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UnPoetia:Well-Oiled Birds

  • Article feature date: 30 June 2010
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30 June 2010

We're told that the seabirds don't mind it at all
That their home is destroyed,
Their swim slowed to a crawl,
As they try and they try to float on the sludge
That covers their wings
Like a toxic hot-fudge.
As surely as Ann Coulter is a man,
Simon is rude
And Meg Ryan can't tan,
Oily soaked Egrets take to the sand,
In throes of surprise
They sink when they land. (more...)

UnNews:Obama doodles random shit

  • Article feature date: 1 July 2010
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01 July 2010


D.C. -- Today it has been discovered that Obama likes to doodle random shit.

This came as a surprise to many due to the worsening oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico and the uncertain military future in Afghanistan.

"But fuck it, he does." said a close White House aide. "He just sometimes stares at shit. And then he just flips over some classified documents and starts doodling penises. He even drew an entire comic panel about the Revolutionary War. Although instead of the Americans and British being in human form, everyone was a penis. And instead of using muskets, they just came all over each other."

Further controversy ensued when an unknown person from the Pentagon leaked government documents to the whistle blower site Wikileaks. The mysterious Wikileaks founder Julian Assange boasted on his blog that he was sitting on "history changing stuff". Although these leaked documents would turn out to be a mass collection of poorly drawn penises ejaculating over each other. (more...)

Homosexuality in the British military

  • Article feature date: 2 July 2010
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02 July 2010


The militaries of the world has had a variety of responses to gays, lesbians and bisexuals. Most Western military forces have now removed policies excluding sexual minority members; of the 26 countries that participate militarily in NATO, more than 20 permit open lesbians, gays, or bisexuals to serve; of the permanent members of the United Nations Security Council, two (Both France and Russia) do so. The United States technically permits gays and lesbians to serve, but only in secrecy and celibacy.

But we're British - thank god. This sort of thing might be tolerated by the French, and good for them, but the stiff upper lip is no party for such heinous sexual acts. (more...)


  • Article feature date: 3 July 2010
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03 July 2010

Stalker Cover

A song that shows that stalkers have feelings too


I'm watching you up in this tree

I see everything that you do

That dress is nice, those shoes are fine

and I really like your hair-do

Who's that guy you're with tonight

Man he seems like such a jerk

I could treat you so much better

but you and me would never work

Cuz' I'm a stalker Oooooo

Well I'm a Stalker Yeaaaa

I've been watching you for such a long time

Why does stalking have to be a crime (more...)

UnNews:North Korea purge football team after 7-0 humiliation

  • Article feature date: 4 July 2010
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04 July 2010


PYONGYANG, North Korea -- The North Korean football team has been purged of 'imperialist-colonialist' influences after it lost 7-0 to Portugal at the World Cup in South Africa.

In an announcement issued by the Korean News Press Agency, it said all those who showed bourgeois weakness in front of goal will be redeployed mixing raw uranium at the Yongbyon Nuclear Scientific Research Centre. Those whose crimes are more serious will be tied to the next North Korean missile test launch and fired in the direction of Japan. (more...)

Sunni days and Arabian Nights

  • Article feature date: 5 July 2010
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05 July 2010


Are you planning a vacation?

"Of course I am! If I spend one more day in this hellhole I'll friggin' lose it!" you yell, your entire body a quivering jelly of white collared 9-to-5 suburban rage.

Hold on. Relax, soon-to-be vacationer. Have you considered vacationing as a vacationer in Hawaii or Arizona?

"But I've already been to Hawaii; the islands were breathtaking but too hot, and I've already vacationed in Arizona; it was beautiful but too dry", you lament, mourning the wasted time that you spent at those those mediocre destinations.

Why not take those vacations and combine the best parts of each into the ultimate and most bestest vacation ever? (more...)

UnBooks:Where do babies come from?

  • Article feature date: 6 July 2010
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06 July 2010

Open book

Page 1 Spacer Page 2

Here you see a baby.
Do you know how it comes into the world?


Here you see the father and mother.
They have made a baby together.


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