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13,889th suicide bomber reaches Paradise, but Allah runs out of virgins

MUJAHIDEENLAND, Paradise -- The 13,889th martyred jihadist reached Paradise at 15:37 APT (Allah Paradise Time) yesterday but was informed by Allah that he will not get his 72 virgins, as was promised. “Ahmed, I know I messed this one up big time, but I beg you give me one more chance pleaseeeee...” said Allah, the All Beneficent and Most Merciful One. Ahmed Mohammad Yusuf, a 46 year old Taliban mujahideen from Afghanistan, detonated his suicide vest at 02:42 APT at a checkpoint near the southeastern town of Spin Boldak, Afghanistan. 10 Afghan policemen were killed in the process.
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