The House of Mouse

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Housedemouse

The House of Mouse as of 2007.

“The House of Mouse is like a box of chocolates, Forrest...you never know what you're gonna' get.”
~ Forrest Gump's Mom on The House of Mouse
“...I don't think there will ever be another venue like the House of Mouse...”
~ Winnie the Pooh on The House of Mouse

The House of Mouse is a sleazy establishment run by former President of The Peoples Republic of Castaway Cay (otherwise known as Disneyland Caribbean) Michael 'Mickey' Maus. It is located on the fittingly named Maus Boulevard, in a red-light district of the Hundred-Acre Woods on the outskirts of the city of Cape Woozle, and is well-known among such criminal underlords as Winnie the Pooh as being a place to carry out illegal activities under the authorities' nose. The club has a functioning bar, restaurant, strip club, casino, hotel, mini-hentai theater and a huge series of underground warehouses used for 'storage'.

History

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A photograph of mouse attempting to rally support on Castaway in 1961. Notice the very low quality of the film. Experts believe the film used for this photo was almost certainly Soviet in origin. Some have expressed a doubt as to whether or not this photograph is real.

OLDMOUSEHOUSE

The House of Mouse prior to the renovations.

Maus originally contrived the concept of such a venue during the latter parts of his presidency. In the late 60's on Castaway, the island was abuzz with talk of revolution. The conditions were very poor, work was dangerous, and morale was low. "After a few years," Said Maus, "I began to feel that my place was not that of running Castaway. I saw the faces of men... terrified faces, angry faces... Disney was treating its workers with disrespect, and Disney was going to pay. I felt so scared, because I knew that I was the ringleader." In 1978, the workers of Castaway actively attacked the Disney Federation and Maus. It was a bloody conflict, most of the workers died. It was, however, not ultimately in vain. The Disney Federation was driven from the island. VIPs and Colonists fled the island, leaving the workers to govern themselves.

After the Castaway Cay Revolution of 1978, Maus escaped the island with only his life intact and retreated to the Hundred-Acre Woods to rethink it. As he regained his strength, he set out to see more of the Hundred-Acre Woods. The Hundred-Acre Woods was at the time a bustle of criminal activity. He saw mafia men shaking down little mom and pop stores, he saw high rollers on the streets, complaining about the lack of high-end whorehouses, he saw gangsters and druglords loading and unloading "packages" of the cargo planes landing in the Tri-Union "Cargo" Airport, and realized that there where "big bucks to be made, entertaining, aiding and arousing underground-trade high-rollers. Such a task would be lucrative to success in both status and bond-building". In 1988, the House of Mouse was opened for business. The first members were likely the élite class of the Woozle Mafia. The House of Mouse slowly became known as the de-facto venue for high-rollers and mafia-men.

The House of Mouse slowly expanded, offering a buffet of deal-sealing luxuries and services. Maus also gained a reputation for being a thrifty businessman, ready for anything, fast acting and always ready to compromise. Over the years, the house of mouse became more of a nightclub/casino, and less of a dive club. Some of the "riff-raff" who became Maus' first customers later left The House of Mouse for this very reason.

In 1993, the House of Mouse underwent major renovations to "fully reach the 'raison d'être' of the House of Mouse" according to Maus. Opened again in 1995, the House of Mouse became known as the "'city hall' in the Hundred-Acre Woods' 'city of vice'". The House of Mouse, having significantly expanded, in terms of space, facilities and membership reached its 2000th member mark in 1999.

Significance

Maus has said, regarding the club, that, "The House of Mouse strives to be a cultural center for all activities...and we mean all activities." Indeed, the House of Mouse attracts a significant amount of attention from the community, as has been seen by the significant amount of visitors it receives during a typical work week. Critics have called it "an upscale Hooters" and "a major source of crime and urban sin". It is regarded by many as the "center of the community," to quote one of it's most famous (or infamous) clientèle, Winston Tang-zin Pu, known abroad as Winnie the Pooh. Pooh Bear goes onto to call it "a place where all ends of the social spectrum converge as one...it is the city center, more so than the Civic Center, City Hall or YMCA. Perhaps more so than any other establishment on the face of the Earth! The same people who couldn't stand to be in the same building in ordinary day-to-day life can gladly sit together in the same room, even converse and play poker at the House of Mouse. I've seen it myself dozens of times. This is what makes The House of Mouse so very unusual; for better or worse." It was after a rather rambunctious night at the House of Mouse that the Mad Hatter purportedly received his first DUI. Another similar occurrence came about when the Genie (labeled the 2nd most wealthy cartoon character by Forbes Magazine) engaged in a brawl with another customer and was apprehended by law enforcement officials shortly thereafter, but got out on bond a few weeks later.

Use in the Mousepact Meetings

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This man knows how Mousepact works... kinda.

The House of Mouse has served as the de-facto meeting place for the so-called "Mousepact" meetings for well-over a decade. The Mousepact meetings are an annual convergence of some of the greatest crime and druglords of the 20th and 21st centuries, including Maus himself, Pu and some of his élite gangsters and hit-men, and half-arab half-cuban now-president of Castaway Don Al Douque. It is believed by some researchers that this meeting is for the purpose of manipulating the global economy and military-industrial complex for the long-term benefit of international crime, although what actually takes place at the meetings is well beyond the knowledge of almost all researchers.

Maus actually created a specialized meetingplace specifically and exclusively for the Mousepact meetings in 1992, dubbed "The Mouspact Room". The room boasts an entirely bullet-proof structure, emergency speed elevator to 4 different gas-proof fallout shelters, a pressurized climate and gas-controlled airtight interior, gas-sensors, independent air conditioning, 4 weeks worth of dehydrated food, 300 gallons of water, 55 gallons of honey, 60 gallons of hunny, sophisticated automated security, and a repeater-computer monitoring tapped signals from 75% of the worlds radar stations. This combination of safety features makes it one of the safest buildings in the world, and one of the most likely to survive a nuclear attack.

As mentioned before, very little is known about the actual meetings, as the are the subject of remarkable secrecy. Many believe that both the 2007-2008 spike in oil-prices and the honey shortages (believed to be a product of Pooh's Operation Black Raincloud) were conceived of within the Mousepact Room at a Mousepact meeting for the gain for the members.

Controversy

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Bartender Chuck Lewie shown dancing alongside then-gay-erotic dancer "baloo" (real name unknown) on stage. The House of Mouse is sometimes criticized for fueling negative stereotypes in its performances and displaying material considered by some to be lewd or perverse.

The House of Mouse has gained a somewhat controversial status due to the long series of scandals that have occurred there over the years.

One of these is the long history of drug deals and other criminal activities conducted on Maus' property. There have been four murders here. One of these was related to domestic abuse, and the other three were conducted as part of a drug deal gone wrong (purportedly, the local Cape Woozle Mafia and Pooh's gang were involved, but no links have come up yet proving their involvement). Maus himself has been shown to have ties with both the Mafia and Winnie the Pooh, but no links have come up yet proving his involvement in any of the above crimes. Maus has responded by stating that "here at the House of Mouse, we try our best to maintain a safe and suitable environment, an environment so suitable we wouldn't be afraid of my Grandma or, quite frankly, my Grandchildren walking in here at this very moment."

Fox News Reporter Tom Banks visited the House of Mouse in 2001. During his visit, he uncovered a complex drug-trade network being operated partially through the House of Mouse. Later that same week, he paid an unauthorized visit to the underground warehouses. Little of interest was found in Warehouses 1 through 3. However, he later proceeded to Warehouse 4, where he found over 55 tons of pure unrefined opium. He proceeded to Warehouse 5, at which point he was beaten unconscious and taken away. This is known because he was feeding this information to Fox News via cellular phone at the time. It is believed he was beaten by Black Pete, one of Maus' Employees who was performing inventory. He has never been seen again.

Chuck louie bartender

Bartender Chuck Lewie Shortly several weeks before quitting.

Another controversy is the large amount of money that has simply 'disappeared' from the paychecks of various employees of the club. Former bartender, Chuck 'King' Louie, says "the House of Mouse should be held accountable for all the money that has supposedly been lost, but, as any logical man would know, has really been invested in the bank accounts of Mr. Maus and his shareholders." Louie quit his job not long after the scandal occurred, but has since vanished, never to be seen again (again a crime often attributed to Winnie the Pooh). Once more, Maus maintains that "we care very deeply for our employees, and all employees abroad, and we would like to ensure they are in a fair workplace environment safe from corruption."

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