mags.

Commercial and Critical Reception

The book did not sell as well as expected. Common complaints from book circles and reviewers include that there were too many words and not enough cute little puppy pictures.

The cute little puppy has responded to criticisms by growling ferociously. A movie based on his experiences is slated for production in 2011, with extended cute sequences. Ashton Kutcher is to play the lead role of the puppy.

Personal tools